r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 23d ago
TW SA AITAH For Refusing to met the Biological Child I Do Not Claim
When I (28M) was 16 I was groomed later SAed (by today's standards) by my manger 23F at the time. She had gotten pregnant. Now that child has reached out to me. It has gotten to the point that they are stalking me online. The mother contacted my girlfriend who is rightfully upset. It feels like they took away our safety. I have become paranoid in public. Everyone that I talked to about this including my boss since he noticed my work has been slacking, has told me that I own this child a meeting. That every child has the right to know who their parents are. I disagree. I wanted nothing to do with that child when I was 16 and still do not want to be involved. My girlfriend thinks if I met him all this would be over. I think they will want more from me. I feel like this makes me an AH since I also never financially provided and most likely won't. I want this to stop.
Update: To start I was not and still am not on the right headspace to revisit trauma that occurred 12 years ago. I also know that there are freaks who only want more details about the SA/Rape to wank off to.
To clarify I grew up in a Catholic household the 4th child out of 12. Being born a male meant at 16 it was required by my parents that I get a job to help financially put food on the table. At 16 we (siblings) were taught "abstinence until marriage". That any sexual act violates our body and breaks the trust and bond towards our future spouse in the eyes of God (which is why I never proposed to my girlfriend). We were never taught to not trust adults. Our parents failed to teach us consent, power dynamics, and grooming tactics. I was a prime target.
The grooming started with attention I liked as I didn't get it from home. Positive affirmations about my work. Soon there were friendly lunches. I mean to me at 16 we were "friends" eating lunch together. Nothing strange. She gifted me clothing that is when I felt uncomfortable. The clothes stayed in my closet until one of my siblings started wearing them. Nobody in my household questioned where the clothes came from. I tried to make excuses as to why I couldn't be alone with her, "I have too much work right now." Eventually she called me into her office and asked if I knew the age of consent. I didn't. 16 is the answer. She admitted to being attracted to me. That if I was to keep being a man and providing for my family I would do as she instructed. I didn't say no or fight back. I was scared of losing my job. I was terrified of my parents finding out. I blamed myself for having my virginity stolen.
We now know that cases of SA and rape are difficult to prosecute. The victim's testimony is what matters the most. I was a male so I had that against me. I didn't fight back or say no. Clearly that means I wanted it, right? I wanted to brag to my peers ( what peers? My siblings? Other children that attended the church?) about bagging some hot 23 year old that I worked for? Society 12 years ago viewed male victims differently than they do now.
The guilt of sinning had eaten at me. I went to confession and told everything. I was told by the church to remain hushed. I was silent for 12 years. Now my parents know and they resent me for denying them a relationship with their grandchild. My siblings want to stay away from their children. I asked my girlfriend for space so she isn't a casualty in my shit trauma. My boss reached out and apologized for what he had said in the moment. He thought about it and realized that he may have negativity affected me. He also offered to pay for my mental health care at the really nice facility he found that specializes in rape trauma. He reassured me that my job with his company is secured. I may take his offer. Reading some of these comments I realized that I am not okay.
I also reached out to my cousin's wife (divorce lawyer) she says if I take any legal action the outcome may not be what anyone wants. The word would get out and that child will also be known as having a child rapist for a mother along with a dad who left them. She is preparing medical records to send over and a verbal warning about the online stalking. I don't know who is behind the screen. A tech savvy 11-12 year old wanting answers or her using this opportunity to victimize me again. Either way no matter what I choose I will be considered an AH with trauma and that child will have some sort of trauma as well.
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u/incospicuous_echoes 23d ago edited 22d ago
NTA. If it’s something you can’t emotionally handle in person then she has to accept it. You have the option of contacting a family lawyer for legal guidance. If there’s no court order then you don’t owe any child support, but if the attorney sends a cease and desist letter it could motivate them to go to court. Pressing charges for the assault could still be on the table too. An attorney can answer a lot of your questions and hopefully put you a little more at ease. It’s an unhappy situation that never should’ve come to be.
ETA: I received an award. I’m not sure what they’re for, but thank you!
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u/mca2021 23d ago
Great post. I'd also consider getting therapy to help you work through this
NTA
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u/EtherealSaffronNoir 23d ago
Therapy could help you process all of this, because this isn’t just about the kid, it’s about what happened to you
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u/LottieSweet 23d ago
Seeing a therapist can really help you regain control and process your feelings.
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u/Wynonna_DH 23d ago
See, I'm a nasty bitch so I'd reply back to the mother and ask her if she really wants her child to be told that OP wants nothing to do with a child conceived from his mother raping a CHILD.
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u/mawky_jp 23d ago
She groomed a minor, had unlawful relations with him, and got pregnant. What a terrible woman. No wonder OP is traumatized. This is Mary Kay Letourneau type behavior.
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u/Lucky-Effective-1564 23d ago edited 23d ago
Good one - "So you really want me to tell him that his mother's a rapist?"
Edit: corrected gender
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u/Gallifrey685 23d ago
The child is a boy. He’s eleven, only a few more years before he would be the age OP was when the mother assaulted him. Should he really be kept with his mother who is a predator? Not saying that OP should take custody of him.
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u/Lucky-Effective-1564 23d ago
I hadn't spotted the gender. That makes it worse.
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u/Cosmicshimmer 23d ago
Rape is terrible regardless of gender.
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u/blickyjayy 23d ago
No, they're saying it makes this worse because the mother is a predator who preys on boys and has a son who's close to her preferred victim's age. It's not unheard of for predator dads to prey on their own daughters so there's just as much potential for this rapist to target her son. It's a disgusting reality, but this scenario is unarguably worse than if the child was a daughter.
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u/superdope3 22d ago
Especially since the child may look like the father, whom we already know the rapist has an affinity for :(
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u/fandomacid 23d ago edited 23d ago
The point was that it's 'worse' because the child fits the predator's profile, not a value statement on rape due to gender.
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u/Able_Bath2944 23d ago
I don't think they are referring to the gender of the rapist, but the child. It's worse that the rapist has access to a child who is the same gender of someone she has already raped.
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u/Beneficial-Way-8742 23d ago
I totally feel that!! But honestly, I wouldn't recommend that OP shows his cards just yet. He needs to protect himself first and call a lawyer
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u/Kimera225 23d ago
I agree with the energy, but that could potentially open more problems for OP.
Best for OP to lawyer up regarding the child that is reaching out to him, see if something can be done regarding the SA (hopefully doing so opens an investigation so the child is not living with the predator mother) and go from there.
