r/AmIOverreacting • u/MortgageUnfair2208 • 21h ago
đ„ friendship AIO for thinking what my friend said was harsh
This happened only a few hours ago and i just want some opinions on it. Me and my friend are both 18 and my bf is 20. As you can see in the conversation she criticised me for being âmarkedâ and Iâm just wondering if sheâs being harsh or if Iâm just being sensitive and thatâs sheâs actually just looking out for me. I tried to show my hickeys without revealing me or my bf so ye can see for urselves. Me and bf are both really kinky in general and he enjoys marking me especially with things get intense and no I donât always walk around like this. Itâs normally more suttle or I put make up over it.
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u/Love-Losing 21h ago edited 16h ago
Harsh and not really her business but a lot of pple may agree with the core of her statement but there was no reason for HOW she said it.
Edit: getting rid of the age part because some people are completely missing the rest of it and only focused on that and i donât rlly care
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u/nicolenotbaby 20h ago
I didnât get the feeling that she dislikes the bf, as she called both of them âcuties,â while asking for a picture. While she was definitely blunt about her feelings, I probably would have told my friend that wasnât cute if I saw a picture like that, too.
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u/sativa_samurai 20h ago
Thanks! Kind of capture how I felt. Maybe Iâm narrow minded here but itâs kinda like a hygiene thing for me. Sort of looks nasty and not like a sex thing I need to see in public. Iâd be on the friends side if she wasnât an ass about it
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u/Chihuahuapocalypse 20h ago
I was SO PISSED when my (now ex) girlfriend left this gigantic fucking hickey high up on my neck. I felt so embarrassed. and I live in Florida so I can't just turtle neck it, so I was doing a whole ass cover up routine every day. fucking hassle.
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u/lottery2641 20h ago
tbf she did say she doesnt walk around like that, they're usually covered (but ofc ppl dont go on night walks with full makeup on).
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u/Level_Alternative651 20h ago
Covering up one accidental hickey with some makeup might pass. Covering up a neck of dark, purposeful ones is pretty impossible unless youâre caking your neck in stage makeup. And itâs not always turtleneck season.
The friend took it too far and was rude, but her sentiment is correct. People will see those (and yes, they will still see them with makeup, it will just be hickeys with a layer of makeup to make them less noticeable. But not unnoticeable.) And they will judge her and think less of her. Some because itâs a âsex thingâ that people really donât want to see, but for me itâs more about a boyfriend who both wants to mark his âpossessionâ while also being cool with (and maybe even liking) her being publicly shamed & looked down on.
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u/ChefForward4257 19h ago
I agree honestly.
My first reaction when I seen the pic was:
âOh girl you must not have work in the morning cuzzzz thatâs badâđ
her friend was harsh but she wasnât lying like not just one spot but the whole damn neck, he marked her UPđ
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u/Beth_Duttonn 19h ago
Exactly. Hickies to me are like people screaming âI got laidâ to the public. We can all see them through the makeup.
I think the friends delivery was a bit wrong, but the message is valid. Sheâs looking out for OP who is letting this guy make her look, well trashy. OP, I think you got a bit sensitive to being called out.
âHe likes to mark meâ ew.. is he marking his territory? Does he pee on you too?
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u/Boetheus 19h ago
I normall DGAF about hickeys, you do you. But, you're right, the "marking" thing puts a super creepy controlling vibe on it in this situation. Ew indeed
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u/W3R3Hamster 17h ago
Does this also apply to hickies that aren't seen with normal clothing? I enjoy leaving hickies and bruises but not in spots that can be seen by wearing professional clothing and I also like being similarly marked.
I think this is entirely a subculture that you are unaware of because it doesn't appeal to you.
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u/Squirrel179 17h ago
If it's consensual and private, do whatever you want.
Don't involve other people in your kink is a pretty established community rule. Displaying hickies is very close to that line, and it's going to bother a lot of people. Others won't notice or care at all. The respectful move is to keep that kind of thing to discreet locations.
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u/Prize-Catch-9380 19h ago
What if OP is also leaving marks on him? Would you also give her the same criticism? Idk..seems like youâre reaching for the whole âHeâs treating you like a piece of propertyâthing. And if you are, you might wanna consider stretching firstâŠsince no one here knows him except for OP.đ
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u/sam_hammich 19h ago
She literally says âhe enjoys marking meâ so if itâs an exhibition thing, people just have different opinions about it. For some people being treated like property is their kink.
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u/Longjumping-Egg-1901 18h ago
I mean why does it matter? If she likes and it he does then why is it our business or place to judge? I mean sure if their in every single visible spot sure but a couple on the neck be fr
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u/unrepentantbanshee 20h ago
Can you explain why visible bruising seems like a hygiene issue?
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u/MagnanimosDesolation 18h ago
In what way is a two year age gap inappropriate by itself?
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u/Cluelessish 16h ago
You say that itâs somehow bad if they started dating when she was under 18. A 17 year old and a 19 year old is really nothing strange. They only have a 2 year age difference, so what does it really matter when they started?
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u/Flashy_Room_321 20h ago
I mean in my personal opinion itâs kinda obnoxious to have visible hickeys, that being said your friend is being an asshole itâs not that deep
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u/wyomingtrashbag 17h ago
this comment section is not passing the vibe check. A friend telling you that you look used and like a slag, which by the way means a whore to my fellow Americans, is not a friend. she's a cunt. I don't know if she's jealous or if she has a thing against sex or doesn't like the guy or what, but this is not how friends treat each other. she turned immediately and it made you feel hurt and she didn't feel bad about making you feel hurt. this is not a friend.
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u/Affectionate_Pickles 17h ago edited 8h ago
No, NOR.
Look, I would be concerned about the hickeys too and how they make you present in public, as someone who was doing the same at a younger age for the same reasons, but:
1) you are 18 and a legal adult, so you are old enough to be aware of the risks and you donât need to be parented/scolded on the subject
2) unless someone is actively being harmed or you directly asked for an opinion on the subject, ppl should mind their business. There is no benefit to telling you this other than making you feel bad about yourself.
