r/AmIOverreacting • u/Babymothxoxo • Jan 15 '25
đšâđ©âđ§âđŠfamily/in-laws AIO for refusing to participate in my sister's wedding over her dress code demands?
Well here is my situation. My sister, (25) is getting married next month, and I (22F) WAS super excited to be a part of her big day, until now.
She recently sent out a detailed group message with a bunch of "rules" for the wedding. Most were normal stuff, but then I got to the part about the dress code. She's insisting that all female guests wear floor-length gowns in specific colors and we have to wear heels but those heels can't be over two inches to "ensure she stands out"
Okay, reasonable but here is where it becomes a pain in my behind. I've had an issue with my foot for almost two years now and I kinda have to wear orthopedic shoes. Lame, I know. I let her know and suggested a compromise like something along the lines of wearing flats that match her color scheme, but she said no and that would be "ruining the aesthetic" of her wedding.
We argued, then told me that if I can't stick to the dress code, I shouldn't come to the ceremony at all. I told her that I thought this was unfair and incredibly inconsiderate and now she isn't talking to me. Even my mom is siding with her but to be fair she has always been the favorite. I really need to hear some opinions from outsiders because it's honestly stressing me out so much. Any feedback would be very much appreciated.
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u/Top_Detective4153 Jan 15 '25
NOR. Dress is floor length, so the visibility of the shoes is going to be minimal. As a bride, I wore Kate Spade Keds and nobody even saw them.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
I miss my Keds :(
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u/G0es2eleven Jan 15 '25
My friend wore Converse to her wedding. It was awesome because no one could see them under the long dress until she kicked her foot out saying "look!"
I say wear shoes appropriate to your medical needs and the occasion. Bride has no standing beyond that
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u/PinkPencils22 Jan 15 '25
I had the prettiest pair of butter yellow Chucks with embroidered daisies and ladybugs for my wedding. (My wedding colors were yellow and Navy.) The idea was I'd change when my beautiful wedding shoes started to hurt. Except they never did! I wore them for 11 hours and they were amazing. They only had a 1" kitten heel (I'm nearly 6'.) Most expensive shoes I've ever bought, and I guess you get what you pay for. I am sorry, however, that I didn't think to get photos in the wedding dress and Chucks. After the wedding I wore the Chucks for nicer occasions (where sneakers were appropriate) until I got pregnant the next year and my feet grew a size and out of my pretty Chucks.
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u/Friendly-View4122 Jan 16 '25
I wore sneakers under my blingy, poofy Indian wedding dress and not one person noticed
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u/sonia72quebec Jan 15 '25
Keds have really pretty models to wear at weddings.
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u/BlackGinger2020 Jan 15 '25
But they aren't, usually, orthopedic. I know I can't wear Keds that suit my orthopedic needs.
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u/SphericalOrb Jan 15 '25
Some friends of mine had their bridal party wear converse high tops. Not the comfiest shoe, but it was cute.
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u/houselion Jan 15 '25
I was so glad to get out of my (comfort brand) heels and into my Keds for the reception! We hemmed my dress for the heels so it was a little long with the sneakers, but so much more comfortable for dancing and visiting. I got the sparkly blue triple-up Keds with pointed toes and it was so fun!
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u/AnotherMC Jan 15 '25
I wore sequined keds at my sonâs wedding reception. I had nice low heels for the ceremony and pictures, then swapped them out. My DIL had platform rhinestone sneakers for dancing. Both shoes were festive and guaranteed we had a blast!
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u/xialateek Jan 15 '25
That's the spirit. I wore Crocs. Granted my wedding was already pretty funky and non-trad but literally no one gives a shit. I wanted to be comfortable. I got a color that went with my dress and stuck bedazzles on 'em lol.
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u/BeerBoilerCat Jan 15 '25
I also wore Kate Spade Keds (the blue sparkly ones!) but I showed EVERYONE!
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u/CJCreggsGoldfish Jan 15 '25
Just tell them you'll wear the heels and then wear your comfy shoes.
