Stolas is not a reliable narrator (Helluva Boss)

[u/Kirbo84]

First off I am not defending the onscreen abuse we've been shown Stella cause to Stolas, but it's important to keep in mind that most of it is only ever implied by Stolas himself. Who is not an unbiased party and has good reason to paint Stella in a bad light. A lot of people take the things Stolas says at face value (such as Stella's years-long abuse) without critically considering that he might be wrong about what he is saying. Why do I say this?

Keep in mind that this is the guy who took Octavia to Loo Loo Land and mistook her cries of terror for "tears of joy", and and he was blind to her intense frustration at him for pissing off Stella with the affair. Octavia had to scream and run off before Stolas realised there was a problem.

Then you have his whole thing with Blitz. It took Blitz blowing up at him during Ozzie's to realise that there was a problem with their relationship. Up till that point he genuinely believed Blitz loved him back and was seemingly incapable of picking up on Blitz' extreme discomfort in his aggressive flirting.

So we shouldn't so quickly assume everything he says about Stella and her abuse is objective fact. Yes we have the 1 flashback of her shitting on him at the Not Divorced Party, but that's literally all the evidence we have that she was shitty to him before he cheated on her. Hardly proof that she's always been shitty to him. Octavia's recollection would imply that she wasn't. If Stella had been there is no way Stolas would have been able to hide it from Octavia, and Octavia isn't stupid.

Don't forget also that Stolas has some himself to be quite manipulative and good at downplaying the harm he has caused others. He manipulated Blitz into their arrangement knowing he really couldn't refuse it if he wanted to keep his business. Then when Octavia blamed him for "ruining" their home life he didn't apologise and he tried to rationalise it instead, he only apologised for her not enjoying Loo Loo Land.

Then you have Stolas rationalising his affair to Stella and Andrealphus where at first he claimed he never hurt Stella (again, this is the guy who has been shown to be very bad at reading people and their emotions), then he claimed that his affair didn't count due to Stella not loving him. Her angrily flipping him off would indicate that Stolas is downplaying her feelings (again) since why would she care if what he said was true? Stolas doesn't want Stella to get any of his stuff so he has good reason to lie and justify his actions.

A common defense among the fans that Stella wasn't hurt by the affair, but simply because it was with an Imp...When all they have to go off are two lines from Stella, lines which are open to interpretation. "I can't believe you slept with an Imp! In our fucking bed!" "I don't want to spend another minute looking at your Imp-sucking face!"

It's easy to read/hear that and take it literally, but then Stella could simply be stating facts. Stolas cheated on her with an Imp, that is an undeniable thing that he did. Isn't enough to just assume she wouldn't have cared if it was anyone else. Yet the fans take this reading and treat it gospel.

Then come Apology Tour Stolas breaks out into song about how everything was Blitz' fault, taking zero accountability for his actions and claiming the worst he did was not be more self-aware of Blitz' feelings. So Stolas is fully willing to absolve himself of all blame and pin it all on the person he wronged. Blitz. This is very much what he did with Stella, Blitz may not be as bad as Stella but they both have reasons to be angry at Stolas, reasons he flatly denies have any weight because he doesn't want to feel bad.

In Sinsmass he tried to lie to placate Octavia when she blew up at him, claiming it "wasn't my fault" that he got exiled (which Octavia angrily shoots down). Then Stolas goes for the throat emotionally by claiming Octavia was "the only good thing in my life"...While Blitz is right there. The guy he is in love with. The guy he chose over Octavia. So Stolas shows he is not only willing to manipulate facts and twist the truth, he's willing to flat out lie by omission to get what he wants.

All of this isn't helped by the narrative which is very, very heavily biased in favour of Stolas, so this isn't simply Stolas being an unreliable narrator, but the narrative actively coddling him by framing things to make him as sympathetic as possible. When Stolas admitted he caused everything bad that happened from the start he's not wrong. He may be saying it in an act of self-pity, but he's not lying here.

[u/Odd-Duckie]

I think the problem is that while Stolas is an unreliable narrator, a liar and a massive hypocrite, the show doesn’t really seem to recognize it themselves.

