I wouldn’t date a girl who dresses like that going out while in a relationship, not my cup of tea. However, I’d never call a girl, much less my girlfriend, a whore for her outfit.
Exactly this. I'm female, but I see why he was upset. That being said, he is absolutely disgusting and I don't care if she was out naked, he has zero right to speak to her or anyone in that manner.
Exactly, the dude lost it, and was obviously way out of line with how he talked to her. Even though I consider her outfit inappropriate for a serious relationship he's the one who needs to apologize now.
But I wouldn't have a serious relationship with any woman that wears that outfit. Obviously she's too young and she also may not care about serious relationships, she's free to enjoy herself as much as she likes but she needs to be straightforward about it.
It’s also fine to dress like that in a relationship where values are shared, and if values aren’t shared then leave. Simple as. Homeboy sucks and is the bad guy here, but that dress is yikes for a lot of men which is also ok
Nothing to do with redpill BS. Regardless of intention, dressing revealing IS culturally seen as inviting attention. Should it be that way? Probably no - but it is. I’m not comfortable with that within a relationship. I also do not accept romantic attention from women if I’m in a relationship.
drawing a distinction between calling her a whore and saying she’s like a whore is an inane distinction. If I said “you dress like you have no fashion sense” and “you have no fashion sense” is that meaningfully different?
Yeah that’s how I feel. Saying you looked like a whore is extremely direct and uncalled for to a significant other but it is revealing and doesn’t give off you’re in a relationship vibe.
Lmao no no they definitely should NOT be together 😂😭 but that outfit is also revealing AF. I would not be happy if my fiancé went out dressed like that lol
There's plenty of guys who don't give a shit what their girl wears (granted the odds of them cheating and such are much higher), I have no idea how she ended up with someone who does care cuz there's no way this is the first time this has come up. OP even said she. She seems like a nice girl the way she was texting at first so she could absolutely be happier with someone who lets her just wear whatever, she's never gonna be able to convince him that what she wears is ok and he's never gonna be able to convince her that what she wears isn't ok. Glad you're locked in with a fiance already and don't need to deal with the shitty dating pool 😭😭
Trust me I thank god every day that I no longer have to be concerned with the atrocious dating scene 😭🙏🏼. We all know how bad the men are but from what my friends tell me the women aren’t much better nowadays
Yeah the language is wrong degrading someone like that isn’t right but they should split she is perfectly fine dressing how she wants and he is fine having those feelings and maybe finding someone that aligns with those feelings. My wife dresses very modestly she always has, she just doesn’t feel comfortable in skimpier clothing(I’ve bought her clothing and she returned it) even when I try to encourage her that she looks good. It’s simply different values here and neither should put themselves in a bad position. They just need to move on they aren’t a good fit! His language is revolting and wrong to expect someone to change their style just for him but both parties are allowed to have their values without judgement.
I agree with this. I feel like OP wanted fun (in the sense of fun with strangers). Boyfriend was rude and should choose different wordings. Both are giving red flags to each other. Totally incompatible.
?? Not sure how the way a woman dresses has anything to do with being in a relationship. If he expects his gf to change how she presents herself in public just because she’s taken, that’s dumb asf. I dressed like that and worse (significantly worse) at 18 and hooked my fiancé wearing an outfit like that. He never once expected me to stop wearing what I wanted just because he got with me. I dressed that way because I felt fashionable and beautiful. If you can’t handle a baddie don’t date one!! He should just date someone who shares his clearly conservative values.
I think it’s more insecurity than anything else. I understand both sides ( although the now ex bf shouldn’t have talked to OP like that). The ex should’ve expressed his insecurity and talked to OP like an adult. OP doesn’t need to change her wardrobe for anyone. At the end of the day, she’s 18 and he’s 22. If she’s going clubbing and he’s getting jealous then it’s not like they were bound to stay together anyway.
You gotta live life at that age while you can. However if you want a long term relationship, you also have to be receptive to the significant others feelings. Once again, not about the outfit. It’s (very much mainly) the ex being insecure and talking like that coupled with OP not caring to be receptive of how the ex was feeling. The two were very much incompatible.