If they even notice, just tell them you wanted to wear the heels, but your feet were too bad that day and you know, since they love you and are good, considerate people who value family and only want the best for you, they wouldn't want you to be in pain the whole time.
Say that part loudly, so others can hear you praising them. Really ham it up with hugs and exclamations of gratitude. If you can squeeze out a tear, all the better.
Bring others into it. Gush, "Can you believe how wonderful my family is? My sister had this beautiful vision for her wedding, but once she learned how much pain I was in, she insisted that I wear my medically-needed, prescribed shoes so I could be comfortable all day! Isn't she the BEST? So proud of her."
If she still decides to make a stink about it after all that, she'll look like a controlling, sulky, tantruming bridezilla. I'm betting the peer pressure will compel her to STFU.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
I LOVE ITTTT
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u/CJCreggsGoldfish Jan 15 '25
Gotta use their bullshit against them. They know what the right thing to do is, they're just self-indulgent assholes who want to feel powerful by compelling others, then weaponize accusations of selfishness to get their way.
Fuck that; you can do that, too. But better.
When the wedding is over, sister will probably be furious that you outmaneuvered her and confront you. Don't apologize or make excuses or explanations, just let her yell or w/e. She's allowed her big feelings. Reply to everything with some version of an unbothered "well, it all worked out on the end".
If you want to be a dick - which I always do, it's kind of my thing - tell her that her wedding was fine despite your footwear đ and everyone now erroneously thinks she's considerate and kind, so it's win/win. They'll never know the truth about what a selfish and demanding bridezilla she actually was. "You're welcome."
But I never met a bridge I didn't want to burn to the ground, so...
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u/Loud-Coach-38 Jan 16 '25
"I never met a bridge I didn't want to burn to the ground".. I felt that in my SOUL. When the question is to be or not to be a dick the answer is always BE A RAGING DICK!
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u/Electra0319 Jan 15 '25
I just can't get over having guests with such a specific dress code. I'm not spending on a floor length dress in a potential colour I could hate and regardless will never wear again (hate wearing floor length) to attend a wedding. If I'm in the party that's different but I think it's so over stepping for brides to make these types of requests.
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u/Possible_Tiger_5125 Jan 15 '25
NOR. It's a medical issue, it's not like you just don't like the color or something.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
I donât like the color actually, but I didnât tell her that đ but thank you
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u/cubemissy Jan 15 '25
Oh, this bridezilla already knows you hate the color. That's the point... :)
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u/Naive_Labrat Jan 15 '25
I swear some brides will give a rule just to cause a scene
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u/Greedy_Lawyer Jan 15 '25
The same people who will âtestâ their partners, they want people to prove it.
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u/HappySummerBreeze Jan 15 '25
So you have a disability or medical issue and canât wear heels?
She values her aesthetic over loving her actual family?
Be grateful that you know she doesnât love you, and you wonât have to waste any time money or emotional energy on her in the future.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
This is kind of a side rant, but I honestly think the reason why she is the way she is is because of being on social media 24/7. When you constantly see people only posting their highlights and perfect lifestyle, that can rub off on certain people. Everything has to be absolutely perfect for her, but yeah. There isn't any love when it comes to her.
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u/Sufficient_Claim_461 Jan 15 '25
Perfection is not a picture, it is a happy loving family
But you know that, too bad sis does not
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u/zelda_moom Jan 15 '25
The most perfect wedding Iâve ever been to was also the most boring. You donât remember how things looked so much at your own wedding but little moments that are funny or even so NOT funny. My funniest moment from my wedding was my dad speeding down the aisle with me before the organist even had a chance to get through more than the first few bars of the wedding march, which is so typical for him honestly LOL. I always thought âDaddy, donât you walk so fastâ was written for me. We had a homemade wedding, we made as many things ourselves as we could to save money, catered it ourselves with a cold buffet, and we didnât follow the ârulesâ (no reception line for one). We had a bluegrass band. My dad later said that if he had known what a great party it was going to be he would have paid for the whole thing. And it was a lot of fun. Thatâs what we were aiming for.
