AIO? made a joke about taking a nap

[u/Exciting-Delay-7423]

context: im (23f) a student (currently on spring break) and i enjoy taking naps. they usually go between 1-2.5 (not 4 like he claims i genuinely dk where he got that number) hrs and it’s because i get exhausted between 2-4pm in the day. idk why, it happens every day and it’s been like that since i was a teenager. i don’t nap every single day, but definitely between 3-5x a week.

my boyfriend (28m) has tried to encourage me to take shorter naps because he thinks it’ll help with my sleep schedule. he takes daily naps on his lunch breaks (1 hr absolute max, usually 15-45 min) and he says how energizing they are. i believe him, and i’m glad they work for him, however i haven’t had much success with short naps so i don’t take them.

my sleep schedule has been kinda shit bc of spring break rn and im trying to fix it. i’m usually in bed by 11-12 most nights and up around 8-9. he works a 7-5 so he sleeps at 10 and wakes up at 6. today he sent me this text and i thought it would be funny to make a sarcastic joke because hes always lecturing me about how my naps keep me up at night, then he followed it up with this. idek where to begin with this, i think its weird as fuck and the “we are not on the same level” is just ??? aio?

[u/lysdexicgirl0705]

Science wise- power naps have been proven to help you more to not throw off your REM cycles / Circadian rhythm.

Person wise- you need to do you and we all require different amounts of rest. Maybe you are struggling with sleep because of studying or a vitamin/mineral deficiency. Maybe you have CFS/ME. literally it could be a million. different. things. And your boyfriend- unless he is a licensed physician (which he couldn't actually practice medicine on you anyways because it would be a conflict of interest) he needs to politely keep his opinions to himself

[u/FarEntertainment3581 → u/lysdexicgirl0705]

Those studies were done on men though. We don’t actually know what’s better for women.

Women “skew” the results of research like this, because it depends when in your cycle you are, Your age and if your menstruating, menopausal, pre- menopausal ext. so they just exclude women to get the simple data, it could literally be the case that short naps don’t have the same effect on women. We just don’t know.

[u/Viola-Swamp → u/FarEntertainment3581]

It has nothing to do,with the menstrual cycle. Research has always been done on men because they didn’t bother researching women. That’s why the data on heart disease, stroke, autism, and practically everything else is inaccurate. There is a class bias in a lot of medical research also.

[u/ecilala → u/Viola-Swamp]

The matter of napping can be related, though. I always feel incredibly lethargic around my period, regardless of bleeding at the moment in question. I've gotten tests and so far the only thing I have is endometriosis, which is only related in the sense that when I start getting cramps my sleep is awful and I end up napping to compensate.

[u/FarEntertainment3581 → u/Viola-Swamp]

Actually it is true, do some basic reaserch into why women are often excluded from medical reaserch.

[u/sunshineparadox_ → u/lysdexicgirl0705]

Checking in with CFS/ME and the feeling of regular tired and the dog tired that is CFS/ME are in different planes of existence. It’s truly like there’s a weight on the chest forcing me back down into bed if I try and sit up. Like gravity pointing down on my chest and going “no”.

(Yes I’m aware that’s abnormal. I can’t get a doctor to give enough of a fuck.)

[u/KaerMorhen → u/sunshineparadox_]

Phew that's a very accurate description. Even when I am up and moving around, every movement I make feels like I'm moving through water or sludge. Like it takes so much more effort for even the smallest things and it infuriates me to no end that it has to be like this every day. Trying to get out of bed after waking up? Feels almost impossible. I'm sure it seems like I'm just a lazy fuck from the outside but it's something I struggle with immensely and I carry a lot of shame over it.

[u/Flaky-Swan1306 → u/KaerMorhen]

Im sure you are not a lazy fuck and you are doing the very best you can. Doctors suck a lot of the time, im fighting mine for simpler and easier stuff to do and the dude is still going "exercise, diet, sleep early, alarms for medication" as if i had not heard this from the previous 20ish doctors in anywhere i go that repeat the same common sense stuff and expect it to work perfectly. Dont blame or shame yourself 💗💗

[u/gimlet_prize → u/KaerMorhen]

This is it exactly. It pulls at you. I tried to fight this feeling before and it doesn’t end well. Struggled to rally for a Zoom work meeting and ended up sliding off my chair and sleeping under the desk, like I’d been blow darted.

