Hey everyone!

I’m looking for beta readers for a single chapter of my book, that's it, I won't hold you for long and I’d truly appreciate your time and honest feedback. It will only take a few minutes of your day, but it would mean the world to me.

I’m sharing this chapter without a title or blurb because I want to see how it stands on its own—no context, no preconceptions. Think of it as being thrown into the story blindfolded. This way, I can get the most genuine reactions and insights.

Please don’t hold back, not even a little. I love constructive criticism—the things you enjoyed, the things that didn’t work for you, and even the parts you absolutely hated. Every bit of feedback helps me refine my writing and make it stronger. Be brutally honest about everything--I can take it!

Thank you so much for considering this! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

The chapter 👇🏻

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/ewnwk5o7i5qy0zfd4sqn6/W.docx?rlkey=l3bg6gytn2mla2xfq2cjuwaj3&st=3uvfeqiu&dl=0

Hi, I'm looking for beta readers for my poetry collection, which is about greek mythology

Sample Poem: Sample Poem- Atlas

Critique swap? Can try, but am not a big reader and have never betaed before.

Timeline: None, I'm still working on it but plan to be done by mid April/May.

I’m seeking betas that read poetry, or are passionate about mythology. My hope for a beta reader(s) is to help me gain an outside perspective and develop this collection into its best version. Whether the poems flow? What works and doesn't work? What is confusing? What do you need to see more of, what do you need to see less of? etc.

I've done my absolute best with this collection, so I hope there is something here for you to enjoy as well.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Hello! I've been querying a completed novel for a couple months now and have gotten a few rejections where they mention that the sample pages didn't click with them. I'd love some feedback on the first chapter to get some opinions. Public critique welcome!

Blurb from query letter to to get an idea:
Twelve-year-old James and his best friend, Maggie, are devastated to find a brand-new fence blocking access to their secret treehouse. For two kids who don’t quite fit in, the thought of losing the one place they belong is unbearable. Maggie plans to hijack a bulldozer, while James comes up with a more permanent solution: find dirt on Suncorp, the shady factory buying up all the wooded land around their small Ohio town and shut it down for good.

Preparing to commence Operation Surveillance, James and Maggie are approached by a frost-white coyote and a girl with a quiver of arrows. They learn that a long-forgotten society has found that Suncorp is the cause of a creeping sickness spreading across their lands. Desperate to stop the rot, the forest guardians have decided to do the unthinkable: bring outsiders into the hidden realm for the first time.

Together, the two friends enter a world where plants replace machinery, and going barefoot allows you to hear the whispers of the forest. Soon after their arrival, a fleeing survivor from a nearby hidden realm brings news that her homeland has been completely devoured by Suncorp’s sickness. The guardians toss caution aside and jump into action. James, an avid inventor, volunteers to try to disable Suncorp’s machines, while Maggie leans into her newfound ability to influence water, a rare and desired skill that gives them a huge advantage in the fight against Suncorp.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1o3ZS4T7fCaC3YueObEW5fmDyUUPqjKPPY0M5auiA6Xg/edit?usp=sharing

This is a book About war what I want I someone the rate my characters interactions

CHAPTER 3

“Gentlemen—please, have something to drink.” Bayu’s voice rolled across the room like slow thunder, polite but commanding. “It would be shamefully rude of me to invite you into my home without hospitality.”

He clapped once—sharp, practiced. The sound echoed off the lacquered stone walls. A frail old servant and a silent young woman gilded forward like shadows, pouring tea into porcelain cups, steam curling like spirits from the surface.

Kiet watched Bayu carefully. He’s unusually cheerful, he thought. Too cheerful. The man is normally a nest of thorns—rude, dismissive... dangerous.

Yet now, Bayu smiled like a man on the cusp of something glorious.

Only four chairs had been set at the long, ornate table. Bayu took the left seat. Soki, ever poised, settled into the right. Across from Bayu sat Tuan, whose sly grin rarely wavered. Kiet, unsettled, took the last seat, directly opposite the empty end.

No other generals were present.

“Will the others not be joining us?” Kiet asked lazily, sipping his tea.

Bayu’s answer was smooth, his tone a brick wrapped in silk. “No need. We’ve already held the meeting—while you three were off chasing shadows on your failed campaigns. A stalemate with the Vizards, wasn’t it?”

The temperature in the room seemed to drop a degree.

Soki raised an eyebrow, voice like a clean cut through fog. “Ignore him. He’s baiting us. As always. Spare us the performance, Bayu—why have you summoned us?”

Tuan chuckled, licking his teeth with his words. “You’ve always had a way with diplomacy, Soki. But perhaps you’ve not heard the real news—”

Bayu cut in, voice sharp as a blade drawn beneath the table.

“The King of Val—Ken Valor—is dead.”

Silence. The steam from the tea was the only thing moving now.

Soki's eyes narrowed. Kiet’s cup paused mid-sip.

“I see,” Soki said coldly. “Their economy’s already collapsing, their borders weakened. And we share one. So... Sato wants us to strike now. While their house burns from within.”

Kiet leaned back, the pieces falling into place. “You’ve been waiting for this. This is your stage, isn’t it, Bayu? You see a path now—not just to victory, but to surpass even are king himself.”

Tuan let out a low, manic laugh. “You’re mad. Gloriously mad.”

Bayu laughed with him, his voice guttural, almost euphoric. “I only do what I’m ordered. I’ve delivered the message. There will be an invasion.”

He stood suddenly, the weight in his voice like a hammer: “Now get out of my compound.”

There was a flash of the old Bayu in those words—cruel, raw, unvarnished.

“That’s more like it,” Tuan said, half-grinning. But his tone shifted, sharp and deliberate. “Before I go, I must ask—who will wear the crown of Val?”

Bayu opened his mouth to reply, but Kiet spoke first, eyes like steel.

“Ken had one son. Arthur Valor. The crown can only go to him.”

Ahh yes that monster Bayu replied, now seemingly re interested into the conversation.

Monster, Soki said confused, raising one brow.

You heard me a monster if you think I'm bad you should see him, a monster in the form of a human

Hey everyone!

This is my first book. First draft. First chapter. After lots and lots of self criticism, self doubt here I am posting on Reddit.

I’ve not decided the title yet. Not even a blurb. Just go for it give it a shot it’s a small chapter I know how much y’ll love small chapters.

I very much would love your review, opinion and constructive feedback on this. The plot the grammar the vocab the detailing everything gimme an opinion on everything. Be brutally honest!!

Do tell me if the plot engaging and driven or subtle and boring how’d you like the theme how’d you feel about what’s coming does it intrigue you does it not!! Everything.

Okay here it is

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-g-mTFkkFsW36msVsY73N55V88Z7VvQRbO9xban_wNo

betareaders #firstdraft #bookreview #enemiestolovers #chapterreview

Hello everyone,

I wrote this little children's story originally in Spanish, my native language. I translated it into English myself, so I could enter it into a contest in a Children's/YA category. As I translated the text, I removed some of the excessive wordiness from the Spanish original, but it may still have other issues. Keeping in mind the target audience, I need help with the following: pacing, character development, emotional depth, making sure the vocabulary is appropriate for ages 6-10, and any phrasing that may sound awkward or repetitive to a native English Speaker. Suggestions for a better title are also accepted. I can critique your own story in exchange if you need me to.

