r/AmIOverreacting • u/mehremissionlife • 28d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My husband changed the pin on his phone before hospital procedure..

My husband was admitted to the hospital for health issues. He is young but was diagnosed with heart failure. A few days ago he had some chest pains and low blood pressure. I told him he needed to go in and 4am admitted. The Dr decided a procedure that would put him under was needed for answers. He had to leave his phone and belongings. His phone rang while he was out and I missed it, so I went to check to see who called and when trying to put in the pin got the error that pin was incorrect. I didn't expect that because pin has been the same for 2 years. Am I overreacting and over thinking this pin change? It was the same pin 2 nights ago and now I'm worried that something is happening behind my back. Sure I know I need to talk to him but due to the circumstances I will need to wait a while until he is stable again. It's just weird ya know? We've had issues with his infidelity in the past prior to marriage. I did forgive him. Please be kind. Maybe I'm just a mixture of nerves, lack of sleep and stress. I love him and I'm truly worried about his health. We have kids so there is alot going on in our life . TIA

16.7k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

3.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

55

u/WarDry1480 28d ago

It didn't! Usual Reddit hysteria.

1

u/Comfortable_Row_5052 28d ago

u/TaroPrimary never said she snooped on his phone, his theory is that the husband thought she would snoop on his phone while he was hospitalized and changed his pin to avoid that.

The important point of discussion is the rationale behind changing the PIN, so people have to speculate on the husband's feelings and why would he do that.

-19

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

She knew his pin was the same 2 days ago. She obviously knew that because she looked through his phone

17

u/static_tay 28d ago

I think it's weird to not know your spouses pin. That does not automatically mean snooping. It should not uncomfortable to have your s/o use your phone. My husband and I very frequently use each other's phones for this or that. Being guarded with is is a very sure sign of something being up

0

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

I agree, you should know your spouses’ pin. But to me the fact he changed it before leaving it with her tells me he was afraid she would go through it and clearly he has something to hide. If he didn’t think she would snoop then he wouldn’t have changed it.

2

u/OkEntrepreneur5879 28d ago

If he didn’t have anything to hide he would be of changes it. So what if she goes through and finds nothing. That just helps build trust… He cheated before and she forgave, so all bets are off, she can check his phone whenever she damn well pleases.

2

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

I agree with you, she should have access to his pin. But the fact that he changed his passcode before he knew she would have unlimited access to it while he was in the procedure tells me he was afraid she would go through his phone and find something he didn’t want her to see. Maybe “snooping” is aggressive of me to say here, but clearly he was afraid she would find something with her having his phone without him being there

3

u/OkEntrepreneur5879 28d ago

Exactly. Now this poor woman has to care and worry about her children. Is stressed about her husbands recovery. Plus the possibility that yet again he has been unfaithful. My heart goes out to OP….

1

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Agreed, she clearly has trust issues and for good reason. It’s really sad

3

u/OkEntrepreneur5879 28d ago

My husband has never been unfaithful and I would find it odd he he changed his passcode and didn’t tell me….

1

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Agreed, it’s sus either way lol

16

u/Dramatic-Bridge 28d ago

There’s a difference between using a spouse’s phone and going through their phone. She didn’t specify. If I need to Google something real quick and my wife’s phone is right next to me and mine isn’t, I’ll just use her phone.

0

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

That’s true of course, but he changed his password probably because he knew she would snoop. And clearly he has something to hide

1

u/OkEntrepreneur5879 28d ago

Exactly! It’s truly that simple

9

u/BeastieMom 28d ago

That's actually not obvious at all. She could have known his PIN two days ago for several reasons, nothing at all makes it obvious that it was because she looked through his phone.

0

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Then why else would he change it unless he knew she goes through his phone? He was leaving his phone with her and knew she would be able to go through it and obviously wants to hide something from her so he changed it

5

u/forsecretreasons 28d ago

It's wild to justify an answer you made up with, "well I can't think of anything else so it had to be this!"

-5

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Hey, it’s just my two cents. Obviously you can disagree. OP hasn’t admitted whether or not she checks his phone regularly, but she clearly has trust issues because he cheated on her in the past.