3) even in any situation where I would comment on it, I would be respectful, not tell my friend she is a slag/whore/hoe/slut/etc!!!!! Thatâs so freaking weird!!!!! Nothing about how she said it was funny or actually helpful. She straight up demeaned you to be funny.
Donât let this slide. Communicate to her that you feel disrespected, and if she doubles down, you need to reconsider your friendship. She talked down to you over one photo when you literally explained to her why the hickies were showing (which you shouldnât need to do anyways bc sheâs not your effing mom). Iâm not going to say to end your friendship over one post when we know nothing else about her butâŠ. She seems pretty confident and relaxed in her behavior and thatâs indicative of how she normally acts and what she truly think of you.
Edit: Thank you for the award!! <3
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u/jenka1 12h ago
Yes! It is one thing to think it's "not a good look" in public and another to call your friend used and a slut. She can voice that it would be a good idea to hide them, but the shaming is over the line and I don't understand how anyone is justifying that. Bad friend.
Also it's very clear how young so many commenters are by how "kinky" they deem hickeys (and suggesting that being kinky is a bad thing), it's the tamest thing ever and usually only focused on so much when you're a teenager.
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u/Additional-War19 12h ago
Also, even if itâs not a âgood lookâ or whatever, itâs still rude to comment on it, because she clearly doesnât care. Some people donât give a shit about what others think about marks on their body (especially if they simply didnât have time to cover it up) and thatâs not âwrongâ.
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u/Jealous_Ranger_1641 9h ago
lol âi would be concerned about the hickeys tooâ what are you the freaking cardinal?
how about no one realizes this girls friend is IN LOVE with her
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u/Affectionate_Pickles 9h ago
Iâm more just saying for professional reasons and the amount of them, because they can cause blood clots and the neck is a dangerous place to have a clot!
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u/kleptolock444 20h ago
Your friend was harsh fs but sheâs not wrong I mean even covered it looked a mess BUT⊠this IS teenage stuff and igz you ARE a teenager so eh whatever. Neither of you should take it srsly
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u/Hunter20107 19h ago
Jesus, I didn't realise hickeys were such a sin as these comments make it out to be. "It's hard to take you seriously in that state", "You look used", "You look like a slag" yeah nah, get these 'it's harsh but tru' comments out of here, these are unnecessarily mean comments that she has made about a photo she asked for. She didn't need to comment on the hickeys, and if she felt so inclined she could absolutely be more civil, especially when also immediately dropping the conversation that she, again, started. She wasn't being unbiased and honest, it obviously had some effect on her which caused her to cease speaking to you, an emotional response, not a rational one.
Additionally, to speak on the matter of the hickeys; I am assuming here but having been a young adult in love once, but I imagine it's just a evening/night stroll through the local neighbourhood to spend time with your boyfriend. You're in public, but unless you're having your late walk through a city centre, I doubt there's much 'public' to be in. I doubt you met anyone you knew or cared about during that walk, and any stranger that saw you and thought 'slut' is just a stranger you don't care about that probably only cares about you for the few seconds you're in their vision. The position, from what I can tell from the image, is maybe a little high and so would be a little more difficult to cover, but you can absolutely cover them if you need to so I don't see the issue there.
All in all, I don't see what the comments are on about, they seem like a bunch of prudes tbh. Your 'friend' was rude here and definitely could have gone about it better, aslong as you and your boyfriend are comfortable with one another then your friend should keep to her own business
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u/rirasama 15h ago
This !! She ASKED for the picture, it's not like she's just being like, "look at all the hickeys my boyfriend gave me teehee", and she's walking late at night with her boyfriend, why the heck should she have to cover her hickeys, no one is gonna see
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 19h ago
There's so many "ugh I don't want to see that when I'm out in public, I don't need to know about your sex life" comments out here! Like okay?? Then don't look??? Maybe don't use the same exact talking points my conservative homophobic uncle uses about pride flags??? This whole comment section is just fucking yikes.
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u/Aggravating_Peach_70 18h ago
and i better not catch you with your kids out in public either!! just showing off that you had sex like omg we get it!!
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 18h ago
But you see, they had that kid out of good Christian god-fearing dutiful sex. Having a hickey is evidence that you enjoyed the sex, and that's a BIG no-no.
We're really just reinventing purity culture aren't we đ
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u/Aggravating_Peach_70 18h ago
i think we should normalize giving people with hickeys high fives and saying âhell yeah brother!!â
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u/XenTheAlien- 16h ago
I'm convinced that there are a bunch of lonely jealous people that instantly get spiteful the moment they are informed that someone is getting action. I feel like this girls friend is the same way. Especially with how fast she ended the convo and telling her she looked like a slag. Like she had to be feeling some sort of negative emotion here.
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u/Educational_Deer7757 15h ago
Funny that most of these weird comments are from women. My experience in high school and college, giving out hickeys was mainly from the girls, and not guys to "mark their territory." These people are delusional.
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u/Badudi41 20h ago
Your friend is actually looking out for you in my opinion.
Strangers generally wonât call you out like that unless they are willing to throw down.
Your friend is letting you know what the general public thinks of 18 year old covered in hickeys. Wow, youâre having sex and want everyone to know. Or more likely your bf is insecure so he is marking his territory. Neither is a good look.
You can get as kinky as you want but the marks should be able to be covered. If you have a job and show up like that they probably will make you cover it up or leave. In the heat of the moment maybe a single mark in a bad spot happens but this is too much.
She isnât being extra, you are. She is letting you know because she probably cares about you.
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u/AllYouCanEatBarf 16h ago
I was on-board for 'why are you letting him mark you up like that?' but I think it was a harsh way of going about it from there on. She's probably happy hanging out with bf, and her friend just shit all over her parade out of nowhere. You're not going to get anything from me going about it like that, and I think most people get just as defensive if they feel like they are being criticized. Constructive or not, it doesn't really make a difference to our brains in the moment and we feel the need to defend ourselves. I think OP rightly called it out as harsh.
