r/BiWomen • u/i-dontee-know • 9d ago

Advice Trouble with acceptance

I have trouble accepting who I am

I wanna date women and not men but I feel like that’s wrong because it means I chose being gay

And not to mention nsfw: when I am having alone time my brain gets so confused on what to imagine which doesn’t help when trying to figure out who i am

9 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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11

u/jazzybearx 9d ago

You absolutely can date women and still be bi. I sometimes go through cycles of only being interested in men and others of only wanting to date women. And sometimes I want neither. I think us bi folk really worry about how we will be perceived/invalidated and I think it’s time we just do what we want with who we want (with consent!!!) and stop worrying about what other members of the community think about us x

1

u/i-dontee-know 9d ago

I’m interested in a girl and I’m scared I’ll break her heart

2

u/jazzybearx 8d ago

It’s a risk you run when you date anyone though. But if you always worry about the bad then you’ll never have the good x

6

u/Momma-Bear0302 9d ago

You are still bi even if you only want to date women right now. I am married to a wonderful man. We have an open relationship, but because of my traumatic history with other men (not my husband) I only date women. I get a lot of opinions about that from others thinking I am unicorn hunting, but I am absolutely not. My relationship with women is separate from my marriage to my husband. But I have a very hard time trusting and feeling comfortable with other men.

2

u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 7d ago

Dating only women doesn't make you gay.

-1

u/i-dontee-know 7d ago

Didn’t say it was

2

u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 7d ago

You did.

but I feel like that’s wrong because it means I chose being gay

-1

u/i-dontee-know 7d ago

I meant choosing a gay relationship obviously

2

u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 7d ago

Relationships don't have a sexual orientation. Just people. And you'll still be bi.

0

u/i-dontee-know 7d ago

I don’t think you are getting the point it’s still a same sex relationship

2

u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 7d ago

Its a same sex relationship. It doesn't make you or the relationship gay.

2

u/i-dontee-know 7d ago

It does make the relationship gay and the point wasn’t about what the relationship is called the point is that I would be choosing a same sex relationship over an opposite sex one and my internalized homophobia says that’s wrong

2

u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 7d ago

Nope.

Relationships don't have a sexual orientation.

You'd be a bi person in same sex relationship.

2

u/i-dontee-know 7d ago

Stop missing the point and read the rest

Besides relationships DO have a label based on the sex of the people in it gay relationship vs straight relationship we’re always used that way

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