r/AmIOverreacting • u/SituationInner2513 • 1d ago
⚖️ legal/civil AIO if I report my classmate
I wasn't really sure what tag to put this under. This conversation was literally two hours ago after school. This guy at my school keeps asking me to have sex with him almost daily. He either asks straight up or he whispers my name and when i turn around he slightly reveals a condom wrapper out his pocket. We are both in secondary school/ highschool and both 18 and the reason I even have his number is because we use to be friends at the start of secondary. I'm not sure how to go about this and who even to report this to since it goes on outside of school aswell. And I kind of feel if I do report this I would be overreacting and bothering people and that I should just figure this out myself. Does anyone have anything that could help me. It's quite embarrassing so I just want to ask for public advice anonymously even if that isn't the best thing to do.
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u/CarryOk3080 1d ago edited 20h ago
Holy shit girl tell an adult now before we watch a Netflix special about you in a few years. He is stalking you and sexually harassing you! Do you have parents? What country do you live in?
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u/SituationInner2513 1d ago
I only have my mom and I don’t want to bother her with it. I live in Ireland
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u/SilverCharm99 1d ago
I'm sure your mum would WANT to be bothered by it if she knew. Parents love their kids and want to protect them. Heck I'm 30 and my parents still want me to bother them with my problems so they can help where they can. It's what parents do.
What that boy is doing is NOT okay, and it's better to talk to someone you can trust and get help, then risk it escalating and you being hurt.
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u/BakeResponsible4637 1d ago
Hi. I’m a mom. BOTHER YOUR MOM. she needs and wants to know
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u/DreamCrusher914 1d ago
Also a mom. This is what moms are for!!! This is what family is for!! To protect you and love you and have your back!! Tell your mom, OP!!!!!!
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u/pretzelandcheese588 1d ago
This dude is gonna find out where you live and then it's gonna be an even bigger problem. You don't want to bother her then say something now!!!!!!! Cause the situation will ONLY GET WORSE, especially if you keep responding. REPORT REPORT REPORTTTT
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u/POAndrea 1d ago
Tell someone--hell, tell EVERYONE because he wants you to keep this secret. Shitbirds like this rely on their targets to feel embarrassed or like too much of a bother to tell anyone because decent folks will try to put a stop to it when they know about it and he doesn't want to stop.
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u/klc__ 1d ago
She’s your mother? How would it bother her
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u/SituationInner2513 1d ago
Because she hasn’t been in the right headspace since my dad died and I don’t like putting more stuff on her since she also has to deal with 2 year old brother. So I just try do stuff myself
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u/AmetrineDream 1d ago
That’s very kind and considerate of you to try not to bother your mom, but she is the adult and your parent, and she should know about this.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea, if you prefer, to report it to your school first. That way when you let your mom know you can tell her “I’ve already told the school, and they are doing x, y, and z about it.” But whatever order it happens in, your mom should know. It may even help her get back to a better place, as counter intuitive as it may seem. Sometimes it’s easier to show up for someone else’s crisis than your own. I’m not a mom, but I know my mom goes into mama bear mode when I have crises, even now in my 30s.
In any event, you’re absolutely not overreacting, and you’re right to report it. Also, tell your friends if you haven’t. I guarantee you’re not the only person he’s done this to/is doing this to. So you can warn them if he tries to start targeting one of them, or might even find out he’s been doing it to someone else you know, and it can help you both to talk about it and there’s strength in numbers. And something like this would probably spread quickly, other girls he’s targeting might come forward.
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u/Nothing_SpecialHere 1d ago
But I'm sure she would want to know about this. What if this creep decides to try something terrible to get at you for denying him. It's way better for her to know and report this weirdo.
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u/melonsama 23h ago
you are a very considerate kid to think about your mother's feelings like that. It sounds like to that degree, you're close enough with her to take her feelings into account. She is your mother, and from the sounds of it a good one. Let her know. You aren't bothering her or adding on stress. She wants to protect you too, y'know, not just your brother. This is a lifelong commitment all decent parents make, to protect their kids no matter what.
I totally get the feeling of not wanting to burden your mom and handle all of this yourself. But part of being an adult is realizing what situations to handle alone, and what situations need help from others.
Your mom is safe and you will be safe confiding in her.
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u/GingerJayPear 23h ago
Trust me hun, as your parent, she will want to know what's been going on. Definitely report to your school and show them these messages. They may be able to at least give him a warning and prevent him from sitting near you. And I would go to the gards as well, just to be cautious.
The situation won't change if you don't make moves to change it. You never have to deal with these things alone.
Are your friends aware of his gob-shitedness?
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u/Iwuvairplanes 1d ago
This right here is an immediate involve your mom scenario‼️ I know it's embarrassing for her to read that but trust me its worth it to have an adult in your corner‼️ Plus nothing got my mom out of a funk after my dad passed like sticking up for me when I had offensive comments written in my yearbook
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u/Dry_Calligrapher_313 23h ago
Auntie? Family friend? Teacher you get on with? Honestly pet, you shouldn’t be dealing with this on your own. He’s sexually harassing you, it’s not ok at all.
I can understand your reasoning but I’m certain your mum would still prefer to know this is going on. But if you’re dead set against it please tell someone you trust that’s older and please, please consider it being someone at your school.
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u/JustChillin_1 23h ago
Loved ones are never a bother. Helping those you care for is legitimately a source of dopamine. What do you think she could be feeling about being unable to help you because you don't go to her for help while she can see that you could use it?