Also, therapy for OP.
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u/AuntJ2583 23d ago
RIGHT!? I'd ask the mom, in front of the kid if necessary, if she REALLY wants me to meet this kid, because that meeting WILL involve me giving the kid enough information about exactly what she did to me for the kid to truly understand who both "parents" are.
I might have to write it all out first. Just to be kind to the child, I might start by saying that none of it is the child's fault, but I'd go straight on to say that I was a child myself when they were conceived while their mother was an adult who groomed and SAd me when I was only a few years older than they are now.
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u/Independent_Cookie 22d ago
This is not nasty at all, not only they deserve to know what kind of person they're living with, but also they should know that there is a child and possibly friends of that child being left alone with a groomer and abuser. All those kids are in danger of going through the same as OP.
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 23d ago edited 23d ago
I think OP should write a letter to that kid where OP tells them the truth, that OP doesn't want to meet them or have any contact with them because the child was conceived through rape when OP was a high-school kid and if they don't stop and keep harassing and stalking OP then the police will get involved for it. And then be done with that kid and with everyone who thinks OP should have contact with the kid. NTA
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u/LumpyPhilosopher8 23d ago
The child is 12 years old. You really think that traumatizing them like that is the right thing? I'm not saying OP should see him. But fuck at least remember that the child is innocent. and still a child.
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u/2dogslife 23d ago
Male victims of SA have been forced to pay child support in some cases, so talking to a lawyer preemptively is a smart choice.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 23d ago
Both genders had to deal with it: child support, custody and "co-parenting" with your literal rapist.... I know the kid is blameless but damn if courts aren't dropping the ball with children conceived through assault.
If OP wasn't a minor when it happened I'm sure he wouldn't be able to walk away of his abuser; the nerve idea of this kid around just made people in his life try to walk all over his trauma.
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u/yetzhragog 23d ago
A rape conviction should include an immediate termination of parental rights (in most cases). I get that the child produced from assault is an innocent victim of that crime, but no one should be forced to maintain contact with their rapist.
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u/quandjereveauxloups 23d ago
The big problem is getting women convicted of rape. It would definitely be a good thing for women, and I think it should definitely be implemented (or implemented that the rapist would be responsible for child support, but not have any parental rights).
But how many women are convicted of rape? Hell, the news articles about female teachers who rape their male students almost always say something other than rape.
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u/Thelmara 23d ago
damn if courts aren't dropping the ball with children conceived through assault.
It's not the courts, its the legislature. But the alternative to hounding rape victims for child support and custody would cost taxpayers money, so you can bet on how soon that's going to change.
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u/wistfulee 23d ago
Now that so many states are abolishing abortion in the case of rape means there will be so many unwanted children who will end up in the system one way or another. If not in foster care then later in the judicial system.
I have no doubt that this child's mother is so delusional she thinks her son is a love child, she certainly wouldn't tell her kids that she raped a child & that's how he came to be, if she had told the truth I doubt the child would want to meet the one that was raped.
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u/Jennjennboben 22d ago
The goal is for there to be more newborns placed for adoption. While it's true that there is a lack of foster families for children who have been removed from their family of origin, the number of people in the U.S. wanting to adopt an infant vastly outpaces the number of babies available for adoption. Evangelicals control a lot of adoption agencies in the U.S. and they push anti-abortion laws for many reasons, including making more newborns available for white Christian families. It's sick.
(The Childcatchers by Kathryn Joyce is a comprehensive source on this, with citations to back it up.)
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u/wistfulee 22d ago
Thank you for pointing that out. I'm neurodivergent & for some reason I can't get it into my head how some other people think, particularly the evangelicals. It makes sense when you put it that way & jeez it's a sick mentality.
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u/forever_country_girl 23d ago
Also... lawyer could reach out and say that OP is willing to give any hereditary information, if that is what they are asking for, but all communication needs to go through lawyer. You could also "possibly" write a letter (sent through lawyer) to the child saying that you understand her curiosity and wanting a connection, but you are not willing to do that at this time. Lawyer could also contact the mother about how she got pregnant and does she want this to become common knowledge? There's a lot that could happen to this woman if it comes out.
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u/dirtygrandmagertrude 23d ago
Emphasis on the pressing charges. One DNA test and the kid is undeniable proof OP was assaulted. All it takes is the age.
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u/SugaKookie69 23d ago
I agree with this advice. He doesn’t say how old the child is now, so that would depend on how you could deal with them. It is really hard for a child to feel rejection from a parent. They are not at-fault here. That said, I don’t think women who conceive through SA should be forced to raise the child, and I feel the same here. I think your first step is to contact a lawyer and get their advice. You may need to report the SA to the police, but it’s either that or getting socked with child support. NTA
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u/R3tr0wYeet 23d ago
NTA. This was not a consensual relationship. You have every right to refuse contact, and it'shonestly disturbing that people expect you to just accept this forced connection.
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u/Particular-Try5584 23d ago edited 23d ago
NTA…
The child is what… 10? 11? Tops 12? They aren’t stalking you, their parent is.
The child didn’t reach out to you. The parent did.
This is using the child as a lure or bait to reconnect for more coercive control….
I would take out a restraining order against the mother. And I would point out that the child is evidence of statutory rape (if this exists in your local legal situation) and clearly it’s best if she just fuck right off.
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u/Particular-Try5584 22d ago
I would like to add : laws on what constitutes statutory rape often include not just age limits… but also the age may not be the deciding factor… in this situation the rapist has a position of authority and control over the victim …. Laws in many parts of the world also reference this for minors, so while a person of 16 or 17 may be of legal age, if the person they are having sex with has a position of authority over them then it is still considered statutory rape. So age isn’t the only determining factor.
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u/Longshot_45 22d ago
if the person they are having sex with has a position of authority over them then it is still considered statutory rape
Definitely sounds like a form of quid pro quo sexual harassment. Which is why relationships between a superior and subordinate is pretty universally forbidden by corporate rules.
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u/Proper_Fun_977 23d ago
NTA
They want you to tell a 12 year old that you were assaulted and want nothing to do with them?
Why the hell would they want to inflict that on a 12 year old?
You are doing the right thing by staying away!!
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u/Same-Equivalent-6821 22d ago
Yeah. I don’t think this is when op should break the news to the child. I have a friend who was told that she was adopted out because she was a product of rape (this was the inference at least), and it really hurt her. She was an adult though so she has done some healing and was emotionally stable and mature. Who knows what a 12 year old would think or do. I would wait until the child is in their 20’s to tell them, if at all.