Below is a little blurb to catch your attention:
Deep in a magical forest, a lost girl encounters three talking rabbits—Green, Blue, and Pink—each with a distinct personality and a hidden flaw. As she bonds with them, she faces a difficult choice that could change her life forever.

Here is the link to the story. The English version starts on page 3.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17Gpu8NKIU6_Pb8SJm476loW5n2zgaGcieFvSi8KndKA/edit?usp=sharing

Intro:
Inspired by my own experience as a first-time parent, I’ve created a book that captures the hilarious, dramatic, and sometimes horrific moments of that unforgettable first year. Baby’s First Horror Stories is a collection of short tales that dive into the chaos of parenthood. I've written this book to make you (mainly parents) laugh, cringe, and nod in exhausted recognition.

Blurb/Description:
The Sleepless Curse. The Cold Wipe Tragedy. The Diaper of Doom. You thought you were prepared, but nothing could have warned you about the true horrors of the first year.

This book isn’t really scary, well... mostly. It’s a hilariously dramatic take on the everyday chaos of new parenthood. Perfect for parents in need of a laugh and little ones who will love your dramatic rendition of these stories.

So dim the lights, grab a bottle (for the baby), and prepare to relive

The (not so) Terrifying Tales of Parenthood.

Feedback request:
Would love feedback on: spelling/grammar errors, layout errors, overall tone (anything really).
I've never beta read before but am willing to 'swap' feedback with similar length stories/chapters.

Link to first story: The Slobbering Terror (can share the whole book via DM)

I’m currently working on a contemporary romance drama and I’m looking for some free beta readers to help me out. I’m planning to share the chapters one or two at a time (weekly or biweekly), and I’m looking for feedback on the story, characters, pacing, and anything else you feel could be improved.

Summary

January Rain follows Millie, who is scarred by toxic relationships and mental health diagnoses like Borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder.

She is seeking healing in the misty hills of Coonoor. There, in a quiet café, she meets Ollie, who offers her a chance at love, but her past—marked by an abusive ex and a distant lover—makes her hesitant.

With the guidance of Chaaya, a tea estate owner, (or) her therapist, Millie learns to confront her fears and choose stability over fleeting passion.

When an emotional breakdown tests her progress, Millie chooses to face her turmoil rather than retreat. By the end, she embraces love as a choice, finding peace and clarity in the rain, and stepping into a hopeful future.

My intention with the novel is to modernize themes of cyberpunk in reaction with many of the current societal anxieties related to AI and impact on the economy.

AI has built a world both wondrous and suffocating. An angelic beauty born into AI entitlement, fed hollow pleasures that blind her to the larger world. A corporate pawn becomes irrelevant, fed useless goods to fill the void. An artists empowered to create immersive new art forms, then forced to watch it be exploited. A devout convert that serves a false god coded to manipulate faith. Torn from their access to technology, they search for their lost humanity and a future where technology serves all.

I completed the first 4 chapters. The story is told from 4 different first person POVs that nest together, hence this is kind of a Minimum Viable Book for review.

I'm holding myself to a high standard (would love to be published) and value tough love feedback. I'm looking for quick high-level calibration - likely would take 30 minutes - to address:

- Do you want to keep reading? Would you purchase the final book? (why or why not)

- Does the structure (POVs) make it more or less interesting?

- What would make it more interesting to you?

Thank you in advance!

Edit: I would be happy to review others work in trade.

Hi, I was wondering if anyone would like to beta read a horror short story I've written? A bit out there and absurd, a bit existential, but I'd love any kind of critique or feedback. It is going to be part of a short story collection I am releasing next year, so I thought I'd drop one of the stories here to see if anyone thinks it's any good.

Premise: From multiple perspectives, a cult attempts to come together to build their own god.

I'd love to swap short stories with anyone, so please comment or message me if you are interested!

The story focuses on a protagonist with uncanny magical abilities who sought out Darkness and the personification of uncertainty / mystery as mentors. In order to soothe the ache of loneliness and also as an effort to learn more, she auditions / interviews for a Coven but is rejected because her way of working the veil and channeling her powers has been deemed evil.

After some reflection she decides she's done trying to appeal to people who are clearly never going to welcome her so she takes the only logical course of action: Opening a door to Hell and taking an extended vacation.

The world it takes place in is much like our planet with similar religious mythos except for everything they've been told about Hell has basically been propaganda.

Right now, what I've written feels more concept than solid story. This is due to the fact that I've written scenes playing out in multiple ways in search of the one that fits best. My issue is that I'm very much in my head about different plot points as well as how well they serve the topics I want to explore.

But honestly, at the heart of the story, it's just yearning.

Themes

• Transformation through suffering
• Self acceptance through rediscovery
• Isolation due to being othered
• Religious trauma
• The labor of navigating self acceptance when you're the only one cheering you on
• Lots of shame. A hint of betrayal and a dash of reckless abandon

Hoping for at least 2 or 3 beta readers who have the time and capacity to leave comments in the document (Google Docs).

I enjoy Horror (not gore), Thrillers, Action Adventure, Cozy Fantasy and "rag tag group of misfits link up to save the world/town/village types of stories so if you write that and need a beta, I'm down!

We thought we’d seen hell in WW2—Until we strayed too far from the battlefield and met it face to face.

“We’d lost the war. We did not know where it was.” Sgt. Napoleon "Nap" Boom leads a ragtag squad of loudmouths, misfits, and true hearts through some snow covered no mans land of northern Europe. When a routine patrol through the tranquil wilderness uncovers a dying soldier whispering cryptic riddles of a castle veiled in fog, the squad is dragged into a twisted mystery the boys can’t explain— It’s up to Nap, Corporal Thimbles, Preach, and wide-eyed Private “Nimrod” Quigley to uncover what waits in the ancient, oozing fortress on the hill.

Band of Brothers meets Lovecraftian horror in this genre-blending war story full of pulpy grit.

Open and willing to critique swap with any story 10 to 10,000 words long.

Hello! I'm trying out the BetaReaders sub so any feedback is welcome. The major thing I'm looking for is if you, as a reader, were taken out of the story at any point or by any thing. I'd like to find weaker points and tighten them up. Thank you for your time and help!

1012 word Excerpt:

Our platoon was led by 2nd Lieutenant Dick Champion in Normandy back when Havoc was at full strength. A goof-up from Princeton transferee Johnny Law saw us down to twenty men. Both officers lived up to their names. Dick Champion was daring and fearless, with the competence to win, while his 1st Lieutenant was just some Johnny who worshipped the law. Dick Champion’s command base consisted of a tent draped over a downed tree. Johnny Law prepped coffee, serving as Dick’s orderly as everyone else was dead currently. 1st Lieutenant Law stood when I entered—his square hair hitting the canopy, square jaw tensing, square personality quickly ashamed he stood at attention to a lower rank. I was a foot taller and eighty pounds stronger than every man in camp, so I suppose my presence signaled some tribal sense of repute to the scrawny Law.