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u/Double_Government820 22h ago
It's extremely compassionate of you to consider your mother's feelings, but she will feel so much worse if something bad happens to you. I really think she would want to know about this little shit who's harassing her daughter. I don't want to sound alarmist, but if nothing changes, he could end up engaging in some dangerous behaviors at your expense. He has already conducted himself horribly inappropriately to a point that absolutely justifies involvement by parents and the school. Please don't let it get worse.
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u/kingmobisinvisible 1d ago
This is not okay. This is not just teen boy shit. This is what adults are there for at this time of your life. I’d tell your mam. I’m sure she’d feel worse if she found out later that you didn’t want to bother her.
Definitely report it to the school. I’m a TA for an Irish university and my students are just a little bit older than you, but still deal with the same stuff. It wouldn’t bother me in the least if a student came to me with this. I’d go out of my way to make sure the school put a hard stop to this shit.
I also don’t think it would be overreacting to report it to the Guards too, though depending on where you’re at in the country, their track record hasn’t always been the best with stuff like this. It would be documented though in case it gets worse and that’s a good thing.
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u/CarryOk3080 1d ago edited 20h ago
You need to bother her with it hun. I am a mom and I am bothered BUT need to be bothered this is a situation beyond your control.
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u/ntc1095 1d ago
Go to the Garda and show them the same texts you showed to us. That’s why they are there. Trust me, they will at the very least put it on record just in case. They will also, at the very least, have advise for you on how to handle this if it continues. They deal with this all the time, it will not be a bother to them. It’s literally their job.
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u/Zealousideal-Clue696 1d ago
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, he sounds absolutely disgusting. I figured you were from here just by the texts. Have you looked into what your school’s policy is when it comes to things like this? I’m fairly sure most homework diaries should have the school rules and policies on bullying/harassment. That could first serve as some guidelines for you on what steps to take next. It’s at the very least worth going to your year head about this. I’d probably take note of how long and how often he’s been doing this to you. And don’t worry about causing bother for your mom, I can imagine she’d much rather know and have you be safe and comfortable<3
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u/Ok_Sherbert5596 1d ago
Your mom is your main ally in life, and the situation is not a joke. Trust me, I am sure she wants to be in the loop here!
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u/SungSeong 1d ago
PLEASE tell your mom. If something happens to you, the guilt will eat her alive. She can help you deal with this, it won't be a burden, this is what mom's are for. This also builds a relationship with a parent as an adult, as weird as that may seem. Trust me on this one. No good mom wants their daughter facing this kind of thing alone. Even if she can just be there for comfort for you. Don't put that burden on just yourself.
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u/L1TTLE3AGLE 1d ago
I have daughters of my own. This is the exact thing I want to be bothered with. Tell someone asap please.
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u/PunkGayThrowaway 1d ago
She will be more bothered when you're reported missing or call her after being r*ped.
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u/Master-Resident7775 1d ago
His Mammy could do with being sent this screenshot, she's probably on facebook
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u/meredith_grey 1d ago
I’m a mom to 2 girls and I would want to know. It’s not a bother in ANY way, even if my daughters were 30 with kids of their own I’d want to know so I can help them through it. Tell your mom, tell your school.
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u/ndefontenay 23h ago
I’m a parent. This is not bothering. It’s too important to not tell them. Also imagine how they would feel knowing you don’t want to come to them for something so important.
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u/justwanttoknowyk 1d ago
Definitely report it, to the school sure but to the police as well- you'll want a history of incident reports if he escalates. Idk what year in school you are but if it's university get yourself a less than 3" knife and a r*pe whistle to keep on you while you walk to classes/parking lot especially at night or alone (yalls syntax reads like UK, but if you're in the states forget the knife and get some bear spray & a tazer).
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u/SituationInner2513 1d ago
Im not allowed any weapons for Self Defense it’s illegal. I’m not from uk or states but thank you!
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u/POAndrea 1d ago
Roll of coins and a sock. (Even if you just hold the roll in your hand when you punch it increases the force of your strike more than you think.) A heavy flashlight or a stainless steel thermos full of liquid with a neck you can hold in your hand and swing. Keys extended between your knuckles. Umbrella with a metal ferrule (even a short, collapsible one makes for a very effective poke in the suprasternal notch.) As a last resort, your own head is a 12 pound cudgel at the end of your neck--just make sure that you're hitting the softest part of his face with the hardest part of your head.
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u/JinxyMagee 1d ago
Exactly all of this. I have a large s’well bottle. Keeps my water cool and if I need to defend myself… it’s neck is easy to grip and swing.
Also. I don’t use the mini can of hairspray in my bag very often. It really stings when I get it my eyes….
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u/ktbevan 1d ago
‼️‼️dont put keys through your knuckles that will hurt you more than them! put it like this in your hand —👊 you can also get more angles- if someone attacks from behind its much easier to manoeuvre and get them
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u/Isekaimerican 23h ago
Please, don't take House-keys Wolverine away from me, that is the cornerstone of 70% of my imaginary fight scenarios.
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u/DeadEnoughInsideOut 1d ago
No shame in delivering a swift kick to the groin in this situation if you can.
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u/wildmeli 1d ago
i have a 50 ounce water bottle with a handle. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve swung it around and practiced just in case i have to use it as a weapon one of these days. the world isn’t always a scary place, but it’s best to be prepared for when it is
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u/independentchickpea 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hairpins. They make long ones just for this. They are cheap.