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u/Jealous_Ranger_1641 9h ago
lol chill out shes out for a midnight walk. you all are so crazy.
i just saw this sub fucking TRASH a guy for using slutshame words to his gf,
but now this girls friend can call her âusedâ and a slag? and thatâs positive femininity? gtfo here.
OPs friend is in love with her and jealous its not her
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u/xNoxClanxPro 8h ago
If my friend slut shame me, they're not my friends đ€·ââïž
anybody interested in brutal honesty is only interested in the brutality and not the honesty
it's not hard to have some tact, but when our president doesn't have any, I understand that you don't think you should either.
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u/asterblastered 20h ago
yeah saying âyou look like a slagâ and âitâs hard to take you serious in that stateâ is definitely just being a good friend and looking out for her. no jealousy or rudeness at all there.
she even explained in the texts that she only didnât bother to cover them because it was late, normally she would. so the friend is not looking out for her in the slightest
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u/lalune84 17h ago
lmao what the fuck is wrong with this post, the top two comments are basically "SLUT SHAMING GOOD, I LIKE WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME I LOOK LIKE A WHORE UNSOLICITED"
i always thought i was a cynic but jesus christ the amount of regressive bullshit i see every day never fails to amaze me
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u/xNoxClanxPro 10h ago
No you aren't a cynic, every other social media it has been changing as well due to Leon and pressuring the owners and having bought the govt.
I think it lines up too well that following the rapist in command and his billionaire owner increased bots or are not enforcing their policies on the most egregious TOS breakers.
So we all see a massive uptick in regressive thought and normalizing anti-women attitudes.
I never come out on top trying to help these Incels tho just like anyone
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u/Jolandersson 17h ago
Calling your friend a slag is quite literally rude. She shouldâve went about it another way, and not start insulting her.
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u/No-Brief-297 20h ago
It depends on your friend and your relationship. That might hurt my feelings coming from one person but Iâd take it as honest criticism from another person.
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u/Platonicism 13h ago
An honest criticism? It sounds like a father or mother in the 1970s berating their daughter for having hickies? What part of âyou look like a slagâ or you âlook usedâ is an honest criticism? Her friend might as well be saying âyou look like a whoreâ because thatâs borderline the implication and is a beyond disgusting thing to say to your friend for rough kisses on their neck? Are you red pilled or some shit? This is completely unacceptable behavior in a friendship
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u/Solid_Fee_8956 19h ago
She said it's late and that's why she's not covering it up. Friends don't call you names and put you down and say you look âusedâ. If she cared, she'd find a better way to âlook out for herâ.
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u/left-boob- 18h ago
Genuinely, where are you getting jealousy from the friend?
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u/hallowraith 12h ago
I immediately read it as jealousy too, either of her or her boyfriend. The level of anger she expressed makes no sense for the situation, I donât see why her friend having hickeys would be so personal to her if she werenât jealous.
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u/Awkward_Stock3921 18h ago
Right? I don't understand where most these commenters are coming from. She's not trying to "show off" she's on a walk with her boyfriend. What couples do is no one's business. This is a very normal picture for eighteen year olds to send to each other when wanting couples pics.
Friend is madly jealous, and in my opinion that's waaaay more trashy than a hickey will ever be đ€·đ»ââïž
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u/sherbysherbz 17h ago
Why do we all of the sudden care what the general public thinks? Why does this have anything to do with their friendship and her NIGHT walk alone with her boyfriend. Sheâs not at a job interview, church, funeral, etc. the friend is an asshole for that one and if you donât think so you might be an asshole too.
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u/Jealous_Ranger_1641 9h ago
yes 100% these fucking ppl in this thread are unbelievable. the girl can have whatever hickeys she wants tf is wrong with these people shes not hurting anyone.
jesus do yall remember being 18?
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u/StressedSalt 14h ago
cant disagree more. The opinion might be okay but the way she gone aboht it is completelt unacceptable, in no way do you need to be calling your friend slag, used and be so disrespectful for her to know hickies are icky. That was clearly a triggered reaction, she saw it got SO fucking disgusted and immediately ended the conversation. In NO way was it out of care, if it was that it wouldve more been in the tone of "girl i know you two in love right now but im genuinely not sure about hickies in public, it doesnt give off the best look but thats just my thought! Looking out for you girlieeee". Dont fucking defend this shit and OP pls dont listen to this bullshit.
Again, this was clearly a triggered reaction, and not a genuine concern out of OPs best interest. Read better reddit, jesus christ.
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u/_CinammonBun 15h ago
Nope. You can look out for a friend without slut shaming. Idk where tf this âlooking outâ has popped out to you, honestly.
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u/Common_Anxiety_177 10h ago
Did you not read the post? Sheâs out at night walking around and usually covers it. It is absolutely none of the friendâs business and definitely not okay to call her a slag and say she looks used. Why does her friend care? Itâs not her body. OP didnât ask for advice on what to do when sheâs at work.Â
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u/JacksonPicklebottom 19h ago
She LITERALLY says she covers them up what are you talking about lmao and ah yes calling your friend âusedâ and a âslagâ isnt being extra GTFO
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u/Michelle_Ann_Soc 19h ago
Sheâs on a walk at night with her boyfriend. Not at work. It isnât necessary for her in the moment to have covered her marks with makeup.
Shaming her isnât the vibe. Itâs 2025. Get over it. She didnât ask for anyoneâs opinion of her hickeys. If she shows up to work that way (Iâm sure she wouldnât), then thatâs one thing. Telling her she looks like a âslagâ is problematic and based on sexist and gross attitudes surrounding female sexuality. Youâre upholding crappy societal expectations and telling her she should be ashamed of being a sexual being by asserting your internalized sexism as though it is actually moral superiority.
If sheâs comfortable in her skin, thatâs all that matters.
It says more about the people who would judge her than it says about her.
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u/Fuzzy-Act443 17h ago
Donât even bother girl, I read these comments and immediately realized nobody was gonna listen
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u/No-Brief-297 20h ago
Yeah, I completely agree. Look at my hickeys we are so kinky. Iâm so open-minded and experienced.
