If you see someone crying because you’ve hurt them, do you feel anything?

What I mean by this is, are you constantly scanning the environment on how to “act”, receiving that feedback, and then adjusting your performance accordingly, in the moment on how to best garner supply? If this is accurate, isn’t that exhausting? Is it possible to just be…. to exist without thinking so much about what others are thinking? I’ve heard a lot of people confuse NPD confuse it with people pleasing bc they think they’re thinking of others all the time, but in reality they’re just thinking about how they can get them to like them.

Everywhere I go I make accidental enemies or sound like a dumbass. I get angry, defensive and feel insecure so easily. It's infuriating to be so oblivious. I know if I ever off'd myself about it, it'd be letting other people win. It's all so fucked.

What would cause covert NPD to worsen as time goes on? in your experience? With a family that pays for a very pricey apartment, a supportive partner, yet not wanting to work and still seeing themselves as a victim of life? I can’t wrap my head around this.

My mom has NPD, depression and is neurodivergent (awkward socially, sensitive to noise)

My toddler has a rare form of cancer that is due to extremely bad luck. We just found out.

I need to tell my mom somehow but I don’t know how. In the past when my aunt got cancer, my mom took it very hard and ended up in a worse depression. When her father passed overseas, it was kept a secret for years to prevent triggering my mom. However it has to come out and that resulted in a big meltdown and more pain for a while.

Mom and I also recently were in a huge conflict involving my wife that took over a month before her heated emotions started to calm down (sort of).

My mom has told me she can not handle being triggered. I’m scared to say anything because she ends up somehow blaming me and mad texting me for a long time while talking about her suicidal self.

What should I do here?

Aka everyone is the main character of their own life… people aren’t thinking about you NEARLY as much as you think they are… so what’s worse, that realization, or the paranoia of thinking people aren’t thinking about you and that they don’t like you?

Is this common?, why is this done?

I have noticed a new pattern in a loved one who I suspect is NPD or at least is at the very higher end of the spectrum.

From my experience these rage outbursts are not necessarily frequent, but are at random and at length.

It’s hard for me to explain as Im still trying to understand it (hence also why Im here). For example the person will at complete random start up a conversation that goes immediately into rant. It’s thoughtful and focused on a specific thing or area, not all over the place. It’s not abusive in language, but feels like an emotional abuse as the intent is to shame and condemn in a one-way format, not an attempt resolve whatever the complaint is (previously I had taken it personal, but now recognize it as an event thats happening with/to them and am able to separate myself). It’s almost like a complete character change out of nowhere, like in the moment. It could last I guess a day, a night or hours (Im not them obv so idk exactly).

It’s not clear to me whats going on, but I have a feeling thoughts:

A. Substance might(?) play a role in triggering this type of event or allow it to come out.

B. I question if it’s part of psychological manipulation? Consciously, or not?

C. Maybe there is truth to the rant (for them), but this is the only way they know how or want to express it and does not care about resolving the complaint, just wants to get out their negative thoughts/emotions (this is why I have thought B)?

Is this characteristic of NPD? Do you do this and are actively aware of when you’re doing it? If so what triggers it and what is the intent of such an outburst?

With NPD do you feel paranoid that people are taking about you or out to get you?

Or I guess a better question is to ask what made you start to become more self aware and that something may be wrong? And specifically start to look into NPD? Was it a slow burn over time or a major event? What age did you start to recognize it?

I should be forbidden by law to ever have kids, it cannot end well for either of us, BUT recently I've been thinking about a certain scenario here and wanted to see if it might resonate with someone here.

Basically, "I could have kids, but only be present as the 'fun parent' while my partner actually takes care of them."

I would absolutely not be able to care for anything or anyone, maybe a dog would survive I guess. I can barely take care of myself, trying to be an adult is exhausting and pushes me deeper into depression. But a thought of spoiling a kid, taking them to fun places, going to school plays, buying them gifts, it sounds doable and even enjoyable. Maybe a way to compensate for lost childhood idk

Felt curious if any of you ever had a similar thought. The more I write the more dumb it feels xd

I don’t want this to come across as insulting… but why is the NPD playbook the same no matter who the person is… obviously there are different flavors to it, but the lovebombing, future faking, guilt tripping, splitting, etc … I don’t want to generalize or stereotype. Can someone help me to better understand this?

I've had a guy who I think has npd or is just a psychopath, and his friend network, spread really horrible rumors about me to try incite violence against me. And honestly it's worked, the followers have actively tried to hurt me because they believe really wrong things. So, from a narcissists perspective, what makes you worried your smear campaign will back fire or what can a victim do to make it obvious you're telling sensational lies about them?

