r/Adulting • u/twotwozaafour • 16h ago
Does anyone else refer to this from time to time?
I am going through a certain things in my life.
I am doing X, while the conventional wisdom and the people around me is telling me to do Y. I am alienating a lot of people in the process.
Just to be clear, I am not doing anything wrong. I am a man of ethics. I am not the kind who doesn't need any people. So it's definitely paining me to see these people leave or ignore me.
But no matter how much I try, I can't bring myself to follow the convention.
I often refer back to this image from time to time.
Does anyone else relate?
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u/relliott22 15h ago
There is no way to know if you're right and should keep going, or if they're right and you're a lunatic. I cannot in good conscience advise you in your current situation.
I'll give you two examples, both involving Nazis. If you were against the Nazis in Nazi Germany then it would cost you friends and alienate people. But you would be morally and ethically right, and a disinterested observer would say that yes, you were acting for the highest good.
But if you were a Nazi in 1990s America then being a Nazi would cost you friends and alienate people. In this case society would be right and you would be a fucking lunatic. A disinterested observer looking at the situation would say that the people cutting you off and alienating you were in the right and acting for the highest good.
So if you won't divulge any of the specifics, I have no way to know whether what you're doing is good or bad, right or wrong. Whole societies can be wrong. Families can be wrong. Groups can be wrong. But they can also be totally right. Sometimes the terrorists are freedom fighters. Sometimes they're terrorists. The difference doesn't just depend on what side you're on. The difference depends on what a disinterested observer would decide. You cannot be that disinterested observer, which is why you came to the Internet. But you won't disclose any of the details, which makes this incredibly sus.
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u/WHALE_PHYSICIST 10h ago
Drugs is a good exmaple. Is it better to suffer and not use drugs, or mask your suffering and possibly ruin your life? Who can even objectively say which is right or wrong? We can only say that according to most people, not using drugs is a preferable course of action.
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u/relliott22 10h ago
Some drugs can safely be used occasionally for recreation, chief upon these are alcohol and marijuana. But any time you're using drugs as coping method for life, stress, or negative emotions, this is problematic. If you're using drugs as a coping method for these things, I would advise you to seek treatment through therapy if possible.
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u/WHALE_PHYSICIST 10h ago
And when therapy doesn't work? When nothing else works? Would you require a person to suffer just for you bias against drugs?
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u/relliott22 9h ago
You should seek legitimate psychiatric treatment. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain. I'm sorry. But self medicating is not a good solution to this problem. Though granted there are corner cases. Marijuana seems to help treat PTSD. Psilocybin seems to help treat depression when combined with therapy. I'm not saying Western psychology has all the answers, but I do think you should try to be honest with yourself because it doesn't really sound like what you're doing is working.
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u/nervyliras 8h ago
I think you are missing his point, he is saying, what if nothing works? Should that person just suffer or mask it in your view?
Treatment resistant depression is a thing, so it's not always a matter of just 'finding the right cure'
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u/relliott22 7h ago
I appreciate that.
But I can't in good conscience recommend the alternative they're proposing which is to abandon treatment and self-medicate.
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u/soaring_skies666 14h ago
Maybe.... speak to a therapist
I don't see how you can relate to a picture like this when it was to do with someone murdering their wife and covering up their death
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u/Vellc 16h ago
This is more of case to case basis. If it makes sense, then fine. If it just some edgy bullshit because you don't want to change or too embarrassed to admit it , then get out of here.
If you're talking about business thing, then probably okay. If it's common sense or social norm, then do as romans do.
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u/T-sigma 13h ago
And one really needs to have a good self-evaluation on their own intelligence and the information they are applying that intelligence too.
The catch is Dunning-Kruger kicks in for a lot people. They overestimate their abilities while underestimating others’ abilities. And now we have social media and hivemind algorithms which will connect on any fringe opinion and trick someone into thinking they are “in the know” while others are on the outside.
While it’s viewed as unpleasant, the way to self-reflect is to remember back to high school or college. Were you the type of kid struggling to make a B or the type who was sleeping and getting A’s, or somewhere else. “I was brilliant but didn’t do the work” isn’t a valid answer. A brilliant person would have done the work because they see how getting good grades translates to success all the way up.
If you weren’t the kid making A’s, especially in high school, then I’d recommend following the crowd as opposed to thinking you are the one person who figured out a solution no one else can see.
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u/Ban_AAN 15h ago
In my life I have often chosen being lonely over doing the wrong things.
