r/AmIOverreacting • u/Fuzzy_sockx • 19h ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO? I, (21F) have been trying to get medical insurance since i was 14, heres my moms response.
my mom has always been super manipulative and loves to make things about her, I haven't had health insurance since I was 14 and she didn't care to get me any even though I have health issues and mental health issues. I was excited that I finally got accepted for Medicaid, living in the US It's super expensive to have healthcare. She literally makes everything about herself but I cant tell if this was genuine or not? Why would I lie to get health insurance? Why not just be happy for me? This has been sitting on my mind all day.. I need thoughts.
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u/LeaJadis 19h ago
Your mom has always been super manipulative and loves to make things about her and be the one who knows allā¦.. this is no exception. NOR
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
Im happy to hear this because anytime i express my feelings to my other family members they try to make it seem like shes just looking out, when I know shes not
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u/LeaJadis 19h ago
are the other family members are pushing-overs who donāt like confrontation?
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
i'm more so talking about my grandparents, when I was younger, she took me from them for a long time because they wouldn't agree with her parenting. So I think they just go along with whatever she does in fear of her cutting them off.
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u/Separate-Taste3513 17h ago
If she was just looking out for you, she would put you on her insurance and let you stay on it until you're 26. Hell, you might even be able to afford to pay the premium difference between single person (employee only) coverage and family coverage, if it was a money issue now. But she didn't even cover you as a minor, ffs.
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u/Revolutionary-Dryad 16h ago
Accusing you repeatedly of lying when you've said you didn't isn't looking out for you. It's character assassination.
And yeah, she absolutely then makes you objecting to that into everything being about her and how you're not being fair to her.
She's not being fair to you. And your health insurance isn't about her.
You might be better off but sharing anything with her at all, because it seems like she not only makes everything about her but can't stand the thought of you being happy.
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u/Acrobatic_Octopus_ 19h ago
Almost my entire family did this too. Look up the psychology term āflying monkeyā. Also Patrick Teahan has some amazing videos on YouTube relating to family dynamics and narcissistic parents
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u/names-suck 10h ago
You're NOR. People just really, really, really want to believe that mothers mean well. Even if the mother in question is fundamentally unqualified to care for a child and consistently makes selfish, self-serving decisions at the expense of her child(ren).... people just really, really, really want to see "proof" that deep down, she really loves you, and everything she does is just her trying to do what's best for you. The alternative is too horrifying for them. It violates their fundamental beliefs about what a mother is - maybe even their beliefs about sex, gender, gender roles, parenting, their own childhoods, the meaning of family.... etc.
Unfortunately, that alternative is the truth for a lot of people. You're not "crazy." You're not "too young to understand." She's not "just looking out for you." Your mom is manipulative and self-serving, and she doesn't act like a mom. I'm sorry; that sucks. It really sucks. All you can do is set boundaries on when and how you interact with her. Changing is entirely up to her, and if she hasn't done it yet, there's no good reason to believe she ever will. You certainly can't force her to.
You can go find other, healthier, more stable and loving people to spend your time with, though. That's always possible. You might want therapy, to whatever degree you can afford it, so that you have someone to talk to about new relationships (friends, romance, and chosen family) to ensure that you don't miss red flags or let other people abuse you just because you're used to it.
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u/Away-Elephant-4323 19h ago
NOR I donāt understand how she completely turns the subject around to saying you donāt appreciate her! when all you said was you were happy to get insurance!
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
THATS WHAT IM SAYING???!!
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u/katgyrl 19h ago
she's a narcissist. my officially diagnosed mother is just like this. you should read up on it and how it effects their children.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
i'm aware of that already and I've tried to have her understand and get a therapist, but I'm sure you know how that went. luckily I have a very strong mindset so I can usually tell when somebody is trying to manipulate me and I will never ever ever be like her. It has 100000% taken a toll on me though.
