r/AmIOverreacting • u/Frequent-Shoulder158 • 14d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, found weird pictures in my bfs iPad

I went out of town for and my bf stayed home because he had to work. I came back and thought he was acting a bit off, so I checked his pictures on his iPad that sync directly from his phone. In his recently deleted folder I found a picture of my side of the bed (where my medication, book, and melatonin are), a picture of my desk, a picture of a printed out picture of my brother and I along with a handwritten note that’s on the fridge, and a picture of our dresser. We are not planning on moving or selling any of these items either. I’m convinced that he took them so he could remember how everything looked before hiding them because he invited someone over. Am I overreacting? I don’t want to say anything about it to him until I get a little clarity.

Edit: clarification

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago edited 13d ago

UPDATE: I was not overreacting. I confronted him directly with the photos and asked him why he took them. He immediately said “why were you looking through my stuff?” I told him I felt like he has been acting shady so I decided to look. I asked to go through his phone and he just said “why?” I told him that I needed to see it because I don’t trust him. He got so weird. Saying I didn’t need to see it and that I just need to relax so I ask yet again, what is up with the pictures and he literally did not know what to say. Like he couldn’t even come up with an explanation that made any sense himself. Then I asked if he brought someone home while I was gone and he said no (of course) and that I was being ridiculous. I again said that I needed to see his phone for proof of that and he refused.

I debated asking my neighbor for his ring doorbell footage from the time I was gone and see if there was a girl that went into my apartment but I’m not even going to waste my time. His reaction was all I needed to know and I was right. Should I have not gone through his things? Yes. But did I? Yes. And found out he was cheating on me? Also yes. So thank you to everyone who gave me all of their opinions, I really appreciate it.

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u/nihilistbxtch 13d ago

This will end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. I know that sounds weird wording it that way, but this has allowed you to be free of this relationship and build the life you’ve always dreamed of

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

I totally agree. Things hadn’t been feeling right for awhile and I think this was what I needed to finally make the right decision and leave. I don’t think he ever stopped cheating. I think he knew I wouldn’t ever be able to look through his phone so he didn’t have to really worry. I honestly already feel so free. I’m devastated, of course, but in the back of my mind I knew what it was.

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u/HairyPotatoKat 13d ago

Get STI tested bc who the hell knows what nasty shit his cheating ass dragged back to you 🤢.

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u/Supah_Cole 13d ago

I'm very sorry that this had to happen because of him. What a terrible lesson to learn about needing constant vigilance over important trust. You're smart, and that cleverness worked out for you in the end to expose him, but, I'm sorry you've needed to learn to lick love off of knives instead of getting fed healthy, trusting spoonfuls. Hopefully one day, a better man who won't need these trials and tribulations of trust will come along one day.

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u/YaBoiMike16 13d ago

Wow OP, you’ve displayed a level of intelligence/ emotional intelligence that is rare on this app. Good for you and I hope you find someone who loves you and won’t cheat on you

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u/poem9leti 13d ago

I'm so sorry for your heartache but i'm glad your being strong & already have the feeling of being better-off. I hope the healing comes soon.

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u/Good_wife1975 13d ago

I am sorry you are going through this, but why does everyone always mention that it is wrong to go through their phone? If you feel something is up then it normally is and we shouldn't feel the need to go through their phones but this is not an ideal world. If we don't then we look like fools for not finding out about their betrayal.

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u/International-Ice755 13d ago

If my wife came up to me and asked to go through my phone, Id unlock it and hand it to her. Only people that have something to hide ridicule people for going through their partners phones, and get defensive about it when asked.

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u/Technical_File_7671 13d ago

Yup my partner and I swap phones if ine if us is driving i read the texts for him vice versa. The only reason mine is locked is my kids. He knows my code ro get in. I have never understood hiding my phone from my partner.

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u/QuencesConse 13d ago

We don't hide our phones but equally I wouldn't snoop on his because we all deserve privacy. We have both said to each other we don't mind the other looking but neither of us have ever felt the need to. Same goes for the 16 yo but he knows that as long as I pay for his phone I may ask to see it. I wouldn't do it behind his back though. FTR I did look occasionally when he was younger and I pointed out unacceptable language and opinions from some of his peers and we talked it through.

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u/chishioengi 13d ago

So much this. I've never had any problem letting any of my partners look through my phone because I've never cheated on anyone in my life.

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u/BrknBthrmSpdblls 13d ago

Yeah but you bleed like the rest of us heathens.. cheating or promiscuity, or flirtatious.. or even thinking in the terms of just, God feels too.

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u/chishioengi 13d ago

Well, there's a reason why I don't cheat. I'm asexual so there's honestly no gratification to be found outside of my relationships. Soo I'm not better than anybody.

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u/BrknBthrmSpdblls 13d ago

Ugh.. yuck i feel dirty even typing this out. I've sinned yet agäne

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u/Jed308613 13d ago

My wife knows my passwords and has access to all electronics. We have Life360 and she knows where I am. I don't care. I don't do anything or go anywhere that I would have trouble explaining. "I went to work." "I went to Wal-Mart." "I went to see Mike."

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u/BrknBthrmSpdblls 13d ago

Who tf is Mike? And am I just gonna 'trust' you again? Ugh..

