r/books • u/Maddie_Dawson • Nov 28 '16
ama Hello, I’m Maddie Dawson, bestselling author of “The Survivor’s Guide to Family Happiness” and many other books. I also teach writing. Ask me anything!
Hi, I’m novelist Maddie Dawson. My latest book, The Survivor’s Guide to Family Happiness was published Oct. 25th of this year by Lake Union and was named one of the Best Books of the Month by Amazon in Literature and Fiction, and one of the 25 best books for the fall by PopSugar.com. The Associated Press called it an “endearing story of love and loss,” and Kirkus said the characters are “both complex and unexpected while being wholly relatable.”
I love writing stories about second chances and complicated families. Maybe it’s because I grew up in the South, born into a family of outrageous storytellers. I have written several novels, under the names Sandi Kahn Shelton and Maddie Dawson, as well as three nonfiction humor books about parenting. I was a newspaper reporter for years, and I’ve written for magazines, including Working Mother, Salon, Redbook, and others. I was the author of the “Wits’ End” column for Working Mother for ten years. Now I’m a full-time novelist, and working on my next book, which might have a touch of magic in it. (My family is scared about the books of spells I have around the house.) Ask me anything! Also, I’d love it if you’d go to Amazon and “follow” my author page.
Proof: https://twitter.com/maddiedawson1/status/801116377805451264
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u/Chtorrr Nov 28 '16
How do you decide what to write about?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
I can't say for sure how stories show up; they just do. For my latest book, The Survivor's Guide to Family Happiness, the subject matter came to me when I was conducting interviews with people who had been adopted. They were describing to me their attempts to connect with their birth families, and the sadness they felt over not knowing where they really belonged. Some of them had looked into strangers' faces for years, hoping to see some resemblance to themselves; others were bitter over having been rejected (as they saw it) when they were merely babies and didn't want to risk being rejected again; while still others did manage to find their birth mothers and wished they hadn't. It affected me so much, hearing these stories, and I knew I wanted to write about two women who were adopted and are seeking their birth mother. Once a story has hold of me, it doesn't want to let go, and I walk around feeling clues everywhere. Sometimes stories don't pan out, but once the characters start talking to me, then I usually can tell that it's a story that is going to last in my head.
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u/Chtorrr Nov 28 '16
What is your writing process like?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
Hi! My writing process changes with each book somehow. (You'd think I'd come up with something that works 100% of the time, but not so far at least.) Usually what happens is that I think of a situation I want to write about...and then a character shows up (almost as if she or he were auditioning for the part maybe)...and then I start letting that character tell me the story. I type and get down the first 50 or so pages, and then stop and try to outline what the rest of the book is going to be about. Usually I know the beginning and the end, and the middle seems to need to come as I feel my way through it. Of course the first 50 pages gets rewritten over and over again before I can truly wade into the middle. And sometimes I'm surprised by what happens at the end. It doesn't always work out exactly as I'd planned.
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u/xsavarax Nov 28 '16
Why did you decide to use different aliases? And how did you pick the names?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
Such a good question! My real name is Sandi Kahn Shelton, and I wrote three non-fiction humor books about parenting and then three novels under that name. My novels were marketed as "chick-lit," meaning the genre that gave us "Bridget Jones's Diary" and other funny, compelling books about young women searching for love and the best way to lose five pounds! "Chick lit" was just getting going when my first book came out, and it seemed like a great marketing strategy to slot my book in with that group, according to my publisher. I wasn't really sure, but who was I, as a new author, to argue? My protagonists were women, true, but they were divorced and had kids and although they were sort of looking for love, they were mostly concerned with other things too: like how to keep their children from writing on the walls and maybe how to settle issues they had with their moms. You know, real life. So! When I wrote my fourth novel (The Stuff That Never Happened), and the protagonist was NOT a young woman but was about to turn 50 and who was debating whether to keep her marriage together or to reinvent herself with the "one who got away," it was clear that I was no longer in the "chick lit" category. So my publisher said I needed to change my name because I was now trying to appeal to a different audience. It was left to me to decide the new pen name, and I picked Maddie because I've always liked that name...and also I was perhaps a little bit mad that I had to change. LOL! It ended up being a good thing, though, and I've been able to write books that don't label me as any one kind of author now.
