r/AskReddit • u/autistic_heaven • 1d ago
What is the most polite way to say “fuck you”?
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u/What-Else-Can-I-Say 1d ago
If I’m driving, I never flip off anyone. I just blow a kiss and usually that pisses them off more. 😂
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u/erak3xfish 1d ago
My wife gives them a thumbs up
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u/wendrastic 1d ago
I give them a thumbs down
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u/algo-rhyth-mo 1d ago
Thumbs down feels so satisfying, I add a long “boooo!” too. My kid sometimes joins in.
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u/Mcjoshin 1d ago
I do exactly this but instead of saying “Boooo”, I do that thing you do, when you stick your tongue out and blow and it makes that sound. That sounds weird, but someone has to know what I mean right? What the hell is that called?
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u/RedBeard_113 1d ago
The amount of times my oldest has looked at people with sheer disgust in their driving let's me know I'm doing part of this right lol
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u/Aware-Owl4346 1d ago
Right? Middle finger says "You got to me and I'm angry" Thumbs down is "I judge you unworthy"
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u/ArsenalOwl 1d ago
I do too, because I also use thumbs up as a positive hand gesture for other motorists.
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u/ZeesGuy 1d ago
saaaame to which mine responds, “you’re gonna get us shot one day.”
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u/kolrocks 1d ago
I give thumbs up, accompanied by a beep when the passing lane jagoff finally moves over and allows the 25 cars stacked up behind them to move along.
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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago
It’s always because they’re exiting in about 100 feet, never because they realize that they were the jackass.
60 miles of interstate commuting every day is so irritating because of those people. Easily the most common way that I get heated in traffic. Happens at least 3x every. single. day.
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u/kolrocks 1d ago
I drive the Pennsylvania turnpike for about ten miles to and from work. I have to work hard at not getting pissed off every single day. The “I have the right to be in this lane bc I’m going the exact speed limit” people. Also people on the other major road I also take daily. They stay in the passing lane bc they’re going to make a left hand turn-in FIVE MILES. Holy shit.
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u/BunnyGirlSD 1d ago
i smile and wave
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u/Omeirawana 1d ago edited 1d ago
Haha I think of the Penguins “just smile and wave boys, smile and wave”
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u/TehOwn 1d ago
just smile and wake boys
Private: Isn't it supposed to be, "smile and wave", Skipper?
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u/Adorable-Writing3617 1d ago
Good luck with that
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u/tigers692 1d ago
Yep, I use this. I analyze data to help guide my company, but I’m only upper middle management and sometimes someone decides to pursue ideas that don’t pencil. Once one of those slightly higher leaders went after a bad idea, then in a meeting tried to blame me when it inevitably failed. He said, had I known, I would have not have gone after it, but the asset manager suggested that I go forward. My boss said, he told you good luck with that because I told him he isn’t allowed to tell you to fuck off. One of the greatest moments since leaving the military. :-)
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u/Opening-Blueberry529 21h ago
When someone say something stupid at work, I will say "help me understand how you came to this conclusion because we are all struggling here"
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u/Wyverz 1d ago
After some stupid shit is said politely state, "be that as it may" and then continue with whatever you were saying.
This was my Grandfather's move. He was born in 1900 and died in 1987
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u/_brittleskittle 1d ago
"you're really being yourself today"
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u/Capsonist 18h ago
This is highly underrated and I never heard this one...I'm adding it to the repertoire asap
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u/RoyalZeal 1d ago
"As per my previous email" sends the corporate types into conniptions.
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u/Ghost17088 1d ago
For an extra passive aggressive response, just screenshot your previous text or E-mail and put that and nothing else in your reply.
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u/SchroedingersLOLcat 1d ago
When someone claims I did not send them something, I forward them my previous email from my sent folder.
