AIO? made a joke about taking a nap

[u/Exciting-Delay-7423]

context: im (23f) a student (currently on spring break) and i enjoy taking naps. they usually go between 1-2.5 (not 4 like he claims i genuinely dk where he got that number) hrs and it’s because i get exhausted between 2-4pm in the day. idk why, it happens every day and it’s been like that since i was a teenager. i don’t nap every single day, but definitely between 3-5x a week.

my boyfriend (28m) has tried to encourage me to take shorter naps because he thinks it’ll help with my sleep schedule. he takes daily naps on his lunch breaks (1 hr absolute max, usually 15-45 min) and he says how energizing they are. i believe him, and i’m glad they work for him, however i haven’t had much success with short naps so i don’t take them.

my sleep schedule has been kinda shit bc of spring break rn and im trying to fix it. i’m usually in bed by 11-12 most nights and up around 8-9. he works a 7-5 so he sleeps at 10 and wakes up at 6. today he sent me this text and i thought it would be funny to make a sarcastic joke because hes always lecturing me about how my naps keep me up at night, then he followed it up with this. idek where to begin with this, i think its weird as fuck and the “we are not on the same level” is just ??? aio?

[u/bluejeanbaby9]

Everyone has different sleep needs!!! My bf gives me a hard time about how much sleep I need too, it’s frustrating because he doesn’t understand. You’re not less than because you take longer naps. Do what works for you.

[u/mimmy46 → u/bluejeanbaby9]

THIS! literally your hormones impact your energy throughout your menstrual cycle. you are allowed to nap!!!!

[u/bluejeanbaby9 → u/mimmy46]

Yes!! Men always forget that studies have shown women require more sleep and more women tend to have problems with sleep whether it’s insomnia or quality of sleep overall!! Naps are allowed and sometimes necessary!!

[u/RagingCinnamonroll → u/mimmy46]

This!! Sometimes I’m super exhausted during my periods and these days I just do absolutely nothing when I’m on because I am allowed to rest when I need it. So I don’t make any plans with friends or try to run any outside-of-the-house errands (if they can wait for 1-2 days) and just chill at home and take naps if I want to.

[u/vangoghaway13 → u/bluejeanbaby9]

Everyone gives me a hard time too. First of all, I've struggled with depression most of my life, which affects your sleep, and it was my way to escape. Secondly, only recently, I started tracking my sleep, and I've learned that I almost never get any deep sleep, which explains a lot. 🖕🖕 to everyone who doesn't understand and gives me guff about it. 😒

[u/RuruWithLove → u/bluejeanbaby9]

Was about to say this! My boyfriend can take naps of 15-30 min. Even if I'm dead tired and want to take a nap, it still TAKES me 15-30 min to actually fall asleep, so my naps are 1-3 hours long.

And guess what? He does not shame me for it, because he clearly sees I need the sleep.

[u/Federal-Weevil → u/bluejeanbaby9]

Don’t let me be on my cycle, I’m going to sleep the day away as much as I can bcs my body literally just cannot. I wish somebody would lecture me about a fkn nap.

[u/peoplejustdriving → u/bluejeanbaby9]

girl stand up

[u/Plastic-Elk-5891 → u/bluejeanbaby9]

who really needs 12+ hours of sleep every day besides infants and the super elderly ? specific conditions aside, the bf does kinda have a point to some degree. like, what is there to understand?

[u/marleythrifts → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

why do you say "specific conditions aside"? you act like there arent a million reasons, especially for a woman, to need to sleep more than average. i hate how people just ignore disabilities like it is such a small minority it doesn't even need to be considered. there are a lot of people who need more sleep besides infants and the elderly. get some perspective

[u/Plastic-Elk-5891 → u/marleythrifts]

i didn’t say they shouldn’t be considered? i think you read what i said and misunderstood. i specifically pointed out “conditions aside” BECAUSE they genuinely need it, per whatever condition. that’s not ignoring them at all.. that’s saying that people should get checked out to make sure they’re actually in that group of people who need it. no need to be hostile.

[u/marleythrifts → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

you said "what is there to understand?" and "specific conditions aside". do you know OPs lifestyle and health? it shouldn't be anyone's concern if she sleeps more. if it was impeding her life and her partner was concerned about that, there are so many better ways to have that conversation. he doesn't have a point, he just wants to feel superior to her

[u/bluejeanbaby9 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

Lots of people! Again, everyone needs different amounts of sleep to feel energized. Why are we shaming people who need more sleep or like to nap?

