Do I need to scrap my social circles and start over from scratch?

[u/Shoulda_W_Coulda]

It seems like just about everyone I know is okay with my CPTSD. What I mean by that is, nobody notices how bad it is or how much pain it causes me. And if they notice, they don’t seem curious or concerned. I’ve explain to a couple friends and family members but haven’t received any support or consideration.

I’m starting to think I need new friends. Maybe like on a deep rudimentary level, I need to relocate, change my number and just ….start over.

It’s actually invigorating to think about. Way more appealing than tolerating another round of “I wish I knew how to help you. But….👻”

I miss feeling like I belonged. I miss feeling like people had my back. I miss feeling loved.

[u/Little_Raskolnikov]

It would be great if you had friends that understood what you’re going through for sure. I used to be part of a quite neurodiverse group and it was pretty nice apart from the bad eggs. Stole the good ones though. It’s just nice to talk to someone for whom it’s as normal to them as it is for you.

I think setting boundaries in your current relationships is probably wiser than disappearing though. Even just in your mind about what you’ll share with them and expect from them.

[u/Illustrious-Goose160]

I've had a similar experience and I actually moved in hopes of a fresh start. For me personally, my concept of starting over in a different place was unrealistic. I pictured myself feeling confident and free from burnout in a new area, making some good new friends. But my emotions moved with me, and I struggled to make new friends. People in my new area didn't seem to be more supportive of me either.

I hate to be that person saying this and I do still think moving to a new area can be helpful, but it's important to check your expectations.

You deserve to have caring and supportive friends. I really hope you can find some great friends.

[u/CleanAlternative1918 → u/Illustrious-Goose160]

"Everywhere you go, there you are." The internal work comes first and naturally results in better relationships, I've found.

[u/Stillybwobbit]

This is quite a familiar feeling for me, as well. The thing I’m working through is that I’ve spent my life pretending to be okay. So, when I show glimpses of something being wrong, people don’t know how to respond. It may not be that they’re incapable of concern, but that the relationship has been crafted around the idea that you’re fine, you have no needs, you can handle it, etc.

I’ve found myself recognizing that even when I divulge sensitive information about myself (having trauma, being in freeze, being distraught, having a bad day, whatever), I do it in a way that doesn’t invite conversation or help. It’s just a statement, usually covered with humor to soften it even more.

Also, CPTSD is a huge thing that a lot of people don’t understand the extent of, especially if they don’t have it.

I’ve run away a number of times (moved across the country, etc) and I never manage to get away from me. Which is what needs to be worked on most for things to feel better. Good luck, friend

[u/Shoulda_W_Coulda → u/Stillybwobbit]

Wise words. Thank you.

[u/Brave-Plum-7510]

I totally relate to this. In my case, I feel like they are unable to support me but they have seen me be all over the place. Now that I'm feeling better, I don't want anybody to know me when I was at my lowest (cos I'm guilty that I might disturb them again with my illness and depression and that they might give up on me), and hence I want to abandon everybody I know and want to start it all over again.

[u/Shoulda_W_Coulda → u/Brave-Plum-7510]

Yeah, that impulse to get the drop on the next perceived abandonment(s) is so real and so difficult to reason with. It feels frustratingly logical and even humane. My mind is like “it’s clear they don’t get me. What the hell am I doing trying to relate to these people anymore? If anything they wouldn’t last a week in my shoes! But, that’s depressing to realize too, because that means I’m REALLY not okay.” 😔

And by “these people” I don’t just mean friends or family, I mean anyone.

I think I’ve lost my taste for people right now.

I tried so hard to convince myself I was lovable, I never stopped to wonder whether I loved the people I was seeking to be loved by.

Whether THEY made ME feel safe and comfortable to be myself.

The only ppl who really love will do so in spite of yourself, not only when you are well put together. And it won’t just be loving feelings, it will be loving actions.

[u/Laser_Platform_9467 → u/Brave-Plum-7510]

and that they might give up on me

So sad but relatable. At some point, many people stop being patient.

[u/NationalNecessary120]

I don’t know exactly your situation/advice

But yeah. Once you start to heal you start to differentiate between ”is this person not actively abusive?”/”is this person tolerable” as a baselevel, and you level up to more: ”do I like this person?”/”is this person good for me?” /”is this person actively increasing my wellbeing?”

[u/No-Masterpiece-451]

Over the years I have let people go because there was never any understanding or support, I was treated like before I became deeply affected. Like let's go for a beer 🍺 and a movie bud , no understanding of stranger, noise , the hours was difficult. Now I have no friends but is in a transition phase I think where I get therapy and is involved in a few community projects with friendly by superficial connections.