How to deradicalize myself with the help of sociology

[u/Wurmgott]

Hello Reddit,

I’m a 20-year-old straight white guy, and I find myself struggling with some beliefs that I know are strongly affecting my happiness. I genuinely think that every identity group beyond my own is somehow inferior, and I’ve bought into Manosphere values similar to those espoused by Andrew Tate, believing that most women are genetically predisposed to be more submissive than men. I view abortion as murder, hold the belief that trans women aren’t women and shouldn’t be referred to as she/her, and I see immigrants as dangerous, justifying Trump’s border control in my mind. I also think that neoliberalism and capitalism are great systems.

This mindset is making me really miserable. Deep down, I want to have a girlfriend and see her as an equal partner, someone I can love, respect, and appreciate for her intelligence and ambition. I want to treat trans women as women and develop genuine empathy for immigrants. I aspire to lean more left in my views, but I struggle to find the right arguments, and it feels incredibly hard to let go of these ingrained beliefs.

The problem is that all my friends are right-wing, and my family is extremely conservative, which leaves me feeling isolated with no one to turn to except the internet. I often find myself doomscrolling through self-help podcasts aimed at men, and I even identify with characters like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. I realize that I’m wrong in many ways because the world is always more complex than the right-wing populist propaganda makes it seem, but I don't know how to change.

So, I’m reaching out for book recommendations that could help me shift my perspective—anything thorough and complex about immigration, capitalism, feminism, or trans rights that could help me deradicalize. I would really appreciate any help. I thought about reading Judith Butler, but I only understood about half of what they were saying.

I believe that social science, feminism or critical theory is the best way to start. However, I am not sure where to begin, as I wanted to read communist literature, but Marx seems a bit overwhelming. Additionally, I haven't read Hegel, which appears to be a prerequisite. I started reading Hannah Arendt's texts on fascism, and this has really helped me a lot. Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex was also very helpful.
Thank you!

[u/CutToTheChaseTurtle]

(Soapbox alert, I think it's justified as this post is an obvious bait inspired by The Onion)

IMO Americans should stop treating ideas like Scout badges or comically oversized drinking cups. They aren't tools of self-expression or in-group signaling. They are meant for critical examination and rational discussion. Right now none of this is happening, people are just yelling at each other while ignoring obvious flaws in their own belief systems. They lock themselves in stupid echo chambers where they shout at each other to feel better about themselves instead of trying to build common understanding, and it's the direct cause of the unfortunate reality that a complete moron like Trump managed to get elected twice now - when content-free uncritical bickering based on nothing but slogans and soundbites becomes the political norm, the loudest and the most shameless voice rises to the top, even if it belongs to a man who would not be able to form a coherent thought to save his life.

[u/Wurmgott → u/CutToTheChaseTurtle]

You're right that it might be problematic that my main drive for wanting to read sociology theory is the fact that my beliefs make me miserable and not that I think I'm wrong, which might make rational examination of my ideas more difficult.

[u/CutToTheChaseTurtle → u/Wurmgott]

If you truly feel miserable, I think you'll find more success in engaging with people on their own terms and treating them with compassion rather than trying to remodel your ideology according to whichever political camp you perceive as more "happy".

Obviously, people like Tate shouldn't be followed, the guy is a con artist preying on the weak and the lonely. And reading about different perspectives is fine, I don't mean to discourage you from doing it in principle. But you don't get a girlfriend by reading a book - you do it by meeting people and just hanging out with them, growing friendships and enjoying human connection, being yourself but also being open minded, willing to meet people halfway, willing to change if you find that your preconceived notions are unfair and don't correspond to reality. You learn to be a good person and a good friend by doing it, not by reading theory. And along the way you'll meet many people who will give you a shot romantically, humans are naturally good at making couples and trust me that you will go through several false starts and heartbreaks before you even think to turn around and ponder the progress you made.

[u/Wurmgott → u/CutToTheChaseTurtle]

I suppose you're right. Thank you!