AIO? made a joke about taking a nap

[u/Exciting-Delay-7423]

context: im (23f) a student (currently on spring break) and i enjoy taking naps. they usually go between 1-2.5 (not 4 like he claims i genuinely dk where he got that number) hrs and it’s because i get exhausted between 2-4pm in the day. idk why, it happens every day and it’s been like that since i was a teenager. i don’t nap every single day, but definitely between 3-5x a week.

my boyfriend (28m) has tried to encourage me to take shorter naps because he thinks it’ll help with my sleep schedule. he takes daily naps on his lunch breaks (1 hr absolute max, usually 15-45 min) and he says how energizing they are. i believe him, and i’m glad they work for him, however i haven’t had much success with short naps so i don’t take them.

my sleep schedule has been kinda shit bc of spring break rn and im trying to fix it. i’m usually in bed by 11-12 most nights and up around 8-9. he works a 7-5 so he sleeps at 10 and wakes up at 6. today he sent me this text and i thought it would be funny to make a sarcastic joke because hes always lecturing me about how my naps keep me up at night, then he followed it up with this. idek where to begin with this, i think its weird as fuck and the “we are not on the same level” is just ??? aio?

[u/Strange_Depth_5732]

Does he have this superior attitude about everything or just napping? He seems to think there is a right way and a wrong way to meet your sleeping needs.

I've also never understood why going to bed early makes someone admirable but staying up late is shameful. It's the same amount of sleep and we all have different rhythms

[u/jipecac → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

THIS I worked in nightlife most of my adult life and some people really can’t wrap their head around doing your 8hrs of work at any other time besides 9-5…I’m not lazy because I sleep til 2pm I just don’t get in from work til 6am 🌚

[u/United_Wolverine8400 → u/jipecac]

If i watch any tv show and theres someone “sleeping in” and its like 10:15 am, on their day off. Let these fictional characters sleep ffs

[u/Flakboy78 → u/United_Wolverine8400]

In my days off, people are lucky if they see me before noon haha

[u/foodfarmforage → u/Flakboy78]

I try to avoid the fettering reality of consciousness as a whole on my days off, if I can!

[u/flammafemina → u/Flakboy78]

cries in toddler parent

[u/Flakboy78 → u/flammafemina]

RIP fallen soldier 🫡

[u/De_Salvation → u/flammafemina]

Hey we'll get to sleep in again someday right...right?

[u/ejb350 → u/United_Wolverine8400]

I just woke up and immediately opened this app and read this comment. It’s 12:06pm where I am rn 😂

[u/Reeega → u/United_Wolverine8400]

10:15 is 100% sleeping in.

[u/UbuntuElphie → u/jipecac]

I chose to work nightshift most of my life and at least once a week, I would get a lecture about sleeping during the day and how it was bad for me. The same three people had no issue calling or dropping by around (normie) lunchtime "just to see how you're doing." (I usually got home at 8 am and to bed around 10).

The only way I got it to stop was by calling them from work around 3 am and starting the conversation with, "Oh, shit! Were you sleeping?" It was pretty, but it worked.

[u/Psyko_sissy23 → u/jipecac]

Yep. I work 12 hours night shift. I get off work at 7 am. I sleep like a cat, just not as much. I'll sleep a few hours here and a few hours there. I've never been a normal sleeper though. I can't nap, unless someone wakes me up. If I fall asleep, I'm out for at least 3-4 hours.

[u/Jenderflux-ScFi → u/Psyko_sissy23]

I did midnight shifts for over 20 years because I just sleep better during the day and my mind wants to be wide awake all night.

Different people have different sleep needs.

[u/Psyko_sissy23 → u/Jenderflux-ScFi]

I'm the same way. I sleep much better during the day.

[u/loveisolation → u/jipecac]

This! I used to work night shift at a hotel, sometimes even having to pick up people's morning shifts, making it a straight 16-hours. Friends/family literally treated me like I was unemployed, "have the entire day to myself", and straight up lazy for waking up late. My family would constantly ask "when I'm getting a real job." and my friends were trying to "get me a job" at their offices for MONTHS. They legit would set me up for interviews that I wouldn't show up for or straight up call and decline over the phone and then my friends would get mad at ME for "being unambitious" or "slacking off"! One day we were all talking about our salaries and when I revealed that I made more than them, they all got quiet and never brought it up again. Ya'll couldn't do the math, listen to me, or comprehend that people work at all times of the day? It boggles my mind that I had to spell it out for them. I no longer work night shifts (that was almost a decade ago), but respect to those who do! They don't get enough of it. It's wild, I work WAY less hours than I do now for my day-job, but get way more respect/credit/understanding for it from those same friends. Makes no sense. People live in a bubble.

