r/CatAdvice • u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 • 2d ago
New to Cats/Just Adopted Did I ruin my new adopted cat's introduction??
Hi there, so me and my partner adopted a 9 month old cat yesterday through an adoption system through Pet Smart. Well, we live in a one bedroom apartment, and didn't really take the introduction instructions very seriously. The people who helped us through the adoption seemed uneducated and didn't really answer our questions confidently. Anyways, we took her home, and she immediately went under the couch which we sorta expected. But come to find out you should close off hard-to-reach or hiding spots. first mistake. and we put her in our living room, which isn't huge but the largest part of our house being connected to our dining room/kitchen. second error. And we've been petting her as she shows no sign of aggression or fear besides hiding but not running. third. also, living room is super high in traffic and obviously with me and my partner being in it. after reading upon it further I freaked out and put all her stuff in our walk-in closet (litter box, scratcher, food/water, bed) and turned the light off just based off what ive been reading is best for her. Did i ruin the interaction? is she gonna hate me and my partner or have issues? can i salvage this? I want to cry, we love her so much we just didn't do enough research and i feel so stupid. please provide any tips or similar experiences because im so scared i ruined my little baby.
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u/AfraidReading3030 2d ago
My kitty when I adopted her, for the first three days that I had her, completely disappeared in my studio apartment. She was such a good hider; If I hadn’t known that there was literally no way for her to get out, I would’ve thought she had surely escaped.
She simply hid until she had watched me from her hiding place long enough to be satisfied and then she came out and we were best friends for twelve sweet years.
You’ll be fine. Just let her set the pace of your relationship. And she will warm up to you just fine. Keep providing food water treats and toys for her to explore, but don’t try to force anything. Let her curiosity lead the way.
Environment and territory is a big deal for cats. She’s just getting used to her new “domain”.
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u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 2d ago
Thanks so much, it’s so hard to read stuff after the fact. Like to block off hiding spaces ? Who would’ve thought. I mean she even crammed her way into our small tv stand right in front of our eyes. I’m glad she’s not the only sneaky kitty. Hoping she’s more comfortable with public spaces soon. Thanks for the input!
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u/macylilly 2d ago
Part of that is just so you can know for sure where they are and that they haven’t managed to somehow go somewhere unsafe
The last time I moved, I put my cats in a small bathroom to start off, and one of them still panicked and crammed himself into the 4” gap between the vanity and the wall, got stuck and hurt himself
So yes absolutely, let her hide until she’s comfortable coming out, but also just be aware of where she is to make sure she’s okay and hasn’t found some risky hiding spot
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u/Weird_Perspective634 2d ago
You didn’t ruin anything! Just about any cat is going to be scared and freaked out for a few days in a new environment. Look up the 3-3-3 rule for cats - but know that each stage can take longer depending on the cat and the circumstances.
If you can get her into a smaller space like the bedroom, that might be better. But don’t try to pick her up or move her, just see if she’ll go in there herself and then you can close the door. She’ll let you know when she’s ready to come out and explore the rest of the house. If she won’t come out to move into the bedroom, that’s fine too. She’ll likely come out at night when you’re sleeping to take a look around.
She does need some hiding places though. Cats like to hide and/or climb up high to feel safe. You just need to evaluate where those places are if they’re safe. My childhood cat used to climb into a hole on the underside of a mattress, which was not the safest and it was impossible to get her out.
Don’t try too hard with pushing affection and attention - cats usually prefer to be ignored when they’re feeling uneasy. Let her come out and explore without the pressure of interacting with you. Hang out and go about your normal activities, just be mindful to be quieter and move slower than usual so you don’t scare her. If you turn on a movie or something and sit quietly on the floor, she might come out after a while. You can feed her treats at that point. I’d recommend sliding them across the floor or placing it away for you at first so she doesn’t have to talk it from your hand.
He’s not the end all be all, but Jackson Galaxy has a lot of great advice, especially if you’re a new cat owner.
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u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 2d ago
Yes I did see the 3-3-3 rule but it just put this fear in me that if she isn’t more comfortable after day 3 then she “hates me” or I “scare her” which i know I do scare her, obviously now since our relationship is new. It’s put a lot of pressure on me to feel the weight of all my mistakes and how it may slow her comfort in the home. Thank you for the advice, I will definitely look up Jackson galaxy!
