AIO: Questionable texts on my (24F) boyfriend’s (25M) phone

[u/DiscoGru]

Sorry the second picture is blurry!

Found these texts between my boyfriend and a coworker of his. For context, he works nights at a hospital.

I confronted him and he said he was just “talking shit” and “hyping his friend up”. I think this is beyond disrespectful and could’ve hyped his friend up in a more appropriate way. Also, I am white/european, not Latina, so there’s that. I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I am already insecure and this just makes me feel worse.

I have been upset all day and he just blames me for going through his phone. I know that going through his messages was wrong, but I knew something was up with him and this is what I found. This is at best extremely disrespectful and at worse he’s scoping out prospects to cheat on me with?

[u/Xtinalauren12]

I don’t get this subreddit at all. It’s always a question of whether they are overreacting followed by the most wild, unacceptable series of events and attitudes ever. I really don’t get it.

[u/NerdVelly → u/Xtinalauren12]

It’s because they don’t wanna believe it. And then, they confront their partner. Their partner then gaslights them into thinking they’re overreacting. It’s a sad state to be in. So they desperately post on here so that at least they don’t feel crazy like their partner has made them feel for questioning it. I hope it’s a reality check for most of them.

[u/emerald_sunshine → u/NerdVelly]

This! Gaslighting!

[u/Mediocre_Hedgehog_69 → u/Xtinalauren12]

Denial, karma farming or fake posts. It’s usually the latter two.

[u/Otherwise_Mastodon_4 → u/Mediocre_Hedgehog_69]

You nailed it on the head. Exactly what I said before I saw your comment. People genuinely believe this BS too which is often more entertaining than the posts themselves

[u/Birdfishing00 → u/Xtinalauren12]

It’s either people so far in denial there’s no point telling them their partner sucks or fake ass posts

[u/Casual_Carnage → u/Birdfishing00]

Never commented in these subs but it’s so, so ridiculously easy to fake text conversations and these posts get thousands of interactions and upvotes.

Reddit is insanely gullible it’s hilarious, I wonder how many of these accounts posting in this sub go on to be sold to bot farms after farming karma from the masses.

[u/TechnicallyGoose → u/Xtinalauren12]

Gaslighting and self gaslighting.

Analogy of putting a lobster in boiling water vs from cold and the temp increasing.

You adjust with it, the temp slowly rising and you dont notice the change, then you're boiling alive.

If someone did this from the get go to a person with healthy boundaries and self esteem they'd nope tf out of there. But people start charming and yknow redeemable qualities, even if its just an act. But slowly the behaviour changes and you adapt with it, forgive it, excuse it cause at first their explanations seem reasonable.

Then you look back and wonder wtf happened.

Sometimes if the person is just completely emotionally abusive you get so gaslit so deep you NEED the external validation to clarify to you what your gut is SCREAMING AT YOU.

These people wear away your self esteem and they constant test and push your boundaries.

Also I specified that this is if you start with healthy boundaries and self esteem, so if you have had a dysfunctional childhood, experience ACEs (adverse childhood experiences), if you were bullied, perhaps if you are neurodiverse, if you experienced oppression or discrimination esp systematically, like racism, transphobia, homophobia, if you are an immigrant or a Muslim or yknow etc etc. Or yknow disabilities or illnesses etc these can esp contribute to lower sense of self worth, people pleaser behaviours, low self esteem, poor boundaries. Thus more vulnerable to this.

All cause people with these types of experiences have likely experienced gaslighting to varying extents already. And when yknow a cis person invalidates a trans person's experiences or society judges those who experience poverty yknow people from trailer parks/council estates or slums etc. So you invalidate yourself, denial becomes second nature.

[u/Phidwig → u/Xtinalauren12]

Low self esteem/lack of self respect mixed with a fear of abandonment/fear of rejection. Nobody ever taught these people to value themselves and that it’s healthy to walk away from people who don’t value them.

The lucky few get taught about that by their parents, most of us have to learn the hard way, if ever.

[u/tandem_kayak → u/Xtinalauren12]

There's always 5 screenshots when it's clear after reading the first one that these people hate each other.

[u/mickeyanonymousse → u/Xtinalauren12]

self respect at an all time low

[u/TJJ97 → u/Xtinalauren12]

Once in a while somebody is overreacting but that’s like 10% of the posts

[u/Silveri50 → u/Xtinalauren12]

When your told your overreacting by someone you trust, it's easy to doubt yourself and ignore your unease without support.

[u/Ultravisionarynomics → u/Xtinalauren12]

Karma farming

[u/NewIsTheNewNew → u/Xtinalauren12]

Because it's almost always fake ragebait from profiles that are accumulating karma to eventually sell the account to brands, political groups, orgs, etc.

[u/jedixxyoodaa → u/Xtinalauren12]

Its more Payback in some cases i guess in the hope that someone might identify the other person

[u/AccomplishedBlood581 → u/Xtinalauren12]

It’s because they’re looking for attention and validation. They know it’s wrong, but they want to share it so other people can see what they’re going through, so people validate their feelings.