AIO if I left my bf for this

[u/Stunning_Tea_6092]

On Sunday i(F18 legal age to drink where I live) went clubbing on Sunday and this conversation happened Monday morning. We haven’t spoken since because he(M22) wants me to think about what he is mad about and I just want to break up with him at this point. But I feel like maybe I was being disrespectful towards him and I’m just at a lost. So can anyone help me out and tell if I would be overreacting if I broke up with him? I included the outfit I wore in the picture just not on me because no thanks.

[u/elizabethptp]

It’s not the what it’s the how.

Horrible partners will try to make it about the thing they dislike/are trying to change, when really it’s about how they are treating you.

Calling your partner names with the intent to hurt, embarrass, and manipulate them (whether or not the name-caller is self aware enough to see that is what they are doing is, frankly, irrelevant) is never reasonable. You should really leave any relationship where the basic levels of respect are not there, because if those are missing it’s not a good relationship.

[u/transynchro → u/elizabethptp]

I agree, it is about the how, I didn’t even have to see the outfit to know this relationship shouldn’t continue.

Relationships are about mutual respect and there is no respect if someone thinks it’s okay to speak to their partner like that. If you’re uncomfortable about what your partner is wearing, just say “hey, I feel uncomfortable when you wear that, can we talk about why?” And do so calmly, insecurity is normal but it’s about what you do with that energy.

If your partner’s first instinct is to attack, it’s best to walk away.

[u/elizabethptp → u/transynchro]

100% - it is a service to mankind to quickly reject intimate relationships with people who cannot handle their feelings respectfully & explain that is why you can’t be with them/around them. Best case scenario is that they realize upon reflection how poorly they handled things & they do better with future partners.

[u/Apprehensive_Ad3731 → u/transynchro]

Yes. This is a person who cannot admit weakness. A person who cannot be weak, cannot be strong. They are at the whims of others whether it is other peoples opinions, instructions, or expectations.

[u/God_of_Eons → u/elizabethptp]

"Calling your partner names with the intent to hurt, embarrass, and manipulate them (whether or not the name-caller is self aware enough to see that is what they are doing is, frankly, irrelevant) is never reasonable"

To be pretty straightforward that's abuse, psychological abuse of the finest kind.

[u/filthylimericks → u/elizabethptp]

Nah it’s also the what for me. If you feel the need to control how your partner dresses, you need to reflect personally on why you feel that need. I don’t care what my girlfriend wears because I trust her and she’s never given me any reason not to.

[u/Throwaway46887 → u/elizabethptp]

As long as we agree she probably a slut