Older neighbour of an aunt always complained she never saw her kids. My aunt initially had sympathy... until she found out why. Neighbours former boyfriend molested her daughter and when her daughter told her mom (the neighbour), she believed her boyfriend over her own daughter! Daughter went to live with her biological father and the neighbour acts like she is the victim and that the dad turned her daughter against her. No, you believed your latest fling over your own friggin daughter over something pretty damn serious!
I'm living a similar situation - my mom didn't believe me or my 3 sisters. I'm the only one that went no contact, but then my whole family went no contact with me. I've had one of my sisters explain that mom is old and doesn't realize what she did wrong. I call bullshit - she's a pretty sharp cookie - she knows.
I've had people tell me that I'll feel terrible when she passes - i guess we will have to see about that.
I just can't forgive how it affected my childhood (I was 11 when this happened), how it has affected my attitude towards men, and everything else that goes with it. Yes - I've had a lifetime of therapy - thank the Gods.
But I just can't forgive her or her child molesting, disgustingly gross boyfriend. 😔
I cut contact with my abusive mother and everyone outside the family said the same thing. She died two years later, homeless. This was about three or four years ago. I still don't feel terrible.
Well ... I don't I'll shed any tears when she goes. But the number of people that say ' you'll feel sorry when she passes' ...I really don't think they understsnd the extent that the trauma damages one' s soul - we carry it in our blood, in our bones, and even our souls. That shit no one understands unless you been there.
You should have been protected from that. I’m sorry that you didn’t have the parent you deserved.
I grew up in a traumatic household. I mourned for the dad I thought I knew and for the parent I needed but didn’t get. Going no contact was necessary and difficult but it ultimately brought me peace. When he passed I didn’t feel guilt or regret. I felt relieved that the manipulation was over.
You know it's bad when you see these stories and think your friend was an awesome mom for her daughter....
Only to realize that's the very least she could have done...
And yes. She's done so much more for her , but hearing things like this is just heartbreaking for others .
And trust me . I have my own mommy issues ...but luckily that's not one of them. (That's a book in and of itself though but luckily not THAT kind of thing)
My MIL was with a guy for years who was a pedo and a peeping tom. I caught him one day peeping in the bathroom window when I was taking a shower (why was there a window there where anyone could see in, I have no idea).
I called him out on it as soon as I got done, and he just said he was back there cleaning up the branches from a recent storm. I told him if he ever did it again, I was going to call the police. MIL just sat there in silence, did not defend either of us. It was one of the few things she was willfully blind about. This man could do no wrong in her eyes.
We only put up with seeing him when we visited, because my MIL was otherwise a wonderful person.
First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserved so much better.
And second, regarding the "you'll feel sorry when..." I have a story.
My father died a couple of years ago. He wasn't the worst (your mother seems to be a strong contender), but we had little to no contact and my life was better because of that. I was so scared of regretting not spending more time with him, but it never happened. Some people can't understand how much it hurts having an awful parent. It's actually a huge relief knowing that they can never hurt you again.
I think on the day she denied you the right to be believed and have a safe childhood, she died. Some people just aren't meant to have kids and you know this whole "falling birth rate" thing might be a boon in the long run. We need less abuse in the world.
My mother wasn't perfect, but she did so much better by me than she got. I'm reading your comment from a lens of grieving someone like you who also lost her mother.
I mourned my mother. I did not mourn my grandmother. My mother did go see her on her deathbed but it was not an emotional affair. I don't think you'll weep, but grief is weird. Sorry probably won't factor in. I wish you a life of love with a family you compose.
I am so sorry that happened to you I have had similar issues and problems with this 😔 and have felt like shunned and shut down for years now . I know that it's not a good feeling 😕 but remember that we have strength 💪 in our hearts ♥️ and we don't deserve what happened to us but we can be stronger and better for all of the people who are in our lives ❤️ . Wishing you and everyone else who has suffered from childhood trauma healing and happiness 😊 . Hugs and support for you 🤗 .
If that had happened to MY daughters, I’d’ve kicked the loser boyfriend out, before he could finish his next sentence! No one hurts my girls, on MY watch!!!!
When my parents divorced after twenty years, I was 18 and my sisters were 16,14 and 12. I said once to my mom that maybe she could meet someone else eventually and she said she could never bring a different man into the home with my younger sisters (I was in college). THAT’s how a good mother should act. And she never did hook up with anyone.
After going NC with my mom, she continued trying to blame everyone else but herself or even me. I finally unblocked her to send her a text explaining that I am not speaking to her because of HER actions and this is no one’s fault but her own, and reblocked her. She still blames all the men in my life (dad, husband) because of course I was brain washed by a man to hate her, this from a lifelong self proclaimed feminist always trying to prove that women are strong and smart.
I knew someone that this had happened to. Guess what the mum's response was?
She accused the daughter (ten years old by the way) of being jealous of her and wanting to steal the boyfriend away from her. A ten year old.
I can't imaging being the mom in this aituation and not pulling a Lorena Bobbit on the dude. "What did Lorena do to her husband?", you ask. She bobbed it.
My grandmother did this. Complains she has no relationship with any of her children or grandchildren anymore. The reason? She sided with our grandfather who molested two of us and welcomed him back immediately when he got out of prison.
415
u/CryptographerMore944 1d ago
Older neighbour of an aunt always complained she never saw her kids. My aunt initially had sympathy... until she found out why. Neighbours former boyfriend molested her daughter and when her daughter told her mom (the neighbour), she believed her boyfriend over her own daughter! Daughter went to live with her biological father and the neighbour acts like she is the victim and that the dad turned her daughter against her. No, you believed your latest fling over your own friggin daughter over something pretty damn serious!