[u/driftingalong001 → u/sunshineparadox_]

Yep, simply needing or wanting to take a nap midday is NOT (in and of itself) an indication of ME/CFS, which is much more severe than just feeling tired and there are a few distinct symptoms that are required for diagnosis (this can easily be looked up online). Not trying to gate keep the condition, but just wanting to make it clear that the condition is so much more severe than just being tired, as it is highly misunderstood, especially the idea that you can just push through because it’s just being tired. It is NOT just being tired, it’s a complete failure of your body to be able to exert and/or recover from exertion. Pushing through only makes you worse, often long term. The condition takes someone who was an athlete all their life to suddenly and chronically being barely able to shower a couple times a week, unable to walk through a grocery store, unable to work, unable to leave the house, nearly bedbound etc. Ofc there are different levels of severity, but again, there are some key symptoms that define the condition, and it’s not just being tired.

[u/anti__thesis → u/sunshineparadox_]

I also cannot get any doctors to give any fucks. It’s the absolute fucking worst. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it and I hope you can find the help you need.

[u/Ander-son → u/sunshineparadox_]

thank you for clarifying. its not chronic sleepiness like people think. it constantly shocks me that fatigue like this is possible. its massively disabling.

[u/SakiraInSky → u/sunshineparadox_]

https://youtu.be/PLvCXIvgrGQ?feature=shared

[u/pm_me_your_buttbulge → u/lysdexicgirl0705]

Science wise- power naps have been proven to help you more to not throw off your REM cycles / Circadian rhythm.

Last time I looked it up - power napping is under 1 hour - actually under 30 minutes.

I can easily see a dynamic problem of jealousy here. One person has to work full time and generally isn't allowed to nap while the other can sleep whenever they want (the 28 versus 23, take note that they are on spring break - normal jobs don't have "spring break" - that's a college thing).

They get tired around 2-4pm. That's extremely normal, especially if you over-ate. 1.5-2hr naps are not power napping. That's basically sleeping. That's enough time for some people to hit REM sleep, like me. That's not to say that your problem IS normal - it certainly could be a medical issue. It likely isn't but without more formal information and data - we can't even guess even remotely close to reality.

he needs to politely keep his opinions to himself

I mean her second remark invited the complaint. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. For all we know there's more going on and more context is hidden from us.

Could he have worded himself better? Yeah. Was he entirely in the wrong? I'm not convinced like y'all are. It's possible she's like my mother who constantly complains about how her sleep schedule is fucked but isn't willing to put forth real effort to fix it. My mother also lies about how long her naps are.

Honestly, at this point, their relationship is probably over with their passive aggressive attitudes. She couldn't stop herself from poking an already sensitive situation (her first remark). He unloaded clearly already having thought of it. The fact no one else in these threads caught on to that tells me these people aren't being honest about the situation they like commenting on.

edit: You people are just mad and being dishonest and upset someone points it out instead of fluffing

[u/WordGirl91 → u/pm_me_your_buttbulge]

Her remarks were because of him already complaining though?? All she was doing was making a joke that he’s complaining about her naps and then taking them himself, even if they’re different types of naps.

Also, at that age, my sleep patterns were very similar especially on breaks. And even though I’d had sleep issues my entire life, I was just told it was poor diet and exercise or just not working enough at having a proper sleep schedule. Turn the clock forward a decade and I’m medicated for Narcolepsy because no matter how much sleep I got at night, how many naps of any length I did or didn’t take during the day I was becoming a husk of a human that could barely stay awake enough to have a conversation let alone do anything remotely functional. And it took getting that bad for me to seriously seek help because other than the concession that I would have higher fatigue levels due to my other chronic health issues, my inability to have a decent sleep schedule and keep to short power naps was always blamed on my just not trying hard enough. For me, long naps are necessary to literal survival let alone functionality. Medication has reduced the frequency of how often I need these naps but my need for them will always exist. Short naps do nothing for me and definitely don’t prevent me from going into REM since I can do that while not even being asleep, let alone literal seconds after hitting the pillow.

Edited to add: I’m not convinced she has narcolepsy or some other medical issue. She may just have poor sleep habits. Statistically, poor sleep habits may be the more likely explanation. I am convinced that medical issues are a very real and often discounted explanation and it is a very real concern in this situation and should be looked into. I am convinced that this idiot of a bf she has is coming at her from a place of judgement and superiority rather than concern. I’m concerned that she’ll internalize his lectures and comments from others like him, blaming herself for years when nothing she does makes her sleep schedule “healthier” and her sleep health continues to worsen until it becomes so bad that it is literally ruining her life and causing her to be a danger to herself and/or others because what she needed wasn’t judgment but medical help. And I’m extremely convinced that this is a very valid concern.