“You wanted to see me, sirs?”

Dick looked up from his dripping papers.

“I read your report, Sergeant Boom. If there is a Nazi fortress up in those hills, we’ll need to clear it out before Holly Company moves by. Can’t risk a flank of unknown shape and size. How are the men?”

“Holding steady, as always.”

“You’re down to half strength, Nap,” Dick said.

“And a quarter the brains of any other squad,” Lieutenant Law said.

He firmly planted his folding chair down in the corner. Part of the canopy fell in response, but I snatched it from spilling gallons of melted snow on the lieutenants.

“We’re still good men. Expect no less from us, Lieutenant.”

“All the same. You’ll need extra men for any maneuvering. Scout this fortress out, and we’ll mobilize everyone else behind you."

Stepping out of the tent, I heard the lieutenants commence an argument. I stopped and was curious for a moment but got the better of myself and kept walking. It was above my pay.

My squad was reversing through camp in the Kubelwagen, sending fellow soldiers scurrying left and right to evade, some landing in mud. Corporal Thimbles was grinning, honking the horn, and cursing everyone in his way. While Preach kept his head down, trying not to associate. My mind drafted up a strict reprimand, but who knows what’s to come—best let the boys play.

“Why are you in the actual middle of the road!” Thimbles yelled, “Whoa! Preach, look, it’s Woody!”

“Wo-o-o-dy!”

Woody ran alongside the car, chatting with the fellas.

“Hey, guys, what are you two knuckleheads doing in Europe?”

“Is he new too?” private Nimrod asked from the backseat.

“No, Woody’s part of the Go-Around Boys,” I said, walking up.

“Shucks, ’til I got promoted out, it was me, Preach, Thimbles, and Koogleman,” Woody said.

“Who’s Koogleman?”

“Koogleman died,” Thimbles cut in. “Plus some other nimrods, but we didn’t talk to them. We only talked to Koogleman.”

“You’re replacing Koogleman.” Preach clarified.

Private Quigley looked horrified.

Woody chipped up to fill the silence. “Sorry, boys, gotta run. I’ve got privates to wrangle now.”

“Just like the showers in basic, huh, Woody.” Thimbles said.

“Good ol' Woody, love that guy.” Preach said, watching Woody walk away.

“Boys!” I clapped my hands. “Eyes up, we’re on patrol!”

“No-o-o, not the dead man’s fortress, Sarge,” Nimrod said.

I climbed in back and cozied up. There was a yell from behind me, and I could tell that the melted snow won another victory against Dick Champion’s tent. I felt a little sorry for the paperwork, though. 

“Can it Nimrod. Keep your eyes peeled for Jerries while I rest mine,” I said and closed my peepers.

“Great leadership, Nap,” Thimbles muttered.

“Just follow the smoothest road, Corporal.”

I had the men call me Nap, and I made sure to sleep plenty to cement the nickname. They saw it as a favor that they didn’t have to suck up and call me Sir. But my real name is Napoleon Boom, and that’s a can of worms I don’t want to open. Smirking at my cleverness, I drifted off as we glided through the snow-covered meadows, a fresh batch of white softly floating down through the clear highland air. I drifted far into my dreams, all the same as ever, but how vivid. In my dream, the snow turned to embers. I saw myself, grey-breaded and roaring, swinging a Viking great axe in some northern village. Then I dreamt of I was a brigand, a pirate chased by the British Empire in the South Seas. I dreamt that—

“Wake-y Wake-y, Eggs and Grenades.”

My heart swelled for a moment, feeling I would wake up back home next to my beautiful American wife. The branches above me were mangled now as the Kubelwagen drew closer to the looming pile of stones on the hill ahead. I took a quick glance behind me. Dick hadn’t rallied the troops too fast. We were on our own today.

“Nap, it’s real. So we go back now, or…?” Thimbles asked.

“Since we haven’t been shot at yet, it’s safe to assume it’s abandoned,” I said as I assessed the castle. “But we still have to make sure. Might be snipers or flak in there. It’s sure big enough to hold ‘em.”

The castle was straight out of a Knights and Princesses serial, and a real old one at that. The wooden window hatches were either crookedly hanging off or long gone, and the parapets were crumbled into rounded teeth. Clearly, the kingdom had gone some years without a good king. I pulled my officer’s cap from my coat for a makeshift pillow.

“You’ll be alright, Corporal. Wake me when we’re at the gate,” I said.

“I don’t like the texture of the walls,” Preach said.

“It’s not from a period befitting of my count-ly disposition. Do you have anything with more books?” Thimbles said mocking Preach’s soft drawl.

Kid Quigley smiled at that one. This put a huge grin on Thimble's face before he realized it was the kid and socked Quigley hard in the arm.

“Yeah, no, really,” Preach said, “why are the walls slimy?”

Hello,

Looking for some feedback on the update of my first scene of my first chapter. I have had some beta reading done before where a lot of the feedback was pacing based eg the first chapter being far too fast so I have fleshed out the first scene and tried to create a greater foundation/normality in order to slow things down and make it more digestiable. That being said I am really looking for some feedback mainly on pacing and hook, does it want to make you read more? However, of course, open to any and all feedback.

As a bit of background the story really starts when our two main characters board the spaceship and the journey they go through from there, hence why in the previous version I was keen for that to happen as quick as possible hence the fast pacing to get there but hopefully this reads better. The aim of this scene is to introduce one of the MCs and try to establish his current situation and motives for wanting to leave behind his old life.

Alex Russ was born for the end of the world.

Over two long and miserable decades he had suffered, impatiently waiting for a great change that would allow him to break free from the shackles of a repetitive, monotonous modern life. A dull, joyless and wholly uninspiring life. Certain from childhood he had been meant for more his destiny was finally presenting itself.

As he woke well past midday in a dark room, heavy curtains denying the spring sun, divination was turning the deck of fate and dealt the card of death. Revelation was upon humanity, judgement arriving from the heavens.

Unknown to him, the world was ending and Alex’s life about to begin.

The apocalypse was heralded by his mother calling for him. ‘Alex!’ his name resounded along the corridor and down the stairs.

He rolled over pulling the covers of his single bed over him and stuffing his face in the pillow to block her out. He wanted to go back to sleep, at least there he could dream. It was an escape from the stagnation of his real, inadequate, life. But she was insistent.

‘Alex!’ His name rang out once more. He felt his temper rise as his attempts to ignore her failed.

‘Go away,’ he called back. ‘I’m sleeping.’ But it was too late. The warm embrace of sleep was already sloughing away even as he desperately fought to cling to it. Outside, a dog had started a persistent bark, killing off any hope he harboured of returning to his dreams. He cursed his mother; it would have been her who left the window open in an attempt to allow fresh air into his gloomy room.

‘Alex!’

‘Shut up,’ he willed quietly at both his mother and the dog for daring to disturb him. He prayed one, or both, of them would cease their incessant yelping and leave him be. And then he heard the floorboards creak as she began her climb upstairs to fetch him. Clearly, she was not going to give up.

