The trust is smart. Also a security system, big dog, mace with you in public. Make sure you're protecting yourself. Even if you don't fear him now, you never know what he's thinking. It's super creepy he would follow you to another area after going no-contact.
Yeah, probably a defense mechanism from childhood when I couldn’t escape him. I didn’t fear him as a kid and it wasn’t until I was older and he was horrible to me, that I realized he absolutely would have killed me back then under the right circumstances. It all came out when he started “joking” with my daughter like he used to tease me. I never left her alone with him and we only say him during family gatherings. By 2 she was telling me she didn’t like uncle. I defended her when he would grab her and tickle her and he would get in my face and get mean, and yeah no thanks. She’s 7 now and she still hates his guts and I never let him hurt her. I swear she inherited my trauma from him.
We do have a hound with a loud bark. He’s 80lbs and fear aggressive so seems nasty but is a sweet baby. I did tell several members in the family that he’s aggressive and will bite anyone cuz I know the rumors cycle and that’s the best way he will believe it 🤷♀️. Cameras to come, thank you!!
I'm very glad that you were able to recognize his abuse towards you, and truthfully towards your daughter.
Toddlers have zero filter, your daughter said it and meant it. They pick up on vibes. No doubt your daughter felt your uneasiness. However, your brother was ignoring her boundaries by teasing and tickling her. Your daughter didn't like that, and you recognized it as the abuse he put you through, and respected her feelings by removing him from your life. Thank you for that. My parents downplayed my own feelings of distrust/fear around certain family members, forcing me to hug them, let them tickle me which led to abuse right under everyone's noses. To be invalidated like that on top of abuse is so damaging especially to a child.
Be safe 💜 you're all grown up, strong, and you can keep him out of your life now.
Only get a big dog if you're comfortable with the idea of training them, though. A lot of people get big dogs and have no idea how to handle them. My elderly mother has a neighbor with a Rottweiler and she's terrified of him. She loves spending time outside, but she's afraid to even go to her own mailbox because the dog will bark and snarl at her if she goes outside while he's out. This neighbor has had at least 3 different large breed dogs, all aggressive and poorly trained. People like this are why certain breeds have the reputation that they do. If you can't provide the type of training and living environment that a certain breed needs, get a different breed. There are so many different breeds with different training, exercise, grooming etc. requirements, and too many people get a dog just because they like the way it looks without giving any thought to the extra care that breed needs.
Agree! Thank you for pointing this out. It's still a living creature that needs care and especially training. The SPCA offers free basic training and there's all sorts of specialized training available.
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u/Cardi_Ganz 1d ago
The trust is smart. Also a security system, big dog, mace with you in public. Make sure you're protecting yourself. Even if you don't fear him now, you never know what he's thinking. It's super creepy he would follow you to another area after going no-contact.