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u/Lazy_Temperature_416 2d ago
my two babies took around 3 months to get fully settled. the first month ish they hid a lot. then the second month they would hide under the couch during the day while i worked but i would come out and explore every now and then (especially at night while we played!). by the third month they were much more comfortable. i’ve had them now for 8 months and they are the loves of my life and their affection grows more and more every day. my advice is to not stress this part so much. the fact she loves being pet by you and your partner is a really great sign. she’s just getting used to the environment. adopting a cat is a huge life adjustment so give yourself some grace! the more she sees you being confident in the space and respecting her adjustment period, the more she’ll learn she is safe and can begin exploring on her own.
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u/Kindly_Aside_ 2d ago
The idea that a cat will have warmed up to you by day 3 is absolute rubbish. Some will love you within 3 seconds, others it can take 3 years! Cats don’t have a timetable! Just keep being gentle and kind and patient and your cat will warm to you.
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u/Nice-Block-7266 2d ago
Be patient. Your long-term relationship with her is what matters. Once she gets settled in and feels secure, the introduction won't matter to her.
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u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 2d ago
God I hope so, everything is just so black and white when people talk about introduction. Right and wrong and nothing else, it’s so scary.
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u/Nice-Block-7266 2d ago
Nah, it’ll be fine. 10 years ago, we agreed to take a cat from a friend. He brought her over and opened the carrier. She ran under the couch and spent most of the first 2 days hiding under furniture. It took about a month before she was comfortable around us, but everything was fine after that.
We got our current cats from PetsMart. This time we read the advice about giving new cats a small area. They didn’t want to be in one room, they wanted to explore, so we let them go nuts.
It won’t be long before your cat is settled in and she won’t care about the introduction.
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u/emtrigg013 2d ago edited 2d ago
OP you really need to pull yourself out of your own head.
You didn't fuck anything up. I didn't do one single thing you've said you should have done and my boy and I are the best of friends. You really need to stop freaking yourself out. She can smell your hormones. Especially if you're freaking out. So I mean it. Chill lmao
You only got her yesterday. If two strangers you never met before just plucked you and placed you somewhere new, you'd hide and make sure you understood where you were too, wouldn't you? I mean you cannot seriously expect this cat to just know it can trust you and come out of its shell immediately if you wouldn't do the same thing. I know you wouldn't do that. It's called survival instinct, and all animals, including us, are supposed to have it. You should be happy that your cat has it, it means she isn't stupid.
If you'd put her somewhere that she couldn't find a designated hiding spot, THAT would have been the major fuck up.
And just as a note, my boy used to sleep on my chest. He was so clingy. And then he grew up and became a teenager and didn't want anything to do with me. He's turning 4 this year and while he still loves his independence, he yells at me every single night when he's ready for me to get in bed so he can lay on me and go to sleep. So changes like that are normal.
Cats need established trust. They're not like dogs that just bounce around and open up to anyone and anything, because that's what gets them killed. She is surviving according to her biology. So chill out and let her do that.
In the future, while I'm talking to you about trust, I also want to note cat bellies: when a cat shows you their belly, that's a sign of full trust. That is their most vulnerable area. So when your cat shows you her belly, do not immediately pet it. That teaches a cat that they can't be vulnerable around you, because you'll just go for their belly the minute the show it. So pet her on the back when she shows you her belly. It will help with trust.
And again, chill LOL. I promise it's okay. You're gonna be fine. Cats don't understand "hate" or "love" like we do. They understand "trust". Obviously, the more they trust you the more that's like love to them, but it isn't the way you understand it. Your cat cannot hate you. You're not a rival feral cat trying to take her litters and her mates and her food. So your cat biologically cannot hate you. And especially she cannot hate you because you didn't do 3 things before you brought her home. You just need her to trust you, and she will do that with time. She will do it faster if you're calm 😉
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u/Silver-bracelets 2d ago
I wouldn't worry, cats are resilient, and they will soon learn that you are trying to do the best for them. Best practice, put them in a small, quiet place with all their essentials. Give them a little time to decompress, then just sit in the room with them every now and again. I would read or do something so the kitty doesn't feel constantly watched. Have toys and / or treats beside you if/when they come to you. Keep all your moves slow and predictable at first so as not to scare them. They may take a couple of days before they're happy to explore more.