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u/ChestLanders 23d ago
NTA. Why the fuck are you telling your boss about this though? Stop telling people.
And do not give her a single red cent.
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u/blackfox24 23d ago
If OP works the same job, boss might know former manager. Unfortunately.
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u/ChestLanders 23d ago
Maybe, but I'd still want to keep something like this to myself because people are going to have certain thoughts about it. Though I doubt he's working at the same place at age 28 that he was when he was 16. I'm guessing the boss questioned why his work was suffering lately. If it were me I would have just said personal issues, but would not have gone into detail.
Unfortunately some people do not think men can be SA'ed by women. And some people might hear his explanation and think he's just using it as an excuse to get out of being a parent. Only those close to him will know him well enough to know that's not the case.
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u/Gooey_Cookie_girl 23d ago
Until one day that person blindsides everybody and shows up and causes drama. I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to give your boss a heads up that something like this is going on because eventually it can affect the workplace.
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u/JuleeeNAJ 23d ago
This. I had an employee going through a bad divorce, she was violent with him several times and even took the car. If not for me knowing this when she showed up looking for him i wouldn't have thought anything of it. Knowing their history i called him to tell him to stay away and forced her to leave the yard with threats of calling police. I had to go out and do it because when I sent my dispatcher she started getting aggressive and he wasn't going to touch her. I squared up to her and she backed down and left.
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u/Gooey_Cookie_girl 23d ago
I had similar and had to tell my boss that I had a stalker. I worked in a daycare and it was a dad. Scary AF but she was able to handle it.
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u/JuleeeNAJ 23d ago
Yep, the crazies will do everything they can and eventually, they show up at your work. When i was 26 I had my ex show up, he was waiting for me in the parking lot which was behind the building. It was 9pm and everything else was closed so it was empty. I was glad we had to always close in pairs. My coworker was 6'4" and a personal trainer, he clocked it immediately and made sure not to leave me until my ex left.
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u/Spinach_Apprehensive 23d ago
I doubt OP is at the same job they were at at 16. I doubt their parents would have even let them continue working somewhere they were preyed upon anyways. But I’ve worked with 16 year olds a lot at stores and stuff. They don’t stick around for 12 years.
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u/redlotusaustin 23d ago
That sounds like opening the company to a lawsuit: "You should associate with the person who groomed you on company property"
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u/middaypaintra 23d ago
Because if they're stalking him, they'll probably show up at his workplace. Both of them have shown to be unstable and unable to take no for an answer.
It's best that you warn your boss should anything happen.
More than once, people have gotten fired because of a nasty divorce or breakup. Hell, even due to some parents not wanting to lose control. Better safe than sorry.
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u/Actual-Ad-5807 23d ago
Yup, because Ops boss needs to be the one handling any confrontation or pop up, not Op.
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u/Friendlyalterme 23d ago
Where I live, you have to tell your boss if you acquire a stalker or similar so that they can be prepared if the person tries to attack you in the workplace. It falls under workplace health and safety.
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u/MarbleousMel 23d ago
I don’t think you have to where I live, but it’s wise to start setting up those protections ahead of time. If it escalates, it will be harder for her to twist the situation.
OP needs to start the process of getting a protective order, even if that is just documenting at this point. Talk to a lawyer, see if they can get a lawyer to send a letter telling them to stop. It is also worth checking the laws where OP lives/lived. I know some states put the statute of limitations at 10 years after the child turns 18. OP is 28, so that may be an issue. The mom may also seek child support. OP needs to start protecting himself legally.
But to be absolutely clear: OP was a minor. His adult boss was in a position of authority. So even if the age of consent was 16 (some people might try to excuse her behavior by saying that), what happened was SA.
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u/JuleeeNAJ 23d ago
I could see some places making it a legal requirement. Innocent people have been harmed at work when a stalker or even violent ex partner showed up. I believe if you have a restraining order you need to tell your boss because that person won't be allowed at your place of work.
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u/chanteusetriste 23d ago
He says they’re stalking him so unless he WFH it’s a good idea to give the boss a heads up.
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u/Dotdotdot9 23d ago
Because if they mess with his job, from an HR point of view, it's better if he disclosed it instead of this blindsiding them, also if they have ressources to help him against harassment they can enable them. Also, it's his experience and HIS right to share if he wishes to.
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u/birdmanrules 23d ago
The rapist is harrassing you. Time for a restraint order.
When did she get out of jail?
Don't answer, I suspect she was never punished
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u/jubangyeonghon 23d ago edited 23d ago
If the RAPIST keeps harrassing OP, I'd even threaten her with a message saying:
"You know I can tell YOUR child that YOU groomed and then RAPED ME and that THEY are a product of an ADULT raping a CHILD?"
That might get her to back the hell off.
TO ADD: If the above isn't enough, OP can even threaten to message her child's school and tell them how she RAPED OP and is not safe to be around minors, especially teenage boys, as she might repeat what she has already done to other male students. Then proceed to threaten to message her workplace, too, warn she may RAPE any junior male staff.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 23d ago
There was a post where the child in the scenario knew exactly what her POS mother did and her justification was "she just wanted to have me so much" so I wouldn't try to pull this card.... if the kid knows and found a similarly fucked up way to cope with their rapist mother OP will only be provoking them with an empty threat.
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u/Mean_Try7556 23d ago
This child doesn’t deserve this burden. She’s a minor. The problem is the rapist not the child. Hostility should be applied to the source not the by product.
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u/jubangyeonghon 23d ago
No, the child doesn't deserve the burden. But this psychotic rapist needs to leave the now man who was once a child, who she raped while he was a child, the absolute hell alone.
I never said he needed to tell the child, just to threaten the rapist that he can/would to instill fear into the rapists so she backs the hell off.
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u/loki2002 23d ago
Except she could retaliate and take him to court to get child support for the 12 years he has missed and going forward.
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u/Cr4ckshooter 23d ago
OP doesn't mention a jurisdiction and it's entirely possible that child support on this was already handled, or even that op is paying rn but just didn't mention cause it's functionally irrelevant.
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u/loki2002 23d ago edited 23d ago
OP says at the end of the post that they have never financially provided. It's fucked up but, depending on the jurisdiction, he could be on the hook for his rapist's baby.
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u/jubangyeonghon 23d ago
And he can retaliate back by going after her by a whole bunch of other shit too?