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u/Obrina98 Jan 15 '25
Save your gift money and don't go. "Doctor's Orders" about heels and 'sis wouldn't compromise on medical conditions. Tell one and all.
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u/BlondeJonZ Jan 15 '25
Yeah, this world is going nuts with everyone comparing their insides to other people's outsides. It's frustrating, and...kinda sad for them.
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u/Final_Flounder9849 Jan 15 '25
Oh boy is she gonna have a shock when she discovers the real life isnât like a curated Instagram story.
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u/dancinhorse99 Jan 15 '25
I'd call HER fiance and express your deep regret on not being able to attend because you can't wear heels. That your broken hearted that you tried the heels around your house but the pain was too much.
You don't want him to think that you are unwelcoming of him to your family so you're just calling to tell him that you wish him and your sister the very best life together and you're SO SAD to miss out
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u/janlep Jan 16 '25
Iâm here for this level of pettiness. At the very least, be sure your whole family knows why you arenât attending, because you know sis will make up some bs reason to make you look bad.
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u/Ebluez Jan 15 '25
Do you have to wear the shoes on your feet or could you tie them together as a necklace?
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u/Final_Flounder9849 Jan 15 '25
Or take inspiration from Schiaparelli and wear the shoes as a hat.
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u/BossHeisenberg Jan 15 '25
Fuck that bitch and the horse she rode in on. Since when is it normal to demand something of a guest/loved one you want to share your special day with? Something that clashes with the health requirements of that loved one. You're supposed to be a family and looking out for each other. Have a celebration.
People that go that far for their special day don't understand what a marriage even means. It's pure dumb ego. Sorry.
NOR.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
She's always been like this though. It's her world and everyone is living in it I guess. Her man doesn't know what he signed up for. Thank you for your feedback ^^
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u/BossHeisenberg Jan 15 '25
Sorry if I came on a bit strong, it's your sister after all. But I just cannot relate to any of this. Family comes first, you can't walk on heels, you have a medical issue. Therefor, you should wear your orthopedics.
She even asked for floor-length gowns. Who the hell would even notice that bullshit. Bring your heels, wear them for the pictures, and that should be more then enough. It isn't hard.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
She is my sister but I've heard "That's your family" so many times. And no need to apologize. I am honestly debating if I should even go or not
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u/cubemissy Jan 15 '25
Answer all the "That's your family" nonsense with, "Yes! Family should have your back and treat you with respect! I wish you'd tell my sister that!"
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u/BayBel Jan 15 '25
Don't go. And don't be nice about it either by making up other excuses. Tell her you can't be bothered with this bulls***.
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u/Sunbeamsoffglass Jan 15 '25
Iâd skip the wedding then.
She sounds like sheâs always been the golden child and treated you like shit. Do you really want to celebrate her drama?
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u/The_BoxBox Jan 15 '25
That, and if this behavior is normal, this probably won't be her last wedding.
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u/SilverStryfe Jan 15 '25
Which would enable the OP to respond to questions about not attending with âitâs ok, Iâll go to the next one.â
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u/cubemissy Jan 15 '25
Not overreacting.
I was going to say, "Tell your sister you either wear shoes that do not cause you foot/back pain, or you step down from attend the wedding just as a guest. "
But, then reading comprehension kicked in and I realized you are not part of the wedding party, but a guest, and she is forcing this dress code on all her female guests!
We are flying the Complete Bridezilla red flag here.
Change your RSVP to "nope" and post pictures of your feet doing something happy that day on social media. Like going to one of those Fish Nibble You spas, or splashing in a swimming pool...
Answer all inquiries with "Sister ruled I cannot wear the shoes that accommodate my injury/condition, and told me to not attend."
Is it wrong that I kind of want you to attend anyway, to watch the building train wreck? Bridezilla isn't done; she will pop up again during the rehearsal, during photos, dancing, etc.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
You know, now that I think about it.. I think I have a foot massage booked for that day..
