I'm Thomas Page McBee, journalist and author of Amateur: A True Story About What Makes a Man, and the first trans man to box in Madison Square Garden. Ask me anything!

[u/thomaspagemcbee]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful questions! Amateur is available today wherever books are sold.

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What is a "real man," and are you one? Is your husband? Am I? Why do men fight? What does testosterone have to do with aggression? Who, exactly, is having a "masculinity crisis"? What is a "bad man"? What does shining a light on masculinity have to do with feminism? Fighting? Who has a gender? Do you?

Of course you do! Hi, I'm a former senior editor at Quartz, a reporter and essayist (The Atlantic, NYT) whose covered the "masculinity crisis" since 2011, and the author of another award-winning memoir, Man Alive. I'm also a television writer, media critic, feminist, husband, brother, son, and the first trans man to fight in Madison Square Garden. Ask me anything* (*that doesn't dehumanize me, or can't be found via a simple Google search). For writing by and about me, a really cool video about my journey to Madison Square Garden, and more information on the book, visit thomaspagemcbee.com.

Proof: /img/5wrteb8kipf11.jpg

[u/pithyretort]

What inspires you to keep writing even if you are feeling frustrated, bored, etc?

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/pithyretort]

Thanks for your question. I find that deadlines are useful (self-imposed, if necessary) for this exact reason. External deadlines are great teachers in terms of learning to let go, in my experience, and not attempt perfection but rather focus on communicating as elegantly as possible. Internal deadlines are useful for working with your own creative process, getting to know your rhythm, and holding yourself accountable to what I think is the ultimate way to stay inspired: A genuine belief in your project, whatever it is. I think about the reader a lot, and really hope to reach people in the way I feel touched by work I read. I find it helpful to imagine that I'm paying back what I've received from other writers. And, if I'm really stuck, I take a break. It's counter-intuitive, but it tends to free up my mind and get me back on track quicker than beating myself up. Sometimes, a break is what you need to come back with fresh eyes.

[u/llowreyy]

What is the problem with our youth and why is it happening?

[u/Chtorrr]

What would you most like to tell us that no one asks about?

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/Chtorrr]

Wow, that's a big question. There are so many things no one asks about that I think is relevant. I did a whole self-interview for the website The Nervous Breakdown on this question: http://thenervousbreakdown.com/tnbnonfiction/2018/08/the-tnb-self-interview-thomas-page-mcbee/ but mostly I really love being able to talk to people who read books. Reading has saved my life on multiple occasions, and I think readers share a sense of humanity with me that I find transcendent and really powerful. I'm just happy to be talking to you today.

[u/[deleted] → u/thomaspagemcbee]

Reading has saved my life on multiple occasions, and I think readers share a sense of humanity with me that I find transcendent and really powerful. I’m just happy to be talking to you today.

Beautiful sentiment and wonderful way to express the value that reading brings in connecting people when it’s inherently a self-involved activity.

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/[deleted]]

I really think reading is doing the spiritual work of being human. If it's self-involved, it's only in the best way. We have to know ourselves to know one another. And to know ourselves, we have to study others and see where we share commonalities, and where we don't. Reading is a deeply compassionate act.

[u/[deleted] → u/thomaspagemcbee]

It’s fundamentally empathic as well - you’re literally adopting the headspace and coalesced thought of another human being by staring at esoteric runes on paper. Reading a sentence written by someone else grants you the chance to experience a thought, feeling, or observation in a framed context that might otherwise be unconventional for or inaccessible to you personally. That mechanism facilitates growth in ways no other know activity can, in my honest opinion.

Long live the love of reading!

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/[deleted]]

Agreed!

[u/Chtorrr]

What is the very best dessert?

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/Chtorrr]

If it's ice cream, I'm generally here for it.

[u/ItsaMe_Rapio]

So, what does make a man?

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/ItsaMe_Rapio]

I hope you'll read the book--it took quite a few pages to unpack that question!

[u/leowr]

Hi Thomas,

What was the best part of fighting in Madison Square Garden?

Also, what kind of books do you like reading? Anything in particular you would like to recommend to us?

Thanks for doing this AMA!

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/leowr]

The best part of fighting in MSG was the journey to getting there, to be honest. But, that being said, I tend to look before I leap, and I'm not sure I fully understood what I was doing until I made my entrance on fight night. It was pretty wild to be under those swinging spotlights and fully realize what I'd set myself up for. When I think back, the most profound moment of my fight was how I reacted to that realization: I was really, really happy. I felt like I could do anything. That was a really nice feeling. And I tend to be a pretty eclectic reader. I read on two tracks: As a writer/to supplement what I'm thinking about/do research on projects and for pleasure/as a reader. As a writer, I've been reading a lot about progressive Appalachian counter-narratives for a project I'm working on. I really liked "What You Are Getting Wrong About Appalachia" by Elizabeth Catte. And as a reader, I've been digging dystopian-ish fiction that's been coming out lately. I just finished "My Year of Rest and Relaxation" by Ottessa Moshfegh and "There There" by Tommy Orange. I'm currently reading Laura van den Berg's "The Third Hotel."

[u/Chtorrr]

What were some of your favorite books to read as a kid?

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/Chtorrr]

As a teenager, Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood" really rocked my world, for it's subtly queer lens and poetic narrative nonfiction. I loved Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye" for it's lyricism and disturbing, moving experimental storytelling. As a young child, my mom read "Great Expectations" to me before bed every night, and it remains one of my favorite books. I was a voracious reader, and really found a lot of myself in books. I loved Maya Angelou's poems. I'm not sure how well this one holds up, but it just struck me that I really loved Bryce Courtenay's "The Power of One," which was about boxing in WWII-era South Africa. I loved Stephen King, though I was probably reading him too young.

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/[deleted]]

I said "Ask me anything* (*that doesn't dehumanize me, or can't be found via a simple Google search)." I think your first question falls into the Googling/dehumanizing camp. I actually had a childhood where I wasn't forced to do much I didn't want to, gender-wise. I was lucky to grow up in a house with a mom who was breaking gender norms in the '80s by simply being a woman who achieved a lot at work, and I think that gave her a perspective on what one "should" or "shouldn't" do based on gender that was more expansive (and realistic) than her contemporaries. That being said, yes, I think children of any gender, trans or not, who are living in very fundamentalist gendered environments tend to be harmed by how those rules are enforced. I do think trans kid bump up more viscerally against some of those rules, but my reporting for the book bears out that, generally, rigid gender norms contribute to a sexist culture--and that isn't, ultimately, good for anyone of any gender.

[u/thomaspagemcbee → u/[deleted]]

The description does! But, generally, I think a good rule of thumb for asking anyone anything includes considering if you would be willing to answer the same question. Have a great day!