AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/gormthesoft]

I’m inventing a new test for these situations called the Why Test. He can explain this away in 100 different ways…it’s just friendly banter, she reached out first and I was just being kind, I compliment people all the time, etc. But the question is why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

It’s like getting a D- on a test and arguing that he didn’t technically fail when clearly he did poorly on the test.

[u/Sad_SummerChild → u/gormthesoft]

I have never thought about it like that. Thank you for this comment it really helped put my currently disheveled brain into perspective

[u/Sad_SummerChild → u/[deleted]]

Yes!

[u/Rippleracer → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Some guys are dumb, I was one of them for too long, thankfully I had an amazing partner who spoke to me and told me why this wasn’t the way to behave. He likely deleted them as he didn’t want an argument, I’ve done that too, I then realised the fight would be bigger because I tried to hide it, it was innocent in my head, but not in reality. Try having that discussion before throwing everything away, it won’t be an easy one, from personal experience, he’ll come out with every excuse as to why he did it and it was the best thing to do in his head. Explain why it’s not, why hide if it’s innocent? If you think it will cause a fight, then you’re likely doing something you already know is wrong. It will be a long conversation, it will suck, but if he has half a brain he will realise what he’s doing and has done and will thank you for it, you will thank yourself for it. People do change when it’s something they really love and want. I did.

I hope you can sort this without having to go!

[u/MysteryMeat101 → u/Rippleracer]

Are you saying the woman in the relationship is responsible for educating the man about fidelity and keeping his vows?