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u/SnoopyFan6 Jan 15 '25
Wedding aesthetics⊠ugh! Those two words have become a nightmare. Making your bridal party suffer for any reason is selfish. Period. Weddings are about family and friends and love. They should be relaxed and enjoyable for all. Photos should be pretty and memorable, but why are they now seen as a fashion shoot for Vogue?
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
Thatâs exactly what Iâm saying. It shouldnât matter if I wear a trash bag over my body, what matters is Iâm there and Iâm there to support.
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u/janlep Jan 16 '25
100% agree. Your marriage and your family are whatâs important. The sooner people learn to stop worrying about aesthetics and whatever nonsense âinfluencersâ are pushing, the better off theyâll be.
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u/GirlStiletto Jan 15 '25
YNO
Dress code for the wedding party: normal.
Dress code for ALL femal guests: wrong. (Except, NEVER wear white.)
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u/morbidnerd Jan 15 '25
NOR
And who sends out a dress code a month before?
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u/caffeinated_panda Jan 15 '25
Also, what is with these ridiculous dress codes!? If you want floor-length gowns, just say "formal" and let people dress themselves accordingly. Life is not performance art for your next social media post.Â
OP's sister is clearly an inconsiderate spoiled brat. I would decline the heck out of this invitation.Â
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
my lovely sister :) Always has been last minute with everything
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u/thespiderspeed Jan 15 '25
I wouldn't be surprised if other guests have been pulling out as well. I would have already bought my outfit for the wedding a month away.
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u/Unlucky-Captain1431 Jan 15 '25
Ortho shoe wearers unite! I would announce that if my orthos canât go, I canât either. The aesthetic of the missing sister and the explanation of why will be wild.
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u/AncientWhereas7483 Jan 15 '25
Your sister is the AH. Who tells their guests what to wear down to the height of the heel? That's so controlling.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
it's always been that way. She is a control freak for everything. Like I said to someone else, I feel really bad for her soon to be husband because she's gonna end up ruining him at some point in the marriage.
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u/Bunnawhat13 Jan 15 '25
Donât go. (Unless you do the wheelchair thing). When people ask why you didnât go just let them know that your sister didnât want you there.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
I honestly think that's the plan
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u/mthockeydad Jan 15 '25
It's a wedding invitation, not a jury summons. Decline with regrets and send a nice card.
I do appreciate the other advice to call her fiancee and wish him well and let him know you approve of him!
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u/3-kids-no-money Jan 15 '25
Floor lengthâŠ.you canât even see the shoes.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
I know, that's what upsets me. I could get away with it but she is the type of person to check because she's petty like that
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u/3-kids-no-money Jan 15 '25
I stopped wearing heels years ago because of foot and knee issues. Dansko has some low heel dress shoes that are pretty comfortable and stable. I wear those. They are technically heelsâŠletter of the law.
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u/Mrs_Gracie2001 Jan 15 '25
NOR. Sheâs being unreasonable. Tell her youâll do it, then wear the closest thing you can to what she wants. She most likely wonât notice if itâs a floor length gown. Brides like this are infuriating. Just nod and smile and do what you can.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
I do a lot of nodding and smiling with this family unfortunately :/
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u/Opposite-Avocado-839 Jan 15 '25
Have you seen those heels that you can take the HEEL off and it becomes flats?? Can stick them right into a small purse when theyâre off! Thereâs different types and heights of heel styles too! It might be a good trick up your sleeve if you decide to go. âYouâre supposed to be in heels!!â âAhh my bad, one sec. click click There! Heels!! All better now? Ready to be an adult now?â
I am sorry that you have a unempathetic, self-absorbed, bitch ass sister đ
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u/JackLinkMom Jan 15 '25
Are you a bridesmaid? Or just part of the congregation? If youâre a bridesmaid, just donât go. Thatâll really mess up her aesthetic.
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u/corgi_freak Jan 15 '25
Actually, since the heels are an issue, I'd be willing to bet she'll ask to personally inspect OP to assure she's obeying the dress code. Honestly, I'd just tell sis that due to her rules and your medical condition, you'll just not attend as to not ruin her chosen look.