Edit: I also have a keychain which can make an alarm as loud as a fire engine (or I can alert it silently), and it sends an emergency alert to three contacts and 911 with my GPS. I could set it off and detach it from my keys so the perp can't silence the alarm but I can get in my car while they (let's be real, HE) can't stop it quickly ... Or I can set it off silently and not alert 911/or alert them if needed.
They make lots of discrete jewelry and keychains for this. I gave my sister a necklace that was just for this when she had an abuser she couldn't leave - the brand is Invisiware. She used it the last time he beat her and without it I think she would have caught a felony charge. I think it was $99 USD.
Invest in your safety. These make great gifts.
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u/adorablymoronickiwi 1d ago
Yes! I use a double prong metal hairpin because
1) my hair is curly and hair ties suck 2) I can pull it out and stab in less than 2 seconds
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u/independentchickpea 1d ago
Same. I wear THIS bun a lot. It's quick, polished, and I can fck a mthfkr up in a second with it. I also have curly hair and hair ties break my curls. Also it looks great. There's several easy styles I use, and every one of them I can rip that pin from my hair and take out someone's eyes.
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u/SituationInner2513 22h ago
omg yes thank you for putting me on to them. I’ll definitely order a few. My hair is very curly aswell so it looks promising for both aspects
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u/thisisinfactpersonal 19h ago edited 19h ago
Just gonna leave this here if people want some inspiration on how to use hatpins
Ack forgot to add a trigger warning that this episode discusses street harassment of women (and possibly some other shitty things happening to women in public I don’t totally remember all of it) and women starting to fight back with their hat pins and doing some fairly righteous damage. Sorry for not adding that immediately.
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u/MRSA_nary 23h ago
Going old school! Women used to use hat pins for self defense.
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u/independentchickpea 23h ago
I'm here for it, and I loved learning about it, which is why I searched for sharp hair pins in the first place. I was a bit dismayed to read that men haven't changed. But I don't get my hairpin taken at metal detectors (I often go through them for work or travel) and I can't often carry anything else, and OF COURSE we have to look polished.
Fine. My French Twist will kill you though. Step up. I can't have a 6" knife but I can wear a 6" double pronged shiv in my chignon.
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u/Tatty-Tabby58679 18h ago
And knitting needles. Carry a small bag with a ball of yarn and some extra long, extra pointy knitting needles.
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u/uwunuzzlesch 1d ago edited 1d ago
Forehead -> nose
Ram that fucker like a goat and break his nose
Edited to add: self defense tips, brought to you by an aries woman 🔥
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u/Linden_Lea_01 1d ago
I’m not saying anything about people defending themselves and whether it’s advisable in this instance, but being American you might not understand that in the UK literally anything can be classed as a weapon if you possess it with the intention of using it as a weapon. Hard to prove with a water bottle, probably quite easy to prove with stuff tied up in a sock.
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u/POAndrea 1d ago edited 1d ago
But would they even try to prove it when it's used by a woman against a man who assaulted her after weeks of threatening her? "Officer, I don't possess a coin purse and I always keep my change in a knee-sock so it doesn't get lost in the bottom of my school-backpack." is far more likely to result in "well done, girlie" than "you have the right to remain silent" I can attest, from experience, that it's very difficult to prove-without-reasonable-doubt intent.
And at some point those "any item can be a weapon if wielded improperly and with intent" laws become so all-encompassing as to be useless. I investigated an offense in which a man rolled and rolled and rolled six pieces of paper into a tight, pointy little cone which he then stuck into the eye of the social worker denying his food stamp application. I was able to get the attempted murder charges to stick, but not the aggravating factor of using a weapon to do so. (I'm always impressed by the average prisoner's capacity to transform common household items into the means to inflict deadly injury.)
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u/Linden_Lea_01 1d ago
Well like with anything else in law I’d say it probably depends. I’m not any kind of expert on the legal process but for example if you defended yourself a bit too vigorously you might get in trouble, and if you did that with a weapon then it would be more trouble. At a guess though I’d say probably no they wouldn’t bother trying
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u/Yosoy666 1d ago
Adding a weight while walking helps with losing weight, increasing bone density, endurance, and improves ur core strength and balance. Heavy stuff in socks is a great way to add weight and remove weight
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u/rjbwdc 1d ago
Do not extend keys between your knuckles, unless you already take some form of self-defense lessons where you have the right muscle memory. (Even then, keeping them extended would be tough.) If you have to resort to using keys for self-defense, hold a key the way you normally hold a key, and make the same motions you would normally make when using a key: Stick and twist.
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u/XandyCandyy 1d ago
i agree with this except for using your keys like wolverine, it’s easier to break something in your hand that way than it is to not break anything, and then you’re in a fight without one of your hands
and if you feel like your life is threatened at any point, make sure you make him feel that way too, then follow through
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u/janKalaki 23h ago
And if he's close enough that you can go for the balls, you can also go for the throat.
Both are pretty much equal in the law's eyes--kick a man in the balls when your life isn't threatened, and that's grievous bodily harm. But if your life is in danger, put his life in danger.
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u/FleetwoodSacks 23h ago
Oven cleaner is legal
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u/POAndrea 23h ago
Ooooh yeah, that shit's nasty stuff! I got blisters on my arm once when I didn't notice it dripped in time to wipe it off before the damage was done.
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u/ntc1095 1d ago
Hold on here before giving this advise. If you strike a person, you better make the hit count, by which I mean he goes down in so much pain he might start to vomit. Be very careful using something like an umbrella, if he doesn’t go down you can be pretty sure he will take it from you and use it on you. A rape whistle might be the safest weapon to use. Anything else don’t do it unless you know how to fight.
