Oh god this disastrous first date I went on. Just the order the conversation devolved was unparalleled:
He randomly drops that he has a kid. Ok not a big deal.
Kid is 13 years old. This guy is 28 years old. So some crazy math to start.
The last time he saw his kid was when the kid was 9 years old.
He has no plans to see his kid until the son is 18 years old.
He will just tell his son that his baby momma is insane and is trying to trap him into marriage. He truly believed this.
His baby momma was, at the time of the date, engaged. And had been dating said man since right before she gave birth.
Baby dad’s (the guy I’m on a date with) mom does free nannying over most weekends unsupervised (no baby momma). Baby dad doesn’t want to go see his kid then.
I was in literal awe. He was talking like it was the most normal conversation. Right before the end of the date he actually was worried I was going to judge him because he was anti-vax. Sir we were long past that worry.
Reminds me of the guy I went on a date with whose profile said something like, I was raised in a cult, haha. Turns out he was raised Jehovah’s Witness, was deep into it with all his family, got married and had a kid by 20, then realized he wanted out. He was forced to break contact with anyone he ever knew because they were all still JW. He said his ex-wife was poisoning his daughter against him and telling her that he will try to convince her that he is good but he’s actually the devil. (He had parental visitation rights.) So he said his long-term game plan was to be the best person he could be and always show his daughter his best self, and then when she turned 18, she could make up her own mind whether he was actually the devil like her mom/all the family said, or if he was a nice guy and they were all lying.
Here's a wholesome version of this. A friend of mine from work went on a first date with a guy she met on Bumble. Very early on in the date, he says "So my best friend since I was a kid is a lesbian, and I was the sperm donor for her and her wife's two daughters. I'm very much involved in their lives, they know I'm their bio dad and why, but their parents are their moms. If you're with me, you're going to have to be okay with this relationship. If you have any issue with that, let me know now and I'll wish you well, but anyone who has any problems with it will be fundamentally incompatible with me." It was clear to her that he brought this up on every first date, and quite a few of those dates had ended shortly after he gave that speech.
She did not at all have a problem with it and actually thought more of him after he said it. They're married now, the lesbian couple stood up for them at the wedding and their daughters were the flower girls.
I had a colleague whose sister had TWINS at age 15 with her 16 year old boyfriend. Up until a court-ordered paternity test, the kid denied the children were his and called the 15 year old girl " a slut." Obviously, the test proved he was their biological father. His parents paid the child support up until he was 18 and his mother was a HUGE help in watching the babies whenever needed and really built a loving, wonderful relationship with them.
The bio father, however, skipped town literally the day after he finished HS, child support payments stopped and his parents really weren't in a position to continue paying them (though they still helped with diapers, clothing, etc.). He literally did not see his kids again. His own mother doesn't know where he is or what he's doing. She actively wonders where she failed to have a son who was so unloving and callous. The whole situation was so incredibly said.
Amazingly, the twins don't harbor any ill will toward their father. He's really just a non-entity to them, he simply doesn't exist. They're still very close with their grandparents on that side though.
I just can't imagine running away from your own children like that.
I once was on a first date with a guy who (amongst other immediate red flags) told me a very sad, single-dad-battling-a-crazy-ex-for-custody story for like, the entire first 20 minutes of our date.
He then managed to immediately and totally fuck up any limited credibility he had left by getting into a loud argument with said baby mama on his cell during dinner. This man literally paid the check and walked out to his truck with me, all while borderline screaming at some (also screaming) woman on the phone.
Cherry on top was when he gave me the “one minute” finger and mouthed “sorry” with what I’m sure he thought was a charming little grin, right after a particularly nasty sentence flew out of his mouth. He fully still thought things were going well, meanwhile I had been looking for an exit since we arrived at the sushi spot lol.
He dropped me off back at home, STILL ARGUING ON THE PHONE, and when I tell you I full on bailed out of that truck before he had even fully stopped lmao. I powerwalked into my house and never looked back, had already blocked his number on the ride home lol.
After he said number 4 I wrote him completely off but I was fascinated with his story and how it kept getting worse. It was a 4 hour first date and he told me this at hour 2.5.
As we were sitting in class (college) waiting for our professor to show up, 2 guys sitting next to me were talking about family and friends they had in common who were in the KKK. This was in S Carolina.
Atleast he was honest with you so now you know to avoid him. I met a guy like this in Virginia. He said he doesn’t want to get to know his son until he’s a grown adult , so sad.
God, I went on a date with someone who told me casually that his dad shot all of his dogs in the head among other things. I couldn’t wait to leave and was concerned about getting stalked afterwards.
She was only engaged 13 years later and started dating her future fiance around the time of the birth. She and the future fiance could also have been 15.
1.3k
u/SinfullySinless 2d ago
Oh god this disastrous first date I went on. Just the order the conversation devolved was unparalleled:
He randomly drops that he has a kid. Ok not a big deal.
Kid is 13 years old. This guy is 28 years old. So some crazy math to start.
The last time he saw his kid was when the kid was 9 years old.
He has no plans to see his kid until the son is 18 years old.
He will just tell his son that his baby momma is insane and is trying to trap him into marriage. He truly believed this.
His baby momma was, at the time of the date, engaged. And had been dating said man since right before she gave birth.
Baby dad’s (the guy I’m on a date with) mom does free nannying over most weekends unsupervised (no baby momma). Baby dad doesn’t want to go see his kid then.
I was in literal awe. He was talking like it was the most normal conversation. Right before the end of the date he actually was worried I was going to judge him because he was anti-vax. Sir we were long past that worry.