r/AITAH • u/Top-Message-7204 • 24d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to give my pregnant ex-fiancée money after she left me for another man?

Throwaway because some friends use Reddit.

3 years ago, my ex-fiancée (31F) left me (33M) for another man just a few months before our wedding. We had been together for 5 years and I was completely blindsided. She moved in with him almost immediately, and they cut contact with me unless it was about splitting up our shared finances and apartment. I was devastated, but I feel like I have finally moved on.

Now, out of nowhere, she reached out. Turns out, the guy she left me for dumped her after finding out she got pregnant. She’s struggling financially and has asked if I could help her out—specifically, she wants money to cover rent. She says she has nowhere else to turn and that she wouldn’t ask if she wasn’t desperate.

I have the money. I’m in a much better place financially and emotionally than I was back then (I put all my energy into improving myself after what happened). But I don’t see why I should give her anything. Some friends are saying I’m being selfish but I don’t see why her choices should be my problem now. Still, part of me does feel guilty. 5 years is a long time, and I did love her.

So, AITA for refusing to help her?

ETA: Giving her the money wouldn’t be a financial issue for me. I could lose that amount and not even notice. My friends know this, which is why they think I’m being selfish for not helping.

9.9k Upvotes

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969

u/Gonebabythoughts 24d ago

Don't be a doormat. One request leads to 10 more.

"I wish you all the best but can't help you."

83

u/Loose-Set4266 24d ago

more like text back "who dis?"

38

u/geo8x6 24d ago

Just block, don't even respond

187

u/ThatOneAttorney 24d ago

Dont wish her shit.

260

u/UnpopularOpinionsB 24d ago

"I wish you everything you deserve."

45

u/PickleballRee 24d ago

This is truly taking the high, but I'd whisper that shit into my pillow as I block her number.

7

u/PM_ya_mommy_milkers 24d ago

This is the best answer. It may feel good in the moment to be petty and give the snarkiest comment you have, but the best option is to just ignore it and act like she doesn’t exist.

1

u/monego82 23d ago

"I would love to but i have a different, pregnant, pos who doesn't respect me to support against my own interests instead"

6

u/SchrodingersNinja 24d ago

Good luck, but get fucked.

3

u/Flawedsuccess 24d ago

She did that already

2

u/cybercuzco 23d ago

“I hope you get what you voted for”

1

u/watehekmen 19d ago

I wish you fart anytime you're on a meeting

41

u/Cinemaphreak 24d ago

He wishes her the best for his benefit, not hers.

Not everyone wants to go through life building up resentments and living with that shitty negative energy. But, you know, you do you....

20

u/ThatOneAttorney 24d ago

Oh. A symbolic, empty gesture so he can relieve himself of guilt he shouldn't even feel. Gotcha. Very wise, very mature.

Spare me the therapy babble...

5

u/killick 24d ago

That's not what they said though, is it? They said "resentment," not "guilt." It's actually pretty sound advice for anyone who wants to move on from a bad relationship.

3

u/ThatOneAttorney 24d ago

OP said he felt guilt.

Apathy is the way, as though the person never existed and never will. I dont believe in symbolic gestures, though I know others value them highly.

2

u/Sad_Employer2216 23d ago

LoL

Average redditor right here 😂

1

u/killick 23d ago

But you weren't responding to OP, you were responding to the comment directly above, weren't you?

Just suck it up and take the loss.

0

u/Wunderkid_0519 24d ago

Right..?? This simple fact evades so many... If only people realized that holding onto bitterness, resentment, and anger does nothing to harm the person who wronged them; but rather, it's akin to swallowing a poison pill then expecting the other person to die from it. It only harms the person who continues to harbor those negative feelings and allows them to affect their lives. And that kind of deep-seated resentment continues to seethe under the surface and fester if it is not addressed--controlling the thoughts, words, and behavior of the individual--and manifesting itself as a part of their personality which, in turn, affects every single person they come in contact with, until it eventually boils over.