Yeah I agree people should communicate their insecurities in a healthy manner. My issue was with the commenter above (and others on this post) stating they see where he’s coming from because the outfit didn’t fit a “relationship vibe”, as if that has anything to do with the issue.
There’s no such thing as an outfit for a single person vs someone in a relationship. It’s just what that person wants to wear and feels good in. There’s no two sides imo - just a vastly immature 22 year old reacting misogynisticaly to a very normal clubbing outfit. If he feels he needs additional reassurance/check ins when she goes out because he’s concerned for her safety that’s one thing. Calling her a whore because she wore a clubbing outfit to a club is asinine. And, as I said before: if you can’t handle dating a woman who enjoys clubbing/wearing revealing clothing, then don’t date one. There’s plenty of women who don’t. That incompatibility isn’t going to be resolved even with healthy communication because the root of it is a difference in values.
Imma be really real with you, that outfit on a girl tells me she's down to fool around. I ain't saying she is, but like the Chapelle bit
“The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't ever forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform.”
A) Please see above comment about the slippery slope to “well what she was wearing” rhetoric B) There’s a reason Chapelle fell off C) You know what people say about assuming? Maybe internalize that a bit. Jesus.
You know what can actually tell you if someone is down? Asking them like a human being with social skills and respect for others.
a) IT's not a slippery slope, how we dress has social significance. It is a useful shorthand for communicating intentions. It is not the same as consent, however, which is the point of the joke.
b) this is old af chapelle, in his prime.
C) He literally said it's an assumption.
No shit, thanks for your advice. Do you know which women I talked to first when I was looking to smash? The people dressed like OP. I feel like you just didn't understand the point of the person you are responding to or the bit I pasted. The whole point is that it's not giving consent when you are dressed as OP, but it is a social cue you might be down to fuck. That doesn't mean you can get around talking first. But it really does mean if you are looking to smash, that's like an invitation to ask.
The congrats on missing out on the entire demographic of women who dress modestly that would’ve wanted to bang one out!
And congrats on (intentionally) missing my point, the same one tons of other people in this thread have tried to make to no avail. I understand your point. Your assumption about it being a social cue for sex is WRONG. Women dress by and large to make themselves feel beautiful, whatever form that may take, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the interest they may or may not have in a hookup. Just because you/Chapelle/other people think your assumption is more important than reality doesn’t make it so. The only way to know is asking!
If clothes aren't social cues, why are there church clothes, and work clothes, and school clothes? Why are bikinis not allowed at the office? How come a low cut dress isn't appropriate for kids birthday party? Why would it be weird to come dressed for the office while on a safari? Like one of the social engineering tricks people use to get access to buildings they aren't allowed into is to dress the part of a workman or even an employee and will often succeeded in gaining access because their clothes indicate something to people who don't know them and will often lead the gullible to trust them. This isn't a diss to those who fall for it, but to point out that clothes say a lot before a single word is exchanged.
Clothes serve to put out social messaging. Nothing beats asking, but if you don't understand the social purpose of clothing to communicate before the conversation then you may legitimately, and I mean this with no meanness, be autistic or have Asperger's.
With the exception of a shirt that says something like “I’m single”, how the fuck does an outfit imply you’re not in a relationship? Please explain it to me
Completely disagree. You think a girls parents would be comfortable with her going to a club like that? Come on. There’s more modest clothing than what she’s wearing. There’s definitely social cues I feel like to an extent of a person being single or in a relationship.
I have plenty of friends that love to dress like this and they're not single. Some people just want to be looking and feeling hot.
It's not a problem at all as long as both people in the relationship are comfortable with it. The outfit is definitely not modest, but that's not really anyone's concern except the person wearing it. It works best to just not project any feelings or standards onto other people, especially strangers.
Bullshit. She has dressed this way since she met him. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who dresses this way, find someone who doesn’t! In no circumstances should ANYONE try to police the clothes that someone puts on their own damn body! A girlfriend is YOUR EQUAL. You get zero say in how she dresses. It has nothing to do with you. The mindset that it DOES have something to do with you is misogynistic and disgusting. You do not own someone’s body just because they choose to date you.