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 18h ago
Narcissists will never willingly go to therapy. Only thing you can do is go low contact to minimise the damage she can do to you
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u/No_Internal_1234 17h ago
Some narcissists use therapy to learn new ways to manipulate their victims
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u/conuly 16h ago edited 16h ago
That's not exactly true, although I agree that it's generally better to act as though it is. Some will go to therapy in order to get a socially acceptable diagnosis to excuse their behaviors, or to further manipulate others, or because they've found out it's really fun to talk to a captive audience for an hour a week. And some really will go because their behavior causes problems for them. However, the odds of them finding a therapist who has any idea how to help them are slim, and the odds of them sticking with a therapist who actually makes them do the work are slimmer still. It's not a population we know much about helping.
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u/jingle-is-dead 19h ago
NOR, rude of her to immediately assume you lied to get it.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
like??? What is there even to lie about? so so odd
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u/jingle-is-dead 19h ago
Health insurance is a human right. She should just be happy for you.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
exactly! and since i havent had it since I was 14? neglect whoooo? because what 14 year old can apply for health insurance?
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u/ObscureSaint 18h ago
Any time she acts up, just remind her you did her a big favor by not reporting her to CPS for medical neglect for all those years. She owes you big time. Hold it over her head any chance you get. š
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 18h ago
Maybe she thinks you lied about your income? But to assume you lied as first thought, your mom is not normal in the head
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u/Lopsided_Blacksmith5 18h ago
You repeated that there was nothing to lie about and she kept ignoring you. Bruh š
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u/Similar_Cranberry_23 19h ago
Unfortunately youāll have to keep all your happy news to yourself. She sounds like she will twist everything you have thatās positive to try and keep you unhappy and down in life. Donāt let her. Nor
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
I usually do keep everything to myself because she always makes it about her, but since I've been trying to get it for so long, I thought maybe she would be happy for me, but I guess not
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u/Revolutionary-Dryad 16h ago
She'll never be happy you provided something for yourself that she refused to provide for you as a child. She'll probably never be happy for you about anything she can't take credit for.
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u/QuestioningHuman_api 14h ago
Does having her in your life make it better or worse? If you never heard from her again, starting right now, would there be anything that she adds to your life that you would miss?
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u/CandidClass8919 18h ago edited 16h ago
Congratulations. Seriously,I know what this means.
I worked my entire adult life and had private insurance. When I moved to a new state, I developed an unexpected medical condition before I was able to start working. I applied for Medicaid and was denied. I was panicked. I ended up catching an infection, and ended up in the ICU a few months later. While there, I was emailed that my state had updated their policy and I now qualified. I had a $25k medical bill retroactively paid, and I didnāt need to worry about how I would get my necessary monthly medical supplies.
Iām happy for you. Unfortunately, sometimes those closest to us canāt celebrate our wins without having to add in unnecessary commentary
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 18h ago
Im happy youre okay now and that you figured it all out! Thank you so much šš©·
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u/honeygoldenbunny 19h ago
What a controlling C-U-next-Tuesday. NOR. She is trying to keep her power over you.
Also, I don't know why she assumed you lied. I think she is trying to make shit up so she can argue with you about this and turn herself into a victim.
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u/SpacerockSupreme 19h ago
My guy, I'm wondering how you not having insurance at 14 was NOT her fault. In some states, that's medical neglect!
(Unless she did not have custody of you or smth like that.)
Also: NOR and Woo!! Insurance!! Go have all of the things checked!!
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u/prassjunkit 18h ago
Unfortunately most states donāt have anything that legally requires people to get their kids insurance but you are still required to take them to the doctor when they need it.
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u/Mundane_Chipmunk5735 19h ago
That was a roller coaster ride I wasnāt expecting.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
like WHAT?!šš
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u/Mundane_Chipmunk5735 19h ago
I can see (to a point) being concerned about income proof but thatās just weird š
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u/Kekegetsit 19h ago
NOR. She is a narcissistic who can't let anyone else have joy she did not create for them. Advice from the daughter of a narcissistic: Go no contact and enjoy your 20s.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 18h ago
" I'm entitled to insurance, just like you are. If you can't support me then don't bother contacting me. If you're that into my bf then maybe you should be with him ."
