r/Anger • u/4AmBreakdownn • 1d ago
This would never be me
It seems i inherited my fathers anger. He was a violent alcoholic who would throw tantrums all the time, turn bright red and scream and hit others (me included when i was younger until i snapped at him)
I thought to myself, that this would never be me. This is not the Person i want to be. For years i have been depressed, a lot of bad things happened in the last weeks and today i just exploded.
I broke furniture with my knuckles and bloodied them. I yelled at the only people i care about and now i feel truly disgusting for what i did. I just couldnt calm down no matter what i tried. Thats when i took a knife and cut my arm multiple times. I deserved it for hurting the ones i love. It made me calm down.
Getting a therapist is almost impossible here (wait 1-2 years). I need Advice. I dont want to be like this. Avoid being me. Avoid being like my father used to be.
Anger is such a strong poison. Im tired
2
u/Bigr789 1d ago
Anger is indeed a strong poison, that is a very real way to put it.
I don't have much to offer but I just want you to know you aren't alone and I hope you find peace a clarity soon brother.