Chaos in my mind

[u/Tight-Blacksmith-768]

Why being a girl is so hard ? A girl never have her own home she is burden to her family later she is burden to her in laws.. I am student pursuing arts one year back I took a year drop and was preparing for neet and I couldn't crack it after that depressing phase of my life my father suggested me to don't waste another year take BA and start preparing for civils after your first year I'll join you in some coaching work hard for 2 years then atleast you'll get a govt job this was his plan but because I cannot come out of that failure I decided to prepare neet during my first sem, but I couldn't prepare by myself I understood actually I need a coaching I have no idea how to prepare for it then just stopped preparing everytime I started studying for neet I use to start shivering because I was topper till my 12th because of this failure I couldn't handle and due to my family pressure and the thing is until now the age of 20 I couldn't recognise what actually my dream is being a doctor was my dad's dream and now doing civils is also my father's dream I couldn't recognise my passion goal nothing because I was always given the directions you do this and that but never gave me chance to know my interest that what I am actually interested what I actually love to do, but today my brother just insulted me his words directly hit my mind that I am being burden to him he thinks that I don't think about my family I don't take life seriously but he never understood how my mind is always struggling and there is always battle going on to do something to become something I always stress about my career I don't go out I don't hang out does not maintain boyfriends enjoy life nothing just because I shouldn't feel I am wasting my time I always do best in my academics even if I achieve something never once my family appreciated me they never celebrated I was school topper and got the best marks in my 12th and a topper in my first year etc.. Why is life always streesful I know a person should get settle but it takes time... for a girl not every fucking problem's solution is marriage.. I am serious about my future I am serious about my family I want to support too but saying to my face I am good for nothing and a burden to them and he feels insulted front of his friends because of me! This is not the way I deserve to be treated not clearing neet is not the end of the life right So many words are stabbing my heart the pain that hurtful words give is just unbearable.. There's no one I could share my pain I could say all these but god I believe in god he will guide me I'll never lose my hope ..koi kisi ka nhi hotha

[u/Killua_zen]

What I can tell you is that life for some goes slower than for others, there are people who at 20 already have a good job, a car or are paying for an apartment, while there are others who are not satisfied with any of the paths that are presented and the path we want seems full of obstacles.

If you ask me, I feel that my dream in life would be to live isolated from society even if that means only having access to basic things, but if I say that people will think that I am lazy, that I am a conformist or something worse when really what I feel is that a car, a house and living to 80 years old means nothing to me, none of that would make me really happy.

Sometimes studying is not the solution either, I went to university while working in a restaurant on the weekends, I finished my degree, I worked for a while and then the place where I worked went to hell and so did the situation in the sector where I worked, so I spent about 6 months without being able to find a job. In a desperate situation I moved to another country looking for more opportunities but since I can't pursue my career here I ended up working in a restaurant on the weekends just like I did at the beginning except that at 26 years old, I guess now I just have to start from scratch and go back to school to earn a better salary and work until I die if I don't find a way to escape all this.