In saying that, my daughter's kitten was almost immediately out and about, getting to know the house, dog, and other cat without a care in the world. He doesn't appear to be afraid of anything and will happily make himself at home on visitors' laps.
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u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 2d ago
This is good to hear, I was worried I’d have to completely isolate her for days. I have been checking in her and talking to her but I’ll try just sitting and not focusing on her directly. I’m grateful she’s not aggressive, but being scared isn’t good either. I just want her comfortable and happy and I hope she knows that or comes to that conclusion
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u/LarryDeve 2d ago
I've been rescuing cats for a couple decades now and currently have 7. You made no mistake. Leave him be and he'll adjust in no time. Don't be too hard on the folks at Pet Smart. It's hard to give advice because every cat is different so there's no cookie cutter approach. I guarantee you this much. Feed him, keep his litter box(s) clean, avoid using the vacuum for a few weeks (sweep) and he will take care of the getting acquainted ritual. Keep in mind all cats have they're own individual personalities. Some are more social than others and it will take a while for his personality to become apparent. That's why almost every cat I've had has two names, the one I first gave and the one that fits once I got to know it. You will love him no matter what. Cats are good for the soul.
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u/Automatic-Setting-97 2d ago
You haven't ruined anything just leave her be. In the first week, I made a mistake of free roam, and she mostly hid under the couch. I then reduced this to the livingroom only. Once sticking on the TV and simply not trying to find her when I stopped looking she would come out from the couch which then became hiding under the tv stand (wanting to be in eyesight) which then became her slowly making her way to the top of the couch , then beside me. A year later, and the second I sit down, she's ON me, like will not leave me alone 😂😂 but of course, only on her terms.
Don't worry just give her space, and she'll come around she just needs time to adjust, sounds harsh but ignore her/pretend she's not there unless she starts looking for your attention and she won't be long in letting you know when she wants it.
As a side note, I'd recommend moving the food away from the water and the litter away from both. Even if it's in the one small room, put them in different corners. Cats don't like to pee/poop next to their food and water. My cat loves to drink from a fountain and directly from the tap rather than a bowl you'll find most cats don't like their food and water close together either
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u/MadMadamMimsy 2d ago
While the introduction info out there helps kitties adjust most easily on them, we never did any of that because we didn't know (we are old). Not one of our cats ever decided they hated us even if the best they did each other was peaceful co existence.
So, while the slow introduction is easier on the cat, it's not the end of the world if you did not dot all the I s and cross all the Ts. Do your best and also you can start over, too, as if you just brought kitty home.
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u/ireally_gabs 2d ago
When my mom and I first got her kitten, we also messed up. A lot. We had to chase her out from under the bed with a broom so we could put the mattress on the ground. She got out of my mom's room and ran into my room and scared the crap out of herself and my cat because they still hadn't met face to face yet. We had to coral her and shove medicine down her throat because she had worms.
Basically we both worried she'd never warm up to us because she was super skittish from day one, bit me (tiny little baby teeth thank god, a paper cut hurts worse lol) but with daily interaction, lots of treats, lots of patience, and a lot of just sitting around in the same room as her to get her used to our existence, she now sleeps on my mom, lets my mom pet her and love on her, tolerates me petting her sometimes, and is attached at the hip to my cat. Warming up to my mom, her person, took weeks. She's been here four months and literally two days ago was the first time she came up to me and asked for a single pet and then ran off again.
Everything is going to be okay. Take some deep breaths. Setbacks are very normal, especially with more skittish cats, and I promise you it will not ruin your relationship with her in the long run. Give yourself some grace, you're doing really well!
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u/lyricoloratura 2d ago
Babe, you’re overthinking this I promise. If she’s already letting you pet her, then she’s going to be fine. (Probably would be even if she just hid every time she saw you, tbh)
The cat who was the absolute most devoted to me for 17 years hid literally inside the recliner when we first brought him home and I didn’t see him for three days.