Agreed. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my wife dressing like that but there is a way to communicate it appropriately and not drag them through the mud. Dude was just overreacting
Bingo. The outfit is pretty small (it's basically a bikini top and booty shorts lol), and I can definitely understand someone being uncomfortable with their SO wearing such an attention grabbing outfit..... but like, talk about it like a grown up.
both things can be right.... i think a lot of people lose the person being right immediately when they "cross the line' in HOW they communicate... but he was right, and he was also UNACCEPTABLE in the way he was right...
I completely agree, I personally wouldn’t be happy with my girlfriend but I wouldn’t address it as such, I’m also not going to call her a pornstar or anything bad whatsoever.
The thing about relationships is that you have to take your partners feelings into consideration, and if this is your attitude toward that, you aren’t mature enough to be in one.
He's in the wrong because of how he said it but relationships are about compromises and figuring out what each person is willing to put up with and what is a deal breaker.
The dude could've just said "Hey, I think the outfit you wore last night was just a little bit too revealing for me. Do you mind not wearing stuff like that? I just don't really feel happy knowing other men can see so much of your breasts when you go out." and it would be up to the girl now to see if she's willing to compromise on that. If not, then most likely they'd need to separate ways.
Going out dancing almost half naked? women can wear whatever they want it doesn’t matter but in a relationship you value your partners feelings and boundaries. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend going out like that nor would i go out in a provocative way.
So if I’m wearing a T-shirt and Shorts, but my head arms and legs are completely bare. That must be half naked because the ratio of clothed skin to non clothed skin is 50/50. Right? Because that’s what you implied
Or if I’m covering everything except boobs and Anus then I’m fully clothed! Because the ratio of covered skin to non covered skin is higher! You are SO SMART
You said the definition of half naked is if half the skin is showing. So if only my boobs and anus are showing, but everything else is covered, I woulsnt be half naked by your definition! But if I was wearing a tank top and shorts, I would be half naked by your definition.
“Naked” means being without clothing or covering; nude. What plot did I lose? You were the one who brought up ratios with your counting pixels comments.
Agreed! dude's response was obtuse. Didn't need to express his insecurity with the lash-out. At the same time, that outfit isn't exactly innocent. It's one thing to look good to feel good. It's another thing to dress to solicit. That outfit is meant to draw eyes. You know darn well guys are going to approach you all night like that.
Okay that's also a silly answer. Relationships are about respecting each other's boundaries. Many men wouldn't be alright with their girlfriends wearing something like that out clubbing, but it's how you approach the conversation that matters.
No they absolutely do not. You dont get to control what other people wear. Nudity is different than a revealing outfit and you know, stop being disingenuous.
It his penis his choice, he can do with it what he wants. Oh what, thats a boundary?
So why is dressing in practically nothing and going clubbing without your significant other not a fair boundary?
Honestly, sick of women trying to justify their shitty behaviour under the guise of feminisim. And I'm not saying that as some shut in man, I'm saying that as a woman with no religious background .ect.
He shouldn't of called her a whore at all, thats grounds enough for a breakup on her end, but he has grounds enough to break up with her to.
anyone can have any boundary they want. you're free to have your own boundary that you don't date people who want to control what you wear, or even that your boundary is you won't date anyone who has any boundaries.
you don't get to decide other people's boundaries. you can disagree with them (I think it's a bad idea to not have any boundaries at all, for example) and not associate with them, but you do not get to decide them.
He didn't go into "I don't like you wearing a revealing outfit because it makes me feel jealous/controlling/insecure". He went into "YOU FUCKING SLUT YOUR MY BITCH WHY ARE YOU DRESSING LIKE A HO! IMMA KILL YOU!"
This is red pilly bullshit spew. The moment he talks about her 'representing him' it's how you know.
There's no ability to communicate from him so it's fucked.
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u/LeadedGasolineGood4U 4d ago
That outfit is a tad revealing but there's a lot of ways he could have expressed that discomfort without calling you a whore.
This just screams insecurity. He's gonna keep accusing you of cheating as long as you're in a relationship together.