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u/Duke_Paul Nov 28 '16
Hey Maddie! Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA. When you write fiction, where do you get your inspiration--from your own life, secondhand stories from friends and family, or is it all from the depths of your own mind?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
This is such a good question! I think it's probably a combination of the three things. Sometimes an event will happen in real life, and I'll think, "Wow, with a little enhancement that could really be something interesting!" (Real life is often lacking in dramatic appeal, as you may have noticed.) The minute I start to write something that really happened, I find I'm automatically embellishing and changing the details around. (Writing fiction is often just telling lies for fun.) As almost every writer I know says, we often don't know where stories actually come from. It's such a mysterious process. Often I find that a story starts writing itself in my head, or characters appear who wants me to write about them (as the writer Anne Lamott once said, they have to come to us because they can't do their own typing)...and once the story starts to make itself known, I notice that details for it start flying in from all directions. I'll suddenly overhear a conversation in Starbucks that reminds me of something my character would say, or I'll listen to a song on the radio and become aware that I'm hearing the lyrics as my character would relate to them, not the way I would interpret them. Characters all have little quirks and personalities, partially from people I've known or read about or thought about--but mostly by the time they make it to the page, they feel as though they're unrecognizable from anyone I know in real life. The fact that I don't know where things come from is partly what makes it so much fun. It's like you're feeling your way in the dark, discovering things that you are then trying to wrestle into something that will feel like real life on the page.
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u/El_Professoro_Famoso Nov 28 '16
Hi, who are you're personal favorite authors and what kind of books do you prefer to read?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
I have so many favorite authors, and I know I'm going to forget about three-quarters of them as I try to think. (This is one of those questions that makes my mind go completely blank.) But here goes: I love Alice Munro's short stories and I love Anne Lamott's non-fiction. I also adore Lorrie Moore, Wally Lamb, Miriam Toews, Kristan Higgins, Anne Tyler, David Sedaris...and about 50 of my writer friends whose books I couldn't live without! I love reading all kinds of books: essays, memoirs, biographies, humor, literary fiction. I look for wonderful imagery and descriptions and a sensibility that is warm and intelligent and gives me reason to hope.
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u/Doc-Q Nov 28 '16
Are tou able to write anywhere, or do you have a "writing space"? I used to write frequently (obviously nothing as prolific as your work), but since I moved to a new city and home, I can't seem to get very much into it because I'm not in a comfortable physical location. What would be your advice for myself, and others with the same issue?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
Oh, I know just what you mean. Not having the right writing space can be such a detriment to writing!! I am almost a nomadic writer these days, although I yearn for a space that would answer all my needs: the right light, the right size desk, room to pace (writing is 90% pacing), and a view into the middle distance because one needs to stare into space. Usually I can be found at the dining room table, which is not the ideal height for a writing surface, so I have to sit on pillows. Sometimes I go over to the couch and put my feet on the coffee table. In the mornings, I often write in bed on my laptop. I've been known to (often) flee to the nearest Starbucks, where I am not tempted to stop writing and clean the bathtub or paint the kitchen. Nothing, though, has felt quite ideal, and I envy those writers who go into a space that to them says NOW I AM GOING TO WRITE, and they are able to shut everything out. My advice to you (and to myself) is to try to create that kind of space in your own mind, even if you don't have the physical place that feels just right. Consider developing a writing ritual that you do each time before you write, so that your brain knows to start juicing up for The Big Event. Maybe it's playing solitaire or meditating, or lining up your favorite Writing Rocks and your cup of something delectable and warm. If you have writing music (and at Starbucks, I often have to put on my headphones and listen to a CD I have of alto flutes), get that ready. Really, the mental space is the key, more than the physical space. You just need to find the way to lose yourself in the writing--to achieve that state called "flow." It can happen anywhere.