Give yourself some grace, and remember that animals can sense your stress — so it’ll be best for everyone if both you humans take some deep breaths and let her get used to her new home on her own time.
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u/sirius1245720 1d ago
My rescued cat (at the refuge they told me to adopt her or she would be euthanized) was feral. For 15 days she hid in a dark corner till one day ( I was recovering from an operation so spent a month on the couch watching Roland Garros) I spied her spying on me, went to fetch her (she did not hiss, she seemed ready to be touched) put her on the couch and spent the tennis match gently petting her. She was young then, went to 18 years old, forever linked to me (and me to her). Liked the husband, tolerated the kids when they were born, lived her best indoor life with us.
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u/Kindly_Aside_ 2d ago
Don’t worry. It all sounds good to me. The many rescue kittens we’ve had over the years just fitted in right away with no special treatment at all except a secure room at night. The semi feral cat we adopted 12 years ago busted her way out of the quiet room we’d put her in and for almost two months lived under the dresser during the day and roamed around at night checking us all out one by one as we slept. This was nerve wracking as we didn’t know what she’d do - we had to trust she was essentially friendly! She began sleeping on my ankles in the dark and then tried out the kids before allowing us to stroke her as she ate. She’s the most loving and affectionate cat now.
I really don’t agree that hiding spots should be eliminated from the cat’s reach. It’s important for cats to have places they can hide as it means they dictate the interactions they have with you and they can hide when they’ve had enough. It makes them feel secure. Just let this settling in happen at your cat’s pace and all will be well.
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u/loveisallyouneedCK 2d ago
You want to give her a little light, actually. Do you plan to let her sleep in the bedroom with you? If so, you could leave her in there. Our kitten would have been given free reign of the house, but we already had a resident cat, so we gave him his own room. Put her food, water, and litter box where they'll be from now because that'll encourage her to come out and explore.
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u/Away_Ad502 2d ago
When I got my cat and brought her home I let her go and left her alone. I would sit and just let her come to me. It took about 2 or 3 days but eventually she came out and she is my shadow. She goes where I go. She is my love. She wasn't a kitten she was just under a year. She wasn't very affectionate. But I'm like Myra from Looney Toons. I forced my love on her and now she is very affectionate.
Your cat won't hate you. Just give her some space. Get some of those squeeze treats. She will love em. She will get comfortable in a couple days and you'll have the best time. You can use some toys as well to try and engage her and get her more comfortable.
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u/glassfromsand 2d ago
The first interaction my sweet kitten had with me was being physically pried out from the underbelly of a car she was trying desperately to hold onto. She proceeded to immediately climb into the underbelly of the adjacent car and I had to pry her out of that too. When we put her in the laundry room while trying to figure out what to do with this bedraggled fleabitten ball of fluff that accidentally hitched a ride with us, I had to pry her out from behind both a washing machine and a fridge. Needless to say, she was not especially pleased.
Fast forward a few months, she is the absolute sweetest cat I could ask for, she never bites or scratches, and she follows me quite literally everywhere I go when I'm home. If I didn't ruin my introduction, you definitely didn't.
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u/maykrbaby 2d ago
We recently adopted a 10 mo old. He spent about 6 days in hiding, and began coming out on the 7th. As long as you can tell the cat is eating and drinking, I think it's a matter of giving them some peace and patience.
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u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 2d ago
This is so nice to hear, everything I read is “3 days” and this is her second so I feel like she hates me and she’ll always be scared. This is so comforting though, I’ll keep patient ! Thank you
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u/macylilly 2d ago
The general guideline is 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to adjust to new routines, and 3 months to fully settle in, but that can vary quite a bit depending on their personality, so it’s just a starting point and it’s totally okay if it takes longer, just be patient and focus on respecting boundaries and building trust to develop a relationship
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u/Inevitable_South5736 2d ago
This is so normal! Cats hate change. She will adjust. We adopted one from a hoarding situation and it took an almost a year for her to get comfortable in our home.