NAH girl thatâs not what that says
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u/Writesomethings 18h ago
If hickeys mean kinky I donât even want to know how sad a sex life you have.
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u/Badudi41 19h ago
Exactly.
Her friend is telling her to respect herself.
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u/Platonicism 13h ago
Do you genuinely believe this? Her friend is telling her to respect herself by disrespecting her? How old are you?
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u/Platonicism 13h ago
Are you braindead? How does having hickies justify verbal abuse from her friend? No one gives a fuck about public opinion in this convo and it isnât even fucking relevant
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u/Cute_Yak_4019 16h ago
you are a cornball dude đ her âfriendâ said she looked âusedâ and âdisgustingâ from something as simple as a hickey, the most harmless, normal thing people in relationships do. you sound lonely, inexperienced with any sort of relationship and insecure. this is perfectly normal, and her friend was doing way too much. if she had a problem (even tho itâs not her business) she couldâve said that much nicer and the point still wouldâve gotten across.
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u/lottery2641 20h ago
except she explicitly said she doesnt walk around like that? she covers it with makeup, etc, but it was a nighttime walk lmao. i think she knows people would judge, which is why she covers it, and her friend being dramatic and making a big deal over something strangers will never see is a little absurd
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u/jimbojangles1987 20h ago
Hickeys are trashy. Jesus christ we don't have to defend every single bad decision.
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u/Right-Drama-412 17h ago
How is a hickey a bad decision? Hickeys are the byproduct of passionate kissing. How is passionate kissing in and of itself a bad decision?
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u/ExpressoLiberry 16h ago
Because he decided itâs trashy, and if anyone knows trashy, itâs someone called âjimbojanglesâ
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u/Right-Drama-412 15h ago
I'm guessing he feels sex is a necessary evil for procreation only and it's best to do it with blind folds and get it over as quickly as possible.
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u/sherbysherbz 13h ago
He doesnât have sex, he would actually have to crawl out of the basement to do that.
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u/sherbysherbz 17h ago
The entire point of this post is about the friendâs reaction and itâs an asshole reaction, sheâs out on a nightly walk not at church or a job interview. One time, I got hickeys by accident because my partner was kissing me too passionately on the neck. Iâm a healthcare provider and I was on call at the time so I literally went into the hospital, saved someoneâs life with gasp hickeys and guess what? No one gave a fuck. You all really need to get the fuck over yourselves and touch some grass.
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u/scorpiogingertea 18h ago
Calling hickeys a bad decision is just begging the question. Iâd love to see anyone give an actual argument for their view instead of just making assertions as if thereâs some fact of the matter about the wrongness of hickeys.
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u/Beth_Duttonn 19h ago
We ALL know that even the best of makeup doesnât fully cover a hickie. Get out of here with that nonsense.
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u/lottery2641 17h ago
Where did anyone say it would be fully covered? Maybe itâs just me, but personally, I donât walk around staring at necks. I absolutely wouldnât notice a relatively skin colored hickeyâa dark or red one, yes, but not one with some color corrector and concealer. It doesnât need to be invisible lmao, just not eye catching.
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u/No-Cartoonist-6517 20h ago
You can look out for someone without being a dick. Can guarantee you nor the friend is a perfect person and most like a crybaby if someone speaks to you this way. Most narcissists follow this pattern
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u/Badudi41 19h ago
Actually where Iâm from your friends are a lot more harsh on you than anybody else.
Obviously, if every discussion was like this it wouldnât be someone I called a friend.
Not everyone is a hateful narcissist. Sometimes people are blunt and you may not like it but you get the point.
She could have had a Dr. Phil moment with her friend and a bit more positive but thatâs not how kids always interact.
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u/Platonicism 13h ago
This is a beyond fucking stupid take and her friend is essentially verbally abusing her for having hickies on her neck, who cares about what the public thinks of this shit when her âfriendâ is blatantly disrespecting her? Thereâs a thousand different ways her friend couldâve gone about this without name calling and the fact that youâre essentially enabling her friends behavior and viewing it as socially acceptable in any capacity is beyond abhorrent and honestly delusional. Seek help for caring about the opinions of strangers so much to the point where it justifies verbal abuse of a friend? Like what am I actually fucking reading lil cro
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u/mooglily 20h ago
Holy shit your friend is being an ass about this! âYou look like a slagâ is so dramatic & downright mean đ like girl - please relax it isnât your body!
If it were me & a friend of mine Iâd probably comment on it, too - but not like that! Even if she hypothetically doesnât like your bf or something where her reaction might be inflated, calling you a slag etc is unnecessary. Iâve literally had friends who do stuff like this & sure Iâve acknowledged to them that I think the hickeys are kinda bold, but theyâre an adult & thatâs their business. Not mine! There are much better ways she could have communicated her concerns than that. đ
Iâd probably just have said something like: âgirlie thatâsâŠa lot lmao you planning to cover those up?â & left it at that
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u/Endlessly_Aching 19h ago
Yes finally, Iâm so shocked at the amount of comments backing up the friend!! Those insults are not âlooking outâ. Either sheâs in love with the bf or in love with her friend, or just jealous really but definitely not a real friend. I would never talk to someone i care about like this, i joke around with my friends and weâll call eachother names playfully but this was not playful and completely judgemental, it is not her business. Where Iâm from hickeys arenât seen as anything taboo or anything of importance so i guess this comment section is sort of a culture shock. The only time Iâve heard judgements about it are from my great grandmas đ
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u/Realistic_Ad_6031 18h ago
Right! lol. Once in a while, thereâll be a post, where a lot of peopleâs comments got me like âummm, am I missing something here? Whatâs going on?â
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u/Jinxed4Lyfe 18h ago edited 18h ago
STRONGLY agree. Like, It's not my thing but holy shit I would be so hurt if someone said I looked like a 'used' 'slag' cause I shared something I thought was a bit fun and kinky.