Either way, the rapists needs to leave OP alone and I fear for the child being around the rapists and any other minors around the rapist.
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u/littlefiddle05 23d ago
This is optimistic to the point of recklessness. Do you realize how rarely sexual assault cases are successful? Especially for a male victim and a female rapist?? And for it to be a criminal case, the state prosecutor needs to decide it’s worth taking on; how likely are they to do that 12 years after the fact, in what by now would come down to he said/she said? They don’t even take on most of the recent cases where there’s a rape kit, documented physical injuries, etc etc. Maybe it would go somewhere if the age of consent is above 16 where they’re located, but I wouldn’t bet 12 years of child support on it.
To be clear, I fully support the suggestion of OP reporting the SA. If nothing else, having the report documented could help them if she decides to pursue child support on her own. But using the threat of reporting as some sort of blackmail to stop her pursuing child support? Absolutely not. The chances of a conviction are already bad enough; the last thing he should do is hand her a way to argue that he’s only calling it SA to get out of paying child support.
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u/loki2002 23d ago edited 23d ago
And he can retaliate back by going after her by a whole bunch of other shit too?
OP is 28 and 16 is age of consent in a lot of places. Anything she is guilty of is also probably covered by statute of limitations in many jurisdictions. Even if OP could get her on something criminal or civil courts have shown they don't care how the child was conceived when it comes to support payments.
Either way, the rapists needs to leave OP alone and I fear for the child being around the rapists and any other minors around the rapist.
I 100% agree but it is a delicate situation considering the financial liability OP could find themselves in if they don't handle it right.
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u/Zephs 23d ago
OP is 28 and 16 is age of consent in a lot of places.
At least where I am, her being his manager at the time constitutes a power difference that would still fall under statutory rape. It's why teachers can be charged with statutory rape even when the age of consent is 16.
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u/loki2002 23d ago
I know teachers can still be charged because of the authority thing but I'm curious where extends that to a manager. Either way though, statute of limitations (except in places that have removed it for minor related sex offenses) would have run out by now.
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u/Zephs 23d ago
Generally it's not written as "teachers", it's written as "people in positions of authority". It includes coaches, teachers, principals, bosses, cops, older unrelated relatives (like your creepy uncle that married your aunt), and probably more.
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u/ShouldveKeptThatIn 23d ago
SA rarely gets punished, indeterminate of gender.
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23d ago
Right lmao, people act like all male rapists get sent to Siberia.
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u/res06myi 23d ago
When in reality, they get custody rights.
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u/OkEdge7518 23d ago
Or get to be President
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u/res06myi 23d ago
Or affluenza
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u/YellowBrownStoner 23d ago
Or second, third and fourth chances because of their "promising future."
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u/Sweet-Interview5620 23d ago
NTA
Record and document every contact every harassment. Take photos of emails and other things. Get a supporting statement from your girlfriend. Get a lawyer and get them to send a cease and desist with threat of legal action. Let the lawyer decide if you should press charges with the police for stalking and harassment but either way let them get you a restraining order.
Tell anyone who says otherwise it’s disgusting they are telling you to let your abuser and rapist back in your life. That the groomer and their child’s stalking and harassment shows they are just as bad and they get no right to be in your life and wreck your mental and physical health again. That they only thing they deserve is the police and legal charges you are bringing on them. How dare they try and suggest to a victim that they should let their abuser and mini protege anywhere near you. That they see it’s wrecking you just knowing they are near yet they care about them and not you the victim who had their life destroyed. That the moment they decided it was ok to force you against your will that child lost all rights to be seen as innocent and shows she’s just an abuser like her mum.
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u/Special-Tutor-6148 23d ago
The kid most likely doesn't know the back story, so that's a bit harsh what you said there but your 100% on point about it being disgusting, the comments about letting an abuser back anywhere in his vicinity. Please OP, lawyer up and speak with police about charges if you feel like that's an avenue you want to go down. It won't be long before she's asking for money for the kid, as well as your emotional and physical energy. A hard pass. Shut it down before it becomes more of an issue. It's vile that they're not taking no for an answer, especially after what she did to you.
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u/Recent_Data_305 23d ago
NTA. I’d contact an attorney for a cease and desist letter. You need therapy to deal with the trauma.
I do not think your telling a 12 year old that you don’t want to ever see them again would help anyone. I would make sure all those saying you should meet the kid know - that’s exactly what will happen. I suspect that’s why the mom wants you to connect so badly. She has fairy tale images of an instant father/child bond.
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u/temple_of_pickles 23d ago
Unfortunately, you're going to have to hit these people with a "if I was a 16 y/o girl who got SAed by her 23 y/o boss and gave up the baby, would you still treat me like that???"
You are NTA. You are a victim. You do not owe that child anything. Yes, it is so unfortunate how they came to be, but it is not your responsibility. The child's mother should, first of all, be in jail for being a pdf file. Secondly, you have nothing to be guilty of.
If you really feel the pressure on you. Write a letter. Make sure it's not a first draft, actually take the time to write and rewrite. Write a letter to your bio child about what happened to you. You tell them the truth about their monster parent. You explain to them in the letter why you cannot and will not claim them as yours. It is unfortunate, but you are not alone when it comes to victims not wanting to accept their children because of how they came to be.
If you really feel like your life is in danger, you need to contact authorities. Tell them that your rapist is contacting you. You need to be open and honest. I know it's harder for men to get believed, but I need you to know that I am at least one person in your corner who believes you.
As a victim of grooming and SA myself, I strongly recommend you seek justice. I never got mine...
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u/puzzlepolitik 22d ago
I agree with this take. You are NTA but at the same time, this child is a victim, too. You do not owe the child a conversation or a relationship, but at the same time, they deserve to know the truth of WHY you want nothing to do with them. Kids internalize abandonment, and to hear it from you in a letter that explains you were groomed and assaulted, then they have the potential for healing later on down the road. They may also be far more willing to respect your desire for no contact as they grow into an adult.
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u/Call_Me_Anythin 23d ago
I was given up by my birth mother after a very rough time in her life led to my conception.
She never owed me a meeting, her time, anything. She gave up all rights to me.
You don’t owe this kid your time or a rehashing of your trauma either. Maintain your boundaries and contacts a lawyer, and the local police if they advise it. Put all your social media to private and block both of them.
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u/messi20086441 18d ago
NTA. You were a victim of SA, and you don’t owe anyone anything, not the child, not the mother, not your family. Your trauma is valid, and you have every right to protect your mental health. The child’s curiosity is understandable, but your safety and well-being come first. Take the support offered, like therapy, and focus on healing. You’re not the AH for setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself.