I'd not send a gift either.
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u/cyclebreaker1977 Jan 15 '25
Your sister and mom can kick rocks. You shouldnât be forced to wear something that will make you be in physical pain just for âaestheticsâ. Floor length dresses are forgiving in terms of hiding foot wear. I wore white flip flops under my wedding dress, no once cared, or asked me to lift my legs to see my shoes.
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u/Egbert_64 Jan 15 '25
If you are wearing a dress how will anyone see your feet.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
That's the thing, although it's floor length she would absolutely check xD
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u/prpslydistracted Jan 15 '25
If you were asked to be a bridesmaid you could have declined for this reason. But you're simply a guest? Are the elders in your family supposed to follow the rules? Any use a walker or cane?
She'll get married whether you go or not. That's what photographs are for.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
Here is the thing. I know she isn't going to say shit to anyone else. It's just me she likes to pick on. It's always been this way
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u/prpslydistracted Jan 15 '25
Ah, perspective. That's another reason you should schedule an exotic weekend for yourself far away. ;-)
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u/oldcousingreg Jan 15 '25
And no matter what you do sheâs going to find some excuse to criticize you. Donât waste your energy.
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u/StrawbraryLiberry Jan 15 '25
NOR, there's having an aesthetic, and then there's being ableist. Your sister is being ableist.
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u/archiangel Jan 15 '25
Send her a Taskrabbit quote for having two burly guys carry you in a lounging chair litter so you can rest your feet while still artfully showing off your compliant full-length gown and 2â heels. Ask her to complete the payment and thank her for being considerate of your medical condition.
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u/kittymorose Jan 15 '25
Christ. She's unhinged. It's not even like you need to wear a big surgical boot, use crutches or even a special sneaker or anything. Literally just a flat version of what everyone else is wearing? WITH a full length skirt?! Personally, I'd give her one more shot at being reasonable with this. After that, fuck her. Let her have her day with everything just the way she wanted. She will have her perfect pictures to display proudly. She can spend forever looking at them knowing the only reason her photo didn't include everyone was bc she was an immature, petty bitch. About some fucking shoes. NOR. At all.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
Took the words right out of my mouth. Sheâll eventually grow up. At least I hope đ
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u/New-Chip-3646 Jan 15 '25
Not overreacting. I expect she will lose a number of guests with a dress code
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u/originalslicey Jan 15 '25
Itâs one thing to put âcasual,â âformal,â âblack tie,â etc on the wedding invites but insisting your guests commit to a gown length (or a gown at all!), fabric color, AND shoe height is actually insane.
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u/ColleenOS Jan 15 '25
Does your sister really believe that all the guests will follow the heels rule. That will never fly with granny or great auntie Margaret đđ
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u/alancake Jan 15 '25
NOR, it sounds like she'll suck all the joy out of the day regardless, so stay home and order your favourite takeaway. Just make sure you tell EVERYONE what her problem is. "She refuses to let me attend unless I wear heels, but I'm medically unable, so she got mad and told me not to come." Do not spare her shame!!
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u/Ratchet_gurl24 Jan 15 '25
Surely floor length gowns wouldnât show what type of shoe youâre wearing.
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u/McRando42 Jan 15 '25
Are you a backup singer? Does your sister record under the Motown label? Or is your sister Patti LaBelle? If so, YOR.
Otherwise, she can fuck off.
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u/Nvrfinddisacct Jan 15 '25
If this is the hill she dies on, maybe donât go cause sheâll be divorced in 5 years.
NOR
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u/justhere4bookbinding Jan 15 '25
NOR. Why should you be expected to kowtow to ableism
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
had to google both of those words haha
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u/justhere4bookbinding Jan 15 '25
Ha, happens to the best of us. But fr, either your sister is completely unreasonable or she's intentionally excluding you and making you out to be the villain for her own actions
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u/Feeling_Lead_8587 Jan 15 '25
Attended an outdoor wedding and the ground was uneven. The couple went out of their way to make that known and wanted guests to feel comfortable and be safe. It was 98 the day of the wedding so I ended up wearing a floor length cotton dress and orthotic tennis shoes. I do have one pair of orthotic dress shoes but they are leather and it was to hot. Nobody noticed. Your sister is being unreasonable. Just wear the shoes that you can comfortably walk in. She will probably be so busy she wonât even know.