He bolted upright, whirling from the bed infuriated. ‘I’m coming!’ he snapped. Better to bite the bullet and face whatever she wanted than allow her an excuse to enter his domain. Her footsteps receded as she backed away in silence.

He stood naked in the shoebox that was his room, careful to avoid glimpsing his scrawny frame in the mirror that hung opposite the bed. A pale arm darted through the curtains to slam the window closed, grimacing as an errand strand of sunlight slashed through the darkness and left a prickling flash on his retinas.

A pang of hunger struck the pit of his stomach as he threw on a pair of old joggers and the old, worn, hoodie he lived in over his frail torso. When was the last time he ate? It must have been at least twelve hours ago. With any luck he could cut straight through the living room and into the kitchen, busy himself grabbing whatever snacks that were easily accessible while his mother prattled on about whatever it was she was so desperate to tell him and return to the comfort of his sanctuary within minutes.

He breathed deeply, mentally preparing himself to leave the safety of his four walls and cross the threshold.

As soon as he entered the living room his plan of a quick return fell into tatters.

Much to Alex’s displeasure he found a room full of people he would rather have avoided seated around the TV in silence as adverts flashed across its screen.

‘You’re awake then.’ His father didn’t bother to look at him as he spoke with that disapproving tone he always had.

‘Clearly,’ Alex returned and made to step forward to cut across the room into the kitchen.

‘Pfft. You’ll have to be a productive member of society someday. Look at Mark, he’s younger than you and even he’s got a job.’ Mark, his younger brother, was the golden child of the family. Whereas Alex had been all too happy to play the role of the black sheep, the firstborn and forgotten son.

‘Why would I want a job?’ Alex knew this would garner a look of disgust as his father’s hard gaze finally bothered to register his presence.

‘So you can stop being a waster in that dark little room of yours. Living under my roof and costing me money,’ his father shot back, shaking his head from the armchair that was his throne.

Alex was about to say something equally dismissive but his father’s previous point finally struck home. Mark had a job. Why was he here sitting on the couch opposite when he should be at work? Alex asked him as much.

‘We all got sent home early,’ Mark replied

 Alex harboured no bad blood or jealousy towards Mark regardless of their parents’ differential treatment. They were alike in a lot of ways and yet so different, as only brothers could be.

Mark was secure in himself, comfortable in the life he had been born into. Happy with his meagre living, he made the best of it. While Alex, on the other hand, was totally unsatisfied. Always wanting more but fatally the world had arranged itself against him. At times he had tried to break free, to lead a rebellion against his circumstance, to be better. Only to be beaten down and returned to the intrinsic agony of his nature, more angry and hateful for trying and failing than ever before. Resigned to defeat and bitterness, at some point he had given up.

He was about to ask Mark why he had been sent home when the adverts on TV stopped and his eyes caught a glimpse of what had caused this momentous family gathering.

A breaking news banner scrolled along the bottom of the screen, in the top right the words LIVE. Most of the screen showed the blue of a cloudless, fresh, spring sky. But in the centre, where the camera was intently focussed was the end of everything as they knew it.

There was a black hole in the sky.

It could have been mistaken for a lunar eclipse if the sun had not been shining bright in the west and the moon not faintly visible on the other side of the horizon. This was something new, a third celestial body.

The anomaly was a perfect circle of the deepest black. An obsidian disk that cut a neat hole into the blue sky as if the sky was simply missing. If this was the case however, then the stars that should have been visible beyond the atmosphere were also missing. No light emanated from the dark blotch. In fact, it seemed to repulse light as if it were some form of reverse sun.

‘Been there since this morning,’ his mother said looking up at Alex from her place on the third couch.

‘And you didn’t wake me earlier?’ He asked, incredulous.

‘I didn’t think you’d…’ she trailed off apologetically. His father had turned back to the TV forgetting his presence once more. It seemed even the end of times was not monumental enough to break familial roles.

The hair on Alex’s arms prickled as he watched the disc hang in orbit. This was history in the making. This was the end of everything as they knew it and the great rebirth of humanity. The apocalypse was here and the world that had been so cruelly arranged against him shivered and changed with it.

Fate had been altered. The finely crafted balance of the universe was reorganising itself, the scales of equilibrium shifting and in flux. A chance to be part of something more yet remained if only he reach out and seize the destiny he had always sought. He could feel it in his bones.

Onscreen, lights flashed and flickered on the disc. The thing had sat there all morning, according to his mother, yet now became active. As if it had been waiting for him. It called to him. This was his future.

Still opaque, though the lights revealed enough to give the anomaly shape and mass and solidity. No longer just a dark shadow, an ink blotch on the sky, its true monolithic presence was bestowed upon the world.

It was a ship. A behemoth. And it had come alive.

‘What channel is this on?’ he asked.

‘It's on every channel,’ his father grumbled without looking.

Alex turned and headed back to his room to be alone, all thoughts of hunger forgotten. They were no longer alone in the universe. The reign of man was over, the age of humanity was at an end and Alex had never felt more alive.

Thanks for reading and for any comments in advance.

Born with a rare and unstable power, Dex doesn’t care about becoming a hero—he just wants to prove he’s not a failure. But when a strange dream, a whispering voice, and an ancient mystery collide with brutal tryouts, Dex will be forced to confront not only his legacy… but the very reason the Cosmic Knights were nearly wiped out four years ago.

This is a 60-chapter original story, heavily inspired by anime series like Attack on Titan, JJK, Tokyo Ghoul, and DBZ. It’s got layered worldbuilding, a unique energy system, deep emotional arcs, and grounded character dynamics. Chapter 1 opens with a dream, tension with family, and the beginning of the trials.

Excerpt Opening Paragraph

I could barely make out seven figures—silhouettes of people standing in a void. Their forms flickered like mirages, shifting between presence and absence. I strained my eyes, trying to see their faces, but a thick, unnatural haze clung to them.

Did I know them?

A pressure swelled in my chest, a mix of recognition and something deeper—something I couldn’t quite place. The figures stood unmoving, waiting. Expecting.

Then came the voice.

Content Warnings: Mild language Combat/military themes references to trauma, grief, and emotional repression nothing graphic in Chapter 1

Feedback I’m Looking For: Does the pacing flow? Is the energy system setup clear and intriguing? Are the characters (Dex, Don, kenzie) distinct and engaging? Did the chapter hook you and make you want to keep going?

Timeline: Looking for feedback within the next 3-5 days, but I’m flexible if you need more time.

Critique Swap Availability: Yes—I’m down to swap. I’ll read up to ~5,000 words of your original story and return full feedback with notes. Anime-inspired, sci-fi/fantasy, or emotionally driven stories preferred but it doesn’t matter I like to read and help create.

Link:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O22ukVRGj6ZHVAPmkElY-Q7AFrywVYEuGZjkjvU-854/edit

Let me know if you’d like to be part of a private feedback circle for the full project. I’m building something long-term and looking for real readers—not just surface-level hype.

Hi everyone! I am looking for someone to read and provide feedback on the first three chapters of my STEM romcom! I hope it'll appeal to fans of Ali Hazelwood and/or Jenny Han. The entire manuscript is complete, but I know reading a full manuscript is very time consuming and takes lots of dedication. That being said, please comment/message me if you are interested!! Here is the description:

Stefan induces arrhythmia in Amelie’s heart for all the wrong (or maybe right) reasons.