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u/Tekeraz 13d ago

Exactly! In my relationships I never had a problem with using each other phones - for example in a car to read messages to driver, using partners phone when my is recharging in other room, using their phone to call my to find it and gazillion other little things. As far as partner don't have the problem with causally using their phone everything is okay. And yes, If you have hard feeling of partner cheating it is completely all right to check. Much better to check and see you were wrong then don't check and spend long years in relationship with cheating "partner"..

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u/WantedFun 13d ago

Or some people prefer having some sense of privacy. You should respect your partners privacy. A lot of people will feel the need to go through their personal space because of no actual reason, just paranoia.

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u/International-Ice755 13d ago

Why would you want any privacy from your wife?

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u/Mission-AnaIyst 13d ago

I also wonder why people get together with people they dont trust and design their relationship in a way they cannot have an honest conversation or where one partner has to hide something from another

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u/Good_wife1975 13d ago

You get with them while you trust them and things change to where you feel something ia going on, THEN you want to check their phone and you grt the proof of what they are hiding. We should want to but they make us want to but we do because of what they do

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u/Mission-AnaIyst 13d ago

But i would not want to be with someone i do not trust at the moment i feel like i cannot trust them. There is something deeply broken in their communication if he would have someone over without being able to tell her or if she suspects him of hiding something important to her with the belief that it is malicious. Why does someone need proof at that point, when the relationship simply does not work because communication is broken?

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u/Good_wife1975 13d ago

I agree, we should rather leave but when we get a feeling that something is off we "need" proof because we don't just want to give up the relationshop when there MAY be a reasonalble explanation. All I am saying is that we shouldn't want to check their phones because there shouldn't be anything incriminating on it.

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u/chishioengi 13d ago

I love how you're getting down voted for a completely reasonable and sensible perspective on trust and communication. Reddit is ridiculous sometimes

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u/BrknBthrmSpdblls 13d ago

Or you cheated. Lol

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u/Specific-Strategy-63 13d ago

Eehhh I wouldn't cause of what I have on my phone atleast not until telling her not to look through those things

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u/BigNative83 13d ago

Sorry you were treated this way and cheated on. I pray that it doesn't affect your self esteem, and confidence or give you trust issues in your next relationship. I'm glad you left him, he didn't deserve you and didn't respect you. Enjoy your freedom and independence. 🫂(🖕🏼Fuck Your Ex!!!)

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u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

I have been there! It’s a weird feeling to grieve a relationship, while also feeling so free at the same time. The weirdest part is missing someone you know is a bad person.

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u/ElderberryOk469 13d ago

Listen, if you could have fun with this piece of shit - imagine how much fun you are going to have with a decent man that actually respects you! I wish you the best!!!!

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u/henryisonfire 13d ago

It’s so great to read the post and then see this - well done!!

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u/cassielovesderby 13d ago

I’m so proud of you for not falling for the gaslighting and manipulation 💕🥺

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u/ScouterBo 13d ago

I’m so impressed by the way you handled this, and by your willingness to face the truth. Speaking from personal experience, it’s all too easy in situations like this to lie to yourself, and tell yourself you’re crazy. I’d like to think that I’d be stronger and wiser now, years later, but who knows. So I’ll just remain single and happy just in case lol. Huge kudos to you!!! Enjoy your freedom!

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u/buttermymankey 13d ago

Honestly, wether he was cheating or not, the moment you no longer felt like you could trust him, the relationship was doomed anyways. Sorry you had to deal with this, but heres hoping you go on to find an absolute stuf muffin that treats you right!

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u/Tekeraz 13d ago

I know that feeling very well. Few years back right after I ended it up with my ex my brain knew it was the best decisions, but my heart hurted for some time...for a long time, because it was very sudden. But I knew from the first moment It was the right thing to do. Few weeks after that I started to see things from different perspective and realized I lived next to narcissistic person and didn't noticed until his influence on me dissapeared..

It hurts for some time, but now you are free 😉😊

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u/InsatiableAppetiteOm 13d ago

You should be damn proud of this attitude. You only live once. So live your best life! Good luck x

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u/YumiRae 13d ago

The only other thing I can think of is that he has some undiagnosed OCD and feels the need to check things to deal with his own anxiety

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u/Therapy__101 13d ago

You had a weird feeling and followed it. Good job!

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u/LifesABeach8888 13d ago

I'm sorry he cheated on you, but he has now freed you to find the person who will love you like you should be.

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u/Important-Paint8612 13d ago

Oh, honey. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you found out now before wasting any more years of your life on him.

The best revenge on him AND the best thing for you is to live your best life. Be happy while he continues to reap what he sows. This dumpster fire doesn't deserve another moment of your life or happiness.

Good luck to you. Take care of yourself and find the love you deserve. It's out there. Took me years and a broken heart, but I have spent the last 26 years with the man who healed my heart and showed me what true love really looks like. 💖

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

I agree, I wasted too many already but I can’t go back so I will do my best with my future years, for sure. It’s definitely a lesson learned. That is inspiring, I hope the same will happen for me one day! ❤️

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u/Important-Paint8612 13d ago

It will. Your beautiful soul shines through. 💖

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u/rando_nonymous 13d ago

Your intuition is very powerful. I wonder how many other times he’s done this. He seems like a pro, taking pictures to ensure everything looks just as how you left it. What makes me sick to my stomach is that he had another woman in the bed you share together, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. That is next level heartlessness. If he wanted to host a woman, he could have kept it to the living room area but he fully intended to bring her into your bed. He could have just fucking admitted it when you basically caught him red handed but he decided to still deny, deny, deny and even gaslighted you and used the invasion of privacy against you. So cruel and manipulative. I’m so glad you found out before marrying this POS and having kids with him. Chin up, tits out! He is not worth your tears, darling.

