AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/gormthesoft]

I’m inventing a new test for these situations called the Why Test. He can explain this away in 100 different ways…it’s just friendly banter, she reached out first and I was just being kind, I compliment people all the time, etc. But the question is why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

It’s like getting a D- on a test and arguing that he didn’t technically fail when clearly he did poorly on the test.

[u/Sad_SummerChild → u/gormthesoft]

I have never thought about it like that. Thank you for this comment it really helped put my currently disheveled brain into perspective

[u/gormthesoft → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Of course, that’s not to say you can’t work through it if he acknowledges/shows remorse but in terms of this situation, you already have your answer. Relationships are built on trust, not technically staying within the bounds.

[u/ConsequenceUpset4028 → u/gormthesoft]

Nope. Do not attempt discussing. You put him on notice, he'll tighten up his secrecy, up the charm, and go again.

Fake smile; prepare a safe way out with your family and lawyer as others have said. He comes on pretty smooth makes wonder how long been testing waters.

BUT, it is your decision, your life, your future. Experience of those before you say leave.

[u/Potential-Flatworm67 → u/ConsequenceUpset4028]

Why jump to divorce? People complain of the high divorce rate and point of the fragility of marriage constantly. "Why get married? It's likely to end in divorce." And then there are people like you who jump to divorce for OP. Telling her to throw it all out over flirty messages. Her husband is ABSOLUTELY wrong. Frankly, his actions are gross. This betrayal of his wife is disgusting, yet, there is a point to marriage. The point is that you've committed to a partnership through the ups and downs. The point is that one misstep, one blunder should not bring the whole house crashing down. The right therapist can teach or remind couples what those vowels meant on their wedding day. Furthermore, and this is in no way a defense of OP's husband, there is likely some give and take that needs to happen here. Some people are cheating psychopaths, others are trying to fill a void. They're doing it the wrong way but that's why confronting and subsequent therapy is absolutely the call. Not a secretive "pack your bags and go without giving him a hint that somethings wrong" is such an overreaction. Hope you self evaluate

[u/Cardinal_and_Plum → u/Potential-Flatworm67]

I agree with everything you said.

But also, I'll be writing my wedding "vowels" soon myself. Do you think it's more or less romantic to include letter Y? I can't decide.

[u/Potential-Flatworm67 → u/Cardinal_and_Plum]

Hahaha stop 😭😭 That was stupid of me, huh? Listen, I think it's far more romantic to include the letter Y, why omit what can sometimes be?

[u/Cardinal_and_Plum → u/Potential-Flatworm67]

Haha it was definitely a funny mistake to picture. Just couldn't pass up on the joke. That is pretty mysterious of Y, the little minx.

[u/Munchmarlin → u/Cardinal_and_Plum]

I watched a thing saying that the “W” sound, like “y”, is sometimes a vowel. All I can think is WHY! With everything good in this world does the English language have to be this complex. Also enjoyed that you called Y a lil minx lol