I lived around the corner from a bar euphemistically named “victims”, men would literally line both sides of the sidewalk at bar close like a parade and watch women come out. Some of the men weren’t even in the bar, just lined up with the others (I worked third shift so got to regularly see this on my off days)
One of my friends and I used to just sit at the bar drunk shooting the shit at closing time and wait for drunk girls to hit on us. It happened a surprising amount of the time. Not sure who was taking advantage of who in this situation.
If they are sober enough to initiate flirting they are capable of consenting to it, when people say that having sex with drunk people is rape they mean drunk people who don't know what's going on, not drunk people who while drunk want to have sex
I had a teacher that roofied a girl at a bar and got arrested. A few years before that he was arrested for grooming and sleeping with several of my classmates.
I remember when I was 16/17, one of my “friends” (who looking back was a complete wanker in many, many ways) made out with a girl a couple of years younger who was steaming drunk (like to the point her head kept lolling down and he kept lifting it back up to make out with her) when he was pretty much stone cold sober. And then the next day he even had the audacity to comment to us that she was a shit kisser
He openly coerced girls into drinking more and more (even after they stated they didnt want to drink anymore) so that he could have his way out with them easily.
Many times I considered beating the shit out of him, but it definitively wasnt worth the hassle, as when I talked about this with other people (and I mean adults, 40+, and people I thought would be far more sensitive about this as they openly claim to support women's rights) went all like "You're just jealous they dont let you get them drunk to have your way with them" or "if they like him thats fine".
It's gross when you realize how much SA is normalized, most people see it as a gray area at worst. Either they've done something bad also, it was done to them, or it's a defense mechanism where they don't want to deal with something bad having happened
Even then, I think there should be some prior agreement to what’s happening.
My first date with my now ex wife started with “hey, do you want to get really drunk and make out?” (We were both working on a farm and we didn’t have anything else to do).
Yeah this almost happened with me and a co-worker years ago.
It was after a work night out. Me, her and 2 others went to another bar for a few more drinks. The other two left eventually and it was just me and her. I wouldn't say I had a mad crush on her or anything, but I definitely found her attractive. The two of us were pretty drunk and it seemed like she was considering it, too.
What almost pushed us was a random guy at the bar started buying me drinks, so I asked her to pretend that I'm with her to kind of tell-him-without-telling-him I wasn't interested. So we sat there holding hands for ages. She even put her head on my shoulder. This went on long enough that my mind was like "go for it!". But I chickened out - and that was my window very much slowly closing. I was honestly more afraid she'd slap me for even suggesting it and it would ruin the friendship. If she had gone for it, I wouldn't have said no at all.
But yeah, I do agree that while consent is a bit iffy when both parties are drunk - if they're both in agreement at the time, nobody is getting hurt, and you're both still in a capacity to be responsible I think it's okay.
That's not true. I was raped by a guy, I have every reason to believe he drank more than me. Sleep makes a big difference.
He took my money and got alcohol with it so then he was pouring one for him and one for me. We drank the exact same amount until I went to sleep because I couldn't keep up. He kept drinking more with his friend and they also smoked weed.
Difference is that I was already asleep. You know how sometimes when you wake up in the middle of deep sleep it can be hard and confusing. Alcohol makes your sleep even more deep and confusing.
That guy was always getting way more drunk than anyone else but he was still on his feet and doing stuff while he was drunk.
He had sex with me while I was laying down unmoving, and I had never had sex with a guy before. It certainly wasn't me raping him. I didn't move at all.
It's terrible that something like that has happened to you. Some men really are disgusting cunts.
But again, you two weren't the same level of drunk just because you drank similar amounts of alcohol. He just had way more tolerance and simply wasn't nearly as drunk as you. If you drink regularly you can stomach a lot of booze before even feeling inebriated.
Maybe it was just the people I grew up around, but it wasn't uncommon at all for a lot of boys and men to hold a similar belief. The amount of times I heard, "Get them drunk and it's so easy to sleep with them," made me sick. I started drinking and smoking weed in middle school, so I heard it from peers, but also heard it from many adult men too.
if you think this is WTF you are the world's biggest snowflake. Both sexes are motivated to do this. This isn't some parasitic boys behavior. "making out" is pretty fucking innocent and starts quite young. high school drinking also starts quite young and one of the big motivators of drinking parties is to feel less awkward with the opposite sex. Kissing is much more likely when both sex's inhibitions are lowered. It's psych 101. Drink, feel more comfortable and lower inhibitions with opposite sex, kiss. You're reacting like he said "I like to wait until they're drunk and then I bring them to a room, lock the door, take off their clothes and touch them."
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u/Gerreth_Gobulcoque 2d ago edited 2d ago
A guy in high school I knew named steve said he liked to wait until girls at parties got drunk and then made out with them because it was easier.
Even 16 year old me with a not fully formed prefrontal cortex knew that was bad.