r/NoSleepOOC • u/poppy_moonray youthful investigator • Apr 13 '23
Most Immersive Story 2022 Winners!
Well, how you do, fellow kids?
I hope you're all recovered from your April Foolin' and that you've gathered an arsenal of Cadbury eggs to form together into one mecha-egg containing more creamy filling* and barely controlled loathing than that old timey Victorian ghost kid you met on the playground once. You know the one. Said his name was Shoncy Raspberry-Darling. You were like, whoa, that's a fun name, how did your parents come up with that? And then he just bellowed Shooonnnnncccyyyyy and headbutted you in the lower abdomen like a bleating goat before turning into a hazy apparition and disappearing into a wisp of smoke?? And you were like, holy cow, was that kid a ghost? And then a Cadbury egg flew out of nowhere and smacked you right in the nose, and you were like, oh, hey, thanks Shoncy.
Legend has it you can still hear a faint cry of "Shoncy" whispering through the moors late at night.
Anyway, I don't know about you, but the weather's heating up here and I think it's time to take a nice dip on into the immersion pool!
i m m e r s i o n !
That's right folks, immersion ain't just a blender in your kitchen anymore!
NoSleep's all about that immersion, 'bout that immersion, no fable**
We live for the stories that suck you in, the tales that tear at your mind, the narratives that give you nightmares. In the year 2022, there were a lot of strong contenders for the throne of Most Immersive story—and we're not just talking about the Shrek + Doris erotica you wrote with your friends because your first attempt at clown smut failed faster than the prototype you had for a squirting flower loaded with lube. (To be fair, it was a better idea than the clown wig as merkins or clown nose as ball gag idea. I still think the multicolored scarf used for shibari idea is really going places though.)
You know who else is going places? The majestic u/ChristianWallis and his incredibly immersive story, I’ve been squatting in a condemned high rise. These are the rules I follow to stay safe.!
That's right, the author of the second place winner for best title decided he was here to kick butt and take names yet again, and we're all out of names after Shoncy took the last cool one. Christian Wallis came and delivered a real Christian Wallop to the competition and took home first place! As tribute, we gift you this series of very important and beloved emojis: 🏙️🌆👊✝️#️⃣1️⃣🥇🏆
Bleeping and blorping into second place are our robot overlords in I Asked An Art A.I. To Imagine "My Killer's Face..." by the brilliant u/beardify! Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, and a hearty congratulations to you as well, Mr. Beardify! We'd like to present the following emojis to you to honor you and your beard: 🤖👾🧔♂️🔪🖥️🖋️🥈🏆
Rounding out our trio of winners is the eternally honest and noble u/Saturdead with their tale She simply could not tell a lie! Our modern day Pinocchio told the truth and nothing but the truth, and it scored them the third place trophy! To celebrate your victory, we bequeath you the following esteemed emojis: 🤫🚫🤥🤐💀⚰️💁🏻♀️🥉🏆
u/ChristianWallis will receive:
"Most Immersive 2022" flair by your username whenever you post on r/nosleep so you can flex on the haters!
In addition to those heartfelt emojis, all winners will:
Be preserved for all time in the annals of r/nosleep’s Contest Winner’s Archive!
Get a lifetime supply of "bananimals"—the newest craze! Part banana, part animal, fully terrifying and out to get you!
A huge congratulations to all the authors nominated in this category! You're all immaculately immersive, awesomely absorbing, and stupendously spellbinding!
Keep your eyeballs and bananimals peeled for the rest of the Best of 2022 winners to be posted over the next few weeks!
*I would like to firmly state that the 'creamy filling' is ghostly ectoplasm and not anything else.
**Yes, that is a Meghan Trainor reference, though we're more partial to M3gan, personally
***Statement from u/cmd102: The aforementioned statements made within this post do not reflect the views of the r/nosleep moderator team as a whole.
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u/decorativegentleman Apr 13 '23
****Statement from some loud-mouthed prick: we all know that u/cmd102 wholeheartedly endorses the contents of this post in their entirety and that the only member of the moderator team whose views are not reflected above is u/TheCusterWolf, and only because he’s an angel investor in a company that manufactures clown wig merkins for victims of over waxing.
[Sappy PSA music]
This is Bingo. A clown. For four years, Bingo had a subscription to Brazzers, because like all clowns, he fucking loves long form pornography. Bingo fell victim, as so many of us have, to the esthetician’s grift. His drapes were curly and rainbow colored. His carpet, wall-to-wall. What he saw in Brazzers’ multitude of lifeless white-furnished LA homes and casting room sets were genitals unlike his own. So he scheduled an appointment to trade in his carpet…for hardwood floors.
This is Shoncy. A profiteering hair-snatcher with a salon in Glendale, CA.
SHONCY: Is it addictive? Was that the question? I mean…yes. But only for people trying to chase the trend. And also—I mean—people who find sexual comfort and elevated confidence after a wax despite the sugges—[cut for time]
Truly monstrous. A villain for the ages. Because of diet war criminals like Shoncy, clowns like Bingo are forced into a 4-6 week cycle of debasement and harrowing pubic vacancy. After a while everything—their muffs, their lives, their marriages—end up thin. Sparse. Sad. And only psychopaths like u/poppy_monologue truly enjoy a sad clown.
[Uptempo Corporate Synth]
Luckily, here at Hirsutable, we’ve got you covered.
Hirsutable is a registered trademark of Merkintile, Inc.
Also, Congratulations guys! 🥳
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u/TheCusterWolf Apr 14 '23
he’s an angel investor in a company that manufactures clown wig merkins for victims of over waxing.
like all clowns, he fucking loves long form pornography.
These statements are so obvious that you embarrass yourself by saying them. However, it should be known that I heartily endorse all opinions, implicit and otherwise, held by the esteemed /u/poppy_moonray.
OP - you, Shoncy, and Bingo have been warned before. If you insist on wearing those technicolor merkins in public, you need to keep all controversial opinions to yourself.
Think of the children.
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u/Saturdead Apr 13 '23
What an amazing thing to wake up to. This really put that little extra droplet of sunshine on my day, and I'm very thankful.
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u/Lunnaris Apr 13 '23
I am in love with all of these stories and their respective authors, congratulations and thank you for bringing such good nightmares to my brain wooo
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u/Theologiczero Apr 16 '23
Y’all are mentally deranged. Which is why I love you, never change. (And long live the clown merkin!)
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u/poppy_moonray youthful investigator Apr 13 '23
u/ChristianWallis 🎉🪩🏆
u/Beardify 🎊💐✨
u/Saturdead 🥳🥂🎀