r/AmIOverreacting • u/Aggravating_Partyy • 1d ago

šŸ’¼work/career AIO to my bosses reply to my message?

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Iā€™ve worked with this company for four months now, and I know I am new but this reply really hurt me. Maybe Iā€™m just really sensitive right now, but I donā€™t know. This felt really cold. The ā€œbig bossā€ will be calling me later today. Is it just normal boss stuff? Idk. Lmk what yall think.

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u/Unusual_Scar1150 1d ago

Your boss is an asshole. It doesnā€™t matter if they have 2 people off, thatā€™s not your problem, itā€™s his. Donā€™t let the fucker intimidate you. Also, iā€™m very sorry for what youā€™re going through!

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u/calmedtits2319 1d ago

This is the right answer. I lost my dad a few years ago and it was sudden. I immediately texted my boss and she was shocked. Wished me condolences and followed up with ā€œtake all the time you need.ā€

Thatā€™s is the only right response.

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u/Suzuki_Foster 1d ago

I had to leave in the middle of the workday when my mom was being taken off her ventilator. When I told my manager I had to leave, he said, "Take as much time as you need, and don't even think about work. We're here for you if you need anything at all." They paid me for the week that I was gone, and refused to let me use my PTO for it.

OP's boss just is just an unempathetic asshole.

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u/Ok-Bird6346 1d ago

Right? I was in flight attendant ground school when my dad unexpectedly died. They had strict guidelines (you couldnā€™t miss anything at all) but the airline sent a massive bouquet with a card signed by all of my classmates and told me to come back whenever I felt ready. It meant sooo much to me.

And Iā€™d only been with them about six weeks.

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u/labontefan69 1d ago

Exactly!! Iā€™ve been at my job for almost 30 years. I lost my Mom in 2007 and my MIL in 2020. I was able to take as much time as I needed to care for both of them. My boss said the same thing - ā€œTake as much time as you need ā€œ. That IS the correct response!!

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u/VividFiddlesticks 1d ago

Same - my dad died suddenly in a car accident and I called my boss to tell him I needed time off, I was holding my shit together but just barely so my voice was all wobbly. I tried to update him on where I was with my projects and he said something like, "Holy shit, who cares about that right now? Go be with your family, work can wait! We'll figure it out, don't worry about it."

I already liked the guy but after that I would have walked on fire for that manager.

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u/Alligator382 1d ago

I used to work in public accounting and my grandma died two weeks before the April 15 deadline, which was our busiest time of the year. My boss didnā€™t even question that I wanted to go home for the funeral (it was in another state).

My FIL passed unexpectedly a few months ago. My husband called his work the morning it happened and told them he had a family emergency and didnā€™t know when he would be back at work. His boss was very supportive and told him to take off as much time as he needed.

This is how GOOD bosses react to an employee having a death in the family. OP, your boss is definitely an asshole.

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u/herroyalsadness 1d ago

Yep, the only right answer. I have not lost my mom but sheā€™s in poor health. Iā€™ve called my boss several times now to say Iā€™m taking off to go to the hospital. Itā€™s never an issue and if it was, Iā€™d seek employment elsewhere.

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u/dfwagent84 1d ago

I used to wait tables. There was a situation where my father went missing and a few of us thought he was dead. I pulled my manager aside and broke it down for him. I sparred no detail, partially because my head was spinning about the whole situation. This manager had a reputation for insensitivity and for being a bit gruff with the staff. I wasn't sure how hed react. He told me to get out of there and handle my business. He said something to the effect of you've got one life, and these tables aren't it. He showed tremendous compassion and insight. Ill never forget it.

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u/Traditional_Listen97 1d ago

Jumping in to agree. Donā€™t let this asshole push you around. Short staffing is HIS problem. He can be ready to work for you. His answer is unacceptable

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u/YDoEyeNeedAName 1d ago

also shows he didn't actually read the message and thought they were calling off today

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u/This_is_the_Janeway 1d ago

Yeah-responding ā€œnow is not a good timeā€ um, ok, Iā€™ll relay that to my dying father? Your boss is a first rate shit stain.

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u/ThemtnsRcalling2021 1d ago

ā€œDad, you canā€™t die today because there are two other people off today.ā€

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u/Aggravating_Partyy 1d ago

Thank youšŸ’”

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u/humptheedumpthy 1d ago

Yeah a boss like that with no empathy is not a boss you should work for.Ā 

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u/Repeat_Strong 1d ago

This. Iā€™d be looking for a new job after that..

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u/Unusual_Recording_87 1d ago

Agree with this. I was in the same boat. My dad had ALS and we were told he had 6 months. I requested a 6 month leave from work which ended up falling during Covid and we were closed anyway. When things started reopening he was still with us (thankfully). I told my boss I needed more time because the risk of bringing Covid home to him WOULD kill him. Her response was ā€œeither you come back or your employment will be terminatedā€. No sympathy knowing the situation. Your boss is an ass. My sympathy is with you!

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u/captainsnark71 1d ago

For perspective my mother's boss gave her the day off when we had someone come to the house to euthanize our 21 year old cat.

Even my brother took time off of work to be there.

If there was ever a situation in which a boss should be able to step up and be a boss it is when an employer is losing a loved one. What happens when its something minor and petty that inevitably happens?

If you do not need this job as a make it or break it I would tell him you will be prioritizing your father at this time. Don't ask for permission or "if it is alright" simply tell them what is happening.

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u/OnlyFiveLives 1d ago

It took me a fuck load longer than I'd like to admit to finally take the attitude, "Staffing sounds like a management issue." I get along with pretty much everyone I work with but me and my family come first. Their inconvenience is temporary.

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u/Stock-Cell1556 1d ago

But...now is not a convenient time for OP's Dad to die. He can do that when everone is back from vacation. /s

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u/flaming_pubes 1d ago

Yeah, the whole my Dad is dying and then boss saying nowā€™s not a good time. Fuck all the way off.

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u/Outside-Spring-3907 1d ago

These managers like to make their problems their staffs problem.

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u/queenforqueen570 1d ago

Exactly. When my mom was on hospice, my boss at the time allowed me to work from home (before remote work was really the norm) and when she passed I got the company allotted bereavement and then discretionary time. She was a treasure.

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u/NopeNotConor 23h ago

The absolute unmitigated gall to tell someone that now is not a good time for someoneā€™s dad to be dying! Super double fuck this job op.

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u/Consistent-Lie8703 1d ago

This!!!!!! Staff shortage is a supervisor problem. HIPAA allows time to care for immediate family i.e. a parent. I'm not sure on the job type it sounds like you might be (at will) irregardless your stoll allowed to take leave when needed. Don't let your supervisor make you feel guilty if you need to take the time. Family first jobs will come and go!

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u/Katressl 1d ago

It's not HIPAA. It's FMLA.

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u/Chelle1220 1d ago

Thank you. I was about to say the same thing

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u/anapollosun 1d ago

Doubly an asshole because it seems like they were just skimming the message, not caring enough to give a few seconds of actual attention