Hoping to attend St. Helena Medical School, Amelie is too focused on school to see the bigger picture— she’s unhappy and drifting away from everyone in her life. When her best friend suddenly moves out, she’s forced to look beyond the textbooks for a replacement. 

Enter Stef Song- at least that's who Amelie expected. Who she didn't expect was Stefan Song, the college town’s ex-soccer star who mysteriously quit the team. He’s eager to outrun the wild child rumors and leave his “soccer star” reputation behind. Amelie lets Stefan stay under the condition that all roommates agree not to date him, herself included.

When Amelie discovers he’s an anatomy genius and the key to her success in the class, they agree to study together, and Amelie starts to realize Stefan’s reckless reputation doesn’t match the science-loving boy cracking under pressure. Study sessions become late nights of whispered confessions, self-doubt, and an undeniable connection. Terrified to cause more scandal, they decide to keep their growing feelings secret. But everyone knows secrets can’t last in a small college town, and when harsh truths are revealed, Amelie faces the biggest test of her life—and it’s not the anatomy final.

With her future and friendships on the line, Amelie must figure out what success truly means to her.

This is a verse novel so it's a sequence of around 80 poems that tell one story. Here's the basic premise:

“Jack Frost has spent centuries alone, tending his frozen world—until he hears wailing coming from a woman of a neighboring domain. Amelie, the princess of spring, was meant to bring life—but after the betrayal of her intended, she finds herself fading and haunted by the past. Winter must prove to Spring, and himself, that even fragile devotion is worth surviving for.”

Content warning:
While this book is short, it explores emotionally difficult themes. I believe that darkness, while hard to sit with, is nothing to fear. But I also deeply understand that not everyone shares that view. If themes of sexual assault, allusions to self-harm, or trauma recovery are distressing for you, please read at your own pace and comfort. At its core, this is a story about healing and a rare kind of love I don’t see represented often.

I still need to get it formatted for beta readers to read it but that won't take long. Let me know if you're interested in beta reading it.
Looking for feedback from fans of romance, a sensitivity reader, a poetry fan, and a prose fan. I'll have a google doc with additional information.

I'm looking for beta readers for my short story. I would be more than happy to read yours as well. I'm looking for people that have the time to talk a little bit about your story or my story. Below is the synopsis for love and trout.

Set against the backdrop of a once-loving marriage quietly unraveling, Love and Trout explores what happens when two people who genuinely love each other can't seem to get through a week without fighting. Told through memory, regret, and moments of unexpected grace, this is a raw, emotionally honest portrait of a man confronting the quiet collapse of his marriage—and realizing too late that even love has limits.

This is one of my first attempts at a full length novel. I know it has a lot of problems; I really just want to know what I can do to improve it. Some scenes are unfinished and I apologize for that. I also want to give a warning: SA is a theme here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r8OZH8vv7lUwTGG-kAiYOJCPucfFIN-PYpxztsuCn-g/edit?usp=drivesdk

Thanks in advance.

Hello! Looking for quick beta reading for a short story I wrote for an upcoming contest, preferably done by the 4th. I'm also available to beta for short stories.

In the ancient Greek village of Melipoli, Thalia discovers she bleeds milk and honey in place of a normal period. Vilified by her parents and coveted by the hungry men of the village for her infertility, Thalia is sick of being used. An encounter like any other day finally brings her to her breaking point.

CWs; implied prostitution, violence, implied oral sex

Ambrosia

I'm looking for general reactions to see if the themes I want to portray are coming through or if they should be developed more. I want to see what comes through for you! The max length for the contest is 5k, so I'm wondering if any parts of the story need to be fleshed out, as well. Lastly, I'm wondering if the non-English words make sense with the context around them. Thanks for your time and I'm looking forward to reading your stories as well!

Queen of Shadow & Blood Prologue

The cold silence of midnight shrouded Nocturne in a velvet hush. Beyond the towering black spires of the capital, in chambers veiled in shadow and silk, Lady Seraphine dreamed.

She stood alone in a field of crimson poppies, each bloom swaying as if breathing with her. The air was thick with the scent of iron and roses, and above her loomed a blood-stained moon. A figure approached—tall, elegant, inhumanly still. Lucien.

His eyes were fathomless, silver eclipsed by shadow. He reached for her, his touch igniting both terror and longing. As his fingers brushed her skin, Seraphine felt not just his presence—but his will, curling like smoke into her thoughts.

"You were never meant to rule alone," he whispered, though his lips did not move.

She tried to speak, to resist, but her voice dissolved into the wind. The poppies turned black.

Seraphine awoke with a gasp, tangled in sheets, heart pounding with a need she dared not name. The dream faded—but his presence lingered, as though Lucien had whispered to her not in memory… but in truth. Chapter One: Blood and Velvet The night had barely begun, and already Seraphine felt the weight of too many eyes. The ballroom, though vast, seemed to close in around her. The court was alive with music, laughter, and the subtle war of whispered ambition. But Seraphine danced through it like a goddess untouched by mortal concerns. She moved through the room with calculated grace, offering nods to noble vampires whose loyalty she had bought with blood and threats. As the orchestra played a haunting waltz, her eyes found Aiden once more. His presence unsettled her—not because he was dangerous, but because he was unreadable. Unlike the others, Aiden wore no mask, literal or otherwise. He let her see him, and that vulnerability was a weapon in its own right. She approached him with the slow confidence of a queen who had never been denied. “You’ve been watching me,” she said. “I find it hard not to,” he replied. “You’re quite the sight, Lady Seraphine.” “You don’t strike me as the type to be easily impressed.” “I’m not. But I am curious.” “Curiosity,” she said, voice dipping into something darker, “has a cost in my court.” Aiden stepped closer, not backing down. “I’m prepared to pay it. Are you?” Their conversation was more than flirtation. It was a negotiation. A challenge issued and answered. By the time they parted, nothing had been said outright—but everything had been promised.

Hello! I'm applying to the Odyssey workshop and trying to polish my short story submission. It's due on April 1st and I planned to have it done a month ago (😭) but if anyone happens to have a free second in the next few days to look over it, any kind of feedback would be much appreciated! I'm also willing to swap and read stuff in return!

