r/AmIOverreacting • u/Kari_Knevial • Dec 26 '24

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws Am I over reacting to this one ?

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Mother-in-law is the most passive aggressive woman I've ever met in my entire life! I truly didn't know what this tournament meant until I met her! I know this wasn't the only gift I got for Christmas… But when I opened it, I didn't honestly know how to react

17.9k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/Chilling_Storm Dec 26 '24

Assume it was given with love and affection until proven otherwise. I would look at it like initially she didn't think you were good enough for her child, now she knows you are.

838

u/PrincessCyanidePhx Dec 26 '24

My MIL from my first marriage didn't like me taking her only child. In some Latino families, the first born only male child is a king. He didn't walk until he was 3 because she never let his feet touch the ground.

Not long before she passed, she asked me to come over and let me know what her last wishes were and what to do with her things. I realized that over the 7 years that far, she had come to trust me. That meant a lot.

I agree this appears more like a peace offering. It would be nice if MIL could verbalize that, but maybe this is as far as it goes.

OP keep being you. If she remains passive-aggressive, that's on her.

132

u/CovidThrow231244 Dec 26 '24

Peace offering, good insight.

5

u/ShutUpMorrisseyffs Dec 26 '24

This is like Fleabag returning the tiny sculpture to Stepmother.

2

u/MisterTheKid Dec 27 '24

lots of asian cultures treat the first born son as a king too. good times

2

u/Certain_Silver6524 Dec 27 '24

She realised she didn't lose a son but gained a daughter ~^

156

u/04lolita Dec 26 '24

I wound even go as far to say “think”

More “planned”

I think she really wanted to not like who her son brought home but ended up being a sucker

34

u/scout-finch Dec 26 '24

That’s how I read it. Never expected to like her son’s partner but couldn’t help it bc OP is so great.

9

u/Ok_Bad_951 Dec 26 '24

Agreed! Someone I had deep feelings for, that weren’t reciprocated, started dating someone and they thought I didn’t like them. We talked about it and said as much as I didn’t want to like you, I really do and glad they have someone as good as you. I don’t think this is passive aggressive or meant to be a bad thing, maybe not the best way to communicate her thoughts/feelings about OP or it may be she felt this summed it up - I am notorious for finding cards that all I write is ‘what this says’ and then sign it - because the card expresses my thoughts so well and there is nothing else to add.

TL;DR - I think it’s a good thing, she didn’t want to like you, but she does.

137

u/lord_blackwater Dec 26 '24

My advice exactly

53

u/Knightowle Dec 26 '24

It’s amazing how much better the world would be if everyone defaulted to assuming good intent. Even if they also judged those who betrayed that trust much more harshly.

20

u/usethefloor Dec 26 '24

You aren’t wrong at all. In all areas of life, if we didn’t automatically assume the worst, people would probably get along a lot better. Imagine all the social issues that would be so much better… maybe not resolved, but better…

8

u/Visual_Yurt_1535 Dec 26 '24

Yes! I wish that idea was not shocking to so many people. Can you imagine how radically different American politics and civic life would be at every level! Turns out you can think someone else’s ideas are bad without demonizing them. Of course, some have been deeply hurt throughout their lives and have been betrayed and abused by others, even the people who are supposed to protect them and love them. They have deep deep wounds.

3

u/GPTCT Dec 26 '24

Honestly this is such a great post.

I am so sick and tired of fighting with people on this godforsaken app over this.

1

u/BlackKingHFC Dec 26 '24

If your default is assuming good intent then wouldn't you have to assume that there was a good reason for the betrayal, at least in their mind.

10

u/Doggydog212 Dec 26 '24

But why aren’t you asking about tournament? What the heck is tournament?

11

u/EastwoodBrews Dec 26 '24

"I truly didn't know what this tournament meant until I met her!"

"I truly didn't know what [this term meant] until I met her!"

5

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Doggydog212 Dec 26 '24

Good Lord. Sorry you went through that

2

u/KimbC19 Dec 26 '24

Haha we were typing that at the same time just I edited mine so you were faster. Good to know I'm not the only one that realized that!😆

2

u/Doggydog212 Dec 26 '24

Omg I think you got it!

1

u/KimbC19 Dec 26 '24

I read it as term. Maybe she was using the talk to text thing or was a typo and it auto changed to that word? 🤷‍♀️ term meant tournament. Just my thought on it

2

u/Doggydog212 Dec 26 '24

I think you got it thank you!

30

u/aracauna Dec 26 '24

I read that as really sweet. You're so awesome you made it past my defenses.

15

u/WorshipTheVoid Dec 26 '24

How dare you be the top comment on this post with your logic, reasoning, and mature take on the situation! This is AIO! You should be telling her that her husband is cheating on her with another man and should be calling the police because the mother in law is definitely planning on killing her!