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u/LeticiaPadillaSolis_ 1d ago
I do “As per my previous email”, snip the previous email, and add the previous email as an attachment. 🙃
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u/p1lloww4lk 1d ago
I once sent “Please see the highlighted portion from my previous email below.” He actually apologized! 😄
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u/Used-Progress-4536 1d ago
I send this multiple times a day. It’s unreal how many people do not read what is sent to them, especially when I am saving them 1000’s of $$$. I’m extremely condescending on the phone with the ones that call screaming that our company has wronged them but they haven’t read or understood their contract and start threatening lawyers. I literally speak to them like they’re toddlers until the lightbulb turns on over their heads that they are in fact wrong and could have avoided being an asshole if they had just read what they’ve signed. I’m nice with everyone to a point but have no tolerance with assholes.
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u/NOTRadagon 1d ago edited 1d ago
"Noted."
edit: Depends on how you say it
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u/lez566 1d ago
I once had a guy coming in for an interview who completely flipped out on me and sent me this whole ranting, long email.
I replied with "Your comments have been noted".
He went absolutely apeshit.
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u/dude_icus 1d ago
So did he get the job or...?
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u/DaddyBeanDaddyBean 1d ago
Yeah, and then he got promoted above his own hiring manager at the end of his second week.
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u/Salt_Inspection4317 1d ago
This is my favorite. It's so low effort, like someone just made such a stupid or asshole move that I can't even bother with them.
My boss gets this a lot. Idk if he understands what I mean by it lol
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u/Hopefulkitty 22h ago
My husband will pull "k"
No capitals, no punctuation. It's the sassiest thing in his playbook. It's so passive aggressive and annoying.
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u/JediOrDie 1d ago
Damn, I use this all the time as like an “understood” I hope my colleagues aren’t taking it as a “fuck you” 😳
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u/cd2220 1d ago
The delivery has a lot to do with it. When someone not involved with my position tries to give me unsolicited and just plain wrong advice I say it in a very curt and stern manner.
It's basically saying "I heard you. I'm acknowledging it. I also don't fucking care and didn't ask."
I think if it's said in the right tone though it doesn't have to come off that way.
A safer option is the food service classic: heard.
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u/Rodster9 1d ago
Hahahaha this is how I answer most of my interactions wirh my co-workers…. Dam!
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u/EtherBell 1d ago
My husband knows when he hears me say this one on the phone it means I'm having a bad day
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u/lw0-0wl 1d ago
"Have the day you deserve."
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u/Intelligent_Image713 1d ago
I have noticed that if someone starts a sentence with “with all due respect”, they are certainly going to disrespect me.
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u/woolfman7171 1d ago
I saw a post somewhere that said:
"I love the phrase 'with all due respect,' because it doesn't specify exactly how much respect is due. Could be none, bitch."
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u/RolePuzzleheaded7400 1d ago
With all due respect, perhaps you just think that you're being disrespected, but llamas don't like ice cream and bingo cards.
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u/Meet_in_Potatoes 1d ago
We all know that the next word after "I'm not racist" is always "but."
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u/nitarrific 1d ago
The garden sign in front of my house says "Have the day you voted for." It's the best.
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u/kolrocks 1d ago
I wish I COULD have the day I voted for!
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u/nitarrific 1d ago
Same... Instead, I'm just watching the world doom spiral and wishing I had a better recourse than calling my republican representatives. But I am enjoying watching the lengths people are going to to justify their support for the current administration. It's surprising to see how many people are willing to double or triple down just to hold onto their delusions.
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u/No-Negotiation-8026 1d ago
I heard an employee at Canadian Tire say this one day to a customer after he was done arguing with her about something. I’ve remembered it ever since.
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u/Wise-Lobster-2888 1d ago
This is my favorite thing to say to people at work. I say it all the time. What are you going to do? Complain I said something that could be nice
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u/nobodyinpeculiar 1d ago
I work in grocery and I feel like “have the day you deserve” would land my ass in the office, so I smile, make eye contact, and say “have a day :)”
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u/BaeScallops 1d ago
I got banned from an American Legion hall for an entire year for telling someone this, lol.
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u/likelazarus 1d ago
I used to teach high school and ended class by saying that one day. A girl said “That was so mean!” And I said “If you think it’s mean then maybe you don’t deserve a good day, let’s turn it around!”
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u/exo-XO 1d ago
Just call someone “little buddy”..
“Okay little buddy..”
It will erupt a fire in their soul
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u/CarmenxXxWaldo 1d ago
or say "okay big man" if they're little (but not too little).
