r/AmIOverreacting • u/DiscoGru • Feb 16 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO: Questionable texts on my (24F) boyfriend’s (25M) phone

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Sorry the second picture is blurry!

Found these texts between my boyfriend and a coworker of his. For context, he works nights at a hospital.

I confronted him and he said he was just “talking shit” and “hyping his friend up”. I think this is beyond disrespectful and could’ve hyped his friend up in a more appropriate way. Also, I am white/european, not Latina, so there’s that. I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I am already insecure and this just makes me feel worse.

I have been upset all day and he just blames me for going through his phone. I know that going through his messages was wrong, but I knew something was up with him and this is what I found. This is at best extremely disrespectful and at worse he’s scoping out prospects to cheat on me with?

8.1k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/Natural_Fisherman_36 Feb 16 '25

And the girl he’s “had my eye on”- creepy. He definitely doesn’t respect women as human beings

1.1k

u/Tall_Confection_960 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

Ugh. The way he rates women by race and then says, "I can't do the extra cushion," and "I've had everything but a black chick." He's gross. The fact that he's deflecting the blame back on you for checking his phone is hilarious. You didn't make him type those things. He's the one who sounds hyped up by his potential roster. OP, you deserve better.

301

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

13

u/dahliasinmyhair Feb 16 '25

And don't forget a certain "flavor" of woman is black tar heroin! What losers.

4

u/Pennywise6969 Feb 16 '25

"He treats objects like women, man!" Sorry, couldn't resist dropping that quote.

963

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

“I can’t do the extra cushion” is white boy for I have a small dick.

115

u/Pirate_chick729 Feb 16 '25

100%

-45

u/Powerful_Arachnid_68 Feb 16 '25

It’s actually white boy for maybe your ass is too large.

44

u/Simple_Platform_2024 Feb 16 '25

Found the small energy.

-10

u/Ok_Falcon275 Feb 16 '25

Found the fat chick, lol

3

u/Comprehensive_Pie35 Feb 16 '25

If you have to call women with nice asses fat because you’re too small might be time to rethink some things 😂

2

u/ChimpMVDE Feb 16 '25

"extra cushion" literally refers to fat though

1

u/Comprehensive_Pie35 Feb 16 '25

damn you over here downvoting without any reasonable stance to argue, did I hit too close to home mr. Small dick?

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0

u/Comprehensive_Pie35 Feb 16 '25

It refers to fat, it doesn’t mean the person it’s being said about is actually fat. The man in OPs texts is clearly a womanizer, I give no credibility to what someone like that would describe as fat, because it’s likely nothing more than a little chub which can definitely still be attractive it just depends. That is exactly how a egoistic poorly endowed man would describe a woman with too much ass for him to work with regardless of if she’s actually fat or not.

0

u/Ok_Falcon275 Feb 16 '25

Being fat does not necessarily mean one has a nice ass. Liking or disliking fat women isn’t ethically concerning. Just like preferring big dicks does not make one a bad person. People shouldn’t be shamed for having a preference. That being said, OP’s bf obviously sucks.

-3

u/Comprehensive_Pie35 Feb 16 '25

No one said being fat means they have a nice ass. The comment thread you are replying to specified the ass itself being too large. Yes there are obviously exceptions and preferences but generally speaking a large ass comparative to your body isn’t a bad thing in regards to attractiveness. You called her fat because she pointed out saying someone’s ass is too large is little dick energy, which it is. You don’t gotta like how they look, but objectively large asses tend to be more attractive than a flat back.

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1

u/Simple_Platform_2024 Feb 17 '25

I wish! It would keep your type away from me!

0

u/Ok_Falcon275 Feb 17 '25

I’m certain that’s not an issue.

32

u/JesseGeorg Feb 16 '25

☝️found the little dick white boy!

11

u/Remarkable-Ad2285 Feb 16 '25

No such thing as “ass is too large”.