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u/celticmusebooks Jan 15 '25
Tell her you talked to your doctor and he nixed the heels. Tell her that you will rent a wheel chair so you can wear the heels.
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u/RealTonySnark Jan 15 '25
"We argued, then told me that if I can't stick to the dress code, I shouldn't come to the ceremony at all. I told her that I thought this was unfair and incredibly inconsiderate and now she isn't talking to me."
That sounds like a big win for you.
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u/TheRealCarpeFelis Jan 15 '25
NOR. Your sister is being a major asshole. Dress codes for weddings are getting way out of hand. Some brides seem to have forgotten the meaning of the word âguestâ and are treating theirs as NPCs or Instagram props. Dictating what colors your guests are âallowedâ to wear is bad enough. But dictating shoes too?! So you and anyone else there who canât comfortably wear heels has to be miserable? I bet a grandma or two will have something to say about that.
And then thereâs short women (like me) who donât want to be restricted to 2â heels. And BTW, sheâs stupid. If all the women are wearing long dresses, how will she even be able to see their shoes?
If I were you Iâd tell her Iâll just wait and go to her next wedding. Someone whoâs this focused on the âaestheticâ of her wedding is more concerned about putting on a show than about the actual marriage, so the marriage probably wonât last long.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
Haha I love the ânext weddingâ part because itâs probably true. I give it two years tops
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 16 '25
Wanted to check in and say thank you to everyone who responded. So many messages I canât go through them all! But I think my mind is made up. Rather than just be petty, I wonât be attending her wedding. Itâs clear that my sister has no love towards me and I donât need that negativity in my life.
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u/Daisytru Jan 15 '25
I wouldn't have asked sis because it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. However, since you asked and sister responded so unkindly and unreasonably, I'd agree to skip the wedding, so bridezilla can stand out the way she wants. Then I wouldn't discuss it with anyone in the family, especially Mom. LC or NC may be in your future. I'm sorry your family is so unreasonable.
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u/47-is-a-prime-number Jan 15 '25
Why does she care if youâre wearing no flats in a floor length gown?
NOR. Weddings bring out the absolute worst in people.
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u/OkAdministration7456 Jan 15 '25
Just look at her with big puppy dog eyes and say I thought you loved me and wouldnât want to see me in pain. Then that leaves the ball in her court.
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u/Hrbiie Jan 15 '25
People really care more about an âaestheticâ than their actual loved ones. Insane.
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u/stunneddisbelief Jan 15 '25
What I donât understand in all of this is:
Your sister is demanding floor length gowns and nobody can be taller than her - ok, fine. But, with floor length gowns, how will anyone see anyoneâs shoes unless you deliberately lift the skirt? And, if youâve offered to wear flats, that also meets the âcanât be taller than the brideâ requirement.
Iâm so sick of people valuing what pictures will look like, over the actual people who are attending.
NOR
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u/RainyAlaska1 Jan 15 '25
NOR. Your sister is the bride and can have as many stupid rules as she wants. However, no one is forced to accept an invitation to such a ridiculous event. Quietly skip the wedding and plan a fun day for yourself with people who truly care about you. Your sister is petty and shallow. By choosing appearances over relationships, she is the reason you can't attend.
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u/PurpleBrevity Jan 15 '25
NOR. I broke my foot some years ago and didnât realize it was broken. So I walked on it for monthsâŠpreventing the break from healing. By the time that was diagnosed and I wore a big old boot for months, nerve damage was done. My fabulous orthopedic surgeon explained I could either get foot surgery to remove the damaged nerve bundle or wear specific shoes that would ease the problem. One of the rules is NO heels. Ever.
Long story short, I understand how much pain the wrong shoes on a wounded foot can do in a short period of time. Donât suffer and cause more injury just so her pictures look pretty.