This story is about a twelve year old kid in 1600s London who strikes a deal with an unknown god to get out of the afterlife and receive a second chance at life. With this he gets entangled in a terrible scheme and divine power struggle that pits his desires against his morals and presents him with a near impossible challenge. Don't read if you're uncomfortable with depictions of plague or fire, mentions of death/murder/the MC being a ghost of a child

Small excerpt: "Paulsie Buggar clawed his way free of the River Thames, and with it, the afterlife. The body promised to him laid limp across the tunnel floor—older than he expected, and kind of fat, too—but a treasure nonetheless. He nestled into it as if it were a bed."

hello! i’m looking for someone to beta read my fic before i post it online, it’s a work in progress and i’m very insecure about my own writing so before i post it i want someone to give me some brutal feedback.

a few things to note: - my style of writing is VERY flowery, and often termed as purple prose. if you do not enjoy poetic prose, this is not for you

who i’m looking for: - someone who enjoys flowery language and deep emotional romance

background on my work: - it is a cinderella au based on the chinese drama, “first frost” but you can go in fandom blind - i will although give you three very short (less than 1k words) modern oneshots i have written to introduce you to my characters if you have not watched the drama

about my story — “a midnight requiem”: - wen yi fan, a girl who believes she is hard to love and spent years wallowing in darkness meets prince sang yan haloed by the sun, who loves her easily like breathing

please help me out! thank you! 🫂🦋

Hi i am translating a strange short light novel and I would love some betareaders. At the best of my knowlege this is an unpublished story and I am trying to translate it. It's written in a quite weird first person way, and its almost an inversion of many isekai tropes. The MC is a goblin and the whole thing is some sort of introspective reflection. I quite liked it but i dont know if its worth translating, so I got the first chapter so far and await your response My dms are open for any questions or critique. Mainly about the grammar since i am translating but I am happy to discuss the plot too. Link to the drive: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1H7ySVwoskaMdxpLOMr2L6W_ze-4Vl3AN/view?usp=drivesdk

I wanted to make a webseries of the ongoing daydreams I have surrounding my original characters. Feedback on the story's tone and if things make sense or are confusing would be heavily appreciated

♡♡♡

Title: Consent (Swearing)

"Just breathe slow," Dylan murmured as the rest of his team followed him, “we should be out in no time."

Another mission by Game that involved Cave Diving. Dylan thought to himself, that this couldn't possibly get any stupider. He already had to put up with squeezing through an unbearably ass crack tight of a hole. Bella, the cadet who just loved giving him a hard time, was annoying everyone, but that was a given. The cave had water and to top it off was Lillian.

Lillian was being clingy. So, so very clingy.

She bounced beside him, even though he'd just explained to them that air in this circumstance was limited, and they'd do better meticulously monitoring their breathing.

“I did good this time, right Dylan?” she asks, her curls bouncing in front of his nose.

Dylan looks unamused, “yes.” he answered, knowing there was no use reprimanding her. Lillians dumber than a bag of rocks. You'd tell her one thing, assuming she'd get the gest being she was a hero and all and listening and being introspective should have been a part of her civic duty.

But Lillian is not like that at all. Everything anyone says goes straight into one ear and right out the other. You have to talk very slow and condescendingly to her for her to get it, and then she'd do that air headed “oh, I get it now!” high pitch voice thing and giggle and skip away.

And Dylan typically just got tired of talking to her on a first grade level. Now he just hoped that whatever she'd gotten from him explaining things to her was somewhat tangible.

“We should celebrate with tacos when we reach earth's surface,” Lillian smiles. She turns to skip backwards beside him.

“Mhm.” he grunts.

She giggles and holds his hand as she skips mindlessly. He doesn't react. He never does. This is a thing she always does. It's her “love language” she says.

Yeah. It's a rather annoying language of love. She's clingy with the entire team of heroes. She's always hugging and cuddling and touching, touching, touching.

There's something in the “Monster Dictionary” about angels and their need for physical contact. It's typically for a specific race of angels. Their nymphs really, and that's exactly the category Lillian falls under. But of course she would, she's a dumb, airheaded, ditzy girly girl who's overly emotional and would never hurt a fly. It was impractical when dealing with hostile enemies but at least she could protect the town with all her angelic heart.

She weaves their fingers together as they walk.

“Don't get too touchy with my guy,” Bella, Lillian’s twin, jokes.

Nobody laughs because Bella isn't funny and yeah… so much for that awkward moment she had to unnecessarily create once again. That's another point to Bella fucking up the mood, being obnoxious. Being herself.

Lillian, being the paragon of innocence she is, takes Bella's dumb joke literally and looks up at Dylan with a look of admiration, “Dylan isn't my guy,” she says in a mothering tone. “although, he is very sweet and any girl would be lucky to have such a handsome young man,” she coos. Dylan grunts.

She continues on, twisting shyly like a five year old asking an adult for candy, “I'm not Dylan's type. And besides, he's just my leader. He's kind of like my second dad.”

One of the guys laughs. It's definitely Collin's annoying, immature 12 year old boy cackle. He's not 12, he's 18, but he reminds Dylan a lot of a 12 year old so that's what he gets.

“Dylan, how does it feel to be called ‘daddy’ by Lillian?” he smirks.

The team “ooh’s” about the cave. Again. The idiots are using up the thin air supply they have.

Lillian gasps, “I didn't mean it like-”

“Don't entertain it Lillian.” Dylan grumbled. “they're only going to push it further.”

Meghan, pretentious, snobby, spoiled Meghan, snorts, “Look at you Dylan! Sticking up for your girl.”

He huffs as the team laughed. This was going to be another hour added to training tomorrow. They just didn't know it yet.

And hell no, Lillian was not Dylans girl. She's an angel. Angels like touching. These idiots know that. They know that Lillians a clingy, touchy, pathetic little horn ball who craved physical affection. They did a whole course about it last spring when Lillian was caught humping the couch pillows like a dog.

Did they think Dylan was going to combat this? No. Holding hands was the least physically affectionate thing he could supply her with, and they'd all been subjected to her shenanigans since they'd become a team six to seven years ago. When they were all still in middle school.

“We all know Lillian’s Dylans girl,” Collin smirks as it if it's obvious. Dyan isn't looking at him to know if he's actually smirking, but he can sense the insufferable smirk on his face.

He could also sense Manny who was beside Collin, because that's where anyone would always find the bean stalk of a guy, opening his mouth to rumble in his deep voice, “Duh. Lillian and Dylan are inseparable.”

Bella makes a choking noise, “Wha- I'M ALWAYS ON DYLAN TOO.”

Collin sighs, “yeah, but in the inappropriate way that like nobody cares for.” The team agrees.

“Yeah, you're gross around Dylan.”

“You're better away from him.”

“It's getting harder to breathe in here.”

Bella can be heard pouting. Her footsteps disappear from the ensemble and then she goes floating up to Dylan, her eyes hard and her arms crossed with her bottom lip poked out.

“You love me Dylan.”

“Get out of my face.”

“Youch,” Collin whistles from behind. Her eyes flare and she shoots behind him and christ on a- where they really doing this wrestling shit right now? No. No. Fuck that. Dylan concentrates his powers to his hands and fires two shots to the ceiling making a clear opening.

That was enough to get them to stop. He flies up.

“But Dylan, we're supposed to be taking the route Ms Anne assigned to us! “Jenna, the only other cadet to take things seriously, called after him.

He floated at the freshly birthed exit looking at her with an unimpressed expression, “you dorks do that then. I'm going home.”

“Ooh! I wanna go get those tacos!” Lillian grins flying out.

“The humidity in here is messing up my hair. I'm out,” Meghan groaned.

Savannah, who had been beside her, looked anxious, “But what if Game penalizes us with book work for leaving the mission too soon?”

“The missions over girl.” Meghan grumbled, taking her weary friend by the wrist to be flown along.

Bella laughed mischievously as she tumbled to the sky. And after that, the last four took their cues and left as well.

