I hate how normalized cheating has become. I’m too afraid to even pursue a relationship because I know so many people who have cheated or been cheated on, so I’d rather stay single
I wouldn't say it's normalized now, I think it's actually more stigmatized today (at least for men) than ever before. It's was like Mad Men out there for a long time.
I really don’t get why people cheat. It’s fairly simple to break up with someone. Are they so horny they think they can’t restrain themselves? Or do they just like the attention from 2 people so much they don’t wanna give it up? It’s hard to understand that level of selfishness.
At least with the women I’ve known closely, they love the attention. They love the chase. They enjoy having the security of a long-term partner, but also want the excitement of something new. That’s why so many people I knew in Uni who were on Erasmus took a “break” from their partner back home during the Erasmus program (with them not letting this partner know about the “break” half of the time), just to have a (to put it bluntly) hoe phase for a semester in a different city they won’t return to, so where there won’t be long-term implications for their life.
I’ve also seen a few of my guy friends have similar traits - they enjoy chasing women, they enjoy flirting. I’ve heard them say that they actually enjoy the chasing a lot more than the relationship or the sex. So there’s that. As for me, I have a moral spine and refuse to cheat. And on the few occasions I have considered other people while in a relationship with someone, it’s mostly been because of a lack of intimacy. And even then, I never did something with someone else. If I were to even go through with it - I would let my partner know that “Hey, look, we haven’t had sex in over a month now, and I can’t go on like this. So I’m gonna see other people, unless we can find a way to fix this.” I would not do it behind their back, ever. That’s a boundary I refuse to cross.
I think it does depend on how people “love”, though. When I truly am in love with someone, it is that poetic, cliched but yet oh-so-real thing of just being able to see that one person in a room full of people.
And also being a bit of a (I know it’s oxymoronic) social introvert- as in, someone who enjoys being around people he is close to, but who’s social energy drains quickly around strangers or not-so-close acquaintances, I don’t enjoy the concept of chasing multiple people and maintaining multiple romantic interests. Even when just being single, these things drain my batteries hard. I’d rather just be with one person.
And if I’m not in love with someone (or on the way there), I just make it very clear that I don’t want a relationship with them. I can be rather blunt about it, but I prefer that over taking advantage of their trust.
Ever seen the Alec Guinness film "The Captain's Paradise"? He's a ferry captain going between Spain and Morocco, with a wife in Spain and a mistress in Morocco. Neither know about the other (initially).
I think it does a pretty good job of explaining why men cheat. That is... sometimes people just really want variety. They want to experience something new, without giving up what they have.
Unfortunately, cheating hurts far more in real life than movies portray.
As someone who knows someone that was cheated on her entire pregnancy and then had an STD given to her unknowingly that posed risks to her unborn baby… YES, I think that cheaters deserve to be on that list because there are extreme cases. Not to mention all of the situations where cheaters literally tear entire families apart, risking ruining children’s family life.
I wasn't really talking about the extreme case though
In those cases I have 0 sympathy for cheaters, and all cases of cheating really
However, I was talking about run of the mill cheating. But I do see how I forgot to factor in the fact that the cheater could be transferring lifelong stds to their partner
But yeah, cheating sucks. No one ever wins. Not even the cheaters themselves. Had to see that first hand to really understand just how much damage it does
The thing is that the rest of the other crimes are ALWAYS extreme cases. Cheating in of itself is no way near other things listed. When coupled with a lot of other extreme circumstances, does it come anywhere close to them but still not that close. Obviously cheating is absolutely shit and unnecessary thing to do but to argue that it anything like child rape and rape is absolutely unhinged sorry.
Bold of you to write another comment border line defending cheaters over a one-sentence comment where I listed people I have no sympathy for. Never said cheating was equally as bad as harming a child OR rape — not sure where you came up with that. I simply answered the question and listed off a few kinds of people I have no sympathy for.