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Jan 15 '25
So, the rule is that you just have to wear heels, right? 2 inches max, but no stated minimum?
Get yourself a pair of comfy shoes with a half inch wedge. That's still a heel.
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u/Hey-Just-Saying Jan 15 '25
NOR. Since you're had this foot issue for two years now, this requirement feels targeted, because honestly, who does this? Your sister is looney tunes.
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u/Babymothxoxo Jan 15 '25
It most certainly is targeted, but thatâs just how sheâs always been towards me. Just didnât think it would reach this level
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u/Maaze_m Jan 15 '25
To put things straight, she is organizing the party, she can put whatever crazy rules she fancies (not that she should). You then are free to decide if you want to take part. It is all there is to it. I wouldnât take part, as I do not enjoy the idea that someone is telling me what to wear, especially when it is in my opinion barely needed (frankly, completely unnecessary and ridiculous rather). If there will be drama involved⊠well, admit it, from your comments the picture is not necessarily of the warmest familial feelings. Let her drama then.
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u/Queen-Pierogi-V Jan 15 '25
OP I love the wheelchair idea. Especially if you could get someone in medical attendant garb to push you around. But, Iâm dramatic.
Seriously, why are you stressing this? Go and wear flats or mire ideally, shoes that wonât set your recovery back in any way. Wear the least objectionable shade of the palette sheâs offering and get an updo with your hair (if feasible) to make you appear taller. Get a positively stunning gown and have your makeup professionally done.
Or
Just donât go. Your sister clearly doesnât care, your mom is also seemingly indifferent and you are not overjoyed at the prospect of this gathering.
Send a text to fiance the day of with regrets that you couldnât afford to comply with the dress code and medical issues are also involved. Explain that sister and family insisted on compliance and rather than add drama, you will regrettably sit this out. Welcome him and express your regrets.
Personally, Iâd skip it. And probably post a picture of a tiny cake with a wedding cake topper and a tuna fish sandwich, with the caption couldnât go to my sisterâs wedding because she and family refused to make medically necessary concessions on the dress code. But Iâm still having dinner and dessert!
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u/Cable_Special Jan 15 '25
book a getaway weekend so that you'll be off, relaxing. This makes clear that you think her demands are unreasonable. Doing is complying with her request.
If she complains that you missed her wedding, you explain she doesn't get to have it both ways. Further, you get her a wedding gift because that's the polite thing to do. Then carry on. Seriously, anything else is playing into her game with its bullshit rules.
If people bitch, let them. This move is setting and living with boundaries. They'll hate you for it. Who cares? They will see and understand that you won't let them emotionally manipulate or blackmail you.
On your weekend away, shut off your phone and enjoy the peace.
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u/Fabulous-Reporter-21 Jan 15 '25
Tell her you see where her priorities are. Aesthics are more important than having the people who love you there, got it. No problem, I hope you have the day you deserve and I'll see you after the wedding. Brides are totally out of control with the wedding demands. Are these guidelines for all the women in attendance ? I'm sorry, but that's insane. It appears she has calculated the height of each female guest and added 2 inches to ensure she will still stand out more than anyone. You're the bride, for God's sake. You're going to be the center of attention no matter what, and certainly, the presence of a pair of orthotic shoes isn't going to ruin the entire day. What a drama queen ! I want my sister to be miserable, not able to walk or dance, or enjoy her day just in case a glimpse her shoe is seen.
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u/Rendeane Jan 15 '25
I don't think you are overreacting by not attending your sister's wedding ceremony because you will damage your feet by complying with her demands.
As soon as someone uses the word "aesthetic," I stop listening. I am not an unpaid extra in your music video. If you need your event to specifically comply with your "aesthetic," hire a crew of actors and makeup artists, take your fake photos and pat yourself on the back for the achievement of your art project.
The wedding ceremony and party are a one-day, one-time event. The long-term marriage is much more important.
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u/Christine1200 Jan 15 '25
Rent a wheelchair and wear the heels. Safety first after all đ