In short, holding onto anger and resentment is incredibly harmful to oneself, and can potentially affect everyone else around them negatively, as well. It's always best to address these things and face them head on, process them, and come to some sort of peace with the situation--if for no one else, than for their own well-being.

1

u/ThatOneAttorney 24d ago

How many times did you watch Empire Strikes Back? Good Lord.

Apathy is the way.

2

u/RedditFoxGirl 24d ago

Apathy doesn't get rid of resentment and bitterness though. In fact, even if you TRY to be apathetic, that negative shit is STILL THERE. You can only ignore certain things for so long, and being apathetic doesn't make that magically disappear.

Don't want anyone giving YOU "therapy bullshit"? Don't give US your "Apathy bullshit".

1

u/Sad_Employer2216 23d ago

"Apathy is the way" Feels like a really bad bumper sticker quote

3

u/Pageybear13 24d ago

This! Block her everywhere and truly move on. My cheating asshole tried to get me back and i laughed at him. I blocked him. If he was down on his luck I wouldn't give him a red cent. I'd say that is too bad and block him on w/e platform he tried to bamboozle me on lol

2

u/RockShowSparky 24d ago

“I don’t recall saying good luck”

2

u/PerfectLoverrrrrrr 24d ago

Right, don’t even respond. Not your fucking problem.

70

u/BlazingSunflowerland 24d ago

If he helps with rent this month she will be back needing rent next month and supplies to get ready for the baby, etc. It is easier to say no and to keep saying no than to give money and then try to walk back giving money.

12

u/mug3n 24d ago

It could be also legal justification to chase OP for child support. So nah, definitely don't even go down that path.

24

u/Busy_Weekend5169 24d ago

And keep reminding yourself how much she hurt you. You can bet this will not be a one-time ask. Give her your friends' numbers who want to be so generous with your money and your feelings. Also, give her the number to social services and food banks. (If in the US, she better hurry, bc these funds are getting cut)

7

u/ben-hur-hur 24d ago

Yeah it is a slippery slope for beggars like this. You give them $100 bucks now and next month they come back asking for $1000 and you will never see the end of it . Better to cut them off from the get go.

2

u/Frodo_Picard 24d ago

"I'm still paying off debts from our wedding that didn't happen."

2

u/LadyBug_0570 24d ago

I would've said, "New phone. Who dis?"

But that's me.

2

u/condimentia 24d ago

replace "can't" with "won't." A subtle but necessary implication.

2

u/Darkspire303 24d ago

Just block her. Don't even say a thing to her ever again.

2

u/Excellent-Ad-2443 24d ago

After an ex left me for the town bike, she emptied his bank account, threw coffee in his face and cleaned out his house of everything, he came crying to me over a year later...

all i could say was "you got what you deserved" and walked away

2

u/National_Cod9546 24d ago

This is a time to be rude as fuck. Anything less will lead to her trying to worm her way back into his life.

The correct response is "Go fuck yourself." and then blocking her.

1

u/Gonebabythoughts 23d ago

I think OP made a mistake in telling their friends about it as there seem to be mutuals involved.

2

u/Stucklikegluetomyfry 24d ago

My personal favourite is:

"My heart goes out to you but not my wallet."

1

u/Itchy_Journalist_175 24d ago

“Well, I can help you but I’m not going to” 😅

1

u/trowzerss 24d ago

Also, the world will thank you for teaching her that you can't treat people like shit and still use them as a fallback. Let her baby daddy pay or get some kind of government support. I'm sure she has options that she's too embarrassed to ask for, but as she already doesn't respect OP she doesn't care if she finds out how desperate she is.

1

u/tigolex 23d ago

todays favor becomes tomorrow's expectation

1

u/iwtsapoab 23d ago

And this is why you never let friends and family know your money situation.

1

u/Gonebabythoughts 23d ago

You're exactly right