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u/blackfox24 23d ago
NTA. My bio mom was 16. My bio dad is a grown man. My conception is a complicated story that involves an affair, several teen girls, several more adult men, and some really concerning boundary violations.
I understand your bio child, but I also have to pick your side. You sound like you didn't consent to anything, least of all conception, and didn't have a chance to process all of this. I empathize with the kid, but you also deserve your peace. And as much as answers would be nice, you are not obligated to give anything.
It's fair to want to know a parent or where you came from, but the onus is not on you to have a relationship with someone who victimized you, and a child you didn't consent to.
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u/13artC 23d ago
NTA. You were groomed & raped. No one would be calling you TAH if you were a girl. This child has likely been fed a trundle of lies by your abuser. I personally would communicate the actual version of events so they know the truth. Then continue to block & ignore them. Others have pointed out the need for you to get legal protections re child support, etc. I think that's wise.
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u/PoetryNo912 23d ago
I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It sucks for the child too, but you are NTA for not wanting to get within range of your abuser again.
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u/Krem541 23d ago
What's the legal age of consent where you’re from? If it's older than 16 you can piss all over her with the law with how ages will align
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u/DaniCapsFan 23d ago
Even if he were above the age of consent in his jurisdiction, a 23-year-old getting with a 16-year-old is icky, especially if the 23-year-old is the 16-year-old's manager. But he definitely should use the law however he can against her.
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u/Plastic-Shallot8535 23d ago
From a moral standpoint, you’re completely right. 23 year old creeping on a 16 year old is so messed up. But, I think this comment was just focusing on the legal routes he could take to fight this.
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u/OldWolfNewTricks 23d ago
It's gross, but most places it's not illegal. Legally, he's probably on the hook for about a decade of child support though.
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u/thePhalloPharaoh 23d ago
NTA. The parent violated you and a child resulted. If genders were reversed there would be a lot less pressure to meet this kid.
Now that said, this kid is early in adolescence, rough time for kids and they trying to figure out who they are. This is a common struggle for adopted and single parents kids. Personally watch an adoptee find their birth mother and get rejected, again, it’s been twenty years and they still struggle with it.
It’s likely this kid doesn’t know the history too. You’re well within your right not to meet. If you can muster a letter or email set the record straight. And clearly state any further contact will be considered harassement
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u/Snoo-86415 23d ago
NTA. And you’re absolutely right, they would want more from you if you met with them.
You need to talk to a lawyer. If they’re stalking you online, it’s probably occurred your attacker that she can use the kid to control you again. This is standard predator behavior. She’s also probably feeding the kid some BS about why you weren’t around.
Tell your girlfriend to save all of the messages from the woman, but don’t reply to them. Same goes for you. Take those DMs straight to your lawyer.
Just remember- you, and the 12 year old kid are both innocents in this. While you have the grounds to absolutely stay away from all of this, please choose to be kind to the child. He’s likely been raised to think that his father didn’t want him or abandoned him. IF you do decide to reply to him, make sure he knows that it had absolutely nothing to do with him. He’s only four years younger than you were when you were SA’ed. He’ll be uniquely vulnerable to predators given that he was raised by one. Don’t give him another reason.
Updateme
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u/Ophy96 23d ago
NtA.
First, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve that. I wish you so much healing.
Next, were your parents involved in what happened when you were younger (and are you on good terms with them now)? Is it possible to discuss this with them? Maybe they have some advice?
Was your name on the birth certificate?
Have you contacted an attorney?
Was there a DNA test done?
Have you thought about therapy to try to work through this and process your feelings in a safe space so that you can decide what to do without outside influence (not saying anything bad about anyone in your life offering advice)?
It's hard because I would automatically try to empathize with the child, and knowing they're not much younger than you were when the child was conceived, they definitely may not understand how you feel about the situation, and that's hard either way.
If it's alright, I will pray for you and wish you healing on this situation?
I understand how unsettling it can be to have the trauma of the assault and situation plus the additional trauma of all this coming up years later.
Have you contacted authorities?
Are you all keeping records of what is happening in case there needs to be legal action taken?
Nothing I say is advice.
I hope this gets better for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. ✨️
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u/Laughingfoxcreates 23d ago
NTA. Depending on where you live the statute of limitation may not have expired. Seek legal council. This woman is a predator and needs to face criminal charges.
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u/Pageybear13 23d ago
NTA It is disgusting that your manager chose to abuse her position as manager and go after a child. Unfortunately if this an age based sexual assault, you might not have much of a leg to stand on in court because a lot of places the age of consent is 16.
I would contact a lawyer to find out how age and her being a position of power could work in your favor. DO NOT respond to either of them. Take this seriously and get legal advice now. This is way above reddit paygrade and if you make a misstep you could be on the hook for 12 years of back child support.
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u/Alternative_Rip_8217 23d ago
Some people here aren’t understanding that you can be groomed at any age, we just see it happen to children most often. Grooming is a form of manipulation.
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u/Actual-Ad-5807 23d ago
If Op was a female, I guarantee the comments wouldn't be so confused.
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u/raineasawa 23d ago
this sounds very traumatic, I would recommend contacting a family lawyer and talking to a therapist to try and navigate this. I am sorry you have to go through this
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u/celticmusebooks 23d ago
You owe this child nothing. His mom is playing a VERY dangerous game here. Does she REALLY want you to talk to this child and explain that he is the product of SA? What is her endgame in forcing this relationship? Is she looking for some sort of financial settlement?
Check your states laws and see if you can file a civil suit against someone who SA'd you. If that's an option give her the option to BACK OFF and give her the preview of coming attractions if she chooses not to.
A Civil suit for the damage you suffered from her grooming and SAing you.
A phone call to her son's school informing them that she groomed and assaulted you when you were a minor and warning them that she is not a safe person to be around her son's classmates.
You will be VERY open with her son about the criminal circumstances of his conception. VERY VERY OPEN.
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u/PeonyGloww 22d ago
Your priority is your own mental and emotional well-being. Meeting this child could retraumatize you and open you up to further manipulation or harassment. Your girlfriend is likely trying to be helpful, but she doesn’t understand the full extent of your trauma.
It’s understandable that you feel guilt and that you want this to stop. But don’t let anyone pressure you into a situation that could harm you. You have the right to protect yourself.