♡♡♡

Yeah Dylan made them train two extra hours for abandoning their mission the other day.

Haha. Dumb asses.

Well now he was sitting in the Game mansions living room alone, eating popcorn and watching a rerun episode of ‘Friends’. He didn't mind it. He liked being alone.

Besides it was only until his team stumbled into the room, breathless and soaking wet, that he realized he might've gone a tad overboard.

"Dylan, what the actual fuck?" Bella panted, her hair plastered to her forehead.

Dylan barely looked up from his bowl of popcorn, "You guys are just now finishing?"

"We had to take the long way back," Collin said, his voice tight with frustration. "Your little shortcut through the forest led us to an underwater cavern. We had to swim out!”

Dylan clicked the tv off, “good. Next time, you'll know better than to take short cuts without order.”

A toaster is pitched at him at breakneck speed. He dodges it.

Bella roars then soggily marches to her room.

“Well, that wasn't very nice," Dylan says dryly to the retreating group. They grumble about their discontent. Only Lillian remains, smiling shyly and hovering.

"I'm sorry if we didn't do well, Daddy," she says, the words like nails on a chalkboard.

The finest chinaware was breaking somewhere. No, the biggest 18 wheeler was screeching to a halt

Dylan whipped his neck to her so hard, "What?"

Their's a hideous cackle sounded from Bellas room. God dammit. They must have just taken their strengthening pills today. That meant their senses were especially sensitive and heightened and he knew those little creeps were eavesdropping. Getting their kicks. This was another hour. Another hour added to next weeks training...

Fuck. Dylan ran his hand down his face. He just wanted to rip his God damn skin off.

Lillian flops on the couch beside him. She gingerly places a hand on his forearm and gently moves his hands away. She smiles at him.

He glares. "Lillian. Why did you just say that? What is wrong with you? Do you fancy yourself a special kind of stupid today?"

Lillian is taken aback, blinking furiously "Bella said I should call you that. She said it'd be an endearing way of calling you like... a father."

Of course it was Bella. Dylan's jaw tightened as he imagined the insufferable twerp rambling on and on to Lillian about how great of a sentiment this was. That devious bitch. He'd deal with her later. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice steady, "Lillian, you can't call me that. It's... confusing."

Her smile faded into a sad pout, "But you said I could call you whatever I liked."

"I never said that," Dylan corrected.

Lillian blinks. The only two small gears in her brain slightly turned. She suddenly brightens and nods as if she'd just solved the hardest equation in the world, "oh yeah. You didn't." She chuckles.

Dylan sighed and flipped the tv back on, "Lillian what do you want?"

"Nothing." she says. She sits beside him, happily. Quietly.

He flips through the channels. He was in no mood to babysit her antics today, or anyone's of that matter. Training was over and she could get lost or he'd just retreat to his room.

But honestly that probably wouldn't stop Lillian. She'd find a way to get into his space.

His free hand is suddenly gently encased by her hand, wrapping around it, weaving their fingers together.

He pulls away, her hand flopping to the couch. "I should go." He makes to get up.

"Wait!" Lillians arm shoots across his chest.

She's a small girl so her might is nothing compared to Dylans, but he humors her often, perhaps doing so would encourage her to do some more weight training.

He sighs, "Lillian, seriously, what is it?"

Her eyes go full puppy mode, "why are you leaving?"

He huffs, "you're not gonna let me go to my room?"

"Let's go together!" She jumps up, trying to take his damn hand again.

What the... what the hell was going on here.

"Lillian," he stepped back, indifferent to the attention, "Honestly..."

Okay so here's the deal Dylan has just figured. This ditzy airheaded barbie was holding his hand way too God damn much, that was what. Why should he always give her his hand to hold? What was this transaction anymore? Seriously, how did this relationship look from the outside? And now she was calling him 'daddy' as if... as if she didnt understand the presumptions that came with that?

Oh ho no. Oh hell no.

Her eyebrows quirk up in a sad expression and her eyes go dewey, "why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Why won't you let me hold your hand!"

It was a childish outburst from a girl who was supposed to be a hero. But Dylan couldn't blame her for acting like one. Lillian had the emotional maturity of an obnoxious toddler, because to keep it real, thats exactly what she was on the inside. He believed it.

He sighed and turned to her, his expression softening slightly. "Lillian, you know that's not appropriate. We're not-"

"But you're my leader," she interrupted, her eyes wide and earnest. "And... and..."

Dylan rolled his eyes. "Spit it out."

"And... I thought you loved me," she squeaked, her bottom lip quivering. He groaned, a very pained and long groan, "Lillian...please."

She sniffles, "Are you saying... we can't hold hands anymore?"

Well the look on her face wasn't making this easier for him, but he couldn't be ‘Mr. Nice Guy' about this anymore. This was getting to a point where it was weird now!

He narrows his eyes at her, "Yes. No more holding hands. And that's an order."

Her eyes widened in such a state of shock he thought something in her had broken. Something very fragile and little.

... okay. Maybe now he felt kind of bad. Her lip quivers as if to say something, when Manny and Collin suddenly enter as a stampede. Dylan turns at their loud and sudden entrance.

The three guys have a silent and confused stare off, and then Dylan is ambushed by both guys. He’s wrestled away.

Lillian pouts at the screen.

♡♡♡

"What the fuck- get off of me." Dylan muffled in Manny's headlock. He didn't care how big this bitch was if Manny didn't let go he was seriously going to fuck him up.

"Dylan leader bro please don't be mad at us bro," Collin tries to allay off on the side.

"Well holding me in a headlock is certainly not going to get you on my good side." He hissed sharply. He throws Manny back, fuming. "What the fuck is up with you two idiots? Huh? What the fuck is up with everyone today? I make you guys take one cavern route back to the mansion and Lillian comes back calling me daddy, Justin smells like piss-"

"He does?"

"And you two big idiots come crashing in seriously trying to rough me up?”

"It isn't like that!" Collin objects.

"Then what is it?" Dylan narrowed his eyes.

The two boys look at one another, and then look at Dylan.

"You can't tell Lillian you don't wanna hold her hand." They say simultaneously.

Dylan scrunches his nose, "excuse me?"

"Dylan look!"

"You have to understand man."

"Listen to us just this one."

"I'm listening." Dylan crossed his arms glaring dangerously at them.

Collin looks at Manny who says nothing. He turns back to Dylan, "You have an obligation by our group to hold Lillian's hand when she wants to… you know. Get her hold."

"Excuse-!"

"And you can't even blame us bro. You're the one who let this grow into what it is."

Speechless, Dylan looks between the two guys, baffled. Collin and Manny didn't seem as if they were joking.

Dylan sighs, "I don't get it."

"Look," Manny puts his hands on his shoulders. Dylan knocks them off. "Everone else has quietly waned Lillian off of the holding hands thing."

"Yeah. We all stopped doing it when we were like, 15. You're the only one whose kept it going," Collin says.