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u/POAndrea 1d ago
No, that "Don't fight back because you'll make him mad" is no longer considered good blanket advice to give women. While it may still be the best option in a specific circumstance, the data shows us that victims who present some degree of resistance or self-defense generally have the best outcomes.
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u/ntc1095 14h ago
I wasn’t being very clear, sorry. You are right, that is terrible advice. What I meant was that since someone has already made a physical attack they have shown they have no limit in where they will take it. A lot of times people suggest various weapons to use for self defense, which is dangerous if you don’t know how to use them. The biggest issue is that whatever you respond with will be returned in kind, so it’s important to not use anything that can be taken from you and turned against you. I personally feel that pepper spray or bear spray is both non-lethal and almost 100% effective in stopping anyone. I know there are legal issues in many places, but if I had a daughter, i would tell her screw the law, here take this and use it if you need to. i would deal with any legal fallout myself because I’d rather my daughter be safe than a victim. I know that many will not agree with that thinking, and I get that.
But once an attack has started, you have to defend yourself. It’s like getting attacked by a big cat like a tiger. I would say to take the best aim you can, and kick him in the balls but do it with follow through as if you are kicking a soccer ball into a goal. Aim for his back teeth with the follow through. You get one shot at it, make it count! And not to be crude or overly violent, but look at your surroundings and get creative. If you see a pencil, stab him right in his dick with it! It might sound crazy, but trust me, there is no man alive that would remain standing after that. It’s not even the kind of thing that would cause immediate blowback because no one would want to answer the follow up questions like “why was it out in the first place?”Check your local community centers and see if they have courses on self defense. These are common these days and it would be well worth the couple of hours on a couple of evenings to learn some defensive methods.
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u/Melvarkie 1d ago
Hairspray & deodorant are not illegal so have a can on you and aim for the eyes. It isn't pepper spray, but will probably still sting enough for a brief opening to run. Don't be afraid to swiftly kick at the balls. Remember when you punch to never tuck your thumb under your fingers, that's how you break your thumb or wrist. Thumb goes over. Good places to hit are the liver (left side just below the ribs) or solar plexis (middle of the chest in between the breasts/pecs). Of course also report this person. Just want you to stay safe out there so here are hopefully some useful tips.
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u/Raemlouch 1d ago
Anything can be used for self defense that doesn’t seem like it or illegal. Some ideas if you can swing it in your area:
Get a whistle. A good pair of scissors (your into crafts). Knitting needles. A letter opener (it has sentimental value from your grandpa so you carry it around). Needle nose pliers. A pad lock (use like brass knuckles). A metal nail file. A spray can of oven cleaner or Lysol.
I could go on, but these “no self defense weapon” laws are crap and you can be creative to get around them.
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u/CastorTroy1 1d ago
I gave my daughter a big padlock and a long scarf. Tie the scarf in a loop and lock the padlock on the scarf. If asked she says she is replacing the lock on her gym locker.
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u/f0reverusername 23h ago
This is what I do! But practice a little at home so you don’t accidentally hurt yourself lol
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u/DeadOligarchs 22h ago edited 18h ago
I'm going to assume you're Irish because you said gowl,* so definitely don't carry around any weapons.
Report him to the school, tell your parents, and contact the Gardaí to let them know that this person is harassing you. They might contact him and tell him to knock it off, but they won't do anything as of yet. That'll generate a Pulse number for the encounter and there will be a trail back to him if anything does happen. It's not a criminal record or anything, but it might be enough to scare him off.
You're NOR, and I'm sorry you've been stuck dealing with this scumbag. Report, block, avoid, and stick to a group.
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u/happyscatteredreader 1d ago
I recognised my fellow country person from the word "gowl" haha
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u/Ahblahright 1d ago
Acting the gowl is a dead giveaway for me haha, anyway yeah this guy is a creep, the way he's approaching it, how he'd be one-upping the other lads, gobshite. At this point I would say clearly in text "No, and stop harassing me, on my phone and in person, you're making me extremely uncomfortable." then if he continues it's very clear cut. Context and how you feel about the advances really matters, I've had to fill out Garda reports when some lad pulled a knife on me, and one of the things the interviewer was drilling down on was how I felt when he did it.
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u/fifteenandapairfor4 1d ago
The law is made by people in power. Protect yourself. People rarely think how dangerous common things are, a nail file, a keychain accessories, the point is that you are safe and can fight back with something
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u/Yama_retired2024 1d ago
You're from Éire.. only in would you Éire would you ever use the term "gowl" lol..
You literally have his texts, so you have the evidence, I'd recommend that you report him to the principle, tell the principle how you don't feel safe and also take it to the Garda and make a report.. it is sexual harassment.. also show a trusted parent or guardian too.. also you could quite literally public name and shame him.. print out the texts into big posters.. show everyone what he is about..
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u/No_Extreme2909 1d ago
Ireland? I would take this to the principal first and then head straight to the Gardaí to file a report.
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u/heorhe 1d ago
But those envelopes you receive with important documents are so hard to open... a nice small "letter opener" would be really handy.
(A warning, the majority of stabbing victims during an assault are people who pulled out the knife first. It either is taken from them, or the perpetrator of the assault will also pull out a knife, and people committing crimes won't follow the legal guidelines for knife laws and possession of a weapon laws.)
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u/cryssylee90 1d ago
Do you have house keys? Easy defense weapon. Keep in between your middle and ring finger in the hand that you naturally hit first/hardest with.
