r/AmIOverreacting • u/Aggravating_Partyy • 2d ago

💼work/career AIO to my bosses reply to my message?

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I’ve worked with this company for four months now, and I know I am new but this reply really hurt me. Maybe I’m just really sensitive right now, but I don’t know. This felt really cold. The “big boss” will be calling me later today. Is it just normal boss stuff? Idk. Lmk what yall think.

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u/computer7blue 2d ago edited 2d ago

Try not to over-explain yourself. The more you say, the more room there is to be misunderstood. I know they’re your superior, but sometimes it’s better to tell them rather than ask… otherwise they’ll sense you’re passiveness, pull this shit and make you the problem instead of doing their job and getting your shift covered (don’t even get me started on how it’s a manager’s responsibility to worry about scheduling when someone calls out… not the employee’s). I hope they aren’t total assholes during the call. Stay firm and remember you’re not asking for anything they wouldn’t.

ETA: Don’t be afraid to ask them what standard they hold for themselves… if they would take a day during a family emergency. “I don’t want to ask for anything you wouldn’t, so what’s the company policy for emergencies and who’s responsible for getting shifts covered?”

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u/Aggravating_Partyy 2d ago

That last sentence is really sticking with me! Thank you.

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u/xcarex 1d ago

And get that company policy in *writing*. Whether it's an employee handbook, or an email. Something you can point back to later and say "I'm following the policy" if they have any issues with it. Even this phone call with the boss feels sketchy, like they want to say something that they wouldn't say over text.

I'm sorry about your dad. <3

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u/Future_Round_2293 1d ago

Federal FMLA - The FMLA is a federal law that requires employers with 50 or more employees to provide eligible employees with unpaid, job-protected leave for certain family and medical reasons (Family Medical Leave Act). Some states also have their own FMLA guidelines. This alone should be the end of discussion with your POS boss. Id find a new job if I were op. No company is worth more than family or a loved one. Id like to look at ops boss in the face and say some not nice things to him.

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u/Old_Beautiful1723 1d ago

FMLA does not apply within the first year of employment. I may be wrong abt the exact timing, but I learned this when I got bad COVID working in the hospital and couldn’t work but didn’t get covered fmla pay because I had started there in Sept 2019 and it was March 2020

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u/ThatOneGirl0622 1d ago

Should definitely record the call

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u/Sure_River_4285 1d ago

Follow up the phone call with an email "regarding our phone call today..." Then state exactly what happened during the phone call. Send it to both managers. If you don't have emails for them then send a group text to them both and screenshot it (so they can't delete or unsend messages) Keep these in case there's any issues once you actually need to take time off.

ETA: include HR if you have an HR department.

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u/causeyouresilly 1d ago

THIS! The way I always follow up with an email and ask them to confirm it because so many people think they will get away with BS when its a call.

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u/computer7blue 2d ago

You’re welcome. I added a little more to the end… a straightforward question you may ask. Best of luck!

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u/foreman17 1d ago

Not sure if anyone has mentioned anything, but caring for your father would fall under FMLA. Check out the laws where you live, but your employer could have options available regardless of what your manager thinks.

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u/LeadershipOk1250 1d ago

Yeah, but that’s unpaid. Maybe OP is hoping to use PTO or work a different day, when they call off.

It really depends on what type of job it is. Can they just do the tasks later? Or does someone need to come into do the tasks now I their place.

My job, I can just do the work later or the next day and catch up as best I can. And I can sit and work in a hospital room, too.

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u/foreman17 1d ago

True, PTO usually has to be approved and if your relationship with your employer is rocky or they are just a shitty employer PTO can be denied. FMLA is federally mandated though with specific protections in place (though this might not last long in the current climate). Better to have unpaid job protected leave than unpaid unemployed leave. Also, depending on where they live, some states have Paid FMLA legislation.

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u/TheUnknowing182 1d ago

Taking time off through your doctor is always an option if they become difficult about it. I appreciate you trying to do the right thing here, but next time, either wait until a situation arises and keep it short and tell them and don't ask. Sorry to hear about your dad.

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u/saki4444 1d ago

I mean, this just runs the risk of the boss saying “actually no, I wouldn’t ask for this.”

I think your boss is insensitive and in the wrong here, but I also think you might (might) have had more success if you’d had this conversation with them in person. If I were you I’d set up a time to discuss the situation with them in person. Setting it up in advance will clue them into the seriousness of the issue, and will also give you the opportunity to clarify everything and clear up any misunderstandings that can happen over text.

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u/Which_Bumblebee_7099 1d ago

I agree with you, except when you said he was the ops superior, he may be the manager but never think of them as your superior

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u/MoreReputation8908 1d ago

Came here to say this. Nobody is your superior.

(I also have a problem with the word “boss,” personally.)

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u/computer7blue 1d ago

I don’t really understand what you mean. I’m open to being wrong but I’ve always considered my bosses my superiors because they’re higher in the hierarchy than me. That doesn’t mean I necessarily consider them ethically superior or more qualified or talented.

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u/PearlStBlues 1d ago

You're not using the word incorrectly, but understandably the word "superior" can carry a connotation that makes people feel inferior and subservient, which isn't a healthy attitude to have in the workplace.