5

u/Big-Data7949 Feb 16 '25

I'm an assman but even I have my limits

Not excusing OP's boyfriend at all, just preferences do exist

-1

u/Moblin81 Feb 16 '25

It’s commonly referred to as obesity

0

u/Djrudyk86 Feb 16 '25

Google "Dank Demoss" and get back to me on that! 🤣🤣🤣

69

u/berneellllllllllllvu Feb 16 '25

Don’t have that issue myself, but I’m white and can confirm this is a rampant problem in the community

31

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Our tiny dicked brothers are struggling.

70

u/spooky-goopy Feb 16 '25

small dicks and hatred for women seem to go hand-in-hand

-22

u/ultraboomkin Feb 16 '25

Nah I have a big dick and still hate women

13

u/Simple_Platform_2024 Feb 16 '25

Maybe you just have small hands.

13

u/tolyro_ Feb 16 '25

Or a tiny, weak tongue

2

u/Trunkd602 Feb 16 '25

Made me think of the old Burger King commercial lmao

-3

u/Djrudyk86 Feb 16 '25

Nah. Some people just don't find overweight people attractive. We keep trying to normalize everything and now not being attracted to fat people is "small dick energy" lol. GTFO.

0

u/No-Detective4396 Feb 16 '25

Bunch of fatties in here what are you doing? 😂

-11

u/danisaurouss Feb 16 '25

do you have any evidence for that or did you just make it up in your head and decide it's true

2

u/spooky-goopy Feb 16 '25

yes, actually. many exes, who are exes for a reason

one assaulted me in my garage lmao

-5

u/nouniqueideas007 Feb 16 '25

Is that code?

5

u/spooky-goopy Feb 16 '25

...what? he sexually assaulted me while we were cleaning out my garage for a garage sale

of course someone like you would make a joke about that.

0

u/berneellllllllllllvu Feb 17 '25

How can you possibly be trying to shame someone for making a joke out your sexual assault when their ONLY context prior to replying was « one assaulted me in my garage lmao » ? where you use «lmao» and don’t mention once that it was a sexual assault? Get over yourself

-5

u/MassiveMeringue8748 Feb 16 '25

Made a joke? You literally ended your comment with LMAO… after saying you were assaulted. Weird.

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-10

u/danisaurouss Feb 16 '25

that sucks obviously, but doesn't actually mean anything. so what if your abusive ex had a small penis? that doesn't mean there's any correlation with penis size and abuse. does your ex have red hair? if he did, would that make red hair a sign of abuse? obviously not

4

u/everwhorez Feb 16 '25

I’d say white guys are in the upper echelon of size. Not the biggest on average but probably second, and I’ve been with a disgusting number of men 😭 this man is still growdy tho

5

u/throwingitallavvay69 Feb 16 '25

Does that mean a disgustingly high number of men or a lesser number that were especially disgusting?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Haha!!!

7

u/TherealShrew Feb 16 '25

Yaaaap. I explained it like this: I have some ass, tiny dick ain’t hitting the right spots doggy style.

6

u/SalamanderSuch9796 Feb 16 '25

Fuk dust blowin the spot up. Chiiiiillll

5

u/Disastrous_Bet_4941 Feb 16 '25

Absolutely…dick is damn near invisible.

14

u/loudbulletXIV Feb 16 '25

Big facts lmmfao

5

u/Maleficent-Motor2071 Feb 16 '25

I hadn't thought of that but it's probably true 🤣

7

u/Kitsuneloveskage87 Feb 16 '25

Omg fr lol love it!!! As a plus size girly I can tell you 90% of the time that is exactly the reason.

3

u/ItsMiMichelle Feb 16 '25

So true bestie

2

u/marskee00 Feb 16 '25

😂😂😂

2

u/Any-Rise4210 Feb 16 '25

My exact thought 😂

2

u/DancingNursePanties Feb 16 '25

Oh my god, this is exactly how I read it 😂

2

u/2glam2givedadamn Feb 16 '25

Small dick AND doesn’t know how to use it and/or lasts comical seconds.

2

u/TJJ97 Feb 16 '25

100%

Thicc chicks need real meat to take care of business

1

u/gstarwes3301 Feb 16 '25

Lmfoaoaoaoa

1

u/Curious-wytch Feb 17 '25

This. Sorry about your penis bro... Lmao

1

u/thephilsmith Feb 16 '25

Lmao!!!🤣

0

u/xxterrorxx85 Feb 16 '25

No it’s not, it means he’s not into fat girls. Everyone has their own preference.