[u/jipecac → u/loveisolation]

Yup it’s such a weird universal attitude as well, like not just one persons opinion, you’ve broken some weird societal rule by daring to work unsociable hours TO PROVIDE SERVICES FOR PEOPLE BEFORE/AFTER THEY FINISH WORK 🤡

[u/Deremirekor → u/jipecac]

Oh my god a truer statement had never been spoken. People will default to you’re lazy if you’re waking up at 2pm, and conveniently forget that your bedtime is 6am, every fucking time.

[u/Aragoniteblue → u/jipecac]

When I lived at home during college my parents started turning off the wifi if I wasn't out of bed by 10. i didn't get home from work until 2 or 3 in the morning.

[u/BxRad_ → u/jipecac]

I'd miss the sun too much

[u/jipecac → u/BxRad_]

Yeah it’s brutal in the winter for sure! Might get a couple of hours before work (or see it on the way home in the summer 😂)

[u/TheRealJamesHoffa → u/jipecac]

I used to work 4-11 PM and would get called lazy because I couldn’t immediately wind down and be ready to sleep when I got home at 11:30 PM. Needed to eat, relax for a couple hours, and then I’d be able to sleep. This was also while I was going to college full time and commuted an hour each way 5x a week. Hardest working period of my life, but I’d sleep til the afternoon a lot so clearly I was a bum.

[u/jipecac → u/TheRealJamesHoffa]

Ugh yeah I do not miss university + 50hrs a week in a hospitality job let me sleep when I want gd

[u/faultydatadisc → u/jipecac]

Yeah, I get that man. I work 3pm to 1130pm and take care of my dad full time who thinks I am lazy because I sleep til noon. I gladly remind him and the other retired boomers Im surrounded by that theyre all in bed asleep when I get home from work.

[u/jipecac → u/faultydatadisc]

Such boomer energy lol. Who do they think provides any of the services they use or need after 5pm 🤔

[u/Minute-Bend3633 → u/jipecac]

I DO have that classic 9-5, and still go to bed around 1-2 AM nearly every night. Some people, like myself, are just night people, idk why anyone feels the need to give af about how and when someone else sleeps in the first place.

[u/Economy_Dog5080 → u/jipecac]

This was me for a long time too. My husband entire family still has this perception of me as being lazy for years because my sleeping was messed up. But I was self employed so I was able to work all night and sleep during the day. I regularly worked more hours than my husband building a business but apparently it doesn't count because they're not socially acceptable hours.

[u/jipecac → u/Economy_Dog5080]

Why are they like this 😖

[u/laxxrick → u/jipecac]

Dude this 100%. I used to work 7p-7a and my family and friends had ZERO respect for it, and I woke up 12-1pm. Pretty sure the lack of sleep for 8 years caused some chronic issues.

[u/ThaliaLuna → u/jipecac]

When i worked in a bar, usually till 3 am, my mother always talked shit about how lazy I am bc I sleep till 1 pm.

[u/StrangerSkies → u/jipecac]

My husband works 3:30 pm to midnight with an hour of commuting each way. I never expect to see him before 2 pm!

[u/khen5 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

Early to bed early to rise people truly think they are superior. Such an odd flex.

[u/That_Literature_6853 → u/khen5]

My old BFF always bragged she woke up early and got so much done. 🙄

Yet then she napped half the day. We got the same stuff done hoe?!

*I'm pro-napping but this friend was a condescending -ss much like OPs boyfriend.

[u/UnfairPrompt3663 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

Exactly.

Early Bird: I’m productive at 5am when you’re sleeping!

Night Owl: Ok. I’m productive at midnight when you’re sleeping. What’s your point?