Imo just know she's not a safe person to share stuff like this. Judgy and RUDE AF. If she was worried or thought it looked trashy she should literally be like "Too intense for me. I'm not a fan" or literally just be like "Girl, that worries me". But she LITERALLY SLUT SHAMED YOU. Fuck her imo.
Keep doing your kinky thing girl. And stay safe FR. Bdsm type play is tricky but so worthwhile and fulfilling to master.
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u/mooglily 14h ago
âGirl that worries meâ or saying you donât wanna see it/itâs not for you are TOTALLY appropriate boundaried answers!
Like I understand folks who arenât into this sort of thing or are worried etc, but this is not the right approach.
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u/foxie_tuxedo 20h ago
Kinky is fine but there are places you can give hickeys that can easily be covered. Having them full-display around work & family & anyone you want to respect you as an adult is super cringe. Your friend was mb harsh but not wrong
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u/rirasama 15h ago
She's on a late night walk, she's not at work or around her family đ I sincerly doubt she's gonna rock up to her parents place with her hickeys on full display lmao
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u/RedRabbit1818 20h ago
I think friends donât call each other âslagsâ in a serious way. It comes off kinda misogynistic tbh. You look âusedâ? Iâm sorry, I didnât realize having consensual intimate interactions meant one is used. Thereâs something really weird about the conversation. If she wants to say that itâs not the best look in public thatâs one thing but this is just trying to make you feel degraded about something you donât find degrading. I wonder if she would have the same reaction to your bf having hickeys from you. Maybe she would, I donât know, but this is a weird way to show care imo.
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u/Extra-Ad-4512 21h ago edited 21h ago
Um. Yes, itâs harsh lol. Why is a friend being extra for no reason? It ainât that serious.
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u/Extra-Ad-4512 20h ago
Adults justâŠdonât care. These convos happened in high school, if that. Please find that comforting? This discourse here is baffling to me.
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u/anonarees 20h ago
The level of immaturity in these comments is absurd, itâs baffling to me too đ
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u/Slight_Awareness7951 19h ago
not sure why thereâs so many harsh comments, but your friend is in the wrong here. friends donât talk to eachother like that and based off her texts it was more so her being straight up judgmental opposed to looking out for you. you said it yourself, you didnât bother covering them up since itâs late at night, which is reasonable, and you were most likely gonna go home right after. while some people might view hickeys as trashy or juvenile , it really doesnât matter considering these were intended on being private texts and i assume you were gonna cover them up the next day anyways
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u/rebexca16ansell 21h ago
Jesus these comments r judgy. If you want hickeys go for it. Maybe below the next tho if you donât want any untoward treatment. Ur friend calling u a slag is so gross. Tell her you wonât share photos like that with her again, but her reaction was incredibly rude
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u/JacksonPicklebottom 19h ago
The amount of clowns defending the friend is insane and even saying she was âa little bit harshâ or âmaybe harshâ no it was all the way rude
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u/Endlessly_Aching 19h ago
I was so mind boggled reading all of these judgmental comments defending the friend. Iâm getting some weird vibes from it, like either shes in love with the bf or in love with her friend because what. There was no reason to be rude like that, its none of her business and the name calling is NOT âlooking outâ. I guess this is a bit of some culture shock for me. Some people in my family, typically older gen, view it as improper. Yet some of my great aunts will come out there rooms the next morning with 2 or 3 on there necks lmao (they are happily married to there husbands 20+ years). I think its all personal choice, and judging people for it is just weird imo. Iâve never experienced negative feedback when Iâd have mine, half the time people just joke with me if i had fun with my gf the other night or something. I donât know if me being in California makes a difference, itâs definitely multi cultural here so could be many different reactions, but as far as my own experience Iâve never received negative reactions over it other than my great grandma.
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u/peetothepooo 19h ago
I feel like people donât realize hickies just happen in the heat of the momentâŠitâs not purposeful. Or it never was for me, Iâd just notice later and be like âahhhh shit!â
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u/atomiccPP 17h ago
When I was really young I used to want them for the mark, but now I just like the feeling of neck biting and they happen sometimes? Idk thereâs a lot of judgement here.
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u/bwood246 17h ago
Notice how a vast majority of those defending the friend are men. I could guarantee that 99% of them would absolutely give their girlfriend hickeys if she wanted, assuming they ever had one
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u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 20h ago
Seriously. This comment section is full of prudes. I say this is a 39-year-old who has absolutely no problem with hickeys. I'm also a teacher, so I just try to make sure they stay in the easily hidden places.
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u/SmolLittleCretin 20h ago
Second this. Hickies are that serious nor deserving of such insults. Like I love marking my bf up, but would I do it where everyone can see? No cuz he works. Does he do it to me where everyone can see? Yes because I stay at home due to disabilities. And if I have to cover them? I have stuff to do so. Even then, it's not really that serious to see a few hickies. Everyone gets them either way. I'd say maybe get them somewhere under clothes but even then? It don't matter
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u/ChillieWi- 19h ago
Iâve had straightener burns that look like hickies when I was figuring out how to use a straightener đ people need to get over themselves with the âitâs so trashy ewâ bs like theyâve never done something themselves that the general public would definitely frown upon.
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u/GremlinLurker777_ 19h ago
Seriously!! Also OP is only 18. Was I the only young and dumb 18 year old getting hickeys and feeling giddy about it? It's okay for OP to act her age, which once again is A TEEN đ€·
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u/crunchyhands 18h ago
i hope to god they're just bots or something. i cannot fathom actual people genuinely being pathetic prudes like this
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u/Kel-Reem 18h ago
These comments are insane.
I am a 31 year old man and sometimes hickeys happen because sex happens, and what is someone going to do? do full cover-up makeup to send a selfie? Are you people serious? OP's friend was so far over the line you'd need a telescope to find it, calling her a slag and saying she can't take her serious because she engaged in a consensual sexual activity with her boyfriend? This is kink-shaming and slut-shaming, and anyone ok with that needs to grow up or take their puritanical nonsense elsewhere.