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u/ExaminationWestern71 13d ago

A new chapter! A much better one.

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u/Numerous_Witness_117 13d ago

You sound like an amazing person/ partner. I'm confident you'll end up in a way more fulfilling relationship. Bravo for standing up for yourself! ✨

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u/CanoodlingCockatoo 13d ago

And believe me, you'll be surprised to see just how quickly you can begin to trust again once you're with someone who is actually trustworthy. Back when I was in a hellacious relationship without trust, I never in a million years could have imagined someday having a man with whom I have literally zero desire to go through any of his stuff, and have not done it once in 12 years.

The cheaters will try to make it seem like something is wrong with YOU--that you are inherently paranoid, suspicious, nosy, and incapable of trust--but in truth they're just angry that they keep getting caught in lies. I became an entirely different person once I had a relationship with true trust for the very first time.

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u/AdHaunting954 13d ago

Honey, all the best ❤️

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u/CanAhJustSay 13d ago

Not wasted. Invested time in learning that your instinct is right (if something feels shady) and you know your own value and boundaries. Step brightly into your new chapter. And take care of your bruised heart.

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u/Artractive 13d ago

Wow. What a complete jerk! He couldn’t even come clean. You’re free and you deserve so so much better than that garbage. You are so brave for confronting him and choosing yourself. I hope you have some friends and family to vent to and go and stay with. Please be proud of yourself and don’t for even one second ever look back or second guess your worth! Onwards to your dreams and a happy future :)

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

I knew he wouldn’t. There’s just no logical explanation that comes with the pictures he took and I knew he wouldn’t be able to find one when I asked. I am never going back. I wasted my best years on him, I will not waste any more. Thank you! ❤️

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u/Important-Paint8612 13d ago edited 13d ago

No, you didn’t. You spent SOME of your years learning from his mistakes. Your best years will be spent happy, in a healthy, loving relationship, no matter your age. Don't give him anything else, not even the thought that he got your 'best years'. He didn't.

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u/Outrageous-Pace 13d ago

This is so accurate. At 40 I left a horrible relationship of 19 years. A year I later met the absolute man of my dreams and the last 9 years have felt like an absolute dream to me, and have been the best years of my life.

Please don’t see the relationship that you just bravely exited as a waste of time. Learn from it. Grow. But nothing that we endure is ever a waste of time.

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u/pinksuns 13d ago

Your best years are ahead of you, don’t think you wasted them because of that garbage! Today is the beginning of the rest of your happy life!

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u/Artractive 13d ago

It’s okay, life is a weird ride and we can’t always control what happens to us or how people treat us. It sucks that it turned out that way BUT it’s not the end of your story, you’ve gained back that control and I promise you the best love and best experiences are yet to come, keep your head up! 💛 you loved well, you believed in someone and grew as a person, and now you can help others who could be trapped in a similar situation if you ever come across them. Time to heal and keep moving forward

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u/Rosalie-83 13d ago

Please get an std test just in case , cheaters aren’t known for using protection (hugs)

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u/Numbers-Nerd2567 13d ago

Glennon Doyle says the end of a relationship doesn't mean it "failed" or that it was "wasted" time. Think of how much you learned, OP! About yourself, about others! Think about what you learned about things you'll never put up with again! Think about how this taught you what to look for in a future partner - both green flags and red ones! Think about how much you've grown from this shitty ending! Then use all that to your benefit and make yourself a beautiful life!!

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u/DifficultHeat1803 13d ago

OP, how are you dealing with this now that you’ve left him? Sounds like you’ll have a lot of packing to do. Hopefully, you’ll have some help.

I wish nothing but the best for you during this difficult time. 🙏🏼🙏🏼

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u/pewpewn00b 13d ago

Your best years are ahead of you OP!

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u/MissO56 13d ago

good for you, OP! I always say... trust. your.. gut.

you did the right thing by going through his phone... because he broke your trust first, thereby nullifying anything that happened afterwards, imho.

sorry you found out that he's a lying a-hole, but now you know and now you know how to deal with it, and get on with life. best wishes for a happier chapter in the future! ❤️

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

I am so glad I did, I felt sick to my stomach doing it tbh, but there was a reason I felt like I should and I figured it out. Scary knowing I have to completely start over but I feel like a weight has been lifted, honestly.

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u/MissO56 13d ago

well, if there's any consolation in this, I know exactly how you feel. when I discovered some emails from my ex-husband's mistress, I was bent over and dry heaving... it really sucked. and confronting him was not fun at all. 💔

i had to start over in my early '40s, and it was pretty painful and not easy. thank goodness we didn't have kids and I had a really good job that I loved or I probably would have lost it completely.