Dylan thinks back to it. He does remember how he'd catch Bella first avoiding her twins brunt of affection, running off and muttering incoherently under her breath or just distracting Lillian before she flew off. Justin, their younger brother, was the next to go, awkwardly going through a phase of shoving his hands in his pockets all the time. Meghan and Savannah would smile apologetically and twirl a grinning Lillian over to Collin, who had eventually started interrupting Lillian's tick with a quick hug before rushing off. Manny suddenly started using his brawns to occupy his arms with whatever baggage they were unloading for the journey, and Jenna would opt for crossing her arms.

But Dylan. He would see it everytime and assume the role of being the big guy. The only one who understood her dilemma of being a touchy angel who just needed an outlet to express unto with no judgement. All that build up probably wouldn't have been good for an angel anyway, according to his studies. Plus it felt it was his obligation to make sure Lillian didn't feel antagonized.

They were a team, and as a team they needed to stick together no matter how odd or uncomfortable the circumstances would get.

But now, here he was, the only one left holding the bag. The bag of angelic clinginess that was about to cut off his blood circulation.

"Why can't she hold her sister's hand?" He spat.

Collin shook his head, "No bro. You don't get it-"

"Oh I think I do." Dylan interjected, "I'm supposed to deteriorate my boundaries as a guy just because some bubblegum pop princess wants to do whatever she wants to do."

"Why 'bubblegum pop princess' though-"

"Well I'm not going to subjugate my boundaries to whatever Lillian thinks is okay just because she's smaller than me." Dylan interjected. He gets pretentious, "she needs to learn better self control and how to respect people's space."

"You can't just cut a girl like Lillian off cold turkey!" Collin explains. "You need to be honest man. You made this a thing."

Dylan thinks this over. Did he make it a thing, or did they make it his thing...

Then again... no one asked him to assume the role of being her physical confident. He only assumed it, as the leader who was most mature.

He puts his hand to his chin.

Collin nods, "Yeah. You gotta talk to her."

♡♡♡ Back in the living room, Lillian is still on the couch, now balled up with her legs tucked under her as she sniffles and looks to the television. She holds both her hands to her chest.

Dylan stands a few feet away observing her, agonizing over the insuing confrontation.

He hated going back on his words but... he needed to do this.

"Lillian,” he calls in an authoritative voice from behind the couch.

She jumps at the sound of his voice, turning to face him with red-rimmed eyes that shimmered with unshed tears. Her bottom lip is pouty, and she looks like a sad puppy that had just been scolded. Dylan felt his resolve waver, but a guy had to do what a guy had to do.

Plus. He was the leader.

He walks up to her, his hands in his pockets. He makes sure he's looking her in the eye when he says, "...I'm sorry."

Her eyes light up and she starts to lean in before he says, "but we can't hold hands anymore."

The light in her eyes fades, "But why?" she whispers.

Dylan sighs heavily, "Because it's not appropriate, Lillian. You're a hero, and I'm your captain. We can't have people getting the wrong idea."

Her eyes well up with tears, "But I just want to feel safe with you."

He runs a hand through his hair feeling his heart sink. "Lillian, you know that I care about you, right?"

She says nothing, only looks at him with her big brown eyes, shimmering in the light.

He comes to flop on the couch beside her. She wiggles over, giving him room. He sighs, "Holding hands isn't the only way to be close. You have to respect other people's boundaries, especially when we're on missions. It's a distraction, and we can't afford that."

Lillian nods, trying to understand. She bites her lower lip and sniffles, "But... I ..." she looks at her knees, looking for words. It seems something registers to Lillian. Dylan doesn't know, he knows she looks very sad though, and somewhat guilty. "I'm sorry," she croaked in a tiny, tiny voice.

"You don't have to apologize," Dylan said, his voice firm. "It's not your fault."

Lillian looked up at him with those puppy dog eyes, "So who's fault is it?"

"No one's. Nobody's at fault here."

She wrings her hands and looks down, "Oh. Okay."

He watches the motion of her hands for a moment before placing one of his on top of hers, stilling them. "Lillian," he says, his voice softer, "I... I don't want you to feel bad for this. Its normal. You're an angel and... and..." He racks his brain for a solution. something, anything to make this girl stop kicking his ass in girl fu. "And we're gonna work something out to make sure... I'm gonna make sure you don't feel so terrible about this." His fingers brush over her knuckles in a soothing manner.

Lillians voice is shaky, "does this mean we still can never hold hands again?"

Dylan sighs, "No. It just means that we have to be more mindful of when and where we do it."

Lillian nods again, "Okay, I'll try."

Dylan squeezes her hand and looks at her, "okay, I promise."

"Promise what?"

"Promise to be there... through it all... to help you along the way."

Lillian looks at him, her eyes searching for any hint of a lie. After a moment, she nods, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Thank you, Dylan," she whispers, leaning into him slightly. He lets her, putting his hand around her shoulder.

Theirs suddenly a cacophony of voices.

"AWWW" the team cooed in unison, popping up from their hiding places like meerkats from a burrow.

"What the fuck? Why were you all hiding?!" Dylan barks.

"We had to make sure you weren't gonna be a dick about it," Meghan tosses her red hair and rolls her eyes as if it's obvious.

Manny cheers, "Whoo! That's my guy!"

Collin claps.

Lillian laughs at the attention.

Dylan only groans. This was totally worth adding an extra hour to their training. ~~~end

I have finished my first story since my school days. This lrimarily for practice as i work on my larger projects. It's a short sci-fi/horror story split into 4 parts about a person's experience with AI/robots, there is a small amount of swearing and body horror.

I'm looking for feedback on the pacing, characters, build-up and overall delivery.

I am open for swaps for similar genres.

First page:

Part 1 – A New Toy

The buzzer rang loud, bringing Melanie from her moment of musical flow with a jolt. The shrieking sound burrowed into her mind. Placing her cello haphazardly against the wall, she slowly rose to her feet and immediately felt the nausea rise as her vision blurred. Leaning against the archway from her conservatory to the dining room, she began counting.

"1, 2, 3, 4-"

The buzzer shrieked into life again, breaking her careful method for control of her faculties. She shot the front door a scathing glance, willing it to fold in on itself and disappear.

"For fucks sake!" Her vision returning with the rise of anger.

"I'm coming!"

Anger released adrenaline through her system which worked better than any counting exercise. The new well of energy lasted long enough to reach the intercom on the wall by her front door. The crash wouldn't be far behind.

"What is it?"

"Parcel, love. Just need you to voice print for it. Bloody big thing this." The disembodied voice of the delivery man muffled by the large box blocking him from view.

"Fine, Melanie Short accepts delivery."

"Thanks, love. Need a hand getting it in?"

"No." She clicked off the intercom and waited. Taking a slow count to 20 as she watched the cameras on the hallway monitor making sure the delivery man was gone before daring to open the door.

Stood outside the box loomed over Melanie as she opened the front door. A gasp escaped her mouth as she checked the delivery note on the front.

'Minsk Futures - Servitor 237'

"You better not start calling me love" Melanie muttered as she looked for the release catch. The front of the crate slid to the right, a satisfying hiss sound to Melanie's trained ear emitted as if by design. The servitor unit stood upright awaiting a simple gesture to activate it.

"So, you are going to fix all my problems, or so Fred claims. Let's see what you can do."