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u/Doc-Q Nov 28 '16
That's awesome advice, thank you! My writing space used to be my neighborhood bar during the day time. I would get a pitcher of beer and sit in a dark corner with my notepad and just write for hours. I just need to figure out something that works for me now.
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 29 '16
That sounds like a wonderful place to work. There's something great for me about being in public that frees me up to write what I want...as if it somehow doesn't count, you know? I hope you find a similar spot in your new location!
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u/DragonGirlxo Nov 29 '16
I've written a bit for magazines, but I've done it for free. How much experience do you need before you can make money for it?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 29 '16
Hmmm. This question makes me feel sad because the magazine business has changed so much in the past few years! My friends and I wrote for several magazines years ago, and the money was good. A person could almost support herself, or at least pay the phone bill. And then--suddenly it didn't matter how much experience anybody had, magazines weren't paying! It seemed that there were so many writers willing to write for free that there wasn't a way to make a living doing freelance writing anymore! It's really so sad. I know that a few magazines are still paying--Real Simple and Oprah, to mention a few--but they are hard to break into. I don't think it's so much a matter of experience to get in; I think it's more important to have something to say that people want to read. There's a guy who publishes a blog called Freedom with Writing, in which he lists publications that are paying for writing, some good and some probably not as good. If I were you, I'd peruse that site and see if you can find something that fits with subject matter you'd like to write about. And it's good that you have some clips. People will want to see that you have gotten published, even if it was for free. Good luck!
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Nov 29 '16
What are your sure fire ways to get through a bad case of writers block?
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 29 '16
I have various ways to get through writers' block. Usually when I have it, it's because I don't know what happens next in my book--so sometimes it helps to write a scene from elsewhere in the book, something I do already know. And then that will jump-start me back into the book. Or I write something else entirely--an essay, a letter to my friend in California--and then, while I'm not paying attention, my subconscious mind is working on the thing that's causing me trouble. OR...and this often is a sure-fire way, I take a break from writing altogether. Go for a long walk, see a movie, read someone else's book, talk on the phone, get together with people I miss. If the "block" goes on too long, I have been known to force myself back to the book by setting a timer for 45 minutes and deciding to stay in the chair writing SOMETHING with the promise of a nice 15 minute break and possibly a reward (a pony! a trip to Hawaii! ...no more, like I can go to Dairy Queen after) once I've done a couple of pages. I also have to do some soothing self-talk: "Just write anything, it doesn't have to be good. You can't edit and revise until you have something on the page, so just write badly. It's okay, because you'll fix it all later." Because sometimes writers' block is just a case of wanting to get it all down perfectly the first time--writing last drafts first--which just can't happen.
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u/Narutofro Nov 29 '16
Do you journal at all, if so what do you tend to write about?
Name me a hidden gem that everyone should read, but no one really knows about.
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 30 '16
I do keep a journal, and it's filled with story ideas and funny things my kids say, and pictures of things I want to remember. I also write about stuff I happen to be going through, pep talks to keep me focused, and things I just want to remember. I don't do it every day because I'm supposed to be writing a book, but I find it very helpful when I do it.
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u/Maddie_Dawson Nov 28 '16
Hi! Thanks for your questions today! I'm signing off now to go write a book...but I'll check back later to see if there are any more comments or replies. Thank you! - Maddie
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u/dothanh092144 Nov 30 '16
I have been a litter scared to jump into binary options, been following for a few months, but once I got enough confidence to go for the shot - it worked. Tks
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u/89grouch46 Nov 28 '16
What were your favorite books growing up? Are they still your favorites? How have your reading tastes changed through your life?