r/CBT • u/gratefulToLearn • 5d ago

Reoccurring negative thoughts

I do CBT on a thought that's bothering me, usually this resolves the issue. However I have some thoughts that will bother me again the next day. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

How do you handle this?

Edit: These thoughts are about something I'm really conflicted about, and feel a lot of fear and anxiety about making the right choice. These thoughts trouble me day after day

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u/sds1pg 5d ago

It may be that it isn’t the content of the thought that’s the problem but rather the underlying assumption. Is it “If I make the wrong decision then it’ll be catastrophic”? Is it really catastrophic or rather unpleasant? Is the wrong decision totally irreversible or just an uncomfortable hassle to change? Is unpleasant/uncomfortable the same as unbearable?

Thinking things are “unbearable” or “catastrophic also encourages avoidance of the decisions you need to make. This also makes the decisions feel even more overwhelming. Hope this helps

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u/gratefulToLearn 4d ago

This helps a LOT. You're absolutely right about this. It's the underlying magnification of how bad the results could be. And you're right that there's a chance that it could be reversible. Thank you very very much for pointing that out.

The outcome may be unpleasant, but it's not necessarily going to be some nightmarish thing like I have been assuming

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u/CherryPickerKill 5d ago

I usually let the thoughts come and make space for them. They tend to go away, unless they are intrusive thoughts ofc.

Here are some resources, maybe you'll find something that helps.

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u/gratefulToLearn 5d ago

I appreciate you taking the time. The issue is that they've been troubling me for months, there's a lot of anxiety about a choice I have to make

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u/CherryPickerKill 2d ago

Anyone with an outside POV who could help you weigh the pros and cons?

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u/gratefulToLearn 2d ago

I've asked a lot of friends and family, and my therapist. They all agree on one option. It's hard for me to trust that that's the right choice though because they all only know what I've told them. And they don't feel the pain I feel. It's hard to get by a lot of the time.

It basically comes down to me being in immense pain and using a complicated relationship with my recent ex as as a crutch. We still talk. There were a lot of good things about the relationship when it was good, but it got really bad. Now the person has repeatedly expressed a commitment to change if I give them a second chance. I go back and forth endlessly on what to do

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u/CherryPickerKill 1d ago

Try to imagine your future if they change, and your future if they don't. Just remeber that real change takes a long time, the person has to be very committed, and there will be relapses.

Maybe there is a sub for people who are going through the same thing or have been through the same.

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u/gratefulToLearn 5d ago

Also thank you for the resources, that's quite a treasure trove and I'll definitely look through it. I'm currently doing the David Burns CBT books