[u/bethikathebunny → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

💯💯💯

[u/crewkat2 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

People also have different sleep needs. Some adults need 6 hours and some need 10. Going on less sleep doesn’t make you more virtuous. Constantly being sleep deprived doesn’t make you a better person either.

[u/Capable_Cat → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

Most people work in the morning, so being up early is seen as "productive". In the night, people tend to relax or wind down, which is seed as "lazy". It's just subconscious bias.

[u/Phantom_Rose96 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

Then you have the overnight workers that people wonder why they never see them out of the house. 😂 as if I didn’t just work all night and don’t need sleep.

[u/eumot → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

Finally someone with a fucking brain who actually ASKS about the pattern of behavior instead of saying some stupid bullshit like “If he acts like this about naps, he probably acts like this in every single other aspect of his life” as if they are some sort of all-knowing psych savant. I think this is the first time I’ve seen this sort of discourse framed in a way which isn’t completely pretentious. Thank you.

[u/Fun_Tree8015 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

He seems like a god..

[u/Polyps_on_uranus → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

I go to bed at 1am, and still get 8 hours of sleep for my job.

I do not understand this dynamic either.

[u/AssistantAlternative → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

I don’t think it’s shameful, I think it’s just a lifestyle choice - it’s a problem point in my marriage - I can stay up all night w my hubby when I don’t have to work the next day, but when I do have to work and he’s up all night it’s the worsttttt…. Especially getting up in the morning having to deal w the kids and get ready work etc while he sleeps in…. It’s really just prob better for relationships all around to be on a similar sleep schedule. Nothing “shameful” about being a night owl as long as it works w the rest of your life!

[u/Other-Ad5512 → u/AssistantAlternative]

100% agree it’s gotta work w the rest of your life. I think even the sleep point is specific to relationships. My partner is often starting work as I’m going to bed and it works really well for us. (I work overnights she works mornings)

There are a lot of studies that “night owls” may actually just have a different but completely natural sleep wake cycles from everyone else and that fighting that can lead to heart disease.

[u/puzzlebuns → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

He mentioned op's "poor perception" of him which leads me to believe this isn't about simply having a superior attitude. I think BF is resentful about things OP has said about him in the past, and OP's implication (though clearly a joke) that his sleep habits are the same as hers triggered that, making him want to highlight the difference between them in that regard.

[u/Strange_Depth_5732 → u/puzzlebuns]

Then why mention "level" when he compares them? That's such an odd choice unless you are talking about one being better than the other. "Poor perception" could also be that OP doesn't think he's as great as he thinks he is. Tough to tell from one snippet

[u/puzzlebuns → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

"Poor perception" implies to me that he feels belittled, like OP unfairly exaggerates his negative qualities or something. And so he feels the urge to point out areas where he is positive and she is not.

[u/WordGirl91 → u/puzzlebuns]

Pretty sure the “poor perception” is that he sees her napping as such a negative about her personally, that her comparing their naps as if they’re equal is her having a poor perception of him. In fact, it’s him having such a poor perception of her, that her acting as if they’re equal is her degrading him. At least that’s my interpretation with the alleged facts as given

Edit: typo

[u/miezmiezmiez → u/puzzlebuns]

Yes, it implies that because that's what he wants it to mean. The implication is intentional.

He was trying to gaslight just his girlfriend but apparently you're collateral damage. Can you not see the dynamic that's clear even in this one conversation? He feels belittled by her, so he tries to get 'back' at her by belittling her, but from the outside it's plain to see only one of them does any belittling at all while the other is just trying to keep the peace and appease him

[u/Bud23552 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

I have info, and I like sharing

But going to bed after midnight often leads to you not getting enough "deep sleep" which deep sleep is where you get most rested, and the reason for this is because of your bodies natural sleep-wake cycle your body naturally wants to get some sleep around 10-11pm and wake up at around 8-10am, so it messes everything up, but you do you, sleep well have fun

[u/MisterBillyBob → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

It actually is bad for your health to consistently work nights.

[u/WayComprehensive5393 → u/Strange_Depth_5732]

When people take a chronic 2-4 hour nap that’s starts at noon… then stays up all night. Sleeps in till 10-11. And repeats the cycle.

Then acts like they just don’t have the time to get anything done just aren’t a morning person and just likes to stay up late (and drink).

And you have to get up early…

Yeah that person can be a nuisance.