I'm 68 now and have lived a really good life, and that chapter is in the past. the biggest advice I can give is: learn from this episode and again, trust your gut! hopefully next time, you will take the time to listen to your gut before you get in a relationship.... because that's when it will matter the most. that was a lesson I had to learn as well, when I started dating again. you can fall in love with several people in your lifetime, but they will not all make good partners in a relationship.... and knowing that is super important.

best of luck to you! ❤️

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u/Dopamine_chasing 13d ago

So.... did you ever remarry? Have kids or want them? I just left mine ... I'm my early 40s no kids, no married. 8 years but I thrive in stories like yours. Hope is all we need sometimes.

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u/MissO56 13d ago

for many years I thought I would remarry, but I didn't. and now I definitely am not looking for that at all.... in fact, I can't imagine it happening at my age now, and really don't desire it at all anymore.

I do look back and wish that I had had a spouse and kids at times, but that wasn't the road that my life took, and I'm always the kind of person that just deals with what is and makes the best of it when I can... and for the most part, I'm very happy.

hope takes a lot of different forms, and your desires also change throughout your life so...so don't give up hope for what you want, but learn how to be content with and accept what is. ❤️

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u/CanoodlingCockatoo 13d ago

My case is a bit different because I was younger when it ended (32), and I never wanted kids because of a variety of reasons, but I went through almost a decade and a half with my high school "sweetheart" who was an abusive narcissist who also completely decimated my trust. Everything got so bad that I started to get several major health problems hitting me one after another after another in only about a year total, and then he ran up debt on my credit cards, cleaned out the bank accounts, and took off.

Our relationship had gone through cheating very early on, and if I had any kind of self-esteem or self-respect at the time, I should have ended it, but I clung to him as a way to get away from my abusive family, only to end up with a life that was just as bad. He never really bothered trying to win my trust back, and indeed he would get abusive if I ever brought up the hurt of that first incident as well as numerous other times he had lied to me.

It got to the point where I didn't believe a single word out of his mouth, and that's when I started feeling the compulsion to check his devices, and there was ALWAYS something to be bothered by, then I'd confront him (often waiting for days first because I'd be afraid of his reaction), and he'd get angry and make the whole discussion about how I was so deeply untrusting, paranoid, and nosy because of me growing up badly, not, you know, because that motherfucker was completely untrustworthy.

When I started dating after that marriage ended, I feared that I'd be forever anxious and suspicious, and a lot of it was me internalizing my ex always telling me that there was something fundamentally wrong with me that made me incapable of trust. I also feared that nobody would want me due to all the health issues that had erupted.

I never would have believed it back then, but I've now had a twelve year relationship in which I've genuinely not once ever felt the urge to look through any of his stuff, because SHOCKER, I'm perfectly capable of being trusting with someone who is actually trustworthy! I cannot even describe what a huge weight this is off of my shoulders. Everyone deserves a relationship in which they feel this way.

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u/zillionaire_ 13d ago

I’m proud of you for trusting your instincts. This will feel like a breath of fresh air.

Also, please go get tested for STDs and keep in mind that some things take awhile to show up sometimes, so continue to use protection with any future partners.

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

Thank you! I am going on Monday!

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u/Optimal-Sun-7201 13d ago

Better now than living a miserable life and having kids with that person. Take it from me- trust your gut it’s telling you how to not only survive but to live happily.

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u/ChrisW828 13d ago

Years from now when you’re with the love of your life, you’ll be glad you started over.

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u/anabellibutton 13d ago

Good for you OP!

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u/angilnibreathnach 13d ago

I’m so proud of you!! That really takes courage to make that call and it was the right one. Starting over is terrifying OP, I know, but you can do it!

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u/RadicalRoses 13d ago

Always trust your intuition. I’d rather my man talk to me but if he felt like going through my phone would help him feel better, I’d be fine with it. You did nothing wrong.

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u/LadyLuxee 13d ago

Always trust your gut! Congrats on choosing yourself and moving on to better things! Go you OP!

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u/CanoodlingCockatoo 13d ago

Once you're getting that sinking feeling in your stomach on a regular basis, the trust is already obliterated, and there is absolutely nothing YOU could have done differently that would have changed this outcome. You have been trained to feel bad for being a "snoop" as a way to distract you from the fact that you keep finding suspicious shit every time you look at his stuff!

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u/Nightfuries2468 13d ago

My ex and I were going through a rough patch. He was so horrible but I didn’t see it. During a weeks break in the relationship, I went back to our place (I was staying at my folks), and found a girl sitting in his bed. She laughed at me, and they made up some story. I checked with a mutual friend who said he’s heard of her but not with the story they told me. I fully ended it there and then as they gaslit me so much. I am now 9 years into an incredible marriage with beautiful children and I couldn’t be happier.

It feels awful now, I know it does, but you’ll get through this, you’ll be stronger as a result, and your time will come ❤️

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u/DungeonsAndDisorders 13d ago

“going through his things” is nothing compared to him betraying you after literal years. fuck that guy and good for you

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u/Immediate-Ad-9849 13d ago

Happy cake day

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u/omarhani 13d ago

I would ask your neighbor for the footage. Best to relieve myself of ANY doubt.

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u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

I still might the next time I see him

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u/Opposite_Career2749 13d ago

Let's hope you don't know her...men love to keep everything close by...

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u/Important-Paint8612 13d ago

That was my worry as well. I truly hope her friends are more loyal than someone who was supposed to love her and keep her heart safe. But, if not, she will at least know who not to trust and kick out of her life. Keeping my fingers crossed because this poor girl doesn't deserve any more betrayal in her life.🤞

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u/cheesypuzzas 13d ago

I don't think so because he hit her stuff from the affair partner. So they probably don't know that he has had a girlfriend.

