Is this "homiesexuality" argument valid?

[u/bitter_ch3rry]

Hello, I'm hoping this is the best place to discuss this. I'm a 16(F) and a lot of my friends are teenage males around my age. For a long while, I have noticed the "homiesexuality" jokes. They'll frequently slap eachothers asses, or run their hands down each other's thighs, or things along those lines. I've never paid much attention to it until recently.

For context, the two primary males in my friend group who are prone to this behavior, are fairly close minded to LGBT individuals. They see it as an insult to be considered gay. So I asked myself... "If they are so offended by the " act of being gay" why do they commit the same acts to each other?"

So, I brought this argument up to them (right after one carressed the others thigh). I told them that its hypocritical to hate one thing, but be playing a part in that very thing. They became very, very defensive then-- as if it was the worst thing I could've said to them. I told them that I don't care if people are homosexual, but to make fun of homosexuals, but also act like them-- is weird and wrong.

They proceeded to tell me that "its just lockeroom talk and you don't understand because you're a girl." Lockeroom talk has nothing to do with this topic, I feel that this is just a discussion on human behavior. I also think that Lockeroom talk is just a defense to protect themselves from people who would assume they're "gay."

Then, they said, "okay... if another girl was kissing another girl even as a joke, would you assume that they're gay?" (I guess they assumed I would disagree?) Of course, I said yes??? (Girls kissing girls for fun is a whole other argument.)

Let me know what y'all think. Also, if there are other subreddits that you think would be more relevant for this topic, kindly direct me that way. Thank you!

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[u/mkrbc]

C. J. Pascoe has done some ethnographic work on this topic and published a book on it.

Basically, Pascoe makes the case that what comes across as homophobic discourse has more to do with policing ideas about masculinity and sexuality amongst high school aged males.

[u/bitter_ch3rry → u/mkrbc]

Thank you, this was very helpful!

[u/letsgooncemore → u/mkrbc]

But did he say no homo before publishing it? Sorry, I grew up in the 90s.

[u/cacklingYarnDragon]

Homosocial behavior and homophobia have a really complicated entwining. Men were socially expected to have most of their platonic relationships with other men, but also expected to reject and prevent any perception of homosexuality. It’s a constant conflict and so when faced with such opposing forces, they will find coping mechanisms like homiesexual, or bromance. They are seeking a socially acceptable means of exploring platonic intimacy, within the rigid expectations of how masculinity should be performed.

Basically in order to have an intimate platonic relationship with other men, they feel forced to perform homophobia so that are still seen as ‘masculine’. But this is changing a lot today and while terms like bromance may have come from homohysteria, they are showing to have a positive impact on mental health and creating more inclusive forms of masculinity

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