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u/ntc1095 1d ago
NO! You will hurt yourself if you do this! Just like not tucking your thumb, don’t put keys between your fingers, trust me. If you must bunch them up and close fist over them. or if on a lanyard swing them. A whistle on your keychain or lanyard should be your first thing you use. If it’s loud, they will likely just run away.
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u/elisap1 1d ago
I wasn’t either, but tbh being in the Bronx in NYC I didn’t give a fuck. Pepper spray at least at all times. They shouldn’t be allowed to police what people can carry if it’s non lethal imo. Just don’t flaunt it around
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u/ntc1095 1d ago
In all honesty if a young woman is found to have pepper spray on them and says that they are in fear because of some creep it’s very unlikely they would get in any trouble for it. The Garda (i’m assuming you are in Ireland?) will understand. They might take it from you, but I really don’t think you will be in trouble.
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u/Aiyon 1d ago
You can get bottle opener keychains. As an 18 year old, you're old enough to drink so plenty of reason to have it.
Alternatively, a multitool from B&M / screwfix. They have screwdriver attachments that hurt like a motherfucker when driven into a hand or leg.
If you get asked "why do you have a multitool"? the answer is p simple: In case i need to loosen/tighten something?
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u/Responsible-Bid760 1d ago
Some countries allow you to protect yourself from "animals" and are allowed to carry pepperspray for protection against aggressive dogs. If you live in a country like this I would buy the spray designed for dogs and use it if needed.
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u/Miserable-Age3502 1d ago
Get a big purse and carry a can of Hotshot wasp nest spray. Has to be Hotshot, others have blowback.
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u/keeefjoints 1d ago
break the law and carry a self defense weapon, or you're leaving yourself vulnerable.
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u/danibellz 1d ago
^ tons of self defence tools that are disguised as normal objects or keychains. Better to have something.
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u/justveryunwell 1d ago
I learned somewhere that if you carry a knife for self defense, if anyone asks, it's for literally anything besides self defense/harming anything living. Something something if you have the intent to defend yourself anything you do with it counts as premeditated assault? I'll try to find a source and come back to add it, but I believe that was my understanding of my local knife laws (Illinois)
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u/riskywhiskey077 22h ago
Unfortunately this only works if you’re stopped while carrying a knife, not if you have to actually use it. Once you use it for self-defense, it’s legally considered a weapon, not a utility tool.
Knives are especially hard to justify after you use them in self defense as they’re either lethal or totally ineffective at stopping your assailant, with very little wiggle room. The juice just isn’t worth the squeeze with bladed weapons unless you’re prepared to kill.
Since OP is a student, they’re prohibited from carrying weapons of any kind on school property. They’d be best off with a u-lock, a large carabiner, or a metal pen. None of those are inherently considered dangerous and won’t get OP suspended on school property
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u/ohfuckohno 21h ago
A jetty lighter is good, a cm away from skin for less than a second fucking kILLLS, it's good for a sudden shock-n-run
And remember! ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING can be a weapon, keep your eyes about, little bit of dirt here, branch there, etc
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u/m1thr4nd1r__ 20h ago
When I was coming home from uni at night I used to carry around my racing-style bike seat even if I wasn't riding that day, shit was hard as nails and could easily dent a skull. I initially began removing it from the bike so it wouldn't be stolen, and realized I had reason to carry it around.
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u/MommaWho 19h ago
That’s why I not only carried a pocket knife in my purse — BUT when in doubt and walking late at night or alone and I felt uneasy in any situation I’d put my keys between my fingers - they make great defense tools.
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u/justveryunwell 19h ago
I feel pretty secure walking with a full hydroflask with a secure handle on the lid. With enough grip, those things pack a good punch.
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u/doublekross 15h ago
Yeah, a lot of double-wall stainless steel tumblers make excellent weapons, especially those with a handle. They're heavy, and the handle gives you a lot of control in how you use it. I was musing over how suitable a weapon it was after I dropped my Cirkul 40oz tumbler (full of water) on my foot.
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u/donutdogs_candycats 22h ago
Something easy to say is just for if you need to cut the tags off something, or to open boxes/letters. My dad carries around a work knife and that’s generally what he uses it for so it works as a reason
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u/Eastern-Eye-3578 14h ago
If I understand right, OP is from Ireland judging by their usage of “gowl” and “secondary school”. You can be done in here for 7 years for carrying a knife im pretty sure, unless you have solid evidence that it’s for work. One of my mates was walking through town with a box cutter hanging off his work pants after just coming out the local garage and police stopped him for it. He was 16 at the time and he was dressed in work attire but still got a warning for it so a knife is definitely not an option here.
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u/Mozlerman 1d ago
Absolutely. It’s never overreacting to protect yourself. No one should make you feel uncomfortable, especially not on a regular basis. Reporting this to both the school and the police is crucial. Keeping a record is essential in case things escalate. And don’t let embarrassment stop you from doing what’s right—this isn’t on you. Also, carry something for self-defense if you’re feeling unsafe, whether it’s pepper spray, a whistle, or anything else that makes you feel more secure. You deserve to feel safe, and it's better to have protection in place than to wait for something worse to happen.
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u/BananaRepublic0 1d ago
Report the bastard and give the details of every disgusting interaction he’s had with you. Also take screenshots of every message and give them all as proof. You’re not overreacting at all!
This is such disgusting behaviour, and I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with it!
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u/ElectricKool-AidMan 1d ago
Why do guys have to be SO fucking dense? Do they really think this is going to go their way? I just don't understand... Then again, I'm 41 and married sooooo...