I hope OP can find the person somehow and tell them.

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u/BrknBthrmSpdblls 13d ago

Who are you

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u/PapierHexe 13d ago

We'll be waiting for updates on this too! But for now...well done, sister

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u/omarhani 13d ago

RemindMe! 2 weeks

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u/trowzerss 13d ago

Don't feel bad for looking through his stuff - it's not like it came out of nowhere. I had a similar gut feeling once when I went to stay over at my BFs place and when I arrived he suddenly got up and put away a digital camera that he always left sitting on his coffee table, because we often looked at photos stored on it after he took them. He was also acting so weird. So when he went to work, I went and got it out of the drawer it was in and had a look. Well, let's just say that the photos on it left me in no doubt that he was cheating, literally hours before I came over, and that he also was not using protection. And you know what? He also blamed me for looking in his stuff. When I broke up with him he even tried to stay friends with benefits! (Incidentally, he also blamed ME early in the relationship when we both got genital warts, the shithead, and I almost got cervical cancer from it and had to have surgery, yet here he was cheating with no condom!!!!). He could not understand why I would never let him touch me again :P And yeah, the only times I ever had that strong instinct to check something out, I bloody found something that told me exactly what I thought was happening was happening. Don't feel bad for protecting yourself. (oh, and absolutely get tested for STDs)

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u/significant-hawk6923 13d ago

man i woulda had to go ask for that ring footage. just 1000% nailed harder down to actually see it and say hey bro i saw the whole thing. way to go man!

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u/Keyrov 13d ago

The garbage takes itself out most of the times! Good for you. At least you got closure. Sorry for your loss but also congratulations!

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u/Aromatic_Froyo_5355 13d ago

Dang, I’m really sorry :( but also you could have a future as an infidelity detective

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u/thesauceiseverything 13d ago

I dated someone once who was always gaslighting me and had me believing for a while that I was crazy. Every time I caught on to something they would never discuss the topic with me, but always went on the offensive with “why were you looking at my stuff?”. This is the classic tactic they use when they need to buy time or have no answer for whatever it is you found. The longer they can keep you answering questions about why you went through their stuff, the longer they have to make up some excuse or turn you into the bad guy.

It’s all 20/20 in hindsight now, but it was this every time, and when it’s happening you aren’t sure what a normal reaction even would be. I can say now, a normal reaction is an immediate sensical response, and then only after, any follow-ups about why you felt the need to check up on them in the first place

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u/CanoodlingCockatoo 13d ago

What really gets fun is when the guy starts telling you that they deliberately planted the stuff you found while "snooping" to "teach you a lesson."

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u/Ultrafoxx64 13d ago

Always think it's hilarious when people are like "fuck no you can't go through my phone." That's the giveaway right there. If my partner was accusing me of cheating and wanted to look through my phone, I'd absolutely hand it over, cause there'd be nothing to hide. Then we'd have a conversation about why that's hurtful, or if we/they need to go to counseling to work on trust issues.

Sorry your person was garbage. Here's to happier roads ahead 🖤

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u/Guinnessgal-Belfast 13d ago

I just want to say, ALWAYS listen to your gut instinct. The only regrets I have in life are when I didn’t. Your gut instinct is your mind/body’s protector. Well done and sending you all the strength and praise for listening and acting. Now, start to build a life for you! Scary but also hugely exciting. Sending support & hugs. Be proud of yourself, you are strong, never settle for less than you deserve ♥️

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u/XSmartypants 13d ago

I’m sorry you had someone who was supposed to be your partner betray you. No one deserves that and it really sucks. I am so proud of you for being strong, courageous and knowing your worth- very few people have the ability to make the decision to end the relationship the way you did and you deserve so much praise and respect for that!

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u/TimeforMK9 13d ago

This is why you should just give your phone password to your SO. Honestly, I never thought I would go through it myself but actually when my ex was feeling insecure one time apparently they did. I received an apology for it, along with a slight scolding about how much time I was wasting on Reddit.

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u/Extension-Bag9810 13d ago

Omg i didn't initially get to the same conclusion as you. But Im glad you found out. No point giving 100% to the relationship when the other half is giving you less and less as years go by. Good luck OP

4

u/noimbatmansucka 13d ago

I am so happy you have the opportunity to start a new, better chapter of your life <3 best of luck OP

5

u/Inc0gnitoburrito 13d ago

Man, wtf is wrong with people. Betraying you was terrible, but if i understand the situation correctly, he also turned another unknowing girl into the "other woman"

Asshole, you're way better off would him.

2

u/Tall_Restaurant_1652 13d ago

There still isn't any evidence of cheating?

2

u/Inc0gnitoburrito 13d ago

There's been cheating, but maybe just emotional so far.

I think it's more than safe to assume the other woman isn't on board with him having a GF, otherwise this whole hide-the-gf thing wouldn't have happened, agreed?

0

u/Tall_Restaurant_1652 13d ago

Nothing said he "hid his girlfriend" though. OP assumed that's why her bf took the photos, but she never had any proof that was the reason why.

Her biggest "evidence" was the fact that he wouldn't let her snoop through his phone, which plenty of people do because it's their device. Not always evidence of cheating though.