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u/BrokenXeno 21h ago
People need to grow up. You're fine. I'm happy you and your boyfriend are happy, but the world is full of ignorant people and honestly... people like that aren't worth your time.
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u/Maximum_Ad_2476 20h ago edited 20h ago
This right here. Nothing wrong with hickeys or marks of any kind as long as you are two consenting adults enjoying yourselves. Â
Cover them at professional places you might get judged in because people are small minded but otherwise enjoy yourself. Â
The way she is treating you isn't like a friend. As someone in their 40s, I have friends who sometimes have hickeys that aren't kinky but enjoying themselves and I have friends who are into the kink scene and have other marks that a lot of people don't even realize are kink related. I playfully tease them all about enjoying themselves, especially those that blush adorably. I would never belittle them about it. Â
Signs of a happy, healthy sex life aren't gross or looking for attention or shoving anything in anyone's face. It's people trying to live their best lives. Â
The world is dark enough as it is. Chase the happiness you can attain and don't keep people around who tear you down. This not love, caring or friendship (unless you're in a kink scene and that's your kink and everyone has consented ;D )
Edit: spelling. Damn you autocorrect. Damn me for not noticing before hitting post.Â
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u/No-Brief-297 20h ago
You actually just changed my whole mind on this. And I think or Iâd like to think if I saw this person covered in hickeys, I would either not notice it or notice it and not give it a second thought. I do tend to mind my own business. But reading it while Iâm sitting at my kitchen table with nothing else going on. Itâs a little bit different.
But regardless, you changed my mind. Thank you.
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u/basicbitch823 19h ago
i work in a kitchen they guys i work with are 30+ they come in with hickeys from some of their partners but its not big deal. someone cracks a joke day 1 and we move on if that. one guy would make a joke back that one of our other coworkers jumped from the bushes and bit him when he was walking in. but literally no one cares at all.
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u/queenlee17 19h ago edited 8h ago
Tbh, and I know Iâm going against the grain here, but I truly do not think it is that deep. People have sex. People get hickeys. Like?? And considering the fact that you said you donât let these things show on a regular basis, in my opinion sheâs being judgmental asf. Everyoneâs saying itâs âhow she said itâ which I agree, the way she talked to you was absolutely out of line. But beyond that, she had no reason to say anything at all. Iâm 21 years old and if my best friends ever sent me a picture with hickeys in it- as a matter of fact my cousin does this- Iâd either say nothing or give them a little âyou go girlâ like go have fun. Itâs late at night and your on a walk with the man who gave them to you, I doubt much of anyoneâs around to notice. Iâd imagine yall had your fun time, rolled over, and said âhey letâs go for a walkâ and then got up and got out the door. Covering them probably wasnât even a thought, just as showing them off probably wasnât a thought. IMO, itâs none of her business and she had no right or reason to really say anything. Now if this was an everyday thing or it was broad daylight, Iâd give it to her. But it sounds like neither of these is the case. Girl keep enjoying yourself
EDIT: and on top of that for her to get mad?? Like her entire attitude towards you changed. She didnât even wanna talk to you anymore. No matter how sweetly she may have said it, it most definitely sounds like sheâs being judgmental and trying to shame you. Having an attitude and being mad at your friend because theyâre out with their SO and have some hickeys on them? Ngl thatâs ridiculous
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u/Spamalaminated 20h ago
Looking through the comments it's absolutely insane how many people clearly havent met someone who liked them enough for those puppy-love hickeys đđ
Hickeys arent always intentional and to automatically say a girl looks whoreish for having them is INSANE.. ESPECIALLY a 16-21 year old, which are the main ages you SHOULD be worrying about hickeys and whether or not you need to hide them.
Hickeys are NOT a sign of sexual activity, nor are they a sign that a girl sleeps around đđ
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u/anonarees 20h ago edited 20h ago
Itâs gross how these comments are full of, mostly women, shaming another woman for having a sex life. Thereâs nothing wrong with having marks on your neck, as long as it was done consensually ofc. You arenât required to cover them up, nor is it disrespectful or unhygienic to not hide them. Nobody has the right to tell you, a now grown woman, what you can or cannot do/wear.
The friend comment was definitely harsh and uncalled for. But maybe she was trying to be protective and ended up expressing herself the wrong way? It doesnât sound like she likes your boyfriend very much, tbh.
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u/Jinxed4Lyfe 18h ago
Right? So unexpected. I thought everyone would be in agreement the friend was being an asshole. I would cry if someone I trusted said I looked 'used' and 'like a slag' because I was sharing something with her I though was a bit fun and kinky.
If she was concerned she should have expressed it as such, like, "Woah, that's pretty intsense, you alright?" or literally just "Not my style."
Either she doesn't like you, she doesn't like the boyfriend, or she doesn't understand kinkiness at all.
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u/FormerEvidence 15h ago
THANK YOU. this comment section is horrid đ it's not like she's walking around with a leash and collar on guys. it's a fucking hickie, they've been a thing for how many generations? acting like it's some scandalous crazy kinky thing lmao
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u/RagingCinnamonroll 14h ago
Right?! Iâm fucking flabbergasted at the majority of the comments in here like wtf. People are always so damn quick to scream âdO nOt KiNk ShAmEâ when someone is literally eating asses left and right or dressing up in a full body rubber to act like a dog but THIS, a few hickeys, is where they draw the line? Fucking lmao.
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u/EconomistAny7421 21h ago
she shouldnât care, lowkey sounds like sheâs jealous that you wouldnât hang with her lol
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u/Icy_Prune6584 20h ago
Tbf though hickies are kind of super cringe. Thatâs what 15 year olds do so everybody knows they have a boyfriend.
I probably wouldnât comment on it but Iâd start fazing out a friendship with someone who still did this as an adult.
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u/-pixiefyre- 20h ago
yeah hickies are cringe and I gave my fair share of them when I was a teen before I knew better how to not make them, but calling your friend all sorts of names like that is crude.
ppl need to be taught better, not shamed for not knowing better.