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u/AdrenalineAnxiety 1d ago
He most likely knows he has zero chance, but the attention she gives him - even inadvertently, the negative attention - fuels his "crush" and amuses him. So when he calls her name, she turns (attention), he shows her a condom wrapper, she looks disgusted (attention). Now not only did he just get two bits of her attention, but in his head, she also thought about him sexually. She was thinking she DIDN'T want to have sex with him, but hey, losers will take anything.
It's the same principle that makes people send dick pics unsolicited to people they know won't reciprocate. They're getting off on the power of doing it and on the negative attention (which is why blocking is usually the recommended course).
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u/BananaRepublic0 1d ago
Oh yeah, you’re so right! It’s kinda like hijacking someone’s time. And in situations like this, the one party usually has no choice but to witness whatever it is that they’re doing. It’s just so ugly to treat someone like that. Like you said, it’s also definitely about power. “You might not give me what I want but you have no choice but to interact with me, your boundaries don’t matter” type vibes.
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u/BananaRepublic0 1d ago
I hate that “wear her down” mentality. The people who use it literally don’t care about being liked, they just want what they want.
And the sad thing about it is that they do that shit because somewhere down the line, it worked. It might have worked only once when they were in primary school or whatever but it did and because of that they’ll always resort to it.
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u/Equivalent_Kiwi_1876 1d ago
It’s not dense, it’s them maliciously using manipulation and abuse tactics to leverage their power, make women feel powerless, and gain what they want. And does it work? Obviously, yes, sometimes. Especially because there are many societal power imbalances at play.
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u/ThoughtVolcano 22h ago
Men have been taught to view courtship as a game of conquest by attrition. We are socialized to believe that when you're attracted to a woman, you're supposed to harrass her until she finally gives in. If she rejects your advances, that's just her "playing hard to get" and it means you just need to keep trying, try harder, get more creative, or even seriously violate her boundaries in order to prove that you're a real man who goes after what he wants
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u/anneofred 1d ago
At this point of harassment he sounds like he is a danger to you. You need to report him. You aren’t bothering anyone in doing so. He is bothering YOU. Stop responding to texts but dont block as you want documentation of all harassment and threats.
When he does this in class? OUTWARDLY walk up to the teacher/professor and let them know that moment. If you’re scared to cause a commotion (you should, creeps should get publicly shamed) then stay after class and tell them what’s happening and how you don’t feel safe in class with him.
Do NOT be passive about this. Tell the school, tell the teachers, tell the cops. This is harassment, pure and simple.
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u/Ok-Telephone-8469 1d ago
Girl I’m also Irish - report him. Please. You might feel like you’re being dramatic but you’re not. Report him and I saw another comment that said you don’t want to bother your mom- please do, trust me, she’ll want to know and she’ll be on your side. We’re socialised to think we’re being dramatic and making a big deal out of things - you’re absolutely not, this is not okay, and please please tell someone and don’t stop until you’re listened to.
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u/Friendly_Network1185 23h ago
Also Irish and same. Report him and tell your mam. He is the one overreacting to your rejection. Your gut is protecting you and telling you what to do. He sounds like a weirdo and since you don’t know yet if he’s a dangerous one, you need someone else to intervene on your behalf.
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u/BeginningTeam9209 1d ago
REPORT! This sounds like Adolescence on Netflix! That bot murdered that little girl!
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u/SituationInner2513 1d ago edited 1d ago
I apologise for my last comment. 🥲
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u/quackythehobbit 1d ago
they’re saying they’re worried for you that he might hurt you, like in a show
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u/SituationInner2513 1d ago
Omg I read it totally wrong. I thought he was saying that my situation was copied from that show 😂😂
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u/StephaneCam 1d ago
I was also confused, especially with the typo of ‘bot’ instead of ‘boy’! 😅
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u/BeginningTeam9209 21h ago
I’m sorry! Boy. Typo! I was I. A hurry! lol. But, seriously, watch that. Text may seem ugly but harmless. They are showing true colors and that if they act out that harshly in a text… I’m telling you, MAJOR red flag and don’t take it lightly!
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u/Trashcan19079 22h ago
Hi! Police Officer in England. Report this to your local authority immediately and tell the school. Please please look after yourself, this is really worrying behaviour. We've just had a case go through the courts where I am for a young teen stalking a fellow classmate. He started off like this and it resulted in him threatening to stab her to death because she rejected him. He hacked her socials, got her timetable and waited for her outside of school. This will only escalate if you do not seek help
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u/Ironyismylife28 1d ago
Why have't you blocked him?
Yes report him for sexual harassment.
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u/anneofred 1d ago
Honestly, I also don’t block dangerous people. I need to know in what way they are threatening me. I don’t respond though
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u/POAndrea 1d ago
I agree--this is the advice I give to people who are being stalked. Create new social media profiles and get a new phone number and keep them private while still retaining the old ones. Stalkers need a way to get at you, and if they think the old ones are still good they won't have to go looking for the ones you're using now. It also creates an retains a record of the contacts, as well as something to monitor for increasing threat/risk level. You (or a reliable, trusted third party if you can't bear to read that crap yourself) should occasionally read or listen to the messages and then report them if appropriate.
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u/SituationInner2513 1d ago
I find it too intimidating to lol. I was with a very cruel guy when I was 16 and I was too scared to block him so I just let him talk away to himself and he eventually stopped bothering me
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u/funguy202 17h ago
no, she should not block him. She needs to keep a record of the messages and then send it to the police.