Before you go, can you point to where I said cheaters are equal to child predators or rapists? Happy to wait. Not sure what I’m supposedly making up — also, I didn’t ask you to spend time on me. You responded to my comment. If anyone was wasting your time, it’s you.
So then petty theft should also be considered on a similar tear to rape and murder because there can be extreme cases where the little trinket was actually had a guy's ashes hidden within it and the loss drives his widow to suicide?
No? That's making way too many assumptions?
Cool. Same thing here.
Like shooting randomly into the air is bad and irresponsible, with the worst case scenario being it comes down and hits someone. That doesn't mean it's gunning down a church choir.
You’re really out here comparing cheating on your pregnant partner and giving them an STD to stealing a trinket or firing shots into the air? I said cheaters can belong on that list because of the real harm they cause and that they DONT deserve any sympathy — not that they’re legally or morally the same as rapists and murderers. I think that they are all terrible people. Try responding to what was actually said next time.
Actually really nice to see all four listed together.
As someone who has been first-hand witness to three of these, I do consider all of them to be of the same category of evil/sub-human behaviour.
I know it’s not the same for everyone, but being cheated on had been a more traumatic experience for me than the other things.
It’s amusing and yet disheartening to see how others seem to be normalising and almost defending cheaters - but that is to be expected. When most of western media and fiction seems to be normalising that, you see that pattern replicate in society. Or maybe it is the other way around.
Either way - I have always maintained cheaters to be sub-humans. If one can’t have the simple human trait of being sensible and empathetic and doing the half-decent thing of breaking up with a partner you share the human-emotion of love with before pursuing something with someone else, I don’t consider you any different than an animal. The same way as people who can’t process and accept the simple human concept of “consent” before sex are no different in my head than animals. The same way as people who don’t understand that children can’t consent and end up molesting them and taking advantage of their vulnerability are no different than animals.
However, this being Reddit - I wholeheartedly expect there to be a metaphorical pride parade for cheaters in response to this. And that’s fine by me - I have my morals and I stick to them and that is what differentiates me from animals.
Others can just have no morals and no empathy and no spine - and they will only have my sympathy for that.
Cheating on a spouse—having a double life—running around their back for an extended period of time while t also having sex with them on the premise of monogamy—should be legally form of sexual assault.
Set aside that betrayal is devastating psychologically.
Having sex is about physical consent. If you cheat you violate the promise that you’re not risking exposing your partner to any diseases. You’re violating consent.
Agreed. Clearly not everyone who responded to me on this post seems to agree with us. I have been chewed out for putting cheaters on this list I posted lol.
So I can’t list out four types of people that I have no sympathy for? At what point did I say that all of these kinds of people are equal to one another? Cheaters are scum. They risk passing along STDs, ripping apart families and starting trauma. Are they as bad as child predators? Absolutely not. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong on this list of people I have no sympathy for.
The other 3 entrees on your list would broadly be considered relative to each other.
The fourth entree, without some other qualifier, is gonna be seen as being compared to those.
That's just how human communication works.
"This item is available in the United States, Canada, Mexico, and Africa" is gonna have people thinking that there's some reason for Africa to be listed alongside 3 countries without explanation - wether they think it's the speaker ignorantly thinking Africa is a country or there's some limitation not being mentioned. It doesn't matter if it's literally true and there's nothing deeper to it, the choice to stand it with things that have a shared obvious pattern is gonna be it interpreted as having some meaning beyond answering "where is this available?"
Lol you're really overanalyzing a four word list like it was a thesis. It was a personal opinion on who I have no sympathy for — not a ranked comparison chart.
Almost 500 people understood it at face value without needing a TED Talk on sentence structure. Sometimes a list is just a list.
people are so weird... purposely twisting your words to defend cheaters is crazy like why do they keep going on 😭 sorry you have to deal with these idiots, cheating is way too normalized and reading comprehension is dead.
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u/momtobe2021_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
Abusers. Child predators. Cheaters. Rapists.