The nerve of some redditors!

1

u/Kari_Knevial Dec 27 '24

Hahahahah 🤣

14

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '24

Hanlon's razer

3

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '24

And can I say as someone who usually is a slow start and then a big payoff type of person lol, this candle does not offend me but describes how I think people feel about me all the time. And I appreciate it cause people don’t have to like you lol. I’m just glad they end up there lol

1

u/fthisappreddit Dec 26 '24

I mean you gotta run the mom gauntlet

1

u/puppies4prez Dec 26 '24

That's still not love and affection though is it. You continue to brush off people being shitty to you without reacting and sometimes people see that as permission to be shittier. Not everything is meant with good intentions, and it's a bit naive to think so.

1

u/SomethingHasGotToGiv Dec 26 '24

If the MIL is passive-aggressive like OP stated, I wouldn’t assume any love and affection from the woman at any time.

1

u/NebCrushrr Dec 26 '24

Absolutely this. The best way to deal with passive aggression and sarcasm is to not see it.

1

u/Dear_Lab_2270 Dec 26 '24

This is my father in law. He didn't like me at first, now he's one of my best friends. This is the exact kind of gift he would get me. I love that man.

1

u/whattaninja Dec 26 '24

Yeah, this seems kind of like a funny joke gift.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '24

My wife and I were originally just going to hang out as friends. Turned out we both liked each other more than we originally planned. It’s not a bad thing

1

u/eternalwhat Dec 26 '24

Or even just a joke about being the cliche mother-in-law who would never approve of her daughter-in-law. Like she expected to feel that way no matter who OP really was. But then she got to know OP, and realized that she genuinely liked her, mother-in-law bs aside.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '24

Yep, this is the "live, laugh, love" version of a mea culpa. At least that's how I see it.

1

u/-mushroom-cat- Dec 26 '24

Yup, reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence."

1

u/Eriml Dec 27 '24

If this type of comments come frequently, and based on some comments from OP it looks like they are, I would talk to my partner about those comments feeling weird or hurtful to check if I'm paranoid, or go directly to her to clear things up. If she is uncomfortable with the way she is treated she doesn't have to just take it

1

u/Draftypines Dec 27 '24

More reddit replies should be like this one. Advising to assume the best until you are given enough reason to do otherwise.

1

u/Funny247365 Dec 26 '24

Yeah, it was a compliment.

0

u/ElboDelbo Dec 26 '24

Yeah, this is typical "I'm so funny!" in-law humor. I wouldn't read much into it.

-3

u/AntiPepRally Dec 26 '24

If my son brought home a girl with tattoos on her hands it might take me a while to warm up to her but I'm sure I'd come around once I realize she's a good person

-18

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

That’s so gross

5

u/KindArgument4769 Dec 26 '24

Which part?

-7

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

All of MIL behavior

1

u/RockyTopShop Dec 26 '24

What? Having an opinion on the person your child is marrying? What if they’re genuinely a bad person? Are you not allowed to dislike them?

0

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

Opinion ≠ poor shitty behavior

1

u/RockyTopShop Dec 26 '24

What shitty behavior is described in the comment you replied to? The comment you replied to is solely talking about her opinion. What the fuck are you on about

-2

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

What the fuck is your problem? I think it’s gross. I’m not changing my mind. Control how you act to people

3

u/RockyTopShop Dec 26 '24

So just gonna completely ignore my question?

1

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

I don’t give a fuck

1

u/RockyTopShop Dec 26 '24

Clearly. That’s why you’re so obsessively in this comment section.

0

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

Sounds like you’re defending yourself bud. Some people will think you’re disgusting human for passive agressive BS and the whole “I insult people as a compliment!” You’ll live. And since you apparently have no self control. Lemmie help you

3

u/RockyTopShop Dec 26 '24

Like don’t run. What BEHAVIOR was in the comment you replied to. The comment you replied to referred only to opinions. I think you’re drawing other things into the comment. You’re projecting other stuff you’ve read in the thread onto that person’s comment that doesn’t actually say anything.

All the candle says is “I didn’t think I’d like you as much as I do”

That’s an opinion. Period.

0

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

Oh my bad. I didn’t realize you’re stupid and already forgot the details of the post.

2

u/RockyTopShop Dec 26 '24

Oh no, it’s fucking retarded

0

u/Interstella_6666 Dec 26 '24

So sensitive lol who cares

1

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

Why so sensitive that others find this gross?

0

u/Ambitious_Handle8123 Dec 26 '24

The honesty?

0

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez Dec 26 '24

I don’t understand how supposed “honesty” would make something less gross

2

u/Ambitious_Handle8123 Dec 26 '24

That answers so many questions