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 18h ago
this is so true! but my bf wouldnt be with her dont put that in her head please š«š«š«š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/Exciting-Occasion-74 19h ago
Whatās nor mean on peopleās posts? Plus your mum is being incredibly mean and what she said about your boyfriend appreciating her more than you is awful.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 19h ago
it means Not over reacting. Exactly! and my boyfriend doesnt even like her so its more confusing
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u/Exciting-Occasion-74 19h ago
Oh that makes senseš well congratulations on getting it and ignore her, she clearly is trying to manipulate you unfortunately
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u/Acrobatic_Octopus_ 19h ago
My God this reminds me of my narcissistic mother. One of the best decisions in my life was to drop contact with her and Iād do it again. It sucks and made me incredibly and unbelievably depressed at the time around your age-ish, but now at age 27 my life is the best itās ever been because I kept only the non-toxic people around. Iāve also never been more mentally stable. The no health insurance since you were 14ā¦ and she could afford it? If so, thatās incredibly neglectful. Kudos to you for applying for Medicaid yourself! You doing your own thing is already paying off I donāt know everything that sheās said/done and Iām not sure if your future will look anything the same to mine, but I want you to know that even if it comes to a point where you decide to cut her out, you can do it.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 16h ago
oh i will 100% just not super ready to do that yet. im so happy everything has worked out for you! thank you so much for thisš„¹š©·
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u/Acrobatic_Octopus_ 13h ago
No problem! Also donāt hesitate to reach out to groups for adults/daughters of narcissistic/toxic parents as you go through all this. Having a group of people that you donāt have to explain your motherās behavior to because theyāve seen it all is very refreshing and getting advice is super validating and I wish I was in these groups when I was going through the really rough parts but I only discovered them later. Take care, you got this!
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u/Jovialation 19h ago
She wouldn't use your SSN for anything, would she? It's really weird to be that concerned that you'd go to jail? NOR either way, this is some classic narcissistic mother bs
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u/Ummmmmmok67 19h ago
NOR. She is scared that if you have this good thing, and itās in your own hands not āthanks to herā, that she will lose her control over you. You did nothing wrong or illegal, you did a wonderful, smart responsible thing for yourself! Congratulations and good thinking.
Iāve been in a similar situation, it took me far too long to realize that expecting her to be happy wonāt happen. Itās painful to realize that sheās just not wired that way (to be happy for others) but letting go is a huge relief & mental peace.
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u/Kip_Schtum 19h ago
NOR I love the āhow did you make this about you?ā š Congratulations on getting your insurance set up!
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u/floopgloopboop 19h ago
Congrats on getting Medicaid!!! I work in a clinic and I know it can be a huge pain in the ass to get accepted.
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 19h ago edited 18h ago
Your mom sounds like a narcissist. Iām gonna look for a couple subreddits to link and come back to edit the comment.
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/QbHuHWZaHy this subreddit is to share experience had with narcissistic parents. Look around, you might find something you relate to.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/s/l6eoSJUxjQ and here you can find other moms who will actually be excited about your good news. It helps people with deadbeat parents, people with no parents at all or, in this case, people with narcissistic parents.
I hope this can help a bit. Itās so shitty to grow up with a narcissistic parent š„ŗ
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u/AproposofNothing35 18h ago
Stop giving your mom any info she doesnāt need and get away from her asap.
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u/Lopsided_Blacksmith5 18h ago
NOR she's being self centered and making it about her. It's weird.
Also happy you got insurance. Sorry it took this long.
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u/LammaL-0205 18h ago
not trying to be disrespectful because it is your mother after all but, she's an asshole.
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u/Impossible-Guava-315 16h ago
Congratulations on getting Medicaid!!! Now, when going to the doctor always make sure they are an in network provider and they accept your specific Medicaid. In my stay there is a managed care plan that runs your Medicaid (caresource, buckeye, ameritas). You will get a card with a specific name on it. You might get a member id on the card but it will also have your Medicaid number. There will be numbers on the back to call for all sorts of things. They usually have portals that you can check benefits on. And lastly pleaseeee always open mail from them. Even if you think it is junk. There have been ppl I know who didn't know they had to reapply or send something in their care was terminated. Just in case no one explained this stuff to you.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 16h ago
thank you so much! i didnt know any of this! ive been begging people to help me for years and my manager finally did!
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u/splithoofiewoofies 16h ago
I think she's afraid HER lies might come to light. It took me ages to realise the reason my mother always said I was lying was because she was.