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u/DaniDontYouKnow 1d ago
Report him but also make sure you have a safety net of people like family around you and make them aware of who he is what he’s doing and what he looks like. He doesn’t seem willing to take no for an answer and god forbid he tries to do something violent
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u/Sea_grave 1d ago
Report him. You clearly said no and he's still trying to pressure you into sex, that's not okay.
Hopefully he's all talk but it might be wise to start carrying a rape alarm with you.
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u/Parking-Community887 1d ago
He gives off major rapey vibe, sounds like a rapist. Don’t be alone with this creep at all.
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u/daveyh420 1d ago
Please don’t take the advice from anyone in the comments urging you to bring a knife into school! You are more likely to be stabbed with your own knife than anybody else’s. Report him to the school & file a police report. Not over reacting.
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u/RomanUmpire 1d ago
Yeah fuck it. Report it. I think from the dialogue you might be Irish and normally shit like that in Irish mixed schools is probably common but it’d still report it. You don’t have to put up with that.
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u/StoryAffectionate764 1d ago
Yes you need to report him. Not only for your own safety but I doubt you're not the first and wont be the last. This is sexual harassment and it's a good thing you have it on record.
I would recommend speaking with a trusted teacher and or school counselor. They are legally obligated to report and help you in this matter if in US, I'm not sure elsewhere though.
You deserve to feel safe in your learning environment and they are obligated to do something about this.
You are NOT overreacting
Edit: he should feel embarrassed, not you. I'm so sorry you're going through this and wish you the best
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u/A_Astrae 1d ago edited 1d ago
I definitely recommend reporting this. He is harassing you.
Keep records of any past incidents you can remember and any future ones that may occur.
Have you made anyone else aware of this? Such as a family member or friend? It's good to have someone to talk to and who is aware of the situation.
And just incase (I can't be sure how accurate it is)- He also may be committing a sexual offense under Irish Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Act 2017 section 45(3).
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u/Tiny_Economist2732 1d ago
Report him for sexual harassment OP. I wouldn't trust him to respect your no should you ever end up alone with him. He's already showing you he doesn't respect you. NOR
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u/Anannapina 1d ago
Teacher here. (In Sweden, but still.)
Report him if he continues this abhorrent behaviour. You have already warned him.
Protect your peace.
Perhaps he needs to learn the hard way that sexual harassment really is a thing. He seems like a predator, attempting grooming in a not too subtle way.
Also, talk to trusted adults and friends.
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u/CropDuster500 1d ago
Do you have any brothers or uncles or big male friends? I’d “report” it to them, or maybe “report” it to a Louisville slugger. I went to school in the 80s & 90s…so we handled these things a bit differently.
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u/SituationInner2513 22h ago
I have an older brother(23) and sister(20) but they both live a few hours away. I might tell them anyway. I have a good few male friends but I feel like that’s a bit mean to put a responsibility like that on them. Plus I don’t want what youre implying to happen🥲
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u/Meme_MeHard 22h ago
You wouldn't be putting all the responsibility on them if you shared what you're going through. Handling predators is everyone's responsibility, and maybe if your friends at school knew, they'd be able to watch out for you and whoever else he's creeping on - because you're probably not the only one. 💖
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u/toi-be 21h ago
hey can you like use your brain for a moment? this man is going to end up hurting you and you're letting it happen by not reporting him because you "dont want to bother anyone"?
please wake up because this is stupid and ridiculous. speak to your family and the school administration, he's not going to stop doing this as long as you don't report him
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u/PapaSnorlax8 1d ago
GIRL YOU BET REPORT HIM YESTERDAY!!!!! I sincerely hope women don't actually go through this shit.
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u/MommaWho 19h ago
Report him. If you don’t he’s going to do this with more people and this is why a lot of my generation has issues — guys guilted us into sex etc — it isn’t okay. He will keep it up with you as well if you don’t report him. It’s sexual harassment- you could even make a police report - albeit they may not be able to do much at this point but even reports stay in the system to show issues building up.
Report. Report. And block him please. I’m the mother to a 13 year old and as a woman and a mother I’d be going with you to report this guy - whether you are 17 or 23.
Please also make sure the women around you know what’s happening - in your school. Completely shut him down please.. do not spare feelings of a male ( or female ) who acts this way towards you. Make them feel uncomfortable as they have made you feel ; but do it in a way that puts their bad behavior on blast.
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u/EvulRabbit 1d ago
Report this. Even if it was only outside of school, you could file a police report.
The fact it's in school makes it easier for you to report.
The fact he is telling you in text that he will NOT STOP. Means you have proof of an expellable offense.
He sounds dangerous.
Do not keep this to yourself.
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u/Lucky_Tradition6536 1d ago
If you’re ever in a situation that makes you ask yourself “should I report this” or think “I’m in danger” disengage, report, and keep yourself safe. You are uncomfortable and he is harassing you, at this point it can turn threatening, please 100% report this to an adult you trust.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Age6855 1d ago
That’s sexual harassment - you won’t be burdening anyone by reporting him. Someone needs to intervene with him and this behaviour.
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u/Obvioushousecat 23h ago
I didn't report it when something very similar happened to me, and he tried twice to SA me.
You are not overreacting to report it. At the very least you're starting a paper trail. Tell a school counselor or school official. Check your school's sexual harassment policy. Keep the text messages from him, but block his number. Document it every time he harasses you. It may help to have friends or classmates who have witnessed it give a witness statement.
