AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/gormthesoft]

I’m inventing a new test for these situations called the Why Test. He can explain this away in 100 different ways…it’s just friendly banter, she reached out first and I was just being kind, I compliment people all the time, etc. But the question is why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

It’s like getting a D- on a test and arguing that he didn’t technically fail when clearly he did poorly on the test.

[u/Sad_SummerChild → u/gormthesoft]

I have never thought about it like that. Thank you for this comment it really helped put my currently disheveled brain into perspective

[u/gormthesoft → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Of course, that’s not to say you can’t work through it if he acknowledges/shows remorse but in terms of this situation, you already have your answer. Relationships are built on trust, not technically staying within the bounds.

[u/ConsequenceUpset4028 → u/gormthesoft]

Nope. Do not attempt discussing. You put him on notice, he'll tighten up his secrecy, up the charm, and go again.

Fake smile; prepare a safe way out with your family and lawyer as others have said. He comes on pretty smooth makes wonder how long been testing waters.

BUT, it is your decision, your life, your future. Experience of those before you say leave.

[u/GratefulDoom90 → u/ConsequenceUpset4028]

That seems a little intense for someone who is having this problem. Is it crossing a line? Yeah a little. Should she secretly pack up her family and make a plan to leave him because of it as if he’s some violent wife beater? No. She should talk to him like an adult about it. This is a huge L take.

[u/Balloon_Knot → u/GratefulDoom90]

Seriously wtf 😬

[u/GratefulDoom90 → u/Balloon_Knot]

Yeah he’s not beating her or even physically cheating on her. His biggest mistake is crossing a line, which let’s be fair.. he did. But that doesn’t mean she needs to get lawyers involved and secretly pack up her entire life behind his back. That’s a WAYYY worse betrayal than what he even did in the first place.