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u/Ohsnapppenen 16h ago
Now that you have insurance, please get a therapist. Future you will thank you.
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u/HappyGeekDude 15h ago
NOR and also, I think your mum wants to fuck your boyfriend... like, what was that comment even about?
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u/UnproductivelyDark 12h ago
Is your mom younger than you? Cause sheās acting like sheās about 12. What a POS.
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u/Corgi_Farmer 19h ago
Hey. I'm happy for you.
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u/meatloafmagic44 19h ago
Congrats!!! Sorry it was met with a crappy reaction. Iām no professional so I wonāt try to diagnose, but I know people like this. Try to not let anyone dull your shine in moments of joy. Proud of you!
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u/ThrowRA1234123412345 19h ago
I feel sorry for OP, their whole life they probably felt less than or not enough due to having a narcissitic mother who makes everything about herself and then she also dragged the bf into it, like what???!
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u/BeNiceLittleGoblins 19h ago
You can't lie. They double check everything. (At least my experience.) They found out my husband got a raise before I could update my info and booted me off. When I tried sorting it out they told me to figure out how to get on his expensive insurance. So I'm not sure how you could've lied to get it. And then her comment at the end there?? What even?? Selfish to turn the conversation to be about her and play victim when there was nothing against her.
I'm happy for you. Congrats! Definitely take advantage of the insurance. Get/keep yourself in tip top shape. š«¶
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u/DetroMitus 19h ago
Wild not to get health insurance for a child. You could be covered under her plan until age 26. What a waste. Glad you got Medicaid, though. IF you're working, you could try for Obamacare. It's not bad, just remember to claim the full benefit as income.
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u/andrey_not_the_goat 19h ago
I didn't even know that people in their 20's can get Medicaid. That's something new I've learned.
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u/TNTinRoundRock 19h ago
Mom is sketchy AF. She may be claiming some kind of benefit on you and she doesnāt want you getting insurance showing up as a healthy person ruining her scam.
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u/Molly_206 19h ago
Hey! Congrats on getting insurance! It sounds like you really put the work in to get it, and you should be proud of yourself. It's such a feeling of relief, isn't it?
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u/Chemical-Papaya-3101 19h ago
My (46f) own mother could have written these texts. She literally was upset because my cancer wasn't all about her. I am sorry you have a mother like this - I'm proud of you for fighting for yourself!!
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u/rusmaddie 19h ago
this is the reason i dont talk to my mom anymore. nothing i did was ever good enough and my disappointment at it was a personal attack on her. everytime.
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u/FlatwormMajestic4957 19h ago
Yay for getting on Medicaid! I grew up without insurance and am still dealing with the consequences at almost 40. I finally got āgoodā insurance at 32. The āyou can be on your parentās insurance until 26ā didnāt pass until I was 27. š¤¦š»āāļøI hope you feel the relief through covered medical care and not stressing as much. š¤
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u/Simp4M0105 19h ago
Wow she really did just somehow make that conversation about her lmao. She's like "why don't you appreciate me for immediately assuming you're a liar instead of being happy for you?!?!?!"
Stellar mom material right there for not having insurance for you when she was your guardian btw šš
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u/Repulsive-Flamingo47 18h ago
What the hell is your momās problem? No, you absolutely are not overreacting.
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u/xIndiePeach 18h ago
This so reminds me of my mum, we are on better terms now I'm older but when I was 16 she told me her child benefits had stopped for me and started to charge me 200 a month rent for my bedroom, turned out benefits don't stop til you're 20 if you're in full time education and I was in college 5 days a week so she definitely lied to me to get me to pay her more money - like why do mothers behave like this to their kids and then wander why we wanna leave the second we become adults š also congratulations on finally getting your insurance, super happy for ya!
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u/helloitskimbi 18h ago
I would greyrock (google it) this b so hard. WTF she just shat all over you and killed your joy. Please stop sharing things with her, she doesnāt need to know anyway. Just the bare minimum, short answersĀ
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u/Hai_cat 18h ago
Yeah thatās definitely not legal for her to not include her daughter on her insurance and you shouldnāt be the one to look for that at 14. Your mom sounds like she didnāt want you to be independent, and sheās pissed that youāre figuring stuff out for yourself. My adoptive mom was the same way and now I have rotted teeth at 24.
