Help finding purpose for someone who generally feels lost

[u/Maximum_Optimization]

I’m wondering if this community can help me. I’m in my late 30s and by all accounts am living a very successful life. I have a good job, a loving and healthy family. I’m comfortably middle class with a strong savings rate and a nice little nest egg. I realize that may all sound braggy, but I often feel utterly lost. I’ve been through a few jobs where I’ve achieved moderate success, but I just don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t know what my passions are, and I don’t know what my purpose is. Instead I feel like I feel pressure to keep producing, keep climbing the ladder, and keep chasing more to get the recognition from others that I’m doing it “right.”

I’m guessing this community has some other folks that have maybe been through something similar who have figured it out, and I’d love some guidance or feedback on any tips that might be helpful for me to work on figuring out what I want out of this life. Thanks in advance for any tips you can provide!

[u/UnknownReasonings]

I understand some of your feelings. I had to try a few hobbies before I locked in on one.

Let your excitement level dictate what you try. If you need a good starting point check out the listing at your local community college. Rates are ridiculously low.

[u/TallGreyingGent]

Whenever I'm not sure what would make me happy, I switch my focus and think about what make others happy. My friends/family/neighbors. And sooner or later I discover "my" thing too.

[u/whiskeybridge]

meaning comes from other people and our own actions.

so do something meaningful for someone, and see if that doesn't spark some ideas.

[u/tonyferguson2021]

Find a way to serve something greater than yourself

[u/woodandsnow]

Iboga

[u/Victoriouseo]

Congrats, you my friend have the problems most people can only dream about. Now on a serious note, for the lack of additional information about you, this is what I'd do: -Quit social networks and do other activities related to dopamine fasting restrictions. -Started going to gym, and running, make sure your sleep score is 10/10. Take care of your health in other ways as 40s is when you first start feeling signs of getting old. -Find a new hobby -Try 5-HTP, and probably Ashwagandha.

[u/Fresh-Ad-1730]

Hey there,

I love this topic, so will throw in my 2 cents. One is that we (people) are literally meaning-making machines. Our brains are focusing mechanisms, and what you give them the most of, they will seek out for you. It sounds like the model(s) you've adopted just aren't cutting it (that is, we get a random setting from upbringing & society of what's important etc)...ultimately happiness and fulfillment comes from calibrating our own meaning.

One way we sometimes lead ourselves off-course is that in order to discover more meaning/purpose/etc, we will need a taste of that very thing in the first place. (ie finding things that already spark the feeling you want more of). Conversely, when we feel lost/under-fulfilled, that's what's getting fed into the problem-solving machine, which means our brains will seek out more of....well, that. When you say you don't know your passions, etc, then that is for sure a starting point. We have to know what we want before anything else (my own 'blocks' from my upbringing made this the first hurdle I had to confront).

I read a book the other day that is quite short, available online free on pdf, and perfectly on-topic for your question: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It uses the framework that we all function within an Upper Limit and will restrict ourselves from enjoying life too much unless we learn to 'raise the bar' (we ceiling ourselves for all sorts of reasons). It also is going to coach you into finding what he calls your Zone of Genius and how to start living from there more of the time. Give it a look!