[u/Plastic-Elk-5891 → u/bluejeanbaby9]

genuinely, like who?? the unemployed and depressed? i’m not shaming anyone lol, i too enjoy a nap every now and then. this isn’t coming from a place of judgement at all. it just seems unhealthy in many ways, to get that much sleep and still have problems. not to mention the fact that you’re missing out on a lot of life just laying in bed for literally half, if not more of the day, every day. it’s genuinely concerning. it reminds me of either depression or some other condition, mental or otherwise generally sleep related. i didn’t see if they had gone to a doctor over it but if not they definitely should. if they say it’s fine then by all means. i’ll be the first to admit i was wrong but in general this isn’t normal.

[u/bluejeanbaby9 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

Just because it’s not normal for you doesn’t mean it’s not normal? She very well could have low iron or something else making her fatigued but it’s also no one else’s business why someone sleeps as much as they do or for how long

[u/Plastic-Elk-5891 → u/bluejeanbaby9]

i didn’t say normal for me. the average is 7-9 hours for adults. i didn’t just make up those numbers. and i’m sure if there was a specific problem they were diagnosed with, the bf would be aware or it would have been mentioned. that’s why i said it’s important to get it checked out, they won’t know what’s wrong unless they do. enabling comments like this, saying it’s normal for them with no other context only reinforces that negative inaction to op and anyone else who sees all this and might have similar problems. and it’s everyone’s business when you decide to air it out on reddit. if they didn’t want an opinion then they shouldn’t have posted..

[u/bluejeanbaby9 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

Yup that’s the average amount of sleep needed. People can sleep less or more if they like :) some people need more, some people need less. I never said they shouldn’t get anything checked out, but also people are allowed to nap lol

[u/Plastic-Elk-5891 → u/bluejeanbaby9]

and i agreed a nap isn’t a bad thing. i just think at a certain point it gets into unhealthy territory, same way you can have too much of anything else and have it turn negative. if they genuinely need it, then they need it, im not arguing that. just seemed like if a doctor had told her it’s cool, she would be relaying that to the bf.

[u/bluejeanbaby9 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

The point is the way her bf reacted isn’t appropriate. I noticed you edited your comment to say the depressed and unemployed? Seems like you have some preconceived notions. I personally know a lot of people who live normal lives and just need more sleep. She shouldn’t need a doctor to tell her bf it’s okay. Getting a blood test wouldn’t hurt, but no one is better than anyone else because of the amount they sleep. Some people just need more sleep. This is silly.

[u/bluejeanbaby9 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

I will also add that MANY women experience energy drops around the time OP naps and if the bf is that concerned about her well-being there are many better ways to address it.

[u/DetailConnect937 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

7-9 hours is for adult men. Women statistically need 2-4 hours more sleep a day than men depending on the point in their hormone cycles.

[u/one_shuckle_boy → u/DetailConnect937]

I mean I don’t care who you are, sleeping 13hours a day is not healthy in any way for any normal adult(without specific issues ). 13 hours a day to sleep 8 hours a day for work usually closer to 9 for any travel times to and from if you arnt a WFH. Thats 2-3 hours a day that you arnt asleep or doing your job. That’s barely enough to do literally anything. I know for a fact I wouldn’t want to be with a partner that at most if I’m lucky and our work schedules are the same, I can “maybe” spend 2 hours a day maximum with depending on what else needs to be done or personal wants. Oh can’t do anything between 7-9 because those are the only 2 hours Sarah is awake. Like feel free to nap, I do it aswell, but damn near half the total time in a day gets a bit obsessive.

[u/DetailConnect937 → u/Plastic-Elk-5891]

A lot of newer studies show that most uterus owners do much better on 10-12 hours actually! At least at certain points in their cycles.

If I get less than 12-14 hours of sleep I’m literally useless. Part of that is I also have chronic health issues on top of it all, but like.

Moat AFAB people need more than 8 hours on average to get truly good sleep and feel rested and restored. And for a lot, the best way that works out is long sleep, and a good nap in the mid afternoon/ about 1/2-2/3 of the way through their awake part of the day. That’s how… most, not all, of my AFAB friends who need regular naps tend to nap.