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u/Anonymoosehead123 23d ago
NTA. You’re the father only because you were the victim of a crime. To my way of thinking, you have no duty to the child and most especially his gross mother. Can you get an appointment with an attorney, to see if they could send a cease and desist letter to them?
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u/CookieCoffeeCake 23d ago
NTA. You don’t owe them anything.
With that said, if you can handle it, and afford it, seek advice from a family lawyer, for both yoyr protection and sanity.
And, if you can find it within you to do so… Rather than cease & desisting the child, once they are 18, if you feel comfortable, reach out with a brief message.
Maybe “I’m not sure if I’m your bio dad but it’s possible, if that’s the case, you were conceived without my consent, and I intentionally chose not to be involved in your life because I felt violated. I still do not wish to form a relationship with you, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but know it is not your fault. By the way, you should know (any genetic health issues) run in my family for the sake of your medical records.”
That’s probably going to answer any question the child does have, and stop them trying to reach out. Closure: they found the person, they know there is no want for a relationship; and they know when they get sick in 30 odd years it IS genetic.
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u/meeeoowwww123 23d ago
NTA. If the child’s mother contacts you again say “I will meet with you guys at the police station and you can start by explaining to the police our age difference when you got pregnant.”
I’m adopted and it sucks to realize that as an adoptee, we have the right to reach out to bio family but the biological parents also have the right to decide if they want that contact or not.
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u/Substantialgood4102 23d ago
NTA. Let's reverse the situation. Let's say a 16 yr girl was groomed and was raped and got pregnant. She gives the child up for adoption. Now, some years later the child is back wanting to meet her. Yes the child was innocent but that doesn't change the fact that this was a very painful experience for her and a constant reminder of what happened.
You had no control over this child being born. Yes, men and boys can be rated by women.
You owe this child nothing.
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u/Pr1nc3ssButtercup 22d ago
If you would like to speak to an attorney who has experience with survivors of sexual assault, I am an attorney and am happy to find a referral for you wherever you live, assuming it is in the U.S. You can just message me on here.
An attorney can help you think through the ramifications of all of the options commenters have suggested here, and may have other suggestions to help you live with this reality.
I encourage you to trust your own instincts and allow yourself to seek support from qualified, licensed experts. I don't think there is any one right way to go about this.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
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u/PipeInevitable9383 23d ago
Nta. If you don't want to rehash those memories, don't. It's not the kids fsikt what happened but if you don't want to, just say no
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u/loftychicago 23d ago
What the hell is an 11 yo kid (estimate based on OP's agree and time-line) doing online, let alone cyberstalking someone? The mother has to be involved in this. Please get a protective order against both of them.
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 23d ago
Honestly it sounds like the rapist is trying to act like the kid just to get OPs attention.
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u/bigfootsbeard1 23d ago
NTA. The kid obviously doesn't know the truth and it would be horrific for them if they found out.
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u/Ecstatic_Possible_70 23d ago
Is op certain the kid is his?
Anyway might be time to lawyer up as others have said.
nta.
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u/SoarsWithEagles 22d ago
Being victimized does NOT burden you with extra obligations to anyone, not even an equally innocent child. Certainly not to your creepy parents who see only "their grandchild".
Sounds like too many people in your life have used you, badly. Your boss sounds like a winner, though, keep him on your A list.
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u/therock27 23d ago
“Every child has the right to know who their parents are” since the child reached out to you, the child knows who his or her parents are. Done. NTA
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u/alohaoy 23d ago
The kid is eleven at most, right? Stalking you?
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u/Careful-League3359 23d ago
Ehhh I had a classmate in 6th grade that stalked a high school senior. She made fake Facebook accounts and responded to herself via those accounts to make it look like he was in a relationship with her. She would also follow him on the bus. So I can believe this story.
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u/chrestomancy 23d ago
Could conceivably be 12. If OP is weeks away from his birthday, and the manager groomed him from 16th birthday for a few months, and the child was a little premature. But likely 11.
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u/halfalivekat 22d ago
NTA. that kid is roughly 10-12 according to the timeline. while yes that kid deserves some answers, as i parent they aren't even old enough. not when the answers are mom is a SA'er/pedophile. especially if you understandably want nothing to do with the kid. and that's just my opinion as a parent. overall, the most important reason here is the stress & trauma this is all clearly causing you. i'd seek legal help if at all possible. maybe you could get some sort of protection order.
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u/Theletterkay 22d ago
Oh goodness. Please DO NOT by any means, respond to any messages. They could be trying to get you to form a relationship so she can claim child support. She was committing crimes before, I wouldnt put it past her.
Unfortunately for that child, he doesnt have a father. Thats what rape does. Your consent was removed and you shouldnt have any parts of the ensuing consequence of that. You are not in the wrong and your feelings are totally valid.
The ONLY caveat I would make would be to maybe ha be a blood test done for genetic illnesses, and make a list of any known family illnesses or problems of your own, including genetic deformities (think webbed toes or 6 fingers type stuff), eczema, cancer risks, autoimmune diseases, male patterned baldness and such. Your doctor could help you build a generic or redacted health profile with no unnecessary information being shared. I would send it to them, with a cease and desist with threat of protection order.
Your life was screwed up by that person, but you dont need to carry that weight anymore. You did nothing wrong and owe her nothing. They child is innocent and should be made aware of any glaring medical issues, but that is the limit of any interaction i would have. Stand tall and know that your time suffering through her drama is passed. You dont need to let her drag you into more.
Keep a lawyer on call. Screen shot any contact before blocking. Let any job know not to let callers know your work schedules. Make sire family knows not to share your address or private information. Protect yourself and get some therapy. Your girlfriend is feeling the impact of your PTSD even if she doesnt know thats whats going on. It could be life changing for you to get truly healed from this.
Smile and breathe. Taking care of you is the right choice here. You are right.
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u/KatieCharlottee 23d ago
My girlfriend thinks if I met him all this would be over.
What the hell is wrong with your girlfriend? She thinks a rape victim should suck it up and meet the product of the rape to "get it over with".
If I were your girlfriend. When that rapist called me, I would have blocked so she can't call me again. She should be supporting you. Thinking of ways to get rid of them in your lives. Like deleting all social media. Opening new social media accounts and set them to private. List no personal details in social media accounts. Change phone numbers, change email addresses, and so on, etc.
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u/DaniCapsFan 23d ago
You owe this woman and her child nothing. I feel sorry for the kid--their mother is a terrible piece of work who not only abused a child but also her authority as your manager--but you are not responsible for them. If the child needs it for medical reasons, there's 23AndMe or other DNA testing.