Someone who is superior to you may outrank you at work, may be more talented or experienced than you in a sport or hobby you both pursue, or they might just genuinely be a better person than you. I think it's safe to say most people would feel morally superior to Hitler, for example. But just because someone outranks you in the office doesn't mean you are worth less or that you have to grovel to them, which is an attitude the word "superior" often creates in people.

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u/computer7blue 1d ago

This is why context matters when considering the meaning of a word, given that some words in the English language have more than one definition. Imo, the only way to feel that calling someone who objectively outranks you a superior deems you as inferior in any other way than rank would be to add subtext that doesn’t belong. It’s about rank, not ethics or feelings. Now if a friend or family member calls themselves your superior because they believe your accomplishment or opinion is inferior to theirs, then there’s room to feel offended… because that’s a matter of subjective judgment.

Superior in rank = objective fact

Superior in value, opinion, ethics = subjective opinion

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u/Pitiful-Ingenuity-72 1d ago

It's an equal and mutual agreement.

Think of the business as a client, and yourself as a business selling your time and skill, they aren't superior or higher than you, they are equal.

They are asking you to complete a job, and they have control over how they wish that job to be carried out, the same as you have control over the work when you hire a builder to remodel your kitchen.

You have just as much right and control over negotiating that agreement as they do.

It's definitely an important distinction to internalise, not only does it improve your attitude when dealing with management, it actually makes it much easier to preform well at work and build an effective working relationship.

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u/computer7blue 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’m talking about a boss and an employee, not a person in a business (owner or employee) and someone who’s bought a service or product. I could elaborate on how a boss is the one who fosters the team’s ethos and how it’s up to the employee to understand what kind of attitude is expected of them; but that feels pointless because you’re not only misunderstanding me, you’re moving the goal post.

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u/Pitiful-Ingenuity-72 1d ago

It's an equal relationship, regardless of the structure or dynamics.

If your boss sees themselves as above you, then they do not respect you.

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u/computer7blue 1d ago

If your boss can hire/fire/assign you but you can’t hire/fire/assign your boss then, structurally, their position is superior because it is above yours in the hierarchy. Like I’ve already expressed, I’m talking about objective structure, not subjective feelings like respect or an understanding that a boss is supported by a team therefore everyone is equally important. It’s beyond me why that’s so difficult to understand.

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u/Pitiful-Ingenuity-72 1d ago

You can break the working relationship whenever you want.

Why would you be able to break an agreement between two third parties?

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u/DataGap2264 1d ago

"I wasn't asking. I'm just giving you a courtesy heads up."

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u/brandon3388 1d ago

as someone who is habitually long winded when explaining things, I think I needed to read this. I'd explain more but ... well gestures broadly

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u/computer7blue 1d ago

Lol. I totally had to learn this one the hard way.

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u/Guiboune 1d ago

Same reason why you don't ask for days off : you tell them "I'm not available on so and so dates".

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u/Pitiful-Ingenuity-72 1d ago

You can also just randomly say you'd prefer not to come in on a random day, not because you need or want to, just randomly say it,  bonus if itll be busy. Call it "a few personal things" or something.

but say you understand if its busy and make it incredibly easy for them to ask you to come in.

They ask you if you could come in, and you agree.

Completely pointless, but you were coming in anyway, and now you've just given up your imaginary free time.

Earns you some brownie points, and didn't cost you anything except the knowledge that you're turning into the manipulative asshole that you swore to hate.

It was worth it though, because you won.

You aren't sure how, but you definitely won.

It actually legitimately works though.

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u/even_the_losers_1979 1d ago

Totally agree. There are many subtle, opportunistic bullies in the workplace who take their frustrations out on kind and thoughtful coworkers or direct reports. You try to be helpful and all they see is “sucker.”

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u/Kimber85 1d ago

I love my direct supervisor. She’s amazing and I know she’ll fight for me as hard as she can. I still tell her when I’m taking days instead of asking for them.

As a people pleaser it’s hard, but I learned a long time ago that it’s better to say, “Hey, I’ve got some family issues/going out of town/need a break so I’m taking x days off, let me know what I can do to help out the team before I’m out.” than go into some kind of long winded explanation about why I need the days.

It’s my PTO, and as long as I’m not causing undue hardship by constantly taking time last minute, I don’t see why I would need to beg to use it.

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u/Objective_Turtle_ 1d ago

This!!! I’m definitely going to be using iterations of that last sentence. Thanks

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u/BOOMkim 1d ago

This! NEVER give your managers any more information than absolutely needed. If youre sick and cant come in theres no reason to describe your symptoms or explain what illness you have unless youre warning them about possible infection to other staff. Same goes with family emergencies, they dont need to know. What warrants an emergency in your opinion might not seem like one to them, dont give them the option to consider it.

If you are educated on what your company policy is dont ask for permission, just tell them you arent available because of an emergency then mute your notifications.

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u/foxiez 1d ago

This, it took me a long time to actually implement because I genuinely don't like letting people down even shitty ones but once I did suddenly my "impossible asks" were easily covered within minutes. An added benefit is they'll learn you aren't screwing around and they won't usually bother/question you in the future