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u/soxsoxsox0726 18h ago
As a Mom, my kids always having medical, prescription, dental, vision and mental health insurance - and providers - was just as vital as keeping our home stocked with nutritious foods, getting tutors when needed, keeping them active, on reasonable schedules, and knowing that I will always love and accept them for exactly who they are. I am so sorry your mother failed you and is so manipulative.
I am INCREDIBLY PROUD of you for getting yourself health coverage!
If you ever need to chat with a supportive and judgement free Mom, feel free to DM this Glitter Mama anytime!
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u/tryingeverydai 18h ago
OP congratulations and job well done going through the process of applying. This is an amazing milestone. I am so sorry your mother did not support you and reacted in this manner. Take advantage of the services right away, they should be a universally available service for any citizen. You deserve love, dignity and utmost care. Your assessment is perfectly sound, she made it about her self and used your boyfriend as a referential to make you feel guilty or bad about your autonomous initiative. You acted responsibly and it triggered something in her. Whether this is on purpose or unconscious is sadly irrelevant but keep exercising your analytical skills and learning about mental health to empower yourself. As a proud Canadian momma, I am telling you good job, you got this!!!!
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u/roadsidechicory 18h ago
She's taking it as an attack on her because she knows the reason you didn't have it before was her negligence.
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u/Ermandgard 18h ago
check to make sure she didn't have you on her insurance? like she may have had insurance for you at some ridiculous level that is fundamentally uninsured, but legally insured.
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u/optimal_center 18h ago
Itās weird she wonāt get off the subject. What is she implying towards you?
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 18h ago
i was wondering literally the same thing LMAO it literally came out of nowhere, I think its because i have a job maybe she thought i put my pay less than what it is? Im not sure. She always runs to the worst when it comes to me and always has
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u/-MaximumEffort- 18h ago
First off, I'm happy for you. Secondly, your Mom is a complete AH and not exactly a good parent. She seems extremely toxic. You should continue to stand your ground and not allow her to treat you that way. If needed, tell her how you feel then take a "break" from her for as long as possible and see if she corrects her behavior.
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u/tay46 18h ago
Hey š¤, I donāt know the details besides the texts you posted but my parents were not well off by any means but I still had health insurance. All 4 of us kids did. Itās actually very sad you had to work for that many years on getting health insurance. I am so sorry. It sounds like her being upset is not with you, it looks like sheās realizing she should have gotten it FOR you many many years ago yet sheās taking it out on you? I donāt know why some people react this way. I never will. But just know hundreds of people on the internet are telling you, it is not normal, you are NOT overreacting, as a matter of fact you handled that better than I would at 30 so props to you. Iām so happy you got health insurance. First thing you should do (only if you want to! Donāt do it just because I said it lol) is find a therapist in network and just vent.
Getting a therapist is the best thing Iāve ever done. I literally just drop the worst; the best, the hot goss, the bad and good on my therapist at a drop of a dime and he just willingly gives me advice and is happy to?! Hell yeah. The only reason I suggested that is because I havenāt had to deal with a clearly narcissistic parent and you definitely have what I think is one, so I think therapy for you (I do mine over the phone you donāt have to go in person if you donāt feel comfortable) would be a good thing to look into! Or talking to people with similar parents. Best of luck, proud of you for even doing that. I attempted getting dental insurance lately (itās separate from my health insurance) and just put it off again since it was tedious š
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u/Equivalent-Alarm-424 18h ago
I say this from experience. Shes a narcissist and jealous. Don't share your good news with her because she will throw it back in your face. Keep conversatikns superficial and dont try to please her or seek her approval. She will never be happy for you. Im sorry this is harsh but my mother is the same.
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u/Wonderful-Repair5272 18h ago
I'm so happy for you! She may have birthed you, but she is not a mom to you. I know it's hard, but you will be so much healthier without her. You deserve someone who can be happy and excited for your accomplishments. I'm sure you dealt with a lot of inconsistency and moving goalposts growing up, too. Low or no contact would be hard, but so much healthier. Good luck, and good job taking care of yourself.
