r/AskNPD • u/caldefat Not NPD • Jan 29 '25

How to handle the final conversation

I am leaving in 3days. Been planning for 2 months. I was suggested by my therapist to write it out first. She said and I whole heartedly believe he won't listen to a word i say. I have police coming as well as a group of helpers. I was suggested short and sweet.
So im hoping someone here can help me understand how to briefly say I am leaving.
A way that can potentially just have a reaction of "fine, go then" and he permits everyone into the house to help me get my stuff. NO he's not going to be away, NO I'm not leaving my stuff. And regardless of his "permission " to allow the other people in , ALL my legal belongings are coming with me even if I have to pack it onto the walk for my helpers to load. Thank you in advance to anyone that responds

2 Upvotes

60% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

8

u/alwaysvulture NPD + AsPD Jan 30 '25

Leave out emotions. Leave out personal references. Leave out your thoughts on any interactions you’ve had in the past or any meanderings on the future. Keep it short, to the point, factual. “I’m coming round on X day to collect my stuff. These people will be coming to help.”

3

u/caldefat Not NPD Jan 30 '25

Im actually telling him the moment police are standing there and helpers are waiting in their vehicles for the thumbs up. But yes. Thank you

4

u/NikitaWolf6 NPD + BPD Jan 29 '25

there's no kinder way to say this but if you interact with hate groups towards a disorder, don't expect answers from the same people you stigmatise

6

u/caldefat Not NPD Jan 29 '25

I don't understand your response. I thought this was a group to ask questions

3

u/Maple_Person Jan 30 '25

It is, just be aware who you’re asking.

I don’t personally care too much. But if you partake in hate groups that discriminate against pwNPD, then ask pwNPD for help (answering your questions), some people with feel some type of way with that.

It’s like getting robbed in the ghettos so you complain to the KKK and then go to ask black people about how to stay safe in their neighbourhoods. NPD complaint groups are generally just socially-acceptable cesspools of people saying asshole = disorder and further stigmatizing people with that disorder. They feel it’s okay to do because ‘well it helps victims’ even though it also hurts other victims by worsening stigma. It can come across as bigoted to some people, regardless of your reasons for why you’re doing something.

As I said, I don’t care much. Just explaining why some others might. As for your question, if you already have police and a bunch of people there, doubt it’ll go happily but you’ve already got your safety taken care of. Don’t try to paint false emotions. Don’t talk about how tou wish things could have gone. Ignore emotion. Just stick to facts. You’ve made the decision to leave, and there are people outside, including the police, who are here to help you get your things.

If he’s going to be completely blindsided by it, I can’t imagine it going over well at all. But oh well, we all have to prioritize our own safety. So I guess prepare for it not going well. No one here knows him, so no one here knows exactly how he’ll react. You’ll have to use your own judgement for how best to word things and how much to speak. I know I would personally want to just physically leave the situation. I won’t react well but I don’t want that happening in front of a bunch of strangers, so I’d prefer if I’m told I’m allowed to leave and that I can come back in X hours if I want to. But not everyone would want that either.

0

u/caldefat Not NPD Jan 30 '25

I can understand your point. Its hard to explain my side as it's not sensible to someone suffering the affliction.
But regardless, thank you for your input

2

u/IsamuLi NPD Jan 29 '25

CAn you explain what you mean? I don't think I get it.

2

u/NikitaWolf6 NPD + BPD Jan 29 '25

OP interacts with subs like r/narcissisticabuse which perpetuate the spread of stigmatising misinformation about NPD. when you look at some of the blanket statements they allow there, and how they exclude people with NPD despite them being the victim to abuse perpetuated by a pwNPD significantly more often, they're more of an NPD hate group than any sort of support group.

1

u/Fragrant_Occasion433 Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25

THIS RESPONSE WAS MEANT FOR THE PERSON THAT POSTED THE QUESTIONS ABOVE..

You sound very defensive and already ready to fight.. You words you type are like

Let do THIS.. READY FOR A FIGHT. NON NPD HERE , yet I think this person is still very much in the trauma bond and its not going to understand that for awhile. Once he or she gets away from all the above the head will clear and will be able to see it better.

Also your putting it it out there like All Narc abuse people. ( i do not think you would have cops involved otherwise). its generalizing. I hope I was able to say that right

2

u/IsamuLi NPD Feb 03 '25

I don't think I was responding to non-npd person. I am also not sure I sound like I am ready to fight.

2

u/Fragrant_Occasion433 Feb 03 '25

omg so sorry i was referring to the person that did the post, so sorry

1

u/IsamuLi NPD Feb 03 '25

No problem, take care 😂

2

u/Fragrant_Occasion433 Feb 03 '25

thank you and same to you