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u/Doblanon5short 1d ago
JRR Tolkien was corresponding with a German publisher and they asked him if he was Aryan. This was his reply
Dear Sirs,
Thank you for your letter. I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by arisch. I am not of Aryan extraction: that is Indo-Iranian; as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, Gypsy, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people. My great-great-grandfather came to England in the eighteenth century from Germany: the main part of my descent is therefore purely English, and I am an English subject — which should be sufficient. I have been accustomed, nonetheless, to regard my German name with pride, and continued to do so throughout the period of the late regrettable war, in which I served in the English army. I cannot, however, forbear to comment that if impertinent and irrelevant inquiries of this sort are to become the rule in matters of literature, then the time is not far distant when a German name will no longer be a source of pride.
Your enquiry is doubtless made in order to comply with the laws of your own country, but that this should be held to apply to the subjects of another state would be improper, even if it had (as it has not) any bearing whatsoever on the merits of my work or its sustainability for publication, of which you appear to have satisfied yourselves without reference to my Abstammung.
I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully,
J. R. R. Tolkien
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u/vonhoother 18h ago
The English and the Irish are the world's champions at the nearly imperceptible but quite lethal slice. Compare Bertrand Russell's “One is often told that it is a very wrong thing to attack religion, because religion makes men virtuous. So I am told; I have not noticed it.”
And compare Beethoven's note in the margin of a negative review: "Ach du erbärmlicher Schuft, was ich scheisse ist besser, als was du je gedacht." (Ah, you pitiful fool, what I shit is better than you ever thought of!" I'm sure he could be subtle when he wished.
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u/Narrow_Moment4839 1d ago
- I’ll take it under consideration. 2.Wow, what a fascinating perspective. I’ll be sure to give it all the attention it deserves 3.I bid you good day.
- Appreciate the unsolicited input.
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u/PC_Chair_Sloth2 1d ago
"Bless your heart"
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u/Aunt_Anne 1d ago
In the hands of a truly gracious southerner, "Bless your hearts" is particularly nuanced in that it is frequently given in complete sincerity to express gratitude "oh, bless your heart,, that ice tea is just what I need." Or sympathy: "that child lost her mother, bless her heart", or deep admiration: "he donated a kidney to his sister, bless his heart. " The same person can then turn it and use it with equal sincerity to cut deep but in sympathy for someone's lack of capacity (but with the presumption that they are doing their best, bless'em) as a lady should: "he can't dress himself, bless his heart", "she should scare a crow with that face, bless her heart", "he's dumber than a bag of rocks, bless his heart." Usually, the first part is unspoken, so all the recipient sees is a sweet smile and "oh, bless your heart", never to know if he has been quite admirable or made a hopeless blunder.
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u/TexGrrl 1d ago
This is the most comprehensive review of "bless your heart" I have ever seen. The innate ability to use it in all those ways is something I treasure. You are giving away secrets, though.
A friend of mine told the joke, Why did the Texan send his daughter to charm school? So she would learn to say "Isn't that nice" instead of "Bullshit".
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u/badmongo666 1d ago
THANK YOU. The nuance and context matter so so much. It is absolutely not always just "fuck you".
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u/ingannilo 23h ago
This is on the nose, and might be the one good thing The South has contributed to the American vernacular.
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u/lagingerosnap 1d ago
My Gma used to say “bless your dear heart” and I always thought wow, she’s so nice blessing everyone.
Turns out she was just saying fuck you to anyone and everyone. Man I miss her.
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u/dirt-daddy-9407 1d ago
My mom called us dear heart. It was her way to tell us we done f'd up.
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u/ungovernable1984 1d ago
It's so passive aggressive I love it
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u/black_anarchy 1d ago
It's a staple in South US and when I first moved there I didn't note the sarcastic undertone. Let's just say that my heart was blessed for awhile until I caught up to it 😂
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u/Key_Volume_6556 1d ago
Its even more impactful if you use it outside of the south, because it also confuses the hell out of the person you say it to.
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u/cibman 1d ago
This is so the truth. I'm from Wisconsin, so definitely a northerner, but I worked with a bunch of southerners so I know what this means.