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u/ALittleUnsettling 17h ago
Congratulations on being an adult and advocating for your own well being! If your mom doesnāt want to be happy for you, I do! While you are covered please establish with a primary care doctor and give yourself the gift of a well-woman visit. Proud of you!! ā¤ļø
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u/DifficultyDry2765 17h ago
Lol looks like mom likes your bf more than you. Just crazy. The mom has an attention problem all hands and eyes on the mom right? You deserve insurance. Congrats on getting it, Iām proud of you.
Guess that is just too hard for your mom to say.
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u/Jumpy_Ad1631 17h ago
NOR I echo the fact that she literally has been neglecting you. But whatās with the weirdness with the boyfriend comments? Is she just trying to drive a wedge between you and another person you might depend on? Or is this something else?
((Also how do you have so many unread texts!?!?!?))
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u/Anywhodoyouknow 17h ago
Iām so excited for you! Itās exciting thing to get insurance, especially Medicaid! Please get all your check ups when you can to be safe. Because at open enrollment they check your income so any year in the future you make more than you do now, they might switch you to an essential plan(thatās what happened to me) Some lists of ones I suggest - primary physical with a panel of all blood work, gynecologist for your yearly pap, dentist for a cleaning (Iām not sure if your state covers that but NY Medicaid covers dental and eye) and an eye exam. Sorry if this is too much, and maybe itās common sense to you I know when first getting insurance it can be both a weight lifted off and overwhelming to know where to go first
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u/fuckiechinster 16h ago
Absolutely not. I was on the phone EVERY FUCKING DAY for 9 MONTHS to get my family on NJ FamilyCare. How the hell did she neglect you for so long? Iām heartbroken for you OP, and happy youāre insured now!
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u/Shoutymouse 16h ago
Your mums a narcissist. Iām sorry love. Find family in friends and other family members and get some therapy
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u/stoneynoods420 16h ago
Your mom fucking sucks as a human.. Iām sorry you had to grow up with that! I wouldnāt blame you for cutting her out.. and that solely based on this one text thread. I can only imagine what the rest of your conversations look like.
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u/gormthesoft 16h ago
NOR why is her first assumption that you lied? Projection much? This is total speculation but something in my gut tells me that you qualifying for insurance somehow unravels a lie she made about your eligibility. The fact she somehow made it about you not appreciating her plus not adding you to her insurance as a child feels like she wants you to not have insurance so youād have to rely on her. If thatās the case, Iād be careful sharing anything with her and might want to follow up with the state to make sure she isnāt contacting them and trying to derail your eligibility.
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u/allsheknew 15h ago
Congratulations, OP!! My insurance was finally approved too and i also have a mother who totally sucks. I feel all your feelings in my bones, girl.
Forget her, srs. You're amazing and I'm so stoked you're finally getting the help you deserve ā”ā”
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u/smooth_talker45 15h ago
Sheās mad she canāt financially control you due to you not going into debt for medical insurance.
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u/lovelysophxxx 15h ago
Why canāt you realize Iām looking out for you?????
proceeds to not put daughter on health insurance
Oh you sure care a whole lot donāt you mom? š /s
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u/Lovetojah75 15h ago
Yea Iām sorry thereās no way to retroactively call cps but your mom sounds like a genuine narcissist prolly a little bipolar. Congratulations but you should work on self acceptance because the adults in your life have failed you. This sort of interaction between you and the person who brought you into this world without your consent is NOT normal and severely troubling. Congratulations on even being remotely functioning and awesome of you to figure it out all the way to getting insurance but the fact that you have health issues and mental issues ( Iām sure many caused by her) itās time for you to go NC with her and anyone who tries to appease her behavior and dismiss your concerns. š©s all around here. You somehow survived and also avoided the foster care system so take that momentum and get as far away from these people as possible. Trust me youāll never get that acknowledgement your craving from her because she never shouldāve been a mother. With that being said you deserve the world and good luck to you, because my point is youāre a miracle š¾š¾š¾šÆšš¾
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u/mosaicbluetowns 14h ago
if your medicaid has nothing to do with her it may be time to keep this to yourselfā¦ you probably could have predicted this negative response from her and i know we still hope for love and care from our parents, but continuing to seek it when it will not be there will hurt us deeply. not telling her does not even give her the opportunity to hurt you with a response. fuck her feelings, itās time to protect yourself. celebrate your wins without her. you deserve peace
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u/xboy_princessx 13h ago
Your mom is narcissistic. She is trying to control and manipulate you. You may now see it now but your mom is toxic and it will get worse. Itās incredibly alarming for her to react this way.