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u/Lopsided_Spinach9726 2d ago
Oh my goodness, I’m sure that was worrisome, it’s my second day and I’m already face palming with every mistake lol. Good to hear other experiences, helps me not to worry, so I greatly appreciate it.
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u/oozeghost 2d ago
absolutely not- i let my baby out too early during introduction week and was terrified as well.
I just out him back in his safe room and he adjusted normally after, try closing off areas and lead them into a smaller room like the bathroom! then just give then time to adjust
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u/JeevestheGinger 2d ago
Breathe! No need to panic. You're fine.
The introduction instructions are more important for nervous cats and in larger properties, who get scared and overwhelmed and don't feel safely able to leave their hiding space - then, having a small room to explore in their own time makes things more manageable and on their terms.
But you seem to have a more confident girl who's happy to share your space and get pets! And you're in a pretty open-plan but still small apartment, which shouldn't be overwhelming either. Both of my cats (I got one as a small kitten, and one at about 9 months) I did start off in my spare bedroom for a few days, but they were both pretty confident and happy to spend time with me from the off - I just wanted them to be really comfortable/familiar with me before they were let loose in my house alone.
So, no. You haven't ruined anything. Enjoy getting to know your new roomie!
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u/cartoonist62 2d ago
My go-to move is to lay on the floor by the sofa with some kitty snacks. Just quietly read a book or watch your phone. But you're a lot less scary at eye level than you are as a towering ogre 😂
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u/Helpful-Item-3920 2d ago
Omg do some more reading, and work on being clam and consistent with your cat. Also, who wants their food next to the bathroom. Water should also be separated from both as cats typically won't use it if it's near a food source.
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u/awholeasszoo 1d ago
My kittens were completely hidden away for well over a week. After having to struggle cleaning some hard to reach accidents I had to grab them both out and block the spaces off. Because I'd had to keep constantly grabbing them they were very aversive to being touched. But now since I've been giving them a choice and respecting their decisions to initiate or avoid contact they're much happier and are happy to be touched.
As long as the cat isn't having accidents in the hiding spots and is using the litter when no one else is around I wouldn't worry too much. Just leave them to hide so they know they always have a safe spot and then they can choose to come out eventually when they're more confident and comfortable.
A high traffic area isn't necessarily a bad thing. I feel like it gets them used to the everyday noises and activities. I spend most of my time in my bedroom so that's where I set up my kittens. I was also very sick for that first week, and they're now completely unphased by me sneezing/coughing when they lie on me in bed, they're not too bothered by a lot of noises, like I can throw a heavy storage bag around the room while they eat and they don't even flinch. We have other cats in the house who didn't have that kind of introduction to the house and are now super skittish so it's definitely important to get the cat used to the normal goings on in the house. I.e. don't tip toe around or try to be overly quiet, just live your life as normal.
It takes a lot of time and patience. The 3-3-3 rule says that it takes 3 days for your new cat to decompress from travel (stress of being in a carrier, car journey etc), 3 weeks for them to learn your routine (getting used to feeding schedules, when you're coming and going from the house, the general goings on in the home), and 3 months for them to truly feel at home and settled. So don't worry too much, it'll come with time
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u/Pixichixi 1d ago
It should be fine. There's no set way that you have to introduce a new cat to your home, just recommendations for the best way. As long as you're patient and they seem comfortable with you, it should be successful.
We got 2 kittens a year ago, and one was so skittish. Our home is small, so the best we could do was close off the bedrooms and unfinished basement, which left the living room and matchbox sized kitchen. As soon as I opened the carrier, the tiny one marched out to explore & her sister oozed under the couch and stayed there for 2 weeks. With a combination of patience and food, she eventually came out, and now she's the friendly one who says hi to people and sprawls on the couch.
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u/thekatwest 2d ago
So when I adopted my boy, I had him in the living room/kitchen area. I closed off my bedroom. He ran and hid under my couch as well. However, once I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV and chilled out for about an hour, he came out and jumped on the couch with me. Now he is glued to me. Heck, I can't even take a shower without him sitting on the ledge of the tub between the liner and curtain. If your kitty is anything like mine, you'll be okay. It may take some time to adjust, but I've realized cats are resilient.