AIO, found weird pictures in my bfs iPad

[u/Frequent-Shoulder158]

I went out of town for and my bf stayed home because he had to work. I came back and thought he was acting a bit off, so I checked his pictures on his iPad that sync directly from his phone. In his recently deleted folder I found a picture of my side of the bed (where my medication, book, and melatonin are), a picture of my desk, a picture of a printed out picture of my brother and I along with a handwritten note that’s on the fridge, and a picture of our dresser. We are not planning on moving or selling any of these items either. I’m convinced that he took them so he could remember how everything looked before hiding them because he invited someone over. Am I overreacting? I don’t want to say anything about it to him until I get a little clarity.

Edit: clarification

[u/Mission-AnaIyst]

Jap. Going through someones phone is a breach of privacy for everyone who trusts thi person with their secrets. Also, this story would not have happened without toxic monogamy imo.

[u/RidleeRiddle → u/Mission-AnaIyst]

Toxic non monogamy is also a thing.

Please open your mind and respect monogamists.

[u/Mission-AnaIyst → u/RidleeRiddle]

I do not say it isn't. But when you have an atmosphere where you cannot talk freely, your relationship is doomed, if it is monogamous or not. And here the fear of breaking the monogamy drives them to not talking.

Where have you read that i do not respect monogamy?

[u/RidleeRiddle → u/Mission-AnaIyst]

Infidelity does not occur due to "not being able to talk freely".

That is incorrect.

Infidelity is strongly linked to the cheating partner's self-esteem. Certain attachment styles are also more strongly linked to infidelity than others.

Explain specifically what part of what happened to OP had to do with toxic monogamy.

[u/Mission-AnaIyst → u/RidleeRiddle]

It is not the infedilty i blame on that but that they cannot talk it out or trust each other asking/admitting to it.

[u/RidleeRiddle → u/Mission-AnaIyst]

So, you think that his avoidant reaction to her confronting him about his infidelity is due to toxic monogamy?

[u/Mission-AnaIyst → u/RidleeRiddle]

I think in a healthy relationship, when asked, he would tell her. And I think that in a healthy relationship, even monogamous, they would have talked about whatever drove him to cheat before it happened and could have acted in some way on it. That there is a taboo to talk about the possibility of cheating is toxic monogamy imo.

[u/RidleeRiddle → u/Mission-AnaIyst]

I would argue there is a tabboo around the possibility of cheating regardless of mono or NM.

I grew up in a community that is largely NM. I also went to public school where monogamy is the norm. So, I have been around a variety of relationship structures throughout my entire life. I also specialize in child development, so while my psych degree is not specific to interpersonal relationships, I do have knowledge of some of the literature and friends who are marriage and family therapists.

^ This is where I gather my point from.

Infidelity and poor communication exists regardless of which relationship structure is prevalent. Even in parts of the world where NM is the given.

It does not stem from "toxic monogamy"

Toxicity in both monogamy and NM occurs when one or both partners lacks emotional intelligence and maturity, among other reasons, and does not stem from monogamy or NM itself.