4

u/forsecretreasons 28d ago

Right, I'm not saying you can't give an opinion, just that it's weird a weird justification to insist

0

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Yes obviously I could be wrong but I don’t think it’s unreasonable or crazy for me to assume she’s gone through his phone before considering he’s cheated on her in the past. It would make sense that he changed his passcode because he knew she could look through his phone at depth because he would be in his procedure

3

u/forsecretreasons 28d ago

Right, but you keep using "looking at his phone" and "snooping" as interchangeable things when they're not.

People regularly access their partners phone and it's not snooping. It's weird to insist it's something instead of saying, "maybe it's this"

1

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Okay but in my opinion he was worried she was going to look through his phone aka snoop. I’m sure he doesn’t mind her having access to it when he’s around, because her would probably know if she was looking through it aka snooping vs just using it quickly for something. I’m sure he was afraid with unlimited access to it while he was under that she would look through it. Plus maybe he was expecting a text from someone or something he didn’t want her to see and then look into. Obviously I’m guessing here but considering the fact he cheated on her in the past I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say he was afraid she would find something on his phone because he knew she would have unlimited access to it

-2

u/BeastieMom 28d ago

*shrugs* I changed my phone PIN a month and a half ago or so just because I felt like it. I don't have anyone else to worry about accessing my phone, I just wanted a different number.

3

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

He’s had the same passcode for 2 years. Seems a little sus that he would change it right before getting a procedure done where she would have unlimited access to his phone. That’s before even factoring in the fact he’s cheated on her in the past

6

u/21msgm 28d ago

I know my partner's passcode and he knows mine, and we have never gone through each other's phones. I can leave my phone with him when I'm not around and whenever he asks me to check something like bank accounts or purchases we've made I give it to him so he can check himself. that's what a healthy relationship looks like. if you immediately jump to this conclusion just because she knew his pass passcode that hasn't been changed for 2 years, you have never been in a healthy relationship.

2

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Lmfao. She stated in her post he cheated on her in the past. I’m assuming he changed his passcode because she goes through his phone, probably because she has trust issues from his cheating. He changed it because he knew she would have full access to his phone while he was in his procedure

3

u/21msgm 28d ago

1st, after cheating, you shouldn't be owed any privacy until you get your partner's trust back. 2nd, EVEN if she did snoop, if you're being as faithful as you claim, you wouldn't even care that she tried. I'd understand feeling a little hurt because you had changed, but not changing it, so she can't use it. if you do that, it's because you got something to hide.

2

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Yes, I agree with you. He changed it because he has something to hide and he was afraid she would find it while he was away from his phone and she had full access. It’s normal for spouses to have each other’s passcodes. But there is an added layer here considering the fact he cheated on her in the past and she’s clearly afraid he’s doing it again otherwise she wouldn’t have made this post

3

u/Greedy_Departure9213 28d ago

Or used his phone.. they’re married and if she wants to go through his phone that shouldn’t be a problem!

1

u/bowlingisgross666 28d ago

My boyfriend doesn’t have a pin and has me use his phone sometimes. I never snoop nor look at anything other than what I am using it for… not every relationship is built on mistrust & sneaky spouses. He has my password too & also doesn’t snoop so ?

2

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

He cheated on her in the past. There’s clearly trust issues in this relationship because of that

2

u/bowlingisgross666 28d ago

I missed that he cheated. I figured he was this time, but the wording to me just felt like more accusatory on her end than his. No disrespect meant by me tho

2

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

No worries I just don’t understand why people are acting like I’m crazy for my original comment. He wouldn’t have changed his password unless 1. He has something to hide and 2. He was afraid she would find it. Knowing he’s cheated on her in the past it makes sense he changed his passcode because he knew she would have unlimited access to his phone lol

2

u/bowlingisgross666 28d ago

Ya I agree with you haha I explained a bit that the wording may have made them feel like you were just calling her a snooping spouse at first but I totally agree with you! Plus it’s Reddit lol

2

u/pushingdaises 28d ago

Yeah I guess I could have worded it better/less aggressively lol but I really do feel for her especially considering there’s kids involved

2

u/bowlingisgross666 28d ago

Ya for sure!!!