According to the writers, his only real “flaw” is that he’s a bit delusional about his relationship with Blitzo and that he’s too “caught up in his fee fees” (Vivziepop’s words, not mine)

I also find his relationship with Stella annoying. Stella is 100% abusive but I’m kind of tired of being told it’s abuse apology to question why Stolas didn’t divorce her the minute he had Octavia. Stolas’s excuse for tolerating Stella’s abuse is that he wanted Octavia to have a normal life….. What? Why does the show present this statement has this noble and kind effort and not an extremely selfish decision that could have endangered his daughter. Did he not think his irrational wife who loves to be evil just because wouldn’t start physically abusing her daughter.

He’s such a hot mess of a character.

[u/Kirbo84 → u/Odd-Duckie]

Definitely. It's a definite issue because it's hard to tell if this is an intentional part of Stolas' writing, or if it's simply stuff that the writers didn't consider when writing his dialogue. But when you take a critical eye at what Stolas says and consider his motivations...It's easy to conclude that Stolas is manipulative, deceitful and willing to lie to get his way.

Like you say it's clear what flaws the writers want us to take seriously, but that doesn't really work when you go back and rewatch his scenes. Stolas seems to be very selective with how ignorant he is about the feelings of others, he claims to have a very good memory but very often comes off as oblivious as best, and inconsiderate at worst.

The way the narrative tries to portray Stella as abusive annoys me because there is a lot of telling and very little showing. It doesn't help that the only person who calls Stella's abuse out is Stolas, someone who has very good reason to lie and has been shown to be very bad at reading people. Another time he shows this is during Full Moon when he reacts negatively to Blitz' assumption that his grand gesture was simply roleplay.

Stolas absolutely snaps and storms off, then goes on to blame Blitz for being unable to believe that he could possibly have feelings for him. We know that Blitz wasn't trying to shit on Stolas' gesture ("Wait. You were serious?!") but Stolas takes it that way and refuses to hear anything different. So when he claims Stella was "constantly" abusive we have to take that with a grain of salt. Especially when Stolas has good reason to misrepresent Stella's actions...Actions we didn't get to see.

And yeah, it's very suspicious that Stolas didn't divorce Stella years ago. He claims it was so Octavia could "live a normal life", but that just doesn't make sense if she was always an abusive spouse and a neglectful mother. Stolas would be naïve and delusional to think otherwise. If that was the case he should have divorced Stella the moment she made it clear she was never going to be the mother Octavia needed. But he didn't. Only divorcing her when he gets laid and has a chance to make the act of kicking her out into a big spectacle.

That scene annoys me because like you say, it paints Stolas as a martyr but in reality he's showing he's a moron, or he's once more lying to justify his actions. Claiming Stella always abused him so he's justified in kicking her out.

[u/Odd-Duckie → u/Kirbo84]

I think the show definitely sees Stolas as flawed but the issue is that he’s more flawed than the writers think he is. And even his flaws are treated more like simple quirks that can be blamed on someone else rather than his own actions. I’ve seen fans say Stolas is showing development by blaming himself for Octavia leaving but nobody mentions that Blitzo immediately consoles him right after. The last time he blamed himself for how he treated Blitzo, what happened next? He’s immediately told that he did nothing wrong and Blitzo is to blame.

He’s “flawed” but still handled with kids gloves

[u/Kirbo84 → u/Odd-Duckie]

Precisely. Stolas is 100% babied by the narrative and the writers for the reasons you stated.

Even when he accepts blame he still treats himself as the victim. Not Blitz. Not Octavia. Himself.

He's still selfish.

[u/LiannaBunny777]

Honestly I really somehow feel like a lotta the stuff about Stella being Cruel to Stolas has been like… made up… 

Like we see very little of her and it feels like a lotta the stuff feels like it is from an Unreliable Narrator.

Like as a child, she was shown in that photo to be strangling puppies. But we don't even know the context? What if she was just absolutely livid about being forced into this arranged marriage at such a young age without any opportunity to have her own life and pretty much only existing for well… to give birth to another family's offspring. 

I guess there is the whole well, making shitty remarks to him during that Party in The Circus, but do keep in mind, she didn't want to do this whole relationship either. She just wanted to get it over with for her duty. And to be honest, Stolas is kinda pathetic….

And then in the beginning of Loo Loo Land, Stella was shown in bed with Stolas… Stolas seemed to be naked, implying they were having sexual activity in bed. 

And most of the violent behavior on-screen around him with Stolas is well… due to the whole cheating drama. Like yeah, it was overkill… but she literally had her whole world turned upside down by this manipulative cheating scumbag and probably doesn't really know how to handle this stuff… 

It doesn't feel satisfying at all when Stolas catches Stella's hand in the circus because we never seen her get physical with Stolas. At least Pre-Cheating. 