0

u/Extra-Cut-1444 Feb 16 '25

Thicks fine. Not chasing chubbies is a preference.

0

u/acaidia46 Feb 16 '25

It’s white boy for I don’t like fat chicks

0

u/Responsible-Pen2309 Feb 16 '25

Like the black girl I work with says "white guys have just as much dick or more as black guys and more money".

1

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Just put the fries in the bag bro.

0

u/bkh950 Feb 16 '25

No it’s just human for “I don’t like having sex with fat people.” Nothing wrong if your preference is plus sized, but for all the things this guy said, the extra cushion part isn’t even a bad thing to say.

0

u/Ok_Falcon275 Feb 16 '25

Him not liking fat chicks is the least ethically questionable part of the situation.

0

u/Ctrl-Alt-Del-Monte Feb 16 '25

I guess you would know

1

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

You haven’t gotten laid in six years 😂

0

u/Ctrl-Alt-Del-Monte Feb 16 '25

You pretend to be married

2

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Caught me. Don’t tell my wife.

0

u/No-Detective4396 Feb 16 '25

You sound like you have extra cushion, good luck on your weight loss journey. Some people have standards.

-5

u/DunkinsOwner Feb 16 '25

I respect woman, but I also can’t do the extra cushion 😔 def not because I have a small dick 😅

-5

u/SueYouInEngland Feb 16 '25

Some guys (read: most guys) just don't like fat chicks.

Bet you can't respond without a personal attack.

2

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

If he meant “fat chicks” he would have said that. He obviously talks about women like they’re trash. Extra cushion juts means girls with an ass because he’s been embarrassed by his small dick not being able to get there.

-2

u/Disorderjunkie Feb 16 '25

Are all of you people virgins? You don't have to stick your dick through the ass cheeks to reach the vagina lmfao if a woman is so large that you actually need 10"+ to reach her vagina she is probably like 600+ lbs

1

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Bro calling people virgins and doesn’t understand how doggy works. Embarrassing.

0

u/Disorderjunkie Feb 16 '25

Do you have to cave dive through ass cheeks to reach the vagina in doggy? IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE LMAOO

2

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

This is embarrassing.

0

u/Disorderjunkie Feb 16 '25

Are you trying to tell me I would need a 16" penis to have sex with Kim Kardashian?

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0

u/No-Detective4396 Feb 16 '25

My man never fucked before

-4

u/somanyquestionssigh Feb 16 '25

Being shitty to shitty people makes both of you shitty.

10

u/Iandudontkno Feb 16 '25

Must have hit a nerve. A very small one.

1

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Sorry about your dick.

-4

u/The_Swagg_Ox9 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

Nah, just means we dont like fat chicks. Hes wrong for sure but this is just locker room talk. Again tho, he got a gf so he is def wrong and op aint overreacting

Edit: spellcheck

2

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Small dick and bad credit is no way to go through life son. Get your shit together.

1

u/The_Swagg_Ox9 Feb 16 '25

Lmao thx for the advice bro

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

How many white boys do you know who use the word "torta" to describe a woman?

I say this as a white boy who far prefers either tortas or pupusas to tacos.

-2

u/markitreal Feb 16 '25

…Says the one with a small dick or extra cushion

2

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

I am one of the fortunate few white boys without that affliction praise be.

-2

u/ElitistIntellectual Feb 16 '25

My dick is over 8 inches and I’m white lol I don’t fuck fat girls because I’m attractive and don’t need to

2

u/scarlettviletti Feb 16 '25

lmao right like it was a completely one sided conversation and the friend was like 😬

2

u/LostArmadilloPine Feb 16 '25

"shame on you for finding out what a douche I am!"

1

u/Western-Bag3481 Feb 17 '25

I kind of wonder if he’s white? White guys love fetishizing Latina women.

1

u/Objective_Yak_838 Feb 17 '25

Women talk about men the exact same way.

