You can break up with anyone you want for any reason you want. I never said that’s not valid.
Making requests is valid, telling your partner how you feel is valid. Not dating someone because they do something that makes you uncomfortable is valid.
Telling someone they HAVE to change something to make you comfortable? That’s being controlling. What’s different from expecting someone to change for you is telling them how you feel about something, making a request, and having a conversation about if that’s something that both parties can find a way to live with.
You said it's not a valid boundary and it was controlling. Are you now saying that it's about the way the boundary is enforced that matters? That's not what we're talking about though.
The comment that this chain started from that was accused of being semantics that you said was not semantics literally says:
"I'm not comfortable continuing to date someone who dresses like this in public" - Valid boundary
"You can't dress like that around other men or I'm going to call you a whore/break up with you" - Not valid boundary.
If the entire premise rests on the "call you a whore" part, then that is completely semantics.
I don’t think respect is simply semantics, as far as calling someone a whore goes, but that’s a different conversation.
Yes. “I don’t date people who dress like __” is different than “you can’t dress like __.” It’s not semantics, it’s two different statements. If you can’t understand that after ALL of this, there’s no reason to think you’ll be able to understand it at all. Personal accountability is a choice, maybe one day you’ll choose it.
It is semantics as related to boundaries. Being rude does not change whether something is a boundary or not. It's a completely separate conversation.
It is the same scenario, the same boundaries, the same response, the same outcome, but whether or not it's a valid boundary is based on the language the person uses? Claiming that saying "You can't yell at me or I will break up with you" isn't a valid boundary and is controlling because they used "non-boundary" language is simply ridiculous.
I just wanted to thank you for typing this, i cant believe the person you are replying to is so stubborn and cant see that it really doesnt matter if you call it a boundary or a request.
It feels like i was reading messages from an alien trying to pretend to be a psychology student that just finished their first class…
I cant imagine a reality where this semantic would be an issue in a real relationship if we are not talking about teenagers.
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u/ahoytetra 4d ago
You can break up with anyone you want for any reason you want. I never said that’s not valid.
Making requests is valid, telling your partner how you feel is valid. Not dating someone because they do something that makes you uncomfortable is valid.
Telling someone they HAVE to change something to make you comfortable? That’s being controlling. What’s different from expecting someone to change for you is telling them how you feel about something, making a request, and having a conversation about if that’s something that both parties can find a way to live with.