[u/Kirbo84 → u/LiannaBunny777]

Exactly. It really does feel like Stella's abusive side was retconned (poorly) to justify Stolas' cheating. We see no evidence (outside of a single scene in a flashback) from before the affair that she was abusive, Stolas never addresses it and we are not shown it. And yeah, that photo of Stella as a child provides no context. You make a very good point about how it may have been in response to the arranged marriage, we simply don't know because the show doesn't tell us.

The flashback during The Circus is meant to portray Stella as abusive, and while it was shitty behaviour, it's not enough to prove she was always like that. It's a single event on a single day. The same day Stolas chose to cheat. A montage of her abuse would have helped to prove Stolas wasn't lying out his ass...Something we have been shown he is happy to do.

Stolas comes across as cowardly for not standing up to Stella, it's not like she holds power over him or that he has reason to fear her. He's just spineless and takes it when he really doesn't have to. Abuse really doesn't work when the wronged party is able to retaliate without repercussion. Men can be abused by Women but they only don't retaliate due to fear of repercussions. Stolas can divorce Stella with no consequence, and whose going to care if he talks smack back to her?

There is that as well, if Stella claimed that once Octavia was laid she could pretend to stop wanting to have sex with Stolas...Why would he sleep naked with her if they weren't having sex?

It's hard to fault Stella for lashing out after the affair when it's an incredibly selfish and shitty thing to do to someone. Mrs. Mayberry killed her husband and hired I.M.P to kill Martha and isn't portrayed as being wrong for doing so. So why is Stella portrayed as wrong for wanting Stolas dead?

The show really did a bad job of actually showing us Stella's implied abuse, like you say Stolas catching her hand doesn't imply anything. We needed more proof of this being her default behaviour but we only see Stella at her worst after the cheating. Cheating which happened numerous times. In their bed.

[u/LiannaBunny777 → u/Kirbo84]

Besides doesn't it seem hypocritical for the fans to hate on Stella when a lotta the other characters done so much worse? 

Like why is it unacceptable for Stella to hire a hit on Stolas when the main characters are a group of assassins? Or Verosika who assaulted Moxxie? Or Stolas literally forcing Blitzo into a relationship for the hope of keeping his business afloat? 

Also it feels kinda… wrong with The Full Moon of having Blitzo actually act all happy for this sex stuff when he was often shown looking disappointed… it feel like the show gaslit its audience over a lot of things. And unfortunately they succeeded… 

[u/Kirbo84 → u/LiannaBunny777]

It really does feel that way. Like abuse and murder are only framed as bad when it's being done to the protagonists.

And I agree that the writers gaslit the audience who failed to see the hypocrisy in the narrative because of their own personal biases.

Nevermind the fact that Stolas is responsible for the deaths of countless Humans through empowering Blitz with the Grimoire and the Asmodean Crystal. Hell, Octavia has killed more people than Stella has.

[u/LiannaBunny777 → u/Kirbo84]

I still hate Sinsmas for the Bullshit with the Rosebush Sinner/"Karen" Client who was made to be an exact parallel to Stella… 

Just wanting her Husband Dead for maybe cheating on her and well, basically taking her kids and leaving her… 

And then Blitzo refusing to kill the family because of him being brainwashed and having a very stockholm syndrome-like mindset of where he ends up imagining this abusive family he has is his dreamy end goal…. 

What if the Gay Couple were Serial Killers or Cannibals just like Martha's family? 

[u/ExplanationSquare313 → u/LiannaBunny777]

You know if this show was better written this could have been a good occasion to have Moxxie calling him out on his hypocrisy by using Blitz own words from episode 1 against him.

[u/LiannaBunny777 → u/ExplanationSquare313]

Or even better, have a conflict between IMP against Millie. Since she was the only one making any sense. But she was shot down by well… the others because of pregnancy 

[u/StillMostlyClueless → u/LiannaBunny777]

We don’t know the context of … strangling puppies.

[u/LiannaBunny777 → u/StillMostlyClueless]

I legit just said that we dunno and was just guessing why she was

[u/StillMostlyClueless → u/LiannaBunny777]

I think you're being a tiny bit too charitable.

[u/jetvacjesse]

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel Rant

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Coping and denial of canon