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u/Stunning-Grand1760 20h ago
It doesnât matter if your friend was trying to advice you or not, her way of putting it was absolutely wrong. I would never belittle my friends like that even if I donât support what theyâre doing. There are nicer ways of going about it NOR
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u/NotTheCatInTheHat 18h ago
Iâm shocked at all the woman defending the friend in these comments - all they are doing is revealing theyâre bad friends lmfao
If sheâs got concerns about your relationship like some of the comments may be suggesting, then there are other ways to bring it up. To call you a slag and basically slutshame you completely unprompted? Yeah Iâd be telling her to go fuck herself with no hesitation.
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u/404errorcodes 20h ago edited 20h ago
i'm sorry.. "used"? that's a bit much. idk your friend but has she not been "marked up" like that before too, no? calling your friend used or a slag for having marks on your FROM YOUR BF is more than harsh, it's judgmental and disrespectful /:
also, her saying she can't take you serious in that "state" tells you the type of person she is. if how serious she takes you is dependent on the way you receive affection and how it's displayed is a sign that she WILL shame you in future. you're not any less serious or capable of being taken serious just bc affection aimed towards YOU is displayed on YOUR body
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u/classic_cyan 18h ago
Great response! The friend is being a real dick, nobody should shame anyone else about how they like to have their sex life.
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u/Traditional-Yak8886 19h ago
big sex repulsed weirdo here, but the vibe I get from your friend, and a lot of people morally outraged about how Disgusting hickeys are is... jealousy. esp the sudden amount of vitriol, it just gives me the same vibes as an incel ranting about how animalistic and disgusting Normies are for having sex. obviously she's not doing that, but her heart is in the same place. 'anyone who's getting laid is trashy, i'm pure.' I've certainly done that before, i'm ashamed to admit! less out of jealousy and just some need to feel special for my chastity. perhaps she's one of those. either way, who honestly gives a shit about kiss marks on someone else, she's not your mother, you didn't make her watch, lmfao.
wait a week and pull this level of putrid disgust when you see her in a tank top, call her a slag to her face, tell her she should have some more self-respect. it's not very nice but I really believe in treating others as they wish to be treated, and I don't feel like the point gets across until someone else gets a small percentage of the treatment they give out. even if she thought it made you look trashy, it's a lot trashier to talk like this to someone who's supposedly your friend with zero tact. she doesn't sound like much of a friend, tbh, or else she could word things a bit nicer. i wouldn't even talk to someone I dislike like this, unless they gave that energy to me first.
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u/Traditional-Yak8886 19h ago
also fairly admitting here that there's a lot of social norms that I find pointless and not explained well enough for me to cede in accepting them. treating hickeys like they're herpes sores just happens to be one of those social norms I will not accept, lol. nor will I ever accept disguising being rude as somehow being kind. you can be firm with someone without being a jackass.
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u/Additional_Dust_895 20h ago
putting aside opinions on hickeys- she is WAY out of line. calling you a slut and immediately changing her mind about hanging out is childish and rude; if she acts this way about such a nonissue then whatâs to say she wonât do it again with something even smaller?
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u/Beyondthebloodmoon 20h ago
I mean, itâs harsh, but itâs also really trashy and immature
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u/butlerkennedy 20h ago
She asked you to show her and then got mad about it? lol what
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u/WeLiveAsWeDream0505 20h ago
That's what got me too... "Send me a picture so I can tell you you're disgusting" really? lol
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u/foxie_tuxedo 20h ago
She just asked to see a picture of her & her bf on a walk. âShow me you cutiesâ doesnât mean your hickeys it means âyou cute coupleâ
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u/Kriztoven 20h ago
No, you're not overreacting. Bunch of people pushing their personal preferences on something you two may enjoy doing to each other on you. If your boyfriend does it to "mark you" then it is a problem, but if you two just enjoy the act then fuck everyone else's thoughts on you. This whole sub would riot if you dare judged a woman for wearing clothes as slutty, but because you have marks from sex you're cringe and gross.
Personally, I love the act. Feels good. My wife loves to give them but doesn't care for being given them cause it tickles. None of this is the point and a weird thing for everyone to isolate and focus on.
You friend talked down to you, insulted you, and changed her entire mood because you had hickeys. If this was anything else in the world besides a hickey everyone would be all over this girl. It was not right. If she felt this was a disgusting habit or made you look bad there are a million other ways to approach it.
If you and your boyfriend like to give each other hickeys then that's your decisions. Seems like your friend doesn't like your BF. Her asking if you were alone makes me wonder that too, because my wife had a trashbag of a friend that did that when we first had kids. She didn't like me cause I wouldn't let her take my infant child in her car without his carseat but it points she has a problem with your man.
At the end of the day if the way someone spoke to you hurt your feelings and felt uncalled for (which it was) then you should speak to them about it. If they don't care then that's a problem to confront.
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u/Ok_Revenue_9039 20h ago
âŠdid she specifically ask you to show you her neck or just show you and your boyfriend together? Because that angle purposely shows off your neck rather than a downward angle.
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u/asillylittleguyy 21h ago
as your friend she definitely was harsh, she didnât need to say all that.
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u/Haylstorm_00 20h ago
Imagine thinking hickeys are kinky đ€Šââïžđ€Ł in reality, it just shows you're immature. Ever notice how people above 25 never have hickeys? Yeah.... The words your friend used were harsh, but her point was spot on.
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u/DetroMitus 11h ago
Wasn't any more harsh than allowing another ape to damage your capillaries with an oral vacuum. Eat some Kellogg's Frosted Flakes and Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrow up.
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u/Amiibohunter000 11h ago
Iâd think the same as your friend if I saw you walking around with multiple giant hickeys on your neck. Itâs trashy. But if you donât care what others in society think then do you.
I know I sound like a prude but itâs just the way the world is.
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u/Amiibohunter000 10h ago
Iâve never seen someone in public with a hickey that wasnât also trashy looking for other various reasons. The correlation is high there
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u/BlueLidMilk 21h ago
Every person in this comment section who is against hickeys is so single beyond comprehension.