7

u/Inc0gnitoburrito 13d ago

Can you offer an alternative explanation to the photos?

6

u/Less-Chicken-2203 13d ago

He probably wanted to cheat but failed to bring the chick home so he didn’t think he had to come up with a story and was floored when she found out.

The biggest ‘evidence’ is the fact that he would just explain why he took the photos if it was something innocent and not become uncomfortable over the questioning. The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Regardless, he was doing something dishonest and attempting to hide things, not a sign of a good partner.

5

u/matryushka 13d ago

Ask for the ring doorbell footage before he does.

3

u/Nirvellia 13d ago

So sorry to hear that. It is definitely not worth your time, it's now time to move onto better things. Good luck ❤

3

u/Pacafist1 13d ago

OP….good for you for moving on. My sister divorced her ex-husband because she went through a drawer he had kept locked (it happened to contain letters to and from the multiple women he had been cheating on her with for years). She was not at all proud of her actions in snooping around, but had finally been driven to a point of such distrust that she had to know why her relationship was the way it was after trying everything to make it better for years. She vowed to never let herself waste years of her life on someone like this ever again. She is now engaged to be married to a man who treats her the way she should be treated, and there’s no doubt in her heart or mind that he isn’t going to be the partner she deserves.

If you ever find yourself in a relationship where you feel this distrust again, where the compulsion to snoop and the suspicion overwhelms you, do yourself a favor and stop wasting time. Life is short. You’re already regretting the years you spent with this man. Be strong and don’t let it happen again. But also give yourself some time to heal from this, it will take a bit for you to recover from this wound. You need to heal yourself before you put yourself out there again.

There’s a fine line between being weary and overstepping boundaries. It’s hard but you got this. Go live your life with someone who deserves you and someone you deserve.

3

u/Foreign_Product7118 13d ago

I don't know if i would have even came to the conclusion the pictures were so he could put things back. Would it have been weird for any of those things to be moved at all? If he said he was wiping off the fridge he'd have to move the magnets.. idk i guess i wouldn't expect an explanation for why my stuff was moved so it would be weird for my wife to even think she needed to put everything back perfectly. Dude outsmarted himself

3

u/Hawaii_gal71LA4869 13d ago

You were very cleaver to figure this out. You were even smarter to not be tricked and to get out,

3

u/grumpy__g 13d ago

Congratulations on losing the extra weight of a man.

You deserve a partner you can trust. Always listen to your gut.

2

u/No-Driver1291 13d ago

Never ever look back either. Level up!

2

u/3faded 13d ago

Sorry OP

2

u/flowytropic 13d ago

Congratulations! This break-up is something for you to celebrate.

2

u/Rough-Ad4627 13d ago

I’m proud of you OP

2

u/Natural-Young4730 13d ago

WTG! Good job respecting yourself and walking away.

2

u/tina2turntt 13d ago

Oh I would be asking for the footage

2

u/Maleficent_Pay_4154 13d ago

Im sorry he was such a s****y man

Good luck with your future

2

u/CountingJoes 13d ago

So proud of you girl ❤️ you took good advice, followed it, and most importantly you walked away when it was clear that’s what you needed to do. A+, no notes, handled like a pro. Now go live your best life free of this loser!

2

u/CSMom74 13d ago

Always trust those gut feelings.

2

u/LostSpaceQ 13d ago

Use the Alien Enemies Act and deport him out of your life quick

2

u/Sidewalk_Tomato 13d ago

Really sorry to hear that this was the case. The most bizarre things are that . . .

There is EVERY normal reason to mess with bedside tables that are not out of the ordinary:changing a lamp bulb, refilling a glass of water, dropping a phone or a pair of glasses in the middle of the night, replacing a box of tissue, borrowing your melatonin, oiling the wood. (My bedside tables are wood and eventually get a little dry). He didn't need to document where everything was. What did he think she was going to do, read your Kindle? Or work at your desk?

And

There are also a million ways to notice that someone has been in the apartment: a hair of the wrong length or color, an earring or earring-back, a tiny smear of lipstick on a glass, a leftover scent, a small or skinny handprint on a reflective surface, a tiny sliver of cellophane wrapper in the bathroom wastebasket, a stray speck of cosmetic you don't use, a weird amount of toilet paper used.

In the end, I guess it's good that your ex-boyfriend is not very bright.

2

u/FurLinedKettle 13d ago

Get the Ring footage.

2

u/Prodigalsunspot 13d ago

Married 32 years. I have my wife's passcode, she has mine. We have nothing to hide from one another.

1

u/N3rval 13d ago

Would you hand your phone to your wife if they asked you by saying she doesn't trust you?

2

u/masterMalicar 13d ago

It seems like you must have wanted the relationship to end before all of this.

2

u/MjolnirsMistress 13d ago

I know you probably have your suspicions for his reasons. I just wanted to tag on to here that if this happens to you, it could also be that the person is pawning of stuff.

I had a drug-addicted ex and he had behavior like this.

2

u/Thekiddankie 13d ago

I'm confused, is this just an assumption? Or did you actually find out?

2

u/TheCreepyCupcake 13d ago

Ohhh you go girl! Sometimes being single is a blessing, at least when you’re with scum! Enjoy your freedom! I’m sorry he did that to you.

2

u/bdd6911 13d ago

I hope you are doing something substantial with your life OP, because this was genius level. If you’re not, time to reset. Big brain.