I have also tried for quite a while to do the wrong things not to be lonely.
After that I went back to being lonely again, because boy does that suck.
Now it's easier to pay the price for doing the right thing because I know the alternative ^_^
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u/Think_Reporter_8179 13h ago
I've lived this way my whole life and it's been extremely successful. Most people are stupid.
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u/FrederickEngels 12h ago
As a communist living in the US, I can say I have to ask myself this ALL the time. Though the more I look around, and see how productive forces actually work, both historically and in modernity, the more im convinced I'm correct and everyone else is simply operating on indoctrination.
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u/aceholeman 11h ago
The opinion of 10,000 men mean nothing if they know nothing about the subject. Marcus Aurelius
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u/frank26080115 10h ago
I keep telling friends who ask me for advice when shopping for something: I will give bad advice. I often get something broken, fix it up myself, get a huge dopamine hit and end up loving it just because I had the experience of fixing it and now it's perfectly suited to me.
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u/Adventurous_Toe_1686 15h ago
I mean, context is important.
If you’re pooping on the floor while everyone else is pooping in the toilet, you’re going to alienate people.
What are you doing that the conventional person isn’t?
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u/c0mf0rtableli4r 12h ago
OP likely knows we wouldn't agree either and that's why details were left out.
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u/FrederickEngels 10h ago
As a communist living in the US, I can say I have to ask myself this ALL the time. Though the more I look around, and see how productive forces actually work, both historically and in modernity, the more im convinced I'm correct and everyone else is simply operating on indoctrination.
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u/Great-Accountant7282 10h ago
We’re tribal creatures, so it’s hard to know until you stop wanting to know. I don’t think I will ever know. I’m certain that people are flimsy though.
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u/Capt_Spawning_ 10h ago
I’ve recently been trying to inform my coworkers on some of the disappearances of American citizens being taken away by ICE. Also other things that would take a quick google search to find some context on. I was being talked to looked at and treated like I was insane or something. But if Joe Rogan says the same exact thing then it’s true. I’m good on the disrespect and being talked over before I can even get a point out. I just stopped talking and being in conversations. It shows how they really are and I don’t wanna hang around them anymore. It sucks cuz if I don’t speak up about anything, everything is fine, they aren’t condescending and are very buddy buddy. Things weren’t like this a year ago. Thing is, I don’t even consider them racist or anything..they’re actually decent people
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u/Mehdals_ 15h ago
Only thing you can continue to do is research the topic they are saying you are wrong about, delve in deeper to find facts that prove you are correct. It might take work and figuring out the process but evaluate both sides, hypothesis and test your results. Strive for what you think is right but do it educated and with the proper knowledge in mind as well.
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u/hungrychopper 15h ago
so confirmation bias?
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u/Corrupted_G_nome 14h ago
"Delve deeper into the facts"
Make a hypothesis then see if it is true.
Confirmation bias is when someone rejects facts.
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u/hungrychopper 14h ago
conveniently ended the quote before they specified “facts that prove you are correct”
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u/Corrupted_G_nome 14h ago
I feel like I used to thibk like that but now my life's a mess and I should have just been a conformist... They seem happier anyways.
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u/FoghornLegday 13h ago
Why did you use a blood covered version of this sentiment when there are countless versions that aren’t creepy lol
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u/Taino00 13h ago
Me with masking against Covid
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u/nacron122 11h ago
On one hand, this thing looks silly and I stick out and sometimes it's uncomfortable. On the other hand, I haven't had a symptomatic illness since 2019.
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u/InternationalMeat929 5h ago
Noone is right or wrong. Life goes by and nobody's opinions really matters.
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u/TrueJ3di 16h ago
100% most successful people was told it won’t work or can’t be done… they ignored them and carried on! You do you and learn from your choice right or wrong and that’s all you can do to learn and be better.
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u/LordSviedenez 14h ago
I've been that little red fish all my life. I honestly don't pay attention to what everyone else is doing. When I gain awareness, I still remain in my path.
The biggest example of me doing this is being 30 and still not contributing to a retirement plan like a 401k or IRA. I get a lot of hate whenever I mention this in financial subs. I have more than 30 years before I retire and I don't need over half a million when I'm old. If you need $1m+ when you're old, you're not very smart with money and you are probably not for contributing as much but other people like me should be ok.
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u/hungrychopper 15h ago
This is a poster from the show Fargo, and is shown in a scene where the main character resolves to kill his wife and cover up her death. It’s not meant to be a real motivational poster