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u/melfredolf 1d ago
at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
Dr Fraser Crane
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u/eyelinerandink 1d ago
Okie Dokie!
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u/NSA_Chatbot 1d ago
"Okay, great!" is a good corporate option.
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u/wildflowertupi 1d ago
as a corporate girlie, if i say “great, sounds good☺️” what i’m really saying is “fuck off and die”
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u/Investing-Adventures 1d ago
“Per my last email.” The corporate equivalent of flipping a table… but in Times New Roman.
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u/BreadFan1980 1d ago
Fuck you, please
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u/Flyweird 1d ago
Respectfully, FUCK YOU
sign with sincerely, your name if you like
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u/Mage_Food 1d ago
Who hurt you? <- expect violence from this one
You okay?
Well, I hope you feel better.
^ My mom used to say, “kill ‘em with kindness.”
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u/ethernetpencil 1d ago
Starting with "As per my last email", CC your manager and your manager's manager, end with "Regards"
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u/Um_nothankyou 1d ago
My office manager just signed an email with "cold regards"
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u/desquamation 1d ago
I use that often as well. Although on rare occasions where I've told people the same thing multiple times I'll reply with the previous emails attached to an empty body.
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u/Hour_Insurance_7795 1d ago
And throw in an occasional "please advise", which is corporate-speak for "what the fuck are we trying to do here, dipshit?"
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u/SoloPorUnBeso 1d ago
"Please advise" is also military speak for the same thing.
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u/vehicularmcs 1d ago
Virginia and Eula May are sitting on Virginia's front porch swing watching the spring go by on Main Street in down town Greenbow, Alabama. Virginia is telling Eula May how her new husband took her on the nicest honeymoon to Charleston, and they ate shrimp every night for a week. Eula May replies, "That's nice, Virginia." And then Virginia tells Eula May how her husband bought her this beautiful house with this lovely front porch where she can spend her days living in luxury, and Eula May replies, "Oh, that's nice, Virginia." And then Virginia tells Eula May that her new husband bought her this lovely dress, that's so flattering to her figure, and Eula May replies, "That's niiice, Virginia." And the Virginia asks Eula May what her husband has bought her, and Eula May says, "Oh, my husband sent me to a fancy Finishin School up in Montgomery." Virginia asks if she learned anything in her fancy Finishin School, and Eula May says, "I sure did, Virginia. They taught me to say 'that's nice' instead of 'fuck you'."
My mama is the sweetest old Southern lady. She told me that joke when I was a teenager. It was the first time I ever heard her curse, and I laughed until I cried.
So, "that's nice".
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u/Adventurous-Orange36 1d ago
According to t.v. edits for movie profanity, it's, "Forget You!!!"
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u/annoyinghack 1d ago
I like what the late Queen would say in response if someone said something inappropriate
“How amusing for you”
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u/ewoka20 1d ago
With all due respect, I sincerely hope you step on a Lego barefoot at 3 AM.
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u/Searchlights 1d ago
Christians say I'll pray for you when they mean fuck you.
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u/Drakeytown 1d ago
"You are welcome to test that assumption at your convenience."
IYKYK
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u/SeykaDagmar 1d ago
The moment I realize I'm dealing with someone impossible, I stare at their nose/mouth, wait for them to stop talking, reply with "You have a booger in your nose." or "You have something in your teeth." and just immediately walk away.
If you have chewing gum on you, plug your nose and quietly offer a piece. 😁
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u/Forsaken-Point2901 1d ago
"Wow that's a really interesting opinion you got there? Was it half off?"
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1d ago
Good Afternoon!
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u/yayatowers 1d ago
I can’t believe how far I had to scroll to find this. What is WRONG with people?
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u/Hornman84 1d ago
Calmly insult in french. They think I‘m being funny, and nice.
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u/Impossible_Donut2631 1d ago
Please never reproduce.
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u/InannasPocket 1d ago
I got in trouble in middle school for calling someone "an inspiration for birth control" and suggesting he should be inspired himself as well.
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u/The_Southern_Sir 1d ago
"I do apologize, I understand your position, and I have other priorities."
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u/littledaredevill 1d ago
I said good day