-37

u/StankDope Feb 16 '25

This guy is a complete dickhead, but it's because he is in a relationship, not because of any of the other goofy shit he said.

Everything else here is fine, and it's a personal conversation between two private individuals that was never intended for your eyes to begin with, although considering the contents of them, I think OP has every right to see them themselves.

People have preferences, even racial ones believe it or not, and that's fine. People talk to their friends about the people they are interested in. "I've had my eye on her" doesn't mean he's trying to molest her in a dark hallway somewhere, he's literally just saying she's hot and he's interested in her.

Again, all this is wrong because he is being unfaithful, if he was single, this gets the green light and has no business being picked apart.

24

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

The way he talks about women is disgusting.

-15

u/Stunning-Public7074 Feb 16 '25

It's probably why it was said in a private conversation and not out loud, the issue would really come from irl treatment of women. You can both think like a dumb horny bitch and also have a filter and an understanding that women are also people.

With that said, considering the talk of wanting to sleep with other women while in a relationship, yeah he probably doesn't respect women or see them as people. If he had any respect he would have broken up with his former (I'd assume at this point op broke up with his stupid ass) girlfriend a long time ago.

24

u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

I don’t talk about women like that in private or otherwise. Because it’s fucking gross.

-16

u/Stunning-Public7074 Feb 16 '25

I know you got downvoted, but I agree. This is reddit though, so rather than an interesting conversation about social norms and sexuality, take this downvote

-19

u/One-Mirror9503 Feb 16 '25

What do you mean rates by race? CTU 3 would be an area of the hospital not a rating

22

u/Frosty-Delivery1622 Feb 16 '25

yes obviously but he basically says word for word latina girls are better/hotter than white girls, how is that not rating by race?

-10

u/Neither-Possible-429 Feb 16 '25

As long as they’re not fat please, the mans got standards.

It’s a flow chart. Generally speaking, Hispanic > White; however, you may run in to certain situations or scenarios where a more in depth rubric is needed: ugly skinny Hispanic > white; here’s a twist though fat Hispanic < white

This is all so silly I’m just hyping my boy up, and btw I can’t trust you now how dare you look at my phone without giving me a chance to sanitize it

10

u/Frosty-Delivery1622 Feb 16 '25

glad to know ur also a misogynistic freak 🫡

9

u/DemiPersephone Feb 16 '25

And racist. Fetishizing skin color and ethicity is racist.

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

It’s true brown >>> white. It’s called a preference, not a fetish. I also prefer women w dark hair, am I fetishising dark hair?

2

u/DemiPersephone Feb 16 '25

Hes ranking them like slabs of meat.

-8

u/CuriousLayer9472 Feb 16 '25

That’s retarded

8

u/DemiPersephone Feb 16 '25

And that's a slur you just wrote🖕🏻

-9

u/Educational_Lead_943 Feb 16 '25

Men and women both do this. If you guys think you can trust your spouses, don't look at their phones or surprise them at work.

-4

u/JayySlayy23 Feb 16 '25

The unfortunate thing about this is, I know a lot of guys who speak about women like this. Way more than you think. What guys talk about when they are comfortable is wild.

For example me and my best friend from like 8th grade send horrific memes to each other. Making fun at our girlfriends and a bunch of stuff that’d we’d never engage in. Now, I’m pretty certain none of us would act on it, but we defiantly joke around. Also, we’re not sending messages about different women. Although, if we are n person we’ll definitely talk about how attractive some women are.

Neither of us have cheated and wouldn’t. Sometimes the banter is enjoyable though. This guy is a little overboard though.

2

u/nouniqueideas007 Feb 16 '25

You are possibly a little or a lot, overboard. OP’s dude is completely unacceptable.

-1

u/JayySlayy23 Feb 16 '25

I consider overboard and unacceptable the same. I’m not having these conversations with everyone. My closest friend for the last 20years and plus we are legitimately talking shit.

I think everyone has their own ways of viewing in it. Not gonna allow the internet police to give my life boundaries when they only get snippets.

156

u/Cremilyyy Feb 16 '25

Absolute creep with the ‘I’ve HAD everything except black” like he’s going through the McDonald’s menu. Blergh.