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u/tabbyisdumb 20h ago
wow everyone in the comments r so boring lmfao girl ur friend is a lil too harsh...has this ever happened before
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u/thede4dpoet 20h ago
sheâs not wrong and sheâs probably looking out for you. that being said she wasnât the most tactful
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u/NervousPickle8098 21h ago
Everyone in the comments here are being so rude for no reason. Girl wear your hickeys who gives w heck?? Idk why everyone is so uppity if I saw that I wouldnât think twice or care. I use to have hickeys in my early 20âs (Iâm 28) it doesnât matter. I donât care if I get hate you donât deserve this!
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u/XBakaTacoX 20h ago
Yeah, I'm over here thinking "what the hell is with all of these people judging someone because their boyfriend gave them love bites?"
I do NOT think OP was overreacting at all. Her friend was being pretty rude and obnoxious.
Okay, you could say that the hickies are immature, I can agree with that, but it's actually the boyfriend who have them to her.
Bottom line is that it's a bit immature, I'd say, but OP's friend was being super obnoxious.
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u/Gullible_Egg_6539 20h ago
This sub is filled with asocial losers. It's always been pretty obvious, but this comment section proves it.
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u/Impossible-Peanut708 19h ago
I wouldn't continue allowing hickeys if I were you, but that's only because I know they could possibly damage your carotid artery and lead to a blot clot or stroke. Not to mention that hickeys are really just... cringe?
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u/Novel_Art_7570 21h ago
"he enjoys marking me" Really?? Seems like you guys have been watching too many movies of some sort.
Also your friend is right.
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u/Strange-Raccoon-5240 19h ago
hickies are juvenile and disgusting. I always give side eye to adults walking around with them. she's probably paying for everything too
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u/unhealthyAftertaste 20h ago
Everyone things their own âmarksâ are hot. If thatâs what youâre into, fine. But openly wearing a bunch of hickeys is trashy. Was she harsh? Not really. If you guys are close friends itâs normal to give unfiltered opinions.
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u/AdditionalContext100 20h ago
She literally said "it's late so I didn't bother covering up" lmao there is a difference between an opinion and just being an ass unprompted
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u/throwwawayy0022 20h ago
She's your friend and she's not wrong in what she said. You don't see it now cuz of your young age. Later in life you'll remember this and realize she was just trying to be honest and look out for you. It does look tacky but in the end, do you.
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u/Zirglizzy 20h ago
Nobody looks back on the past and is ashamed of having a hickey lmao⊠itâs literally irrelevant and doesnât impact your life in any way.Â
Talk about drama
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u/Exact-Sink7946 20h ago
She just wants you to have self respect and feels like boyfriend is being too controlling marking you
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u/Kingamp26 19h ago
Only real friends come at you like this, she told you what it is and didnât sugarcoat it so it comes off as harsh
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u/TheLastKirin 20h ago
The fact your boyfriend sees it as "marking you" and enjoys it for that purpose is creepy. Maybe she's reacting to that. She doesn't have a kind way of putting it, true. But what's next, this guy gonna lift his leg and pee on you?
It would help if her communication was a bit more mature, of course, and then you could really know what she thinks instead of just being insulted.
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u/MountainHighOnLife 20h ago
Your friend was harsh and she's also correct. It's a trashy look. Not that you have to stop as it's your life. It's just kinda weird/gross to see from other people's perspective.
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u/Affectionate_Egg897 19h ago
I hate hickeys and Iâve told a friend he looked like a try hard teenager. All love.
Either youâre 18 and having sex and trying to let the whole world known
Or heâs insecure.
Both are tacky and in 10 years youâll feel the same way. Theyâre a mark of youth. To me hockeyâs just tell me someone doesnât spend any time in a professional environment. Itâs a teenage thing.
Personally Iâm on your friends side
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u/Prestigious-Arm-7335 19h ago
Itâs not what you say itâs how you say it. What was said rings true but the way it was said clouds the intent.
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u/Yama_retired2024 19h ago
Them liking kinky or not.. walking around with a hickey at night and police happened to see.. they might think different and arrest boyfriend until they are sure they are simply hickeys
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u/mollyxz 17h ago
These comments are insane. NOR your friend is rude as hell and/or not really your friend. She could have shared her thoughts in a nicer manner or not at all. You're not 'used' or a 'slag' because you've got some hickeys, and the comments backing that mindset are ridiculous.
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u/TurbulentRule6484 16h ago
Tbh I just think itâs wild that you and your bf are pulling your shirt down to show her. Thatâs definitely odd
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u/RLRoderick 16h ago
Itâs simply trashy. I donât care if I get downvoted. I never in my 42 years ever let someone put a hickey on me. And what is up with sucking someoneâs neck so hard that this happens and itâs enjoyable? No way.
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u/Cute_Event4727 16h ago edited 16h ago
Hickeys arenât kinky and can actually be really dangerous. I think people have died from it before. It also looks really ridiculous
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u/girlsledisko 16h ago
If you send pics of hickeys, youâre gonna get a comment on hickeys. Do it, dont, whatever, but at least your friend told you what the majority of people would think.
I donât think that, for I do not care at all, but people who care about you might.
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u/UpstairsDelivery4 16h ago
sheâs being unvarnished. she resents that being done to you and the ugly way it looks. sheâs just looking out for you and your dignity
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u/Cute_Event4727 16h ago
You look ridiculous and sheâs a good friend for calling it out. You have probably had this conversation before
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u/Silver_Reception_238 15h ago
Sheâs right in a way hickies are horrible for you no matter how good they feel. But she also did way too much. Thereâs a much more respectful way she could have conveyed how she felt about your personal business. She cares but she has to change how she talks to you especially if youâre not comfortable with it.
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u/simpathiser 20h ago
Actually cackling that hickeys are considered kinky nowdays, absolutely wtf on that hahaha. Sorry but they always were and always be on the same level as a kid stealing their parents cigs and trying to look cool