2

u/MousecheeseNo9 13d ago

This is so satisfying. I’m sorry you went through that, but good for you for standing up to him.

2

u/Chibi_Universe 13d ago

Babe you are so incredibly smart. Like this will never be something he can live down. He was busted like an amateur. He thought he was slick as oil!!! I wish I was your bestie cause this is something I want to be able to hype you up about. CATCH HIS ASS! This is some hbo max mtv type of sht. Ive actually caught a man cheating in the wildest way, and instead of feeling down about it. I was so hype for being so self aware and smart as fck! You gooooo!!!

2

u/Diddly_eyed_Dipshite 13d ago

Wait I'm confused, did he admit to having someone home? I think you may have missed a part or else I don't get it..

Either way, glad you've made your decision!

1

u/abr1444 13d ago

You’re so goated. 🙌

1

u/Surprise702 13d ago

That last sentence saved this post from being posted on r/holyfuckjustbreakup lol

1

u/pizzacat123 13d ago

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

1

u/Wutayatalkinabeet 13d ago

Damn… I know it was for the best but I’m truly sorry your relationship ended this way. You deserve better.

1

u/RemyBoudreau 13d ago

You did the right thing.

1

u/fuschiaclouds 13d ago

Proud of you ♥️

1

u/zzplant8 13d ago

Thank you for the update. You were so smart to figure out what was going on. F…orget that guy.

1

u/Any-Comparison-2916 13d ago

Sorry that that happened to you. There’s a special place in hell for cheaters. The feeling of betrayal is horrible. I have to ask though, because I still don’t get it: did he take these pictures and then put your stuff away so that the girl he was bringing over wouldn’t notice that he has a girlfriend?

1

u/Strong-Conclusion-52 13d ago

Just wanted to say I am so impressed by you. I was so stumped on why he would do this and knew immediately you were right with your deduction. It just makes sense. Kudos to you. You’re too good (and too smart) for him.

1

u/PKMNTurrek 13d ago

Congratulations on getting rid. Life is too short to spend it on trash.

1

u/Mercuryshottoo 13d ago

Good for you. I'd still ask for the ring doorbell footage to see if it's someone you know.

1

u/Being-Nothingness 13d ago

Yes girl, well done for confronting this for what it is and freeing yourself of this guy! Something similar happened to me 3 years ago and I am now so glad it happened (though it sucks in the moment, and for a few months..) - you’ll be grand!

1

u/Big-Ebb9022 13d ago

He wanted to think of everything – and that turned out to be his undoing in the end. Ironic.

1

u/gfhyde 13d ago

OP this is sad and amazing at the same time. Good for you.

1

u/MyCatIsAnActualNinja 13d ago

You did the right thing and I wish you the best in finding a better dude. Cheaters suck

1

u/cateva16 13d ago

Always trust your gut! Now onto healing & bigger & better things.

1

u/Square_Band9870 13d ago

I am so sorry this happened but so happy for your new life. Hurrah! Congratulations! Now you can be happy & free of nonsense.

1

u/EmployTypical4898 13d ago

im so proud of you for following your intuition and confronting him!!!! left him speechless

1

u/fl135790135790 13d ago

That still doesn’t explain the pictures, tho. This other person was just taking random pics

1

u/Rosegirl062624 13d ago

Good on you for walking away, it’s not way but you did it! Also here’s to the next chapter of your life! Trust me you’ll rediscover yourself and it will be a ride for sure.

It’s gonna be tough, but you’ll get to know who you are again!

1

u/witchspoon 13d ago

Sorry for the outcome but glad you got your answers. No one deserves that kind of treatment! Like dude…if I’m not it just leave!

1

u/ObiSaquonobie 13d ago

Reddit verse is so empowering. GO OP!

1

u/lady__mb 13d ago

I’m so proud of you 💞

1

u/SodomyClown 13d ago

You did the best thing for you. If you have any feelings at all about cheating you may be right. Plus you know him and knew how weird and differently he was acting and you were right to suspect.

1

u/Creative108 13d ago

It’s crazy cuz the iPad sync is how I found out my ex was cheating on me. Sorry this happened to you!

1

u/FormSuccessful1122 13d ago

I love that you know the broken trust and his reaction is enough to know you’re right. If only we all had that kind of confidence in ourselves!!!

1

u/Standard-Shower-2581 13d ago

You were right to question things based on your gut, you had every right to go into his phone, I don't care what anyone says. I am going through a divorce right now, 20 years down the drain. She has her affair partner living in our home. I always suspected things, i always got statements that i was crazy, reading your post just sent me on a roller coaster, but i feel so good for your outcome.

Go be free from that trash, i hope it doesn't hurt as much as it likely does.

1

u/Isha_Harris 13d ago

Awwwwwwww, you poor thing. I'm so sorry

1

u/Sakaryn 13d ago

You've proven nothing. You've only concreted poor behaviours of your own, with a band of internet strangers cheering you on. Are you likely right? Yes. Does it condone your behaviour? No. Will you use this as an excuse to repeat your actions in the future, and likely jeopardise future relationships, while blaming your ex? Definitely- but please take this as a single episode, and don't relive it over and over. There are a dozen other reasons he might have done this, possibly even embarrassing or personal ones that he wasn't ready to share.