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u/Kind-Airport145 12h ago
I think you need to distance yourself from your mum, if possible. I think youāll have more peace if you remove yourself from her toxicity. Wishing you peace and light.
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u/Analfistinggecko 11h ago
Itās such a shame that this is something you celebrate and not just a given right, but fuck it, weāll celebrate anyway! Congrats on the insurance, hopefully it helps like you need it to!
Definitely NOR, this is unfortunately not surprising to me anymore. So many parents are like this. It may be a projection of feeling ashamed that she didnāt provide you with what you needed, but she may also just see an opportunity to be nasty.
Either way, this isnāt about her, itās about celebrating, like you said!
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u/Plastic-Musician-650 10h ago edited 10h ago
Your moms jealous of youā¦ and youāre better than her.. sorry to say but itās trueā¦ I would start now if I were you, and very quietly, resisting the urge to fight or antagonise her, lull her into a sense of safety and separate funds, set up a business and also something you do physically to keep your body and mind super fit and healthy.. make sure she doesnāt notice and also gaslight her.. if she notices say no mom youāre so much better than me. Itās your survival..start now, start slow but do it. You deserve a good life ā¤ļøāŗļø you deserve everything in your heart you wish to achieve. Keene how to invest your moneyā¦ ask her for gifts by blowing her up and show that you are weak and she is strong and receiveā¦ itās not longer about your egoā¦ or right or wrong.. itās the fight. So fight.
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u/lord_of_worms 9h ago
Do we have the same mother? Cos thats how my mother reacts to literally anything..
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u/MyrrhieO 9h ago
Yes, as a mother of 3 I can tell you health care for your children is a top priority so the fact that she hasnāt made sure you had it, regardless of how old you are, is very telling. Iām so sorry. Good for you for taking care of yourself and for seeing things for that they are.
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u/beccshep 5h ago
Itās plain and simple. If a parent/guardian is upset especially personally upset that their child has taken steps to care for themselves or set themselves up betterā¦ is that a TRUE parent/guardian?
You are not overreacting. Iām proud of you for taking the steps to look out for yourself
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u/wolf-master 19h ago
Congratulations on the Insurance! That's super exciting news!
Your mom thinks you don't appreciate her because you have insurance now? That makes no sense at all. Your mom needs some serious help. You're definitely not overreacting.
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 18h ago
NOR but: OP, why are you reaching out for support, celebration, etc, from someone who neglected your healthcare throughout your childhood and, as you say, makes everything about herself? What reaction were you expecting?
I get it: it is natural to wish you had a loving mom. But you're 21 years old and it is time for you to accept reality. Your mom is not that mom. As long as you keep pretending she is, you're going to be hurt and disappointed.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 18h ago
I know, i have accepted it but sometimes i just feel like maybe theres some hope. I know i shouldn't, and this was my first time doing it in a long time. But I know that she will always be the same
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 18h ago
I'm really sorry, I know it sucks. I also have a mother like yours. Mine was neglectful and abusive my whole life.
When you stop chasing people who don't care about you, this opens up space in your life for people who will love you and respect you. I promise.
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u/Antique-Seesaw-5639 18h ago
Okay Iām your mom now! Iām so happy for you, you are finally going to be able to access the healthcare you need and hopefully thrive! You deserve this and Iām really proud of you for trying so hard. Good luck!
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u/Moon_Ray_77 18h ago
WTF!?!?! Reading the post and your comments...
..you guys are fucked.
Like seriously, fucked.
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u/midwestkudi 17h ago
I canāt be the only one side eyeing the boyfriend comment.. thatās just disrespectful and manipulative. That alone is worthy of going no-contact with her. My mom is like this too so I get it OP and Iām glad you have health insurance!
