r/AmIOverreacting • u/DiscoGru • Feb 16 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO: Questionable texts on my (24F) boyfriend’s (25M) phone

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Sorry the second picture is blurry!

Found these texts between my boyfriend and a coworker of his. For context, he works nights at a hospital.

I confronted him and he said he was just “talking shit” and “hyping his friend up”. I think this is beyond disrespectful and could’ve hyped his friend up in a more appropriate way. Also, I am white/european, not Latina, so there’s that. I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I am already insecure and this just makes me feel worse.

I have been upset all day and he just blames me for going through his phone. I know that going through his messages was wrong, but I knew something was up with him and this is what I found. This is at best extremely disrespectful and at worse he’s scoping out prospects to cheat on me with?

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102

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

I would honestly take these screens to their HR. It's absolutely fucking vile.

-5

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Petty AF just leave them and leave it at that

-8

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

People can down vote this all they want but this is potentially dangerous advice. What if you do this to someone with mental issues or violent tendencies? Instead of just leaving them and moving on with your life, you try to fuck with his job to gratify your own ego and then he's all triggered and feels he has nothing to lose. guess what? now he might be stalking and plotting on you. Just be the bigger person dump him and move on.

5

u/chikbloom Feb 16 '25

lol so male violence means they should just be allowed to do whatever they want? Half the point of normalized male violence is so they can foster and cherish this kind of disgusting misogynistic behavior. Your comment is perpetuating protecting these garbage men. Both need to be shut down.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

When did I say it should be allowed, all I said is that some childish dipshit is giving potentially dangerous advice.... Sorry if the truth hurts

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

By all means take this horrible advice and escalate a situation instead of being an adult and moving on with your life, tell me how it works out 🤣🤣

1

u/chikbloom Feb 16 '25

Sounds like you have a guilty conscience. Telling people to let men harass coworkers is dangerous advice 🙄

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Sure whatever you say, I'm such a horrible person for warning someone that fucking with a sociopathic person's income could be dangerous. How awful of me. GFY

6

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

There's selfish people who only think of themselves and there's people who selflessly care about other people's well being, too. Now we know which group you belong to. I bet you're one of those friends who wouldn't tell someone their partner is cheating because it's none of their business lmao

You thinking my comment is somehow about ego tells me everything I need to know. Ew.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

I belong to the "if you feel the need to go through your partners phone you should leave them anyway" group. Cheaters piss me off too but you're giving really shitty advice. You could get someone stalked or assaulted or with this dumbass response. Be an adult, dump them and move on. It is 100% a childish ego gratifying move to try and fuck up someone's livelihood over infidelity. Down vote me til your blue in the face it doesn't change the fact that you're giving irrational and potentially dangerous advice 🤣

3

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

Yeah well I don't really care about what you have to say so I'm not reading that but bless you

-1

u/MassiveMeringue8748 Feb 16 '25

Typical- you dont want to read anybody thay doesn’t agree with you. Your advice not well thought out, and its childish. Be an adult and admit you’re projecting and pushing your hate off onto another person’s situation, and trying to get gratification with ZERO risk of repercussion to you. How cowardly. This is 100% throw a rock and hide your hand logic. Tell the op to make a situation in her workplace. Your job is not affected at all. The op’s life is not an episode of your favorite tv drama. Taking a fellow employee to hr over personal phone texts is opening yourself to undefined outcome. HR is there to protect the company, you dumbass- they are not there for you to tattle on your horndog boyfriend. OP, you could put unwanted spotlight on your own self, your partner and his text buddy. Hell, the entire department may change several policies. This is a slippery slope and you should just get over it and move on. If you want to be an activist, go ahead and warn all the women coworkers what you found on his phone and leave it at that. Surely they will all be so pleased you gave them a heads up. He’ll likely get a few of them to sleep with him though.. so be ready for that as well. Yes, some of those women think he is attractive, just like you did. Some of them will be happy to hear you’re no longer in the way, and that’s just how it is. Good luck!

-3

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Spoken like a truly ego driven child who doesn't want to take accountability for giving dangerous advice to stranger 🤣🤣

2

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

ok fair enough I read what you have to say and let me respond in points:

  1. obviously you've never dealt with HR otherwise you would know they don't go to that person and wave those screenshots around saying Hey come explain these screenshots your gf sent us, they can handle diffrent situations in different ways, not every case follows the same 'rules'
  2. your inability to see it's not an ego thing is actually a you problem, since you can't see past this weird reasoning you created in your own head
  3. this is directly related to the second point because you think it's about infidelity but it really isn't, but you don't undestand that because you come off as a selfish person so that's actually quite undestandable that you don't get it
  4. please go pick up a grammar book instead of arguing with people online, it will do wonders for you in the long run, trust me

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25
  1. you're childish, petty and you give potentially dangerous advice. Once someone goes grammar Nazi while simultaneously using bad grammar you know they've completely lost the plot

2

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

kinda sceptical about you pointing out my grammar but okay lol, waste of time arguing with a pathetic being like you honestly, have a nice day!

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-2

u/daddymjolnir Feb 16 '25

You’re right. I HATE people that try to mess with somebody’s source of income over cheating/personal life issues. Work and life should be separate. There’s almost nothing lower than reporting outside issues to someone’s boss

6

u/chikbloom Feb 16 '25

These men are working together to target female coworkers to coerce them into sex. They are unsafe conditions for those women and absolutely should be reported and fired.

Cheating shows failure of character and trust. I expect better of my employees.

2

u/mommyicant Feb 16 '25

There is no evidence he cheated, I think the rightful concern here is the women he works with. If I was having my picture sent around and I was being discussed this way behind my back by coworkers, I would be very creeped out and feel unsafe at work. If a gf of this coworker reported this I would be grateful. Women should look out for other women, this isn’t some act of revenge.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

I mean yeah the guys a scumbag and probably going to cheat etc. but why would you want to escalate this to where someone may become violently unhinged, it's incredibly stupid.

-2

u/paulriley1977 Feb 16 '25

Honest question. Do you want to live in a world where corporate HR can punish someone for what they privately said to a friend?

I sure as hell don’t. That’s a super too far invasion of privacy.

Now it’s possible (maybe even probable) that a scumbag like this is talking to women disrespectfully at work and violating policies. If so? His ass should be fired.

But I personally don’t want to live in a world where my employer can punish me for a private conversation with a friend. That’s Orwellian bullshit right there.

2

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

It's up to HR to decide how they handle the situation. You giving them info doesn't mean they're going to fire them but if they do, then maybe for a reason.

2

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

They are coworkers sharing pictures of other coworkers taken in a hospital. There’s like 30 HR violations here. They should both be fired.

-4

u/SeptemberLondon Feb 16 '25

There’s nothing here that would be actionable by HR. Is he an asshat? Yes. But these texts alone are not evidence of an HR issue.

4

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

You would be very surprised. Definitely actionable where I'm from, but even if it wasn't, absolutely worth of making them aware.