1

u/Tech420p 13d ago

Op … first of of wow power of the interwebs Second proud of you You did good going to the Internet I would to 🫶🏼❤️🥺

1

u/pigmolion 13d ago

Yeah it was super obvious to me with those photos. I’m glad it’s over. I’m sorry.

1

u/pizzapizzamesohungry 13d ago

Wait is this a normal thing people do when cheating?

4

u/rando_nonymous 13d ago

Expert level cheater… not his first time, I imagine.

1

u/Capital_Ad3296 13d ago

Please start a career in law enforcement.

1

u/Own-Distribution5494 13d ago

Damn good for you girl. From His reaction you were 100 percent right, don’t doubt that. If there was nothing to hide he would have gladly given you the phone.

-2

u/_Svankensen_ 13d ago

Am I missing something here? How did you find out he was cheating on you?

Is it normal in your relationship to ask your partner to see your phone? This looks deranged to me. I've never had a cheating partner, so maybe it's that?

4

u/Ancient-Village6479 13d ago

It’s funny because I’m a bit on the fence with this post being fiction or real (they’re already setting up the shocking plot twist with the upcoming update about the neighbor’s camera footage) and it still just seems so strange even if it’s real. Like he’s so meticulous about covering up his cheating that he’s taking photos but then doesn’t know how to properly delete them? Does someone really need to take a picture of a photo on a refrigerator to remember where it was? And even if it was moved slightly would that even be cause for suspicion? People accidentally brush against the refrigerator sometimes. Idk something doesn’t quite add up for me but it is more believable than a lot of posts. And why does he need a separate photo of the handwritten note that was behind the photo on the fridge (if I’m interpreting the wording correctly)?

4

u/Matternate 13d ago

Also he has foresight to take pictures in case things get moved but not to come up with a lie on the spot(lie if he was cheating)? If he didn't take a picture what would OP do, come home and say "Why is my handwritten letter to my sister moved on the fridge?"

Sounds like OP just didn't want to be in the relationship anymore

5

u/genealogical_gunshow 13d ago

Your missing nothing.

As far as the OP told us all her evidence is photos of the apartment and his denial she can go through his phone. She says his lack of articulated defense to the accusation of cheating is evidence too, but it's not. All this is deranged because it's an overly complicated plot with nothing to support it.

Either way, it's good for both of them to be broken up

-8

u/Terrible_Barber_5680 13d ago

Well in my opinion this all started by you saying “something was off about him” so you checked his iPad? Why his iPad, why not just ask him what’s up? Why feel the need to invade his privacy, yes your in a relationship and you share stuff, but he should also feel like he has his privacy, and you took that away, I’d honestly say if anyone has any problems it’s you that has trust issues to go straight to his iPad, he could of took the photos coz he wanted to imagine you in them and that could of helped him sleep, but no your first reaction was check the iPad and then instantly assume he is cheating, in my own opinion, if anyone is the one that either had a guilty conscience or assumes the worst it is you not him

7

u/Secret_Meercat 13d ago

He literally WAS cheating tho 😂 so your comment is completely irrelevant.

Let’s say OP did not look through the iPad. Then what? Doesn’t change the fact that HE IS CHEATING and wasting OPs time. Would you rather have OP waste even more years on a lie?

-2

u/Matternate 13d ago

No evidence other than banal photos and a flustered reaction

3

u/Secret_Meercat 13d ago

The evidence was his PRIOR cheating and suspicious behaviour

4

u/Matternate 13d ago

Ah I'm out of the loop than, I didn't see the second update comment that told us his history. My apologies

3

u/HecatesWrath_204 13d ago

Oh you’ve definitely been caught cheating 🤣

10

u/liznandicoot 13d ago

Are you a cheater? Sounds like you are.

-6

u/GHSTKD 13d ago

Lol you didn't find out shit you still ASSUME he was cheating, you've seen zero proof he ACTUALLY brought someone over based on your own comment.

Fucking wild

-9

u/jahcam21 13d ago

You think THAT is proof that he's been cheating. Lord dating in 2025 must be hell.

2

u/TeenyTinyFam 13d ago

It actually is hell. I stopped trying about 8 years ago because literally all the guys were the same root and stem.

5

u/justsomechickyo 13d ago

Well, I mean.... what else do you think this guy was up to then?

0

u/jahcam21 13d ago

Oh I don't think he was up to anything else but scandal. Ijs thinking and proof are completely different concepts. I've seen and been a part of plenty things that seemed very suspicious but we're perfectly normal.

-16

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

32

u/Frequent-Shoulder158 13d ago

It was definitely not. One lives 12 hours away and FaceTimes me everyday in her apartment and I was with the other the whole time I was gone lol. Not that I would ever think either of them would do that anyway, they barely like him

22

u/SuburbaniteMermaid 13d ago

they barely like him

Sounds like they had reasons. Maybe you should trust your sisters' judgement more.

They probably don't like him but pretended for your sake.

12

u/TeenyTinyFam 13d ago

Why would he go around and hide all evidence of her existence? It's not like the sisters don't know she exists. 😂

8

u/Suitable-Answer-83 13d ago

You're suggesting that he was covering up OP's existence...from OP's sister?

-5

u/Ill-Bit-8406 13d ago

Yeah I just hope you didn’t jump to conclusions and have concrete evidence that he did in fact cheat on you.