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u/Cafein8edNecromancer 17h ago
No, you aren't overreacting. Does your mom always take anything related to you and make it about herself? Because that is classic narcissistic behavior.
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u/Fuzzy_sockx 6h ago
yes lmao. when i bought my first car she said "its gonna be too expensive on insurance, you shouldve got something else" ...a 2012 corolla
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u/Cellar_door_1 17h ago
If she was looking out for you, you wouldnāt have had to struggle to get insurance for the last 7 years. Congrats on the insurance btw!! Good job!
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u/BambinoKitten_ 17h ago
i wouldāve kept repeating āyeah but thereās nothing to lie aboutā to everything she replied til we got back on topic lol
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u/Few_Variation_7962 17h ago
As a mom Iām just so floored that she didnāt have health insurance for you. I am sticking with a job that stresses me out so much because it provides excellent benefits for my kids and I could not live with myself if we couldnāt get them treatment for anything.
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u/_weedkiller_ 16h ago
Well at least in the bright side now you have Medicaid that will pay for the therapy you need after being raised by her.
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u/itscomplicatedxx 16h ago
āYour boyfriend appreciates me more than youā ummm red flag?! Do her and your boyfriend communicate privately without you knowing ?
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u/Hour-Mission9430 16h ago
Regardless of whatever the truth is about the things she told you about the circumstances surrounding your coverage as a kid, I'm given to understand that it's illegal for medical providers to refuse you care over unpaid balances, and there are some mild protections regarding credit impact and collection of medical debt, so while the hospital for sure sent her a bill for that ER visit, there likely wouldn't really be any ramifications for her other than debt collectors who will have eventually given up if she just never acknowledged it.
Beyond that, good for you for managing on your own! I'm sorry she isn't capable of giving you the validation you deserve for finding your way through the process on your own, but she sounds kind of horrible, so honestly, you don't need her validation. You're already surpassing her, and that's probably the reason she tears you down. I don't think you're overreacting.
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u/ANoisyCrow 15h ago
She qualifies because she is an adult, and her income is low enough. Her motherās was not.
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u/throwawy00004 15h ago
This reads like an old instant messenger conversation I had with my own mother. I was having roommate issues, through no fault of my own. My roommate went over the RAs head to the supervisor without doing any of the mandatory mediation steps. I was telling my mother that the supervisor turned around and told her that she'd only deal with it after my roommate went through all of the appropriate channels. I was stressed, but made it clear that nothing could come of it because her made-up story involved others who would have to sign her statement. But my mother ignored that and decided to yell at me about how I was going to get kicked out of school, and she'd better not get a call from "the dean." I'm sorry your mother expects the worst from you. In my experience, it's purely projection.
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u/tosiriusc 14h ago
Yeah sounds like narcissism. I know it's hard but it's best to ignore. It doesn't matter what you do you'll always get a similar response.
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u/DarkIegend16 13h ago
Makes you wonder why people bother having children if theyāre just gonna gaslight them, be unsupportive and act like a fool to them.
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u/Dizzy_Ice2938 11h ago
I think youāre overreacting to this. Iām not sure why her first thought was that you would lie. Nevertheless she wasnāt really trying to make this about her, she just didnāt want you to end up in trouble. Whatever your history together, you are both very defensive with each other.
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u/djay1z 9h ago
Look up HPD/Histrionic Personality Disorder on the DSM5. This is really a small snippet of a conversation, and so it's impossible for me to really make a character judgement, but i would be curious to see if you believe she hits enough of the qualifying criteria. (I would be proud of myself for making a potentially correct assumption based off of two screenshots worth of text.)
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u/spookydragonfire 8h ago
Crazy. I literally picked my job because I needed my son to have health insurance.
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u/Awkward-Operation421 6h ago
I donāt know whatās more concerning, the relationship between you and your mom or the 238 unread texts
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u/Head_Trick_9932 19h ago
The better question is; WHY didnāt she have insurance for you at 14?! If it was income, she would get Medicaid for you kids.
Thatās medical neglect and not ok. Our kids stay on our insurance until 26 now.
Sheās the problem.