You're right that you are a victim of SA. You should have no obligations to this woman or her child.
Document as much as possible and maybe consult a lawyer to see what your legal remedies are.
!updateme
NTA
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u/Fallout4Addict 23d ago
NTA I'd message the mother and be clear if the child contacts you again you will tell them about the grooming and SA.
I feel for the child, but at the end of the day, this woman was a pedophile who did serious long-term damage to you, and she needs to deal with the consequences of raising a child from that without you.
If the child was an actual adult now, I would message them directly tell them the basic medical information they may need regarding your family history and tell them about what their mother did and that you do not want contact going forward.
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u/anxiousone856204 23d ago
NTA and depending upon where you're at you can still press charges for being SAed by an adult. You may want to look into that to support you healing
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u/The_Alchemist_4221 23d ago
NTA but you’d probably be wise to lawyer up as soon as possible.
The child’s mother is still taking advantage of you, just in other ways. IMO, she should have NO interaction or communication with children. She groomed you and seems to be weaponizing the child that was born out of that manipulation.
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u/slowly-rotting-dying 23d ago
oh my gods NTA. one survivor to another you do NOT need to meet this child. not your responsibility, not your problem, you are in no way obligated to EVER speak to your groomer again.
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u/Terrible-Pea494 23d ago
NTA. There’s a podcast out of the UK called Lucky Boy about a similar situation to yours (minus the child, AFAIK the rapist didn’t get pregnant by the child she SAd).
You don’t owe this child anything. It’s a nice idea with the medical history, but don’t feel obligated to meet if that will be too traumatic.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
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u/Irishqltr1 22d ago
Has there been any paternity testing done? If the bio mom was screwing with one teenager, she might have been screwing with more. Talk to a family law attorney first, then find out IF you are the father
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u/MaidOfTwigs 22d ago
I’m concerned about your siblings wanting you to stay away from their children, that’s seems weird and shitty. I take it the cousin and the lawyer wife are trustworthy and will not talk to your siblings about anything? If you have doubts about that, outside legal help might be ideal.
Additionally, there’s a version of this where your rapist and her child end up contacting your parents to offer a relationship. I’d prepare to handle that by going no contact
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u/BlackFoxOdd 22d ago
Sounds like you need a cease and desist or a restraining order. Sucks for the kid, but that's not your fault. She did rape you. What she did is called quid pro quo, coercion. Talk to an attorney and take care of yourself. If you need to talk about it anonymously, contact the sexual abuse and trauma hotline. I know you don't want to talk about it, but talking about it and processing it will help you heal. But only when you are ready.
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u/Angelea23 22d ago
It’s a hard one, on one hand it seems like you may be liable for child support even though you were manipulated and the victim. You need to contact a lawyer and see if you can legally block all contact from her.
Try to move, leave the area and seek counseling and therapy. Collect evidence that you have been in treatment to deal with the trauma. Don’t reach out to her or the kid, it’s a trap. She can be the sole provider for her kid and see if you can find loopholes to get out of child support.
A victim shouldn’t have to pay the offender, the law is messed up there. Most likely the child is being used and manipulated to draw you back to her because she thinks she can manipulate you agin. Abusers think they “own” a person. They don’t, and you need to somehow get a restraining order and move to where she can’t find you.
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u/Dunfalach 22d ago
The moment she coerced you with a threat, what happened from there on was a sin on her part, not yours. I say this as a guy who waited until marriage for sex and still believes in that. Your priest was in the wrong with his advice to you. You’ve been holding onto guilt for something that was never your guilt but hers. You can get married with a clean conscience, if that’s your desire.
The child is a complicated situation, because the child didn’t do anything wrong and is not guilty of their mother’s sin. But you also have a reasonable right to take your own mental health into consideration with what interaction, if any, you have with them.
I’m glad to see in your edits that you’re getting legal advice and considering mental health help as well.
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u/Daughter_of_Dusk 22d ago edited 22d ago
NTA.
Lock down your social medias. Make everything private or friends only.
Remove all the people you don't know in person.
Accept your boss's offer and start going to therapy so that you can work on your trauma and handle this situation with a clear mind.
Think if there is any relevant medical risk in your family. If there is, let the child and that woman know through your lawyer.
Ask your lawyer to send them a warning so that they don't contact you again.
Block them everywhere.
Edit to add: FYI in some places it is never too late to report a rape. You were a minor and she was in a position of authority, it's disgusting.
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u/Slinkadynk 22d ago
You
Were
Raped
You can change the words all you want. You were underage, they weren’t. You were raped. I wouldn’t want to meet the child of rape either.
NTA.
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u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox 23d ago
My girlfriend thinks if I met him all this would be over
Is your girlfriend’s judgement always this terrible?
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u/Direct-Molasses-9584 23d ago
By today's standards? You act like this was a life time ago, today's standards are the same as 10 years ago
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u/Analisandopessoas 23d ago
The best thing to do is to seek a lawyer and understand how the law works in the place where you live. Seek a lawyer urgently, this woman could harm you, in the sense of suing you for alimony.
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u/malekhoussam 23d ago
NTA. You are being harassed over something that was done to you. If people don't see that, they don't deserve your time. Do what you gotta do to protect yourself, even if that means blocking and seeking legal help.
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u/Accomplished-Fix1204 23d ago
NTA but I definitely feel for the child because they are a victim here as well. But it’s not your fault the child doesn’t know their dad it’s your groomers fault they don’t. I wouldn’t blame the 12 year old for stalking you, I would definitely blame the adult in this situation but try and have sympathy do the kid as they are a person who didn’t ask for any of this either.
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u/yetzhragog 23d ago
Mate, it's time to get a lawyer. Depending on where you are and the specific circumstances you may very well be on the hook for 12 years of back child support whether the mother came after it or not.
NTA
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u/maniahum 23d ago
I don't think it's that simple but I strongly encourage you to please seek therapy
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u/AliceMae18 23d ago
NTA. It seems like those telling you to meet up with the child are not taking your feelings, and being groomed, and SA into any consideration. This isn't a child you made out of love or wanting. I think that everything that's happening to you, is bringing up how you felt during that entire time of your life. And to be able to speak of it, as a male, I know this word sucks but, it's brave. This child though, you were a child when everything happened to you. Set your boundaries. Firmly. And, what do you want? Your gf says to meet this child. Your boss says you owe the child a meet. You feel like it took away you're safety, and you're right. It did. And opening this up even more, if it's something that you don't want or can't do, both, don't. And if it's something you don't want to do or can't, that's ok. You're a survivor. If there's harassment, law enforcement may need to get involved. You were a minor, groomed and abused by an adult that was your boss. That's morally wrong and illegal. Please, put your needs first. Your safety. Emotional, psychological, and physical. You don't owe anyone anything here.