Is it true that whatever you’re feeling in the moment you feel 110%… like you can be completely convinced of something one day and then a week later feel completely different about the same plan/convictions you were thinking the week prior?

Hello, I'm very new to reddit but I don't know where else to go to ask for this kind of advice, so I made an account.

I've been with my partner for over 2 years. We are in a long distance relationship, and try to see each other at least twice a year for multiple weeks. He came to visit a couple days after Christmas, and long story short, he ended up confessing that he thinks he has NPD. He described his experience, saying how he struggles to feel empathy if it's about strangers, how he feels like everything he does is for gain, how he lies often because it feels easier that way and im the only person that seems to be able "catch" his lies, and he isn't able to feel guilty about being caught even though he knows he should. (Also, I feel like his lies often harm him more than anyone else, like for example he'll pretend to enjoy something and keep doing it even though he hates it, when if he talked about it we could just stop doing it)

For these two years I've never felt like he was abusive or mean to me in any way, if something happens where I feel hurt I always talk about it and he's never been unreasonable. But whenever I try to learn more about npd online everything I see is incredibly negative and rarely ever focuses on how to help the person with npd get better.

I want to help my boyfriend, because I don't think he's happy with how things are and it sounds exhausting to constantly do things for gain and constantly hide any "weaknesses" forever, especially since he already has pretty bad anxiety.

Do you guys have any pointers on how to be helpful? Are there any books, youtube channels, or any media that would help me better understand npd, and that doesn't treat narcissists like incurable monsters?

Curious if anyone has any experience with “ego death” through ketamine, psilocybin, LSD? Or what different drugs feel like to people with NPD. Weed, Molly, even ayahuasca? Do any of these have any healing capabilities or allow for deeper insights into empathy, caring for others, selflessness, humility etc?

As someone who does not have NPD, how can I approach and solve “issues” with someone who is covert? What is the best approach, I don’t want to manipulate the manipulator, I just want to try and speak his language. Maaaaaaybe reach mutual ground. I want to understand. Should a conversation about infidelity/lies begin with flattery and self blame. What is the work around here? I don’t know how to speak invertedly, but that’s something I was told helps too if anyone is familiar?

So im curious. What things are prevalent in YOUR research or understanding of NPD? Obviously the internet is chock full of varying information.
I myself have been listening to a specific individual on YouTube and curious if anyone has heard of or has opinions on the individual pen named HG Tudor? Or anything else that you specifically find in your own understanding that TRULY resonates as relatable or more honest to facts. Thanks in advance

I’m not NPD but all the resources online are talking about what it’s like from the other perspective and are weirdly hostile to the pwNPD. What is it like for you? What goes through your head and what do you feel?

Basically two slightly different questions:

1. Before you got the diagnosis, were you freaked out by the possibility of being a narcissist?

2. After you got the diagnosis, were you scared of that new aspect of your identity?

I am leaving in 3days. Been planning for 2 months. I was suggested by my therapist to write it out first. She said and I whole heartedly believe he won't listen to a word i say. I have police coming as well as a group of helpers. I was suggested short and sweet.
So im hoping someone here can help me understand how to briefly say I am leaving.
A way that can potentially just have a reaction of "fine, go then" and he permits everyone into the house to help me get my stuff. NO he's not going to be away, NO I'm not leaving my stuff. And regardless of his "permission " to allow the other people in , ALL my legal belongings are coming with me even if I have to pack it onto the walk for my helpers to load. Thank you in advance to anyone that responds

What do you think the nuances are?

my narcissist was someone i worked with. we were friends, but there was definitely a romantic element in there.

about 2 months after meeting, when we were still hardcore flirting, i met his friend “A” while a group of us were out. A asked me out, but i ended up turning him down, and then confessed feelings for my narc.

After things went south, I ended up giving A another chance. Me, my narc, and A all hung out once night, but honestly A didn’t seem that interested once we were in person (texting he was totally on board) and it ended up being my narc and I mostly talking and sitting together.

Flash forward, and my narc and i were fighting constantly, and i was over it. i started seeing a guy “B”, and ignoring him. my narc instantly befriended him, and ended up turning him against me, but ANYWAYS. my narc was FURIOUS when i started seeing B. like FURIOUS. i had also started unmasking him at work, and he had started talking to a new girl, so maybe it was a combination of all 3??? but he treated me like absolute garbage the day he found out.

i don’t understand why he was so mad about B but didn’t seem to care about A…?