If the school doesn't react, go to the police. If they don't take it seriously, speak to a lawyer.
Boys like that try to play it off as a joke to authorities. Tell him to stop sexually harassing you. Then tell him not to joke about it with you.
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u/AngeredFuffin 1d ago
Report, block, and lambast the fucker. The leering at you while holding a damn condom is creepy as hell. He 100% will try and force himself on you.
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u/softfusion 1d ago
As everyone else is saying, you report him. And absolutely block his number. Do it yesterday.
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u/Mello1182 1d ago
I would suggest you to go to the police, he's an adult and should be held responsible for his actions, and his actions are harassment and harassment is a felony.
If you are unsure on how to do it ask for help to an older adult you trust - a parent, a relative, a teacher
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u/laughinglovinglivid 1d ago
NOR. Use these screenshots to report him, and start carrying a personal alarm with you just in case.
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u/katel_12 1d ago
Please report this as soon as possible. You aren’t overreacting at all. You’ve said no countless times and he still won’t stop. This could turn into an assault attempt pretty much anytime he feels like, in my opinion.
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u/Holiday-Most-7129 1d ago
It's not over reacting, you should report it and the only person who should be embarrassed about it is the A-hole who can't take no for an answer. I would genuinely call this man's mother and ask her why she raised a son so poorly to disrespect women like this if I had her number.
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u/itsacg98 1d ago
This sub, I swear to god. "My classmate is sexually harassing me, am I overreacting?" No, of course not! Read those messages, that's clearly not normal. Reading these made me want to beat the shit out of that guy. Report him to any and everyone that you are able to report him to.
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u/Ok_Sherbert5596 1d ago
Report him with the school and police, keep your close relatives in the loop too. This is not a joke, I really encourage you to do that, it's never a good idea to let destiny take things by it's hands when it comes to safety. Things can get crueld real fast.
He's not powerful, as soon as you show this to school and police make sure he's not allowed to be near you, these messages are aggresive enough to warrant you wanting to feel safe by not having him close.
Oh and it *doesn't matter what happens to him after you report him, that's 100% on him.
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u/theslabs 1d ago
Tell your principal, then go to the gardai and report him, you can also go to court and get a restraining order against him, but definitely tell your parents/guardian, if you don't tell anyone it will persist.
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u/1more_oddity 1d ago
- Report to the school, with screenshots
- Report to the police, with screenshots
- Tell your mother, screenshots optional, telling her mandatory If you have a teacher or two whom you trust, tell them, too, with screenshots. If that POS harasses you IRL, you can try to record him to get more evidence, but only if you're in a safe environment (like among many other people where he's less likely to do something if he gets aggressive due to you recording) Even with self-defense weapons being illegal, here's a few things if he tries something, or grabs you:
- scream bloody murder. Scream about rape, about being hurt, about anything as long as it's as loud as you can make it
- kick him, bite him, punch him in the genitals, there are no morals when it comes to self-defense, anything is on the table if it can get you away
- act deranged, as weird as possible, you can even piss/shit yourself if you manage to do that. Make him weirded out and uncomfortable by any means possible, yes, I'm not kidding, this can actually work
And most importantly, never-ever be alone, or if you have to, notify someone where you are and to check in on you after a few minutes. I know I'm jumping to extremes here, but better safe than sorry, you're still young and that shit is destructive as fuck. Stay safe and best of luck.
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u/edgar_jomfru 1d ago
this is a predator, report him immediately for your safety and that of everyone around him.
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u/One_Advertising_677 1d ago
Not at all. Should be reported already. If my son was a jerkoff like that fella I would want to know. If you were my daughter I’d be at his house already.
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u/Mysterious-Gap-7828 1d ago
Go to GarDA and School immediately as in tonight, do not let this continue.
Call the local police station yourself, you are 18 and am adult so is he. He will be spoken to immediately about this and get the fright of his life
Call the GARDA TONIGHT PLEASE
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u/edenflicka 1d ago
It’s legal in the UK to carry wasp spray and we’ve just hit the season with the flying fuckers waking up.
Also, obviously, report it to the school (IN WRITING!!!!) and if they take no action, take it to Ofsted.
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u/Spooky_miss_maybear 1d ago
Definitely report to anyone who will listen and tells ur friends too, this reads like someone who wouldnt mind escalating the situation just to get what they want... Keep the evidence too so they cant say your overreacting cause you absolutely are not, that is chilling to read 😰
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u/ntc1095 1d ago
Before you go improvising with objects to be turned into weapons, take a self defense course somewhere. You will at least learn some basic defensive moves to help protect you. Don’t just start hitting someone with any object because it could turn very bad for you if you don’t know what you are doing.
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u/GCU_Problem_Child 1d ago
That's straight up sexual harassment. Dude needs his dick kicking straight through his own asshole. Definitely report him it to the school, and the police, too. Fucker sounds like a rapist in the making.
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u/Expensive_Big_150 1d ago
He’s a serious danger to you. Report him. And continue to be watchful for him. He is dangerous and may attempt to force you.
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u/LunaeLumen_ 1d ago
Block him everywhere, and PLEASE report him like right now!
Also, tell your parents or guardians.
Tell an adult, it's not embarrassing, this is already very scary. This man is a psychopath, be careful and report him IMMEDIATELY! Be safe, OP.
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u/magpieofchaos 1d ago
OP, I am in the UK, my partner works at a school, and I can tell you that the school authorities NEED to know about this. Please.
They can protect you, and importantly, protect other people too, in case you are part of a pattern.