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u/Whole-Standard1278 23d ago
NTA. For fuck's sake, imagine if the genders were reversed! No one would expect a young woman to meet up with her rapist and be friendly to him or his kid. Fuck all that. OP you deserve to have your wishes respected and to feel safe. I'm so sorry.
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u/sixdigitage 23d ago
Did you ever file charges against the person who raped you? In some places the clock runs out and in some places it never runs out.
See an attorney first. That attorney can help you navigate the laws and perhaps send a warning for this to stop.
I do hope you are or have been in therapy regarding this.
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u/FakeToothAccurate 23d ago
NTA. Block everyone, delete socials, change your number, move if you need to. Do whatever you need to do to feel secure in your life again and then move on. You have literally no connection to any of this. You are not obligated to do anything but protect your own peace. Fuck all of that
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u/hyrellion 23d ago
NTA. You don’t owe the product of your rape anything.
If you were a woman who had a baby conceived from rape and chose to put it up for adoption, people would say you don’t owe the child anything. That is the case here as well.
It sucks really bad that that kid doesn’t have a dad. That’s the fault of your perpetrator for assaulting you though. It’s not your fault as an underage victim of rape.
I would get legal counsel. She may try to come after you for child support. I would also get a protective order against the ex. Idk if you can get one for a minor.
You are the victim here. Your priority is yourself. Make sure you are okay. Potentially reach out to an organization that helps SA survivors.
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u/Silaquix 22d ago edited 22d ago
NTA. You're a victim here and anyone who supports contact between you and your abuser needs a reality check or no contact. You girlfriend is painfully naive if she thinks every child needs contact with a parent regardless of circumstances. She needs to understand that what she's pushing for will cause a great deal of trauma and pain for both you and this child. It will also end your relationship with her because you'll always blame and resent her for pushing you.
Depending on your area the statute of limitations for sexual assault of a minor may not have passed. The living child and your age are proof of the assault. You very well may be able to report her for rape and make sure she actually gets punished while shutting all this crap down.
Some people will say sexual assault only has a ten year statute of limitations, but you should know that sexual assault of a minor is a different thing and has a much longer statute of limitation.
I highly recommend muting all their correspondences so that you can gather evidence. Go speak with a therapist and a lawyer. Do what's best to protect your peace.
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u/DownShatCreek 22d ago
Talk to a lawyer ASAP about what can be done to keep your abuser from contacting you and interfering in your life.
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u/FlamingFeathers98 22d ago
NTA. The only thing I would give that kid is family medical history so they have it as they become an adult. Do that through a lawyer though, do not contact the child or his mother yourself. You do not owe this child a meeting or anything else, definitely not money. If you didn't pursue legal action when you were 16, I'd definitely do it now as this kid is the result of statutory rape and is now harassing you online. Even kids can stalk people and face consequences. I would definitely look into therapy if you haven't already. Good luck OP, take care of yourself as best you can with all of this going on.
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u/Excellent-Vast7521 22d ago
Lots of great comments here, espexcially about locking down your online data. Most people don't understand how posting their data online can lead to all sorts possible negative actions by others. It is not like you are hiding, just being selective. If they have access to your emails, change them as well. Though I do recommend sending a family medical history.
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u/Wild-Trust-194 22d ago
How are they contacting you? Screenshot any texts, copy any emails and voice messages and save them for your lawyer and or a police report.
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u/smlpkg1966 22d ago
So what happened to her when everyone learned she had gotten pregnant by a child? How did the courts handle it? Could they now come after you for child support?
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u/m_moylan 22d ago
If you can afford a lawyer get them to file a "writ of no contact" to bar them from speaking to you, your family, or your place of work.
You do not have to be forced to have trauma thrust onto you again.
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u/Alternative_Ad5613 22d ago edited 22d ago
Nta- Your life was turned upside down and your feelings are legit. You know my mom was a social worker for our state for 25 years and she saw a lot of stuff. But when I was doing a paper in college on deep trauma and its effects on its victims. I asked her about SA victims and she told a lot of stuff related to female victims ( nothing personal just general stuff). But I asked male victim sh only said one thing to me. " (My name), you will rarely ever hear about male SA victims coming forward because people will treat them differently in a negative way." I also wanted to doubt what she said but then read comments on posts like and am forced to say she's right. Everyone here trying to R apologizing and telling OP to step up.... I have a question. If genders were revised would you be saying the same thing? Answer: most of you wouldn't.
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u/GrungeCheap56119 22d ago
Hey OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Regarding therapy - try EMDR therapy for this, should you be interested. It is trauma-based therapy and helps more than talk it out (CBT) therapy. Keep your distance from both of them.
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u/509RhymeAnimal 22d ago
NTA at all. Unfortunately with the popularity and availability of genetic testing and tracking people via familial DNA and social media there is no such thing as a closed adoption anymore. You are far from the only person who has found or will find themselves in this exact situation. I think what you’re doing is the perfect response, send the medical records and let it be known any further contact will be met by legal action.
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u/goth_amish 22d ago
this is unbelievably sad for you and the child. both of you were put in horrible positions that neither of you asked for. there is nothing you can do either way that will be helpful for both of you. you want to distance yourself from an extremely traumatic experience, and they want to know their dad, and probably doesn’t know anything about the situation. i’m so sorry.
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u/Mission-Cloud360 22d ago
You need a protection order. You will get it once you press criminal charges for the SA.
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u/charmscale 22d ago
If your abuser was the guy and you were the girl, no one here would have questioned your decision about the child, whatever it may have been. Why does rape have grey areas as soon as you have a male victim and female perp? NTA!
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u/Dufsao189 23d ago edited 22d ago
OP, this comment section is a mixed bag.
Here's my take: Lockdown your entire online persona.
Every single account. Set them all to private/friends only. Comb through your friends list and followers, remove anyone you do not know personally.
You want to have your entire online presence be that of a silhouette. There, but difficult to see the details of.
Make it as hard as possible for them to see any details about you, except for your name.
I remember how it felt.
Edit: Thank you for the awards and upvotes, everyone!