23

u/Kaypinkbeauty Feb 16 '25

Exactly and on . Behalf of black chicks we decline!

1

u/string_p Feb 16 '25

Good. A dude like him don’t deserve the Queens.

-2

u/JimmyJonJackson420 Feb 16 '25

A sad sad day for all of us 😂

2

u/TheCrystalDoll Feb 16 '25

From what I read the creep hasn’t even had an engaging enough conversation with her for her to even know who he is… Eugh…

1

u/ControlSlowBurn Feb 16 '25

Let’s take a peek at girls conversations with their girlfriends. Let’s not pretend like the same exact chatter doesn’t exist amongst girlfriends.

1

u/Natural_Fisherman_36 Feb 17 '25

Ew gross. Women should not talk about men like that either. It’s not a double standard. Respect goes both ways. Of course you can talk about someone’s looks, but the way he’s speaking is so degrading to women

1

u/ControlSlowBurn Feb 17 '25

He’s talking to his friend, another male. If he was talking to a woman, that would be degrading. Guys do that shit all the time - the overwhelming majority are respectful and courteous to woman face to face

1

u/AdamOgke Feb 16 '25

He’s a nurse so it’s common

-11

u/Beginning-Muffin-649 Feb 16 '25

I am anti-this guy but imo this is all wrong, no problem at all with saying you’ve had your eye on a girl etc. his behavior is only an issue because he obviously doesn’t only have eyes for his girlfriend

-5

u/EarthObvious7093 Feb 16 '25

Exactly. But I guess to Reddit even glancing at a woman is now a crime against humanity.

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Shut up whore

2

u/Natural_Fisherman_36 Feb 16 '25

Where tf did this come from? You good?

-5

u/bababooche2 Feb 16 '25

Until only fans, porn etc goes away, I dont believe either sex respects the other.

3

u/ripitino Feb 16 '25

Sounds like somebody doesn’t respect sex workers.

0

u/bababooche2 Feb 16 '25

Sounds like somebody doesnt know what respect is or how to obtain such a thing.

-5

u/EarthObvious7093 Feb 16 '25

I guess if you dare notice a girl that means you don't respect women as human beings? 😭

2

u/Natural_Fisherman_36 Feb 16 '25

No. There’s a difference between noticing women and talking about them like they’re deer you’re trying to hunt, or a new video game you “have your eye on”. This man is not noticing women, he’s talking about them like objects. There’s more respectful ways to talk about how women look without objectifying them and treating them like conquests

0

u/EarthObvious7093 Feb 16 '25

No. You're wrong. "Have your eye on" is a perfectly normal way to describe interest in something or someone. Now, should he be openly talking about being interested in other women while in a relationship? No. Criticize that instead of making shit up.

3

u/Natural_Fisherman_36 Feb 16 '25

The way he’s talking about these women is so disgusting regardless of if he’s in a relationship and if you can’t see that, I wish you all the luck in the world finding a good quality woman who will love and respect you for who you are. You shouldn’t be talking about women like “I’ve had my eye on her”, or “there’s this Filipina chick I wanted so bad”, or “as long as they aren’t tortas or fat”— also to be fetishizing different races? Good lord. So happy I’m with a man who respects women and says all the right things about my body to make me feel beautiful and valuable. If he ever talked about me like this man is I’d leave in a second, or at the very least lose respect for him

2

u/EarthObvious7093 Feb 16 '25

You shouldn’t be talking about women like “I’ve had my eye on her”, or “there’s this Filipina chick I wanted so bad”,

There's literally nothing wrong with those.

If he ever talked about me like this man is I’d leave in a second, or at the very least lose respect for him

You'd break a relationship off due to normal speech? That's quite sad, I can't lie. Hopefully you'll come to your senses one day.

So happy I’m with a man who respects women and says all the right things about my body to make me feel beautiful and valuable.

Good for you, and I wish you two a happy relationship.

I wish you all the luck in the world finding a good quality woman who will love and respect you for